One of the moms in my younger DS's preschool class was recently diagnosed with Hodgekins (fortunately, it is supposed to respond very well to chemo). She will be taking chemo every other Friday for probably 8 months. Our preschool class is fairly close-knit and we'd like to help out this family as much as possible. They are fairly quiet and private and I know it's going to be difficult for them to accept help. They have 3 boys -- 9, 4 & 3 months.

Does anyone have any ideas on what would be the most helpful for a family in this situation? If you've ever been in a situation like this or have helped someone who has, can you tell me what the most helpful things are?
All I can think of right now is meals on the chemo days and childcare assistance during the summer.

tia......
Sarah........mom to Jason & Devin

Yes, have the moms offer to keep the kids for a couple hours a few days a week. Or offer to go over and help straighten the house, or take over dinner. Her main issue is probably going to be fatigue, especially if she is having it every other week (her body is not going to have much time to bounce back in between treatments) - remember, it's not just the chemo days that will be bad, it's the days after.

Any little bit of help you can give is going to be greatly appreciated, it's wonderful of you to think of getting involved!

__________________
Mary

Meals and daycare for the day after is a great idea to.

Even if it is just for a few hours to nap would be GREAT!

I wish I had family here to help me, I do not have small kids but the help would be just great and I wouldnt get so uptight about my house.

__________________
"Madison AnnMarie " 6/13/2008

http://s244.photobucket.com/albums/g...t=8652d1ea.pbr

http://s244.photobucket.com/albums/g...t=adbcb309.pbr

Laundry! Grocery Store runs - she can give you a list of what she needs and someone can go pick it up for her to save one trip. Helping to keep the kids active and on their normal schedule. I was also going to say meals but you've already hit on that one.

__________________
I was born free, but now I'm expensive!

I would say to offer to help with transportation for the kids, like do you have to provide your own transportation to preschool. Housework would be great. I helped a lady on bedrest with twins once, and it was hard for her to ask people to clean the house. She kept saying, the bathroom is what needs cleaned, but I don't want to ask that everytime you come over! Maybe check on the 9 year old and see if that child needs help with homework etc..
I have been sick this week and my son needed quite a bit of home work help and it was hard to have patience with that. My DD who is 12 ended up helping him for me.

To be honest, the day of chemo she will probably feel fine. It will be the following week when she hits what is called her "NADIR" period. That is when the blood counts are the lowest and she will feel the worst. It will be important to let her know that you are all there for her.
This is the type of cancer that I work with. If you have any other questions feel free to PM me!!

__________________

GO TONY!!!!!!!!!!! # 20!!!

I agree. Food, childcare, a hand to take care of all the mundane tasks that need to be done that she doesn't have energy for. Also maybe just someone to be there and listen. I also understand that people in this situation like to be treated normally and talked to about everyday things instead of always being reminded of the cancer or being pitied. So it's also important to take this woman out to have some fun to watch a movie to enjoy life. The quality of life is what is important as well as knowing that her loved ones will be taken care of in her absence.

__________________
The political system is broke and it's a joke.

If you know what days are rough you could always make sure the kids have a surprise basket of goodies to keep them busy for awhile. Like Target Dollar spot stuff!!! For the 4 yr old, coloring books, crayons, stuff like that. The for 9 yr old those little hand held games, pack of playing cards, etc... Just a thought! Right now my friend and I are working up a basket for a 12 yr old girl in the hospital for the next ten days. I went into my "warehouse" and found quite a bit of stuff for her to do - jewelry kits, 20 Questions hand held game that I just got for 1/2 off Monday, etc... Always nice to have a stock pile!

One thing that I would suggest, is not to say, "Let me know if you need anything." When Patrick was sick,so many ppl said that, and I know had the best intentions, but I am not one to want to ask for help. If someone offered something specific-I am taking your other kids for the day, I'm sending dinner over tonight-that was so much easier to say "Yes" to. So many great ideas have already been given. I would also add-perhaps someone going over to mow the lawn, perhaps plant flowers, etc. I'm sure gift cards for gas would be greatly appreciated-since gas is so expensive, and she will probably be going to lots of appts. I'm sure any little thing that anyone does, will be greatly appreciated.

I'm currently going through chemo, so I can give you a first hand account of what I need. LOL

I agree with not saying "Let me know if you need anything". Make meals-- just show up and deliver. Offer to take the kids, or better yet, show up and take them. Clean her house, or hire someone to do it. Offer to take her to chemo-- she'll need rides. Make a gift basket filled with chapstick, hand lotion, socks, note cards, etc.

And most of all, pray for her. She'll need it.

Holly

__________________
Forgiveness is love in its most noble form. -Anonymous

I agree with the above posts. When I was in a car wreck a few years ago, I remember people calling and sending cards and the 'let me know if I can help'. Well, our pastor's wife called me to see how I was doing and she said "I'm coming over and bringing pizza." And she did! That is one of the things I remember the most! I had two hungry teen sons at the time and it helped so much. She didn't ask if she could bring pizza -- she just announced "I'm bringing pizza!"

My DH just finished his last appointment for Hodgkins. We were surprised and had just bought our house when we found out what he had. I had a 3 yo and a 6 yo and was basically left to do everything myself around the house. As previous posters have said even if you offer they will probably not take you up. You basically have to show up and offer some help. Helping with the kids is a great idea. My DH was okay immediately after Chemo and then over the next few days it was rough. He needed lots of sleep and with kids it's tough.

I would have appreciated someone asking to take the kids for an afternoon, or showing up with a few snacks and groceries for the kids. DH needed things like water and yogurt. Someone to help around the house would have been nice too, especially when we were driving to specialists for tests. But nobody wants to ask anyone for these things because we feel bad. If you don't know the family really well, then maybe the class could ask for everyone to donate some items for a gift basket. Gift cards for gas, groceries, etc. would be nice. The chemo process is fairly long, around 4-6 hours for us, and sometimes the drive is another hour or so. With gas prices so high it might be a nice gesture to give a gas card. Both hubby and wife will be going through a rough time and when hubby is with wife he will need something to do like books, puzzle books, etc. Wife will probably get something to relax her while she receives the 4 med's and will probably be sleeping so maybe some nice cozy slippers.

I hope this helps. And you are right, Hodgkins has a very high success rate. My DH will be in complete remission this year, fingers crossed!

That is just awesome!

I think the asking for help has to be the worst, even though you need it.

I love the idea of hiring somone to clean for the family, I might feel uncomfortable having my friends clean my bathrooms, but if they paid for a cleaning lady for a few weeks that would be great! (Our cleaning lady charges $85 for every other week and my whole house sparkles)

Having a baby is really going to be tough too, wow, they all have my prayers. It is so wonderful that you are doing this for her.

__________________
"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." ~ Bernard Meltzer

I was reading about a shirt designed by a Chemo patient the other day. It has some kind of velcro strips all the way down the arms so that they don't have to get completely undressed during chemo sessions. I wonder if this might be something that she could use.

There is information about the shirt, at the Canonsburg General hospital website. Canonsburg, PA
The proceeds go to the hospital auxiliary.

The gift basket is the best idea. Maybe some magazines, good lotion, gift cards for gas, maybe fast food. I know I would probably never ask for help, so the idea of just showing up with food is fantastic! As far as the baby, with all the deals we learn about with diapers and wipes, you could leave a bag of diapers and wipes on the porch. Taking the kids even for a few hours would help a ton I'm sure. That's very sweet of yall to want to help out!!

A few summers ago a friend in town was going through chemo - her neighbor emailed everyone on a list and said that Sally would love help with her young children from 1-3 each afternoon. Anyone who wanted to was asked to sign up for whatever days(s) they wanted. Then when we came we brought our own kids and went outside to play in Sally's yard.


The mom seemed so appreciative - the kids had been watching a lot of TV (which was fine - it was how they were getting by), and she was happy to know that they had a playdate set up for each afternoon occurring right in their own back yard instead of more TV!

Sometimes, when the kids played indoors (on not-so-nice-days), I'd announce that I wanted to do a little laundry, and just asked what setting she liked to use on the machine (thinking some people like to use cold water only, etc). I didn't ask "Can I do your laundry?" since I thought she'd say no. But asking it this way, she was happy to take me up on it.

LAUNDRY - I forgot about that - How wonderful of you to just do it. I'm sure that was a HUGE help! When you are fatigued, even lifting the clothes from the washed to the dryer can be so hard.

__________________
Mary

I love the idea of helping with laundry however many people would not want others doing their dirty clothes. It can't hurt to offer though. Helping with the kids is a wonderful idea and also any meals you could provide. Another thought I had would be gas cards or grocery cards. I think this would be a big help.

I want to say thank you for doing this. My father had non hodgkins lymphoma and with all the treatments this would have helped us tremendously. Unfortunately nobody seemed to want to help us. What you are doing is remarkable so thank you thank you thank you. We need more people in this world willing to help others like yourselves.

I think it is wonderful of you to want to help......just make sure you stay with it as long as you can......my daughter went through 14 rounds of chemo seven years ago, and one thing I remember is that we had wonderful support the first 6 months and then after the initial shock and recovery, everyone just sort of went away. The last four months were really really hard, as my daughter was so worn down from the chemo, she was sicker longer and had two infections that kept her in the hospital for long periods. If your playgroup can dedicate their resources and switch off months or something, I think she will need support towards the end of the chemo, just as much as she needs the initial support.

Also, if a finance discussion comes up (touchy subject sometimes) ask them to check their loans for disability insurance. Often, it is something you sign up for and then forget about on your credit cards, auto loans and sometimes even mortgages.

When this is all done, throw a spectacular 'end of chemo' party/bbq/bash!!!

__________________
"It's not about how much baggage you have, it's about whether or not you can carry your own baggage with grace and dignity."