DD goes to daycare. I love her daycare, I really do, BUT I had to pick her up early because she was sick (well she isn't..they thought she was ). Anyway, I am at the door taking my shoes off and I see and hear the assistant in the room SCREAMING at a baby in the room for hitting her with a toy. The baby is probably 16 or 17 months old. She was REALLY mad at him. So I walked in the door and she immediately changed her tone. She kept saying it hurt and is her nose bleeding, yada yada yada. All the while the lead teacher was in there and didn't say anything about the situation. I was so upset by that because she seems so nice but now I'm wondering if she screams at my DD like that to?! She sounded like a crazy woman. So I emailed the Asst. Director when I got home and feel a little better about doing so, but now I don't think I'll ever feel the same about the assistant and will always wonder

When my kids were in daycare, I was dropping off one morning when I witnessed something that bothered me, too. Now, mind you, you were supposed to feed your kids breakfast before they got there, but there are always those who take advantage. This one mom used to bring an instant oatmeal pack every monring and have the teacher heat them up and feed her kid after she left. The teacher should have never started doing it, but was trying to help out and it just never stopped. When I was there that morning, the kid (around 2 years old) was crying because he was hungry and reaching for the oatmeal, which was very hot - the teacher had just taken it out of the microwave. She got tired of saying "it's hot" and just gave it to him. Well, of course, he burned the he$$ out of his mouth and started screaming. She says, "I told you it was hot". I left the room and went straight to the directors office. The director defended her saying she was "burned out". Maybe so, but you can't abuse the kids! She didnt' last much longer - I don't know if she quit or was fired, but I was mortified and had the same thoughts - what do they do to my daughter when I'm not there.

I think telling someone in charge is absolutely the right thing to do. She may have just been frustrated that time, or there could be other instances that you don't know about that when this added to them could be what they need to get rid of her.

Lisa

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"It's not having what you want,
It's wanting what you've got"

You did the right thing by emailing the director. I would follow through and make sure to get a response on how the situation is going to be handled. You are a customer there.

Could you try to make a "surprise " visit or two there?
Even if you have to take off work your peace of mind and your child is worth .

We have a DD in a group home and they suggested we call before visiting her. I said No. When she mentioned it again I finally told her that it would NEVER happen. This is our way of randomly checking. I really didn't care if they liked it.

The asst. director emailed me back and said she spoke to the girls and was assured it was a one time thing and it would never happen again and she overeacted because she was in pain. They do have cameras in the classrooms and she said she would keep a close eye on the room So I feel better for saying something. Of course it's going to be weird tomorrow since I'm sure they will realize it was me that said something.

That's awful!!

I worry myself sick over stuff like that! My baby boy is on ly 19 months, he couldn't tell me anything if it did happen. I would have flipped if I were you, and you did the right thing by letting them know!

Quite frankly, one incident does not a bad provider make.
And yes, I speak from experience. I've been on both sides of the fence.
If there is a mother on here who has never "snapped" and got angry/upset at their child and raised their voice for what someone else might consider a "minor" issue, then that mother has the right to sit in judgment.

Seriously, when was the last time you were hit in the nose so hard that it bled?
Yes, there was probably a better way to handle the situation. But, by the same token, how many times does this daycare provider hug a child, praise a child, bandage a scrap, comfort them when they are sick (before mom/dad picks them up), etc. To judge the whole daycare or even one provider by one incident is wrong.

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Mental that one, I'm telling you. ---Ron Weasley, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"

"But, by the same token, how many times does this daycare provider hug a child, praise a child, bandage a scrap, comfort them when they are sick (before mom/dad picks them up), etc. To judge the whole daycare or even one provider by one incident is wrong." I agree with that but at the same time you have to also wonder how many times this person has screamed at your child...

I think I would make surprise visits or ask the director if the tapes from the cameras are avaialable for parents.

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GO TONY!!!!!!!!!!! # 20!!!

Oh yes, surprise visits are always a recommendation to anyone looking at a childcare.

Two of the most "stressful" times, that I would recommend you visiting at is: Just as lunch is finishing up, when they are getting the kids down for nap and about 15 min. after the afternoon snack (usually that is right after nap time and right before outdoor play).
Those two times are difficult because 1) at lunch time you have hungry and tired children. They can be cranky, milk gets spilled, food gets dropped. Kids need hands/faces washed and diapers changed/pottied before lying down. 2) After the afternoon snack the kids are well fed, well rested and "pumped up" about going outside. And again you have hand/face washing and bathroom/diaper changing time.

This also gives you a good idea of what kind of meals and snacks are actually being served, if the food is served at the right temp., how hygiene is handled (for both the kids and the provider), and how the provider handles stress.

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Mental that one, I'm telling you. ---Ron Weasley, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"

I never actually thought of those specific times but those do sound like the most stressful ones and would be best to check things out.
I am sure that they have a schedule that tells you when these times are.

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GO TONY!!!!!!!!!!! # 20!!!

Who is judging the whole daycare? Certainly not me, I love my center, just not this incident. Her nose was NOT bleeding, she kept asking if it was. Yes, I have yelled at my children, but I'm their parent. Huge difference.

She was spoken to and the center director made sure she apologized to me for the incident, which she did. Although I didn't need an apology, just an assurance that she wouldn't be yelling at MY child.

I was speaking in general terms--not specifics. Sorry if you thought that I was implying anything other than that.

Why is it any difference for YOU to yell at your child? Yelling is yelling--in fact I can almost guarantee that a parent yelling at their own child causes more emotional trauma than someone who is not their parent.

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Mental that one, I'm telling you. ---Ron Weasley, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"

I bring my own food and snacks for DD. They don't provide lunch. I really have no reason to make surprise visits. Some days I work p/t, some I work whole days so I just show up when I do. I know the assistant director personally and know she runs a VERY tight ship and I'm constantly checking their violations (which don't exist). It's a chain center and I know the corporate office is on top of them also since I'm constantly getting surveys in the mail from them. This person obviously had a bad day, and I'm glad I said something because I know it will never ever happen again with her!

Thanks for the replies everyone!

Again, because I'm the parent. I don't expect a childcare worker to be screaming at a child just like I wouldn't expect my son's school teacher to scream at him at school. For those that spank (and I don't!), I highly doubt they would think it was OKAY for their childcare provider to spank their child just because they do.

What exactly was the daycare teacher screaming/yelling?
Oh, and screaming/yelling is subjective. What is yelling to me, might simply be a raised voice to another person.


So, a mom yelling "Johnny, that hurt! Don't do that again," is somehow different than daycare teacher Joan yelling the same thing? How? Why?

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Mental that one, I'm telling you. ---Ron Weasley, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"

There is a HUGE difference between a parent disciplining in any way ( not talking abuse here) than it is for a day care provider, or babysitter. Sorry but there just is! I can take someone telling me there is an issue that needs to be addressed with my child....but they better let me or DH address it. I am responsible for raising my kids.....noone else, period.

I would definately do spot checks.......and you can bet if this provider "snapped' this time....she's done it other times. You probably didn';t catch a one time incident.

Melissa

I guess you missed the part in my OP that said she was SCREAMING at an 18 month old. She wasn't just raising her voice. Regardless, she admitted what she did was wrong, so she knew it was a little more than raising her voice. Why are you even arguing over this?

Have you told the childs mother? What have they told the childs mother about the incident. If it were my child I would want to know. They may have apologized to you but have they done so to the real victims. That may say more about the center than anything.

I wouldn't consider it acceptable for a daycare worker to be found screaming/yelling at a child. Any point can be made without yelling (with the exception of the "Stop!! Don't run into the road after the ball!!" shriek, which I would fully condone )

One incident may not a bad daycare make, but I would quickly replace the worker responsible for the "incident." Ten kind, helpful gestures by the person who screamed at my child wouldn't begin to be enough to make up for it. I don't yell at my kids, and I would not accept anyone else yelling at them, either. Anyone who has that short of a fuse needs to find a new job - away from daycare settings. There is a very frequent turnover at most daycares. I know it's not a job for everyone. Neither is teaching. But the yellers are NOT better, more effective teachers, and I venture to conclude that yellers don't make the best daycare providers, either.

I do feel that daycare providers can handle discipline issues without yelling. Natural consequences are fine, and important if the child is to regard the daycare provider as an authority figure. I think it would be unrealistic to expect a daycare to maintain a safe environment if they can't intervene with issues that could otherwise escalate. This should be handled by workers who are calm - not yelling/screaming.

JMHO

yes, you are responsible for raising your child. But, from a daycare provider/babysitter's position--waiting to let you handle ALL discipline is useless! If a 3 y/o strikes another child, for example, at 9:00AM play time, they will not connect the punishment you dole out at home at 6 PM. Now, of course, as kids get older that is not necessarily true, but up until about age 4-5, kids don't really understand delayed consequences. Consequences for their misbehaviours need to be given immediately.

If you trust someone or a daycare center to care for your child, then you have to trust them enough to do some disciplining! If a daycare provider can't utilize a time-out, or some behaviour modification then you might as well not have anyone keep your child. Oh, and, you probably ought to plan on home-schooling as well. Both of my school-age children have been subject to discipline at school--Time outs, withdrawal of privileges, writing sentences/reports, etc.

I'm not arguing with anyone--I'm trying to understand why some feel it's ok for them (the parents) to yell at their kids but not ok for the people they give their kids over to while they (the parents) work, shop, go to school, whatever. I understand that we, as parents, want to raise our kids--but sometimes, for whatever reason, we are not available or not present.

I guess when I stepped in at the park the other day w/ 2 kids who were fighting and seperated them and made them sit on a bench until their mothers came--I was overstepping my bounds. Oh and I yelled at them. I yelled at them to stop--and yes, I yelled! But, by some of the rationales I see here, since I wasn't their parent, I shouldn't have done anything.

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Mental that one, I'm telling you. ---Ron Weasley, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"

what would the world do without you marilyn!! lol

I never have used daycare and for the most part it was family that kept my kids. Ppl with the same standards as mind, generally. Ppl that knew me, knew and understood my children.

I would of course expect an adult to step in and stop a fight....what you did was not completely out of line. But, it wasn't discipline.

And I still say it is different for someone else to raise their voice at my children than it is for me to. It just is.

Melissa

And that's one of the points I was getting at: You choose not to utilize others outside of your family and friends to keep your children. They know how you are raising your children. They are familiar with your standards, way of life, expectations, etc. YOU TRUST THEM. If they were to discipline (by a time-out for example) you wouldn't have an issue because you trust them...or at least I assume you would be ok with it. Maybe I'm wrong.

I'm not advocating yelling at children--what I'm trying to point out is: It's hypocritical to say "I can yell at them because I'm the parent, but you can't because your just some daycare provider!" How about NO YELLING period? Other than the cautionary type of yelling "STOP" " LOOK OUT" "OMG! GET DOWN BEFORE YOU FALL" etc.

I have issues (yeah, yeah, yeah--comment on that all you want!) with people who say it's ok for them, but others shouldn't do it. And the only justification they provide is "well, it's just different" or "because I am who I am".

Yelling usually does nothing but escalate a situation--speaking softly/quietly usually gets more accomplished and keeps a situation under control.

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Mental that one, I'm telling you. ---Ron Weasley, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"

To the OP of this thread-
Trust your instincts on this one and follow up on unannounced visits until you are satisfied it was an isolated incident or you see a pattern of altered behavior. Moms have a sixth sense and we need to not feel guilty for using it.

X

I guess I'd say the difference is that you are paying the daycare provider to perform a professional service, and screaming at a child is unprofessional.

It's one thing for me to occasionally burn a steak on the grill. It'd be quite another if I were at a restaurant and they brought out a blackened steak that was supposed to have been rare. When you pay a professional, you expect professionalism.

I have to say, I'm sure my mom raised her voice at us, but I can't recall any specific episode where that occurred. I do, however, remember my 7th grade history teacher pitching a fit once. So to say that a single instance of fury on the part of the parent will have a greater negative influence than a single instance of fury from someone else isn't necessarily accurate.

My children know I love them and would give my life for them if necessary. For me to yell at one of them in a moment of PMS-induced frustration will resort in a very short-term rift. As soon as the storm passes. the relationship will be back to normal.

I think if a caretaking adult chastised one of my kids loudly and angrily, especially in the presence of a room of non-related peers that it owuld have a much greater negative impact than me just saying with a lot of gusto, "SUZY! Get OFF of that counter RIGHT NOW!" and stomping my feet. The difference is the abiding and committed love between parent and child that a care provider simply can't mimic.

You said it perfectly wowitsdark!! TY~

Melissa

I don't think you are even reading the posts, so I digress.

This provider just had to take one step backwards to be out of the reach of the child that was hitting her. The child was wrong to hit anyone and should be corrected but the adult was in charge of the situation and handled it wrong.
I would tell your good friend the director that I would expect that she informed the parent of the incident.
A quick Question??? Where was this 16-17 month old baby that he could reach her nose? Was he spending the day in the crib? You said hitting not "the baby threw some at the provider".
I watch my great-grandson several times a week and there is no way he can reach to hit me in the nose if he is on the floor or in the playpen. Perhaps she was bent over and got "socked" that would change my answer.

I am currently really hot because my daughter told me this morning when she was dropping off my angel baby, that the "teacher" (term used loosely) was standing in the room eating while 3 - 4 babies were standing around crying looking at her. She didn't speak to my daughter nor my baby when they came in the room. Makes me feel real good about the environment my precious baby is left in. Let me also add that I am paying $140 per week to this place. There will be a phone call made in the morning!

I also wanted to add, when someone is being paid to do a service, as someone previously said, that changes everything. I am a registered nurse, and when I am at work no matter how bad someone irritates me, is rude to me, whatever, I am at my job!! It doesn't matter if I am having a bad day, hungry, mad, whatever, I am a professional, and I'm expected to act like one. I have had to smile many a day when I cringed looking at the people. or answered the same question 50 times, or just got a bruise because they are coming out of anesthesia. So it would be in everyone's best interest that I not find someone at the daycare, that I PAY DEARLY to take good care of the most precious thing in my life, yelling at my baby, or another!!

I guess if I got hit in the face by a BABY or bit by a BABY I would react initially, "OUCH!" but would never contine to yell at a child, mine or anyone elses. This would have been an accident or a BABY doing something and not understanding the consequences. An initial outburst such as "ouch" can be understood, it is automatic. But to actually scream at a child?

And I am assuming the employee knows there are cameras in the rooms and she still chose to behave in this way?

OP, I would definately ask to review footage of the camera once in a while, make drop ins and also inform the caretaker of the child who was being screamed out.

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Raising my baby RIGHT!!!!!!

All the cool babies are wearing cloth!

I'm confused as to what you mean. The baby hit the provider in the nose with a toy. I didn't see the toy so I have no idea if it was thrown or swung. The providers sit on the floor and play with the children that's why they were at the same level I imagine.

Ugh, how annoying!

As a side note, I only wish I could pay $140, ours is $245 a week!

I've never seen the other child's parents. We all drop off and pick up at various times so communication is limited with other parents. DD JUST transitioned to this room a month ago, she was in the other infant room up until a year old (which I loved!!!!)

The assistant wasn't there today. I'm not sure why. But, I know the lead teacher was upset with her yesterday because DD tends to "overeat" and then spit up a lot. The lead was on break and the assistant teacher fed out of the snacks I send in 2 Earth's Best cereal bars, a tub of applesauce, some puffs and a cup of milk for SNACK. When I saw her chart last night I thought it was a mistake so the lead brought it up to me as soon as I walked in the door and said she spoke with the assistant about it and told her to never ever do that again. Of course DD proceeded to spit up after all that food she said. So yeah, I'm a annoyed at the assistant (same one who screamed at the baby) and while she is so friendly and so nice, I just don't think she's cut out for childcare.

As a side note, does anyone else's DC NOT know when to stop eating? She gets mad and wants more, but her little belly can't handle it all! Then I have my 56lb 9 year old that I can't get to eat anything!

I have worked in the child care field extensively. I have been hurt (usually by accident) severe enough to bring tears to my eyes. I have never yelled, screamed or insulted a child. I think that was unacceptable and I would leery of that teacher always.

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Tracey

I too, have worked in the child care field. I left a very good job to work under a coworker that was starting a new center. What a joke. I finished my nine months of the school year because several families had followed me. We all left at the same time. I could not believe what I saw and heard sometimes. The director even spanked a child a couple of times. I did report her and some of the teachers (anynomously) to the state but they are still running the center. They used to serve the 1 year olds the burned food from the bottom of the deep restaurant style pots that they used too. The 1 year olds weren't going to tell anyone were they? Believe it or not, this is a somewhat respected large center!!

If you child is not old enough to verbally tell you about their day, please be VERY careful where you place them!!!

I work part time in a library now. A day care center has been coming in on Friday mornings for story time. The kids are around 3, I would guess. This last Friday, one girl was trying to tell the teacher something. The teacher was yelling loudly -- in the library-- at the little girl. Then the teacher reached over and slapped her. Then they continued to the story hour with the little girl crying. My boss and I looked at each other in total shock.

I don't know what daycare this is. They had about 10 kids and 2 teachers. We are a wonderful, new library in a great part of town. The kids look well dressed. I'm sure that these parents don't know that their children are being treated like this. I doubt this woman knew she was on camera, but she sure didn't care that others were around. I am quietly going to find out where they are from and report it to the state. I'm pretty sure this group is walking to the library but I just don't know from where. I'm just going to say that I saw them from my house when I call as at this point the library probably doesn't want to get involved if they don't have to.

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Donna

wow. I'd have told all the parents what was happening! No way would I ever let kids be treated like that. (not saying you did/didn't, simply giving my pov).

I'd also have refused to let them leave the library and would have immediately called the cops. Did no one do anything when she slapped the child except stare? I don't know how else to say this, but why the obsession w/ anonymous reporting. How is it going to help the child who's being abused if you have to wait around to find out the info instead of immediately reporting it?

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"Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent. Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent. Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil? Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God? " ~Epicurus

Donnaquilt, did you ever report the people or are you still trying to figure out who they are?

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"Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent. Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent. Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil? Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God? " ~Epicurus