I took a 7 hr trip to pick my son up from college. Lots of roadside memorials. We have one by our house. A man was killed in a car accident. The family went a bit crazy. They have a park bench, LED lamps, pinwheels, a huge cross that has the man's name on it...they decorate it for the holidays too. What do you think of these memorials ? I don't mind them , except when they are out of hand. I feel they are distracting to other motorist.

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I've never seen one that was so big it was distracting, but when I do see one, I always say a prayer for the family.

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While they give me a somber feeling, I like them. Granted, I've never seen anything so much as what you described - usually a cross and flowers, or a wreath with flowers.

Someone(s) cared about them, feeling the loss and sharing it with others who might never know. I always say a quick little prayer when I see them.

I don't think what you saw should be done, you're right, it is distracting. If it's distracting enough, there might end up being a cause for another memorial next to it.

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Sometimes it just makes the family feel better. Around here its usually crosses with name and smetimes flowers. If it is recent, sometimes there are piles of flowers.
I lost my dad last year, not due to an accident, but he died in his sleep. He just turned 65 two days before,, and on Fathers day I waited and waited for him to show up for his B-Day/ Fathersday party and he was dead in his bed...just like that. I still cry every day, so Ican relate to these people. Sudden death is not easy (nor is a long lingering death).

Honestly, I hate them. I don't like the distraction, and I don't like shows of grief that go on for years. Better to let the dead go in peace, and let nasty associations fade from that bit of land. Sometimes, I think people give more love and attention to someone after they die than they did when the person was still alive.

I think they're distracting and dangerous. They are a danger to people driving by and they are a danger to those who erect, maintain, and visit them. The roadside is not a place for mourning your dead. They should be made illegal. I understand the grief and the desire and need to try and do something, but there has to be a better outlet than this. If people no longer want to pay their respects at a graveside, then maybe communities could create some sort of park where they could put little memorials up for a fee. Sort of a non-denominational version of the Wailing Wall.

A few years back there was a high school girl killed at a busy intersection here and the corner became a memorial with piles of flowers, stuffed animals, candles etc. for weeks, with dozens of kids milling around in and off the roadway at all hours of the day and night. I think the police finally ordered them to cease and it was a wonder no one else was killed with the heavy traffic going in four directions, not to mention all the kids cars parking in the nearby strip mall parking lot and making the store owners unhappy. Do people insist on putting little shrines in the hospital rooms where people die? In nursing home bedrooms? On the front lawn of homes where people have died? Do they go rushing off to another state to post a memorial on the highway if their loved one dies a 1000 miles away?

I have seen large memorials and small ones. The large ones are tacky and distracting and could easily cause and accident. The ones I don't mind as much are the small ones in the middle of BFE where perhaps someone feel asleep at the wheel. They make you sometimes ask yourself: should I be driving right now?.

Personally for the most part, I think that's why we have cemeteries...to have a place and memorial to mourn. The side of the road is not the place for that.

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I am always touched when I see a simple cross or memorial of some kind. Like Sexysmurf said, it can even make you pause and contemplate your own driving skills for that moment.

I have never lost a loved one in an accident - to be so alive one minute, and then gone in an instant must be so so shocking. While it makes sense to me to see people here express that they can be tacky, and/or even a nuisance or a danger, I'm not convinced that I wouldn't put one up, myself.

I mean - to know the EXACT spot where your loved one came to face their earthly ending - that's a piece of ground that I would want to be held sacred - at least for a while. I'd want everyone to know that someone loved had died right there.

There was a boy that died up the street from me while DH and I were on our honeymoon 1o years ago. When we came back, there were bouquets, candles, notes, etc. It was a dangerous little turn in the road where young motorists often went too fast. Hopefully, the display helped to alert people to slow down (it did this for me!), and perhaps passersby offered up some prayers, which many believe help, too.

JMHO

The simple white cross is OK by me; the more elaborate memorials and shrines are a distraction and sometimes can be a digrace when they go neglected. There's one on the highway on my way to work that has had a brown dead holiday wreath on it since Christmas '06. How sad. Others have bright-colored fake flowers that get trampled and dirty and look equally neglected when covered with snow.

cj/

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I dont like or dislike them, as I mentioned above, I can understand people needing to do something (many of these road accidents have very young victims)

I dont like them, cemeteries are where the body is so they should fix their memorial there, beside the road is disctrating, and adds to the already littered roads. the road crews have to cut around them so it interfers with their work as well.

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I also think they are distracting and dangerous. My son who had just turned 17
was driving on the freeway. Traffic was stop and go and there was a cross on the
side of the road with a name. He glanced over to read the name and the car in front came
to a stop and he hit it. I know that this is a mistake a driver without a lot of experience
might make. We were just lucky that nobody was hurt. but my poor car was totaled. It
was an older car with very low milage. Once air bags deploy it makes it very costly to fix
the car. So when ever I see a memorial on the side of the road I cringe and hope that it doesn't
become a distraction and kill somebody.

I've never lost anyone in an accident either, but I'm not sure I understand the need to build a memorial at the spot they died. I think the cemetary is more appropriate. I mean both my grandmas died in the same hospital. Both were unexpected at the time - they were sick, but we thought they'd come through. I don't have any desire to go to the hospital. In fact, I half-joked to DH if I get sick - take me to another hospital because you don't come out of there alive!

That said, the roadside memorials don't bother me. I've never seen a huge one, just crosses wih flowers. A lot of times, they make me wonder of the circumstances...the accident, the family who loved them, the person who died, how s/he died, I can't imagine getting that phone call.

Lisa

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They have outlawed them here. They are removed and a small circular white "DRIVE SAFELY" sign is put in its place with a smaller notation of "In memory of...... with the person's name. It's still a memorial, but it's less distracting.

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A park bench I think would kind of gore me out. So that I think is too far. But I am like Devinmom, I don't know what I would or wouldn't do, and pray to God that I will never find out. God bless them.

They do make me look around for a second and evaluate my surroundings. Is this intersection dangerous? Should I slow down?
So I think they do serve a good purpose in that way.

The other thing that I have always thought of is, would your loved one want you continually going to the place that they themselves would not want to be reminded about (the place they died). If they were still alive, or had some sense of the world after death, that is what I would be thinking! "HEY, um, it's kind of dangerous for you to be driving here and then stopping, don't cha think?" "HEY, I really don't want to have to keep coming here to visit with you, I have some bad memories of this place!"

Just my take on it, but that is seriously what I think of when I see one.


Yeah, I know, I've watched too many movies.

I feel there should be a standard "someone died here" symbol which can remind others to heed a dangerous curve or intersection. But, the personal shrines should be outlawed as a safety hazard. I would encourage all families to celebrate the dead one's life not the square inch where the person died unless these same people think we should plant a cross in the middle of gramma's bed where grandpa died or in the break room where old Henry keeled over with a heart attack. C'mon. what makes the highway so special?

I saw one poor family who had the unfortuate occurance of a death in their front yard. The family of the dead person tried to erect a memorial to the dead person in this other family's yard! Good grief. Let's grieve in cemetaries, churches, synagogues, mosques, etc and leave the roads alone.

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I totally agree! I always wondered why anyone wanted to remember the place a person suffered or died in an accident.
I have seen some things that look so soiled from being there so long. How is this an honor or rememberance of a loved one?

I think that is an excellent solution.

My sister was killed in a car accident and I do remember driving by days later and thinking "nobody knows that someone died there...it is like it never happened", so I understand the need for people to do this, but I do think it is a distraction.

We had five teenage girls killed in a car accident in our small town last year. Their family and friends did have a memorial set up - tons of flowers, pictures t-shirts. I would say a prayer for the girls and all these people that came to mourn them each time I drove by (it was on my way to work), but one day I called the Sheriff's department because the kids were all over the road. It was a main highway with a 55 mph speed limit and, due to some dips in the road, difficult for drivers to see them. (hence the accident) They finally put cones up to slow people down. The memorial was eventually taken down and there is no marker there.

Again, I think the above idea would give family and friends what they need, but not distract drivers.