If your child received an invitation to a birthday party and you didn't have the extra money for a gift, would you allow your child to go to the party?

DD's party was on Saturday. DD received a call about an hour before party time that a friend needed a ride. I sucked it up and went to get the friend. When I got there, dad and stepmom were both home. Really irritated me that they were so bold to ask for a ride. I noticed when the friend came out that she wasn't carrying a gift or a card. When it came time to open presents, the girl stated she didn't have anything but that she would on Monday. I asked DD if the promised present showed up today. Still no present.
It doesn't particularly irritate me, I'm just puzzled why a parent would allow a child to go to a birthday party without a present. If I was that strapped for cash, I'd decline the invitation.

This happened to my DD at 17. We took her and 3 "good"friends to dinner at the Melting Pot. We picked up and drove all 3 guests with us to the restaurant. We spent a good $300 that night on this small party. Not one girl brought DD even a card. This was not a last minute thing, they all knew well in advance. All 3 promised her a gift "next week"

We didn't invite them to get a gift but it would have been nice if the parents at least sprung for a card!

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No, if I couldn't buy and/or make a gift, I would decline the invitation for my child. If it was a dinner and not a "party", I would at LEAST have my child make a card.

Similar (kind of) thing happened to us at our wedding. We went thru our cards/gifts ad noticed that one couple did not have a card or gift next to their name. Fearing that it was lost in the church or hall, I called around and nope, nothing showed up. Ultimately, I called and explained that we could not find their gift or card and were afraid it got lost. Got told that they didn't get us a gift or card. OMG....never heard of coming to a wedding and not getting at least a card!

Some people have no manners (but what do you expect if both the parents were there and asked YOU to pick up their kid?). That sucks for your DD but is a good lesson that not everyone has class...

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No, I would not let my child go without a gift. Mostly because I think it's not a good position to put a child in. I learned at a very young age to re-gift, because we frequently couldn't afford to buy something. My mom always had a drawer full of nice things that we could wrap up in a moments notice.... hmmm...maybe that's where I got my frugleness from.

sexysmurf...that's really weird. I imagine that was uncomfortable for you...like what do you say then???
Oh, thanks for coming anyway?

Basically. It was really weird. We didn't talk to them much after that...tension in the air. They ended up getting married 2 years later and we weren't invited (what, afraid of no gift???LOL)

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Thankfully I have never been in that position, but I don't think I could let my child go. I wouldn't want him to feel embarrassed because everyone else gave a gift and he didn't. That being said, a little bit can go a long way w/ clearance sales, or even the dollar store.

I've never been in that position, because I always have a ton of things that could be used as gifts for pretty much every ocasion because I buy markdowns and clearance. However, we have had kids come to DD's parties without a gift, we don't make a big deal out of it, she usually get way too much anyway. People have money problems and tight budgets, maybe the parents couldn't afford the gas to bring the kid to the party? I probably would not have let my child go if I couldn't at least get her there.

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Wow!
I can't believe some people. Hopefully, those poor children w/ dim wits as parents have someone in their life to teach them that generally, when invited to a party/celebration a gift is generally brought. I think if I didn't have $ to purchase a gift I'd get creative and give a "special" gift . Something like stay the night over, park day, beach day, make -your-own-pizza time, or something. But, to show-up empty handed-NO! NO! NO!NO!

When we had my daughter's party last year we invited relatives of my daughter's friend since they showed up unexpectedly, and they at least brought $1 toys from Wal Mart! Of course it was a CEC party and cost me lots more than $1 per kid lol

I don't think it's right that the parents didn't send the child with a gift. How sad for the little girl. I always wished that I could have parties for my children and have ppl not bring gifts......but it doesn't matter if you put "no gifts" on the invitation, someone will ALWAYS have to bring one, then everyone else feels bad.

It's weird cause I was just contemplating the baby's 2nd birthday, and was trying to figure out a way to have a celebration without making ppl feel like they had to bring gifts just a few minutes before I read this post. I was actually considering just having a pot luck kind of party, so ppl could bring food....hhmm I'll have to think about it.

Melissa

One of my DD's best friends didn't bring a gift to her bday party 3 yrs in a row! Did my DD care? No way and they are still BF and she will be invited any time. Funnily enough, I am usually picking her up and dropping her off because $ is tight for them.
The first time it happened I thought "they could have at least gone to the $ store!". Then I realized that they didn't have the couple dollars in gas it would take to bring her to my home so a dollar really does matter for them.
Friendship is friendship and it is not the kids fault. There for the Grace of God......

The no gift wouldn't have really bothered me. We always note on the invites that gifts are not needed for our kids' parties.
The "come pick me up" thing would have irked me though. Especially if both parents were home! I could understand if they had one car and one of the parents had to work but for both to be home and want you to be their child's ride is a bit out there.

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Sometimes there just isn't gas money much less present money. Children are thrilled to go to and also give parties and they are going to remember the great time they had at the party not so much what present they were given or got.
Thing are different now than they were years ago and these kids are making their own customs.
When I was a kid it was dresses and bows and a present , when my daughter was small it was a nice outfit and a present, when the grandkids were small it was can't come to your party because mom won't let me because we can't afford a present.
When there was a shower for the great grandbaby to be I was astonished because everyone brought atleast ten presents.
If you as a parent mention the lack of a gift it will be noticed as a negative by your child. You are making memories for the child that needed a ride as doing things for her that her own family didn't do. Your own child will look at you as the mommy that did the nice things for her friend. I know what a pain it is to "give rides" and have the other kids over to your house all the time and to give them an occasional meal. You are leading by example and what a great example you are.
Just a thought did the child without a present have a party themselves? Maybe there wasn't enough money for a party for them and the only party they experience was your childs.

I agree with you wholeheartedly, Icansavedaily! We've become such a material world that sometimes we forget the things that are truely important. I know my DS would be more upset that his BF didn't come to his party, than if he'd come to his party giftless.

.

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I'd encourage kids to come to my son's parties regardless of whether or not they have a gift and I'd also have no problem with giving the child a ride if it is too far for him/her to walk or ride a bike... The time spent together is a gift and my kids truly believe that (which makes me very proud of them and of ourselves for instilling good character in them)!

If my son was invited to someone else's party and we were hard up for money, I'd find something inexpensive but fun in my gift drawer or eBay stash or we'd get creative. For sure he'd be at the party if we were in town and had nothing else going on at the same time.

Thinking about it, the child may also get very little for his/her own birthday... Think about what all of this means to the child in question by leaving the parents out of the formula? Children under a certain age really are at the mercy of their parents as far as rides, gifts, etc. I'm sure that this can be a good conversation starter with your own child.

*Genichols, what age are these children?

We were extremely poor growing up and I never once got invited to a party... but when it came to our Senior year, I was voted 'best personality' and 'most likely to succeed'. Go figure.


Sort of off topic -- I've never equated the value of a gift received in relation to how much we spent on any of our parties? Is that a rule of etiquette that I'm unaware of?? Thanks.

I've heard this for weddings, but I think it's silly. No matter what the occasion, how the heck am I supposed to know how much my meal cost, or how much they spent on the goodie bags for the kids? I think people should give gifts from the heart, and what they can afford.

For my DS birthday party, we invite his whole 2nd grade class (rules of the school-don't give invites at school unless you invite all)...so instead of trying to find addresses, we invited the whole class of 22 kids. 11 ended up making it, which my son was thrilled about. Out of those eleven, 2 of the families called ahead of time and said their kids would not be able to make it because their budget had no room for presents. I asked them if the kids could come anyway...on the invite, it said "no presents".

Anyway, I sat down with my son ahead of time and chatted with him about this...just because I thought that at 8 years old, things could be uncomfortable. Boy, did he teach me a leason. He said that the best present was having his friends here to celebrate with him. The day of the party came and we opened presents at the end of the party so that it wasn't a huge part of the party. Both kids who had families call ahead of time had each given my son a handmade card...he still treasures them!

Sorry for the long reply...just wanted to say that to kids, presents should not be the center-piece of everything. Please do not flame me...just trying to show another side of the coin.

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No I wouldn't let my child go to a party without a gift.......I also would not of went to pick up the child unless she was a really good friend of the family. 1 hour before the party is way too short of notice to ask for a ride. I would of asked the mother why she couldn't bring the child before I was inconvenienced

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I don't think that I could send my child to a birthday party without a gift. I would feel uncomfortable. I think if I was put in that position I would make a card and say the gift was coming over for lunch and a play date at a later time, or something like that. Now I would have no problem with a child coming to one of our parties without a gift. That would mean less stuff I would have to find a place for. lol I think I would be most bothered by being asked at the last min. to pick up a child. Usually the day of the party I am running around like crazy trying to get everything done so picking up a child might be hard to do.

Now to the mom who took 3 teenagers out to dinner. It is a birthday party so for none of the girls to bring a gift or card is terrible. What were those parents thinking. I feel bad for your daughter.

I just read this article in my local paper about a girl who had a party and she had her invites donate dog/cat food and toys for the animal shelter. She didn't want gifts, she just wanted gifts for the pets to make the animals in the shelter happy. I know that's off topic, it was a great article.

But, if i didn't have a gift to take to a party, I would have my child decline .

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