DD is turning 5 on Thursday and we are having a Build A Bear party for her next Monday morning. I have invited her class except for one boy and I am wondering about my descision. The party s after school is out btw.

A little background: the boys mom was friends with some of the moms in the class but slowly has turned her back on all of us, she's rude, talks down, and just plain old ignores some of us. Some of the other moms have asked if she was going to be invited and I wasn't going to because we really aren't friendly anymore. BUT now I am having second thoughts about it, her little boy didn't do anything and I feel bad not inviting him.

I have written about her on here before and all of the advice was pretty much the same saying stay away from her, she's not a good friend, it's a toxic relationship and that is all totally right. I just feel so bad NOT inviting him! And by not inviting him I have to sneak the invitations out to the other kids, DD won't be able to pass them out in class.

On the other hand there might be a couple of moms who won't come if she's there, people I am much friendlier with.

WWYD

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"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." ~ Bernard Meltzer

Invite the child and not the mother. Tell the mom you have enough chaperones if she asks.

I would tell the other moms what you just said. That it's not his fault and it's not fair to him and you hope they can understand that the party is for the kids, not them. They have NO obligation to talk to her and shouldn't feel bad about not doing so.

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"Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent. Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent. Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil? Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God? " ~Epicurus

I dont think its right to exclude one child. the kid will have a hard time realizing what the issue is, which is really something between people other than himself and your daughter.
If we are passing out invites at school, we are not permited to exclude anyone

I vote to invite the child and let the chips fall where they may as far as the other parents are concerned. If you are inviting the entire class and not him, it will certainly get back to hiim and he will have no clue what he did wrong.

You already know what you want to do...just follow through with your "gut" instinct.

Good Luck and have fun!

LOL, I was thinking the same thing!

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"Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent. Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent. Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil? Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God? " ~Epicurus

I wouldn't pass them out in the class if he isn't invited. ANd because it is after school is out no one will see him and talk to him about it or anything like that.

The kids know something is up because we would have playdates all of the time and now we don't even look at each other. SHe has done so much to hurt other people that I think the rest of us would be uncomfortable if she was there. I also don't want to scare away DD's closer friends, people who are much better for both of us as friends.

I will think about telling her she doesn't have to stay, but the place is about 30 minutes away so she'll probably just want to stay anyway? Or I could get lucky and they won't come?

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"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." ~ Bernard Meltzer

And you know it didn't bother me until I wrote the invitations out, then I felt bad not having one for him. I think I will, maybe they won't go. If they do the store has to be big enough for everyone!

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"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." ~ Bernard Meltzer

could you offer to pick him up and drop him off?

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"Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent. Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent. Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil? Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God? " ~Epicurus

I was already carpooling with another mom, and can't fit anymore kids in my car. Maybe I can ask the Mom who I am going with if she would want to drive and then we can fit them all. That's a good idea.

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"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." ~ Bernard Meltzer

IMO, if it's after school is out, what dose it matter if he is the only one not invited? It's not he'll KNOW about it. At our school, we are not allowed to hand out any invites of any kind. We have to mail them out because the school has an "everybody belongs" motto. I get that, I respect that. I think what you need to look at is this: does your child want this child at her party? If not, do not invite him. I have made it a point to limit the amount of guests invited to the childs age plus one. The plus one counts as their sibling. So, at age 5, my child could invite 5 friends plus their sibling. A birthday party (to me), should be a celebration with the child's friends. Is the boy a friend or not? If he is, invite him and if the mom inquires, tell her that you have enough chaperones (as mentioned already) and she will not be able to stay.

If the party were happening while school was in session, I could see where the boy would hear about it and feel bad being the only one left out but since it's after school is out, I don't see how it would hurt the child directly

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Proud to say I haven't shopped at a Wal-Mart since Sept 2003

I think you can expect that at least one child will talk about the party at school and the boy will know that he was the only one in the class not invited. I think you can expect that the mother will also find out and resent it. If I invited the entire class to a party, I wouldn't leave one child out unless the child had done something very bad. The boy's mother might be rude, talks down to people, and ignores some of you but it's only a few hours of her company and you don't have to become best friends with her. It's your son's bithday party and I wouldn't leave out one child in the whole class just because I didn't care for his parent. A birthday party is a celebration and I'd ask them to come celebrate. If another mom chooses to deprive her child of the fun of building a bear because she can't stand to be in the same room as the woman, so be it. Their children were invited to a party and they can accept or decline the invitation as they see fit but I wouldn't let other parents dictate my guest list.

Honestly, I'd save cost, worry, and feelings by only inviting the girls. If this woman's kid is a boy, that's a wonderfully easy out for you, especially when the kids are young enough that they tend to divide themselves up anyway.

I know I may get flamed for this but here goes...

While I understand that this little boy may be hurt for not being invited; it is YOUR daughter's party and this is her special day. I wouldn't take the chance of letting the other mom ruin it. I would mail the invites out and not stress too much on it. (I actually think foryoubabyblue's idea is great about just inviting the girls).

I have spent too many days regretting the choices that I made because I was a chronic people pleaser. Now that I'm a little older, I realize that I shouldn't have spent my life worrying about people that couldn't care less about me. I wish I wouldn't have sacrificed so much at the expense of my own family; they are the ones that truly matter.

Just my opinion however. I understand your dilemma and the awkwardness of it all.

I must have misunderstood. I read it to be the party was going to after school go out. Meaning, the kids won't be seeing each other much (unless they live in the same area) until the following year. Your "out" is a good alternative. I personally wouldn't care if the mother resented it...but that's me

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Proud to say I haven't shopped at a Wal-Mart since Sept 2003

If school is going to be out for the summer by the time of the party then I would not worry about inviting the boy. I'm not sure what I would do if school would still be in session.

I am also a "people pleaser" and would do things that I regretted afterwards...but in this case, if by some chance this child heard about it, that would be what I regretted.

If you are sure that he would never find out - no sports, child does not have any contact with any of his classmates after school is out, I guess it would not be a problem.

I agree with those that suggested inviting the boy. You're punishing him for his mother's behavior and I can't help but feel sympathy for him. Who knows how many events he won't be invited to because of something he has no control over?

Which will you feel worse about in the long run -- inviting an innocent child and putting up with his boitch of a mother or shunning a child because of something he can't do anything about?

How many kids are in the class? 20, 30? You are giving this mother WAYYY too much power. Why any of you would hand over your decision making capabilities because of one person's poor attitude stuns me. Invite the kid! I can not see how anyone could shun a child because the mother is inconsiderate,.

If she is a bitch, then all the parents there will know it and avoid her. If she decides to play nice then all the parents will get a pleasant surprise. You can't worry about whether the other mothers will shun you if you invite this kid. Once you decided to invite the entire class, you knew you had to invite the entire class. You created this mess so you have to be the bigger person and fix it.

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Lyn Clarke

No flames here, but the thing I keep thinking about is that the other mother's won't come, since when do they get to have a say on the guest list? Whose party is it, I thought it was a birthday party for your daughter. I would invite him just for the sake of including him, maybe he needs to be included since it appears his mother has isolated enough of the parents. I wouldn't feel the need to tell the other mother's who I invited, since it really doesn't concern them. I remember the days when my kids were little and all the churn from the other Mom's, I sure don't miss that. Don't sweat the small stuff and it is all small stuff. Enough you daughter's party, they grow up too fast.

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Sometimes the elevator often the shaft

Last couple schools they've banned giving out invatations on school property because of kids being left out. I feel it's wrong that you've invited the whole class and not him. if you was bck at that age and everyone else in the class got invited to something fun and you was the only one that wasnt you'd feel pretty bad. As you put it it's his mom that's the butt not him.

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I'd probably have to invite him and try not to worry about his mom. With my luck, they'd be shopping at the mall that day and happen to walk into BAB while the party was going on. It just wouldn't be worth potentially hurting that kid's feelings to me. It would be different if everyone in the class, except him, wasn't invited. But, he would definitely wonder what was wrong with him when he found out. And, I imagine that it would come out eventually.

Good luck with your decision.

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Kim

I hate to say this, but you're going to come off as the petty one if she finds out and vents to all of the other moms. I think that you should be the bigger person and invite the whole class (or just the girls).

Rebecca

Actually I am the only one she'll even talk to. We were good friends at one point but I have distanced myself from her this past year because of her attitude and the way she treats people especailly what she's done to me personally.

Lynclarke I don't really understand this comment?

"Once you decided to invite the entire class, you knew you had to invite the entire class. You created this mess so you have to be the bigger person and fix it. "

I wasn't planning on inviting the whole class which is why I was having it after school. There are only 9 kids in DD's class (I was only inviting the 7 girls and the one boy that DD helps every week)and I am also asking 3 other kids that aren't in her class to come. I wasn't planning it to be a class party or I could have done something this last weekend, but figured this would be easier after school is out. I was going by who DD likesd and who I liked as well. I don't want someone there who is going to make the rest of the party goers uncomfortable the whole time.

I did give them an invitation this morning, but her son actually is having surgery on Friday so she doesn't think he'll be up to coming. If they do it's fine, I am glad we asked.

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"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." ~ Bernard Meltzer

That was nice of you to invite him op...hope your dd has a great party! I understand the dilemma. Sometimes there's just that one parent that is soooo difficult no one really wants them around, even if their children are nice kids you don't want to deal with the parent. You were nice to include him in spite of his mom, she sounds like an obnoxious dq...

Flipper you did the right thing, as I knew you would. Those situations are just hard, I've been there. Now go and try to have fun and enjoy the party!!!

Flipper, I'm glad that everything worked out. These awkward situations can be so stressful! Sounds like you handled it well.

I think you made the right decision to invite him. I would think the mother would feel too uncomfortable to come and be w/ a bunch of ppl she doesn't like. At least the little boy knows he was invited. Does your daughter get along well w/ him?