One of my best friends from when we were teenagers (long long ago) -- her daughter is getting married. The problem? It's about 5 hours away from us (driving time), plus we'll have to get a hotel for the night. The wedding is in August and who knows how high the price of gas will be then. Honestly, it will cost us probably at least $500 to go to this wedding (including gas, getting the car checked out before we leave, hotel expenses, eating out the entire time), and not including the gift. Plus I have a hard time traveling physically (fibromyalgia and neck problems) and then DH would have to go back to work the next day.

So I'm asking you guys. What would you do? We keep in touch. We see each other maybe once or twice a year but keep in touch by phone/computer. I haven't seen her daughter since she was probably 12. We're definitely getting an invitation because we already have received a 'save the date' magnet. Plus she and her husband came to my son's wedding a few years ago. But she has family here and they stayed with them and made it a time for visiting friends and family (and gas prices were much lower!)

With me being on disability, it's not like I can pull out $$$ to run up there (Washington, DC) for the weekend. I don't want to put it on a credit card. If it were you, what would you do? I honestly don't know what to do. My heart says go and my pocketbook says no. I'm sure we're not the only family in this type of situation. Suggestions, please??!!!

I think I would be honest with my friend and tell her how torn I was. If she is a good friend (which it sounds like she is) she will understand, and may even be able to provide assistance with lodging, etc that would make the trip more feasible.

Weddings aren't the best time to visit with the familyof the bride. I would send a gift and go visit another time so you can spend more quality time with them. Maybe go during the offseason when hopefully hotels will be less and gas will be too.

That's a tough one, because if you are the family of the person having the wedding, the LAST thing you would want would be people attending out of guilt/obligation.

I think I'd email my friend and tell her how tempted you are to attend her child's wedding, and that you are so proud of the relationship that you've maintained all these years has led you to invite each other to your children's weddings. You wish you could be there, but are experiencing a medical setback right now that would make traveling very difficult.

I read that most brides/grooms expect 80% of the guests they've invited to say 'yes' - I'm sure that some are almost counting on a few 'no' answers to keep their numbers in check. You may actually be creating a win/win situation by sending a gift, but declining the invitation.

Good luck! Tell us what you decide.

I agree with the rest. Let your friend know that you wish you could attend but it is too expensive. Send a gift and ask if she could email you some photos.

I think this is great advice.

good advise already. I would opt not to go and send a gift.

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I agree. Don't feel bad , tell her you look foreward to seeing the wedding pictures on the internet and send a nice gift.

ITA great advice and I would also cite medical issues, not expenses as the main reason for not being able to commit to traveling.

I ditto everyone else's advice...call to send your best regards and wishes, but also your regrets that your medical condition makes it, unfortunately, impossible to drive that far. Then, send a beautiful heartfelt card and wedding present.

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I'd wait for a deal on the LWIF boards, and have a nice gift delivered, send a letter with my regrets, and then watch Sixteen Candles, so I didn't miss out on the experience entirely. DH's cousin is getting married a couple weeks after I'm supposed to be giving birth, and I'm dreading it.

I was in a similiar situation. My best friend from high school came to my son's wedding. It was 1 1/2 hours from her house. ( We live in the DC area but my son got married in Chicago.) We were invited to her daughter's at Christmas time but we were 800 miles away. I sent a gift because it would have been more to go to the wedding (airfare, a couple days away). When my other son got married in Texas, only my sister came because my whole family lives in Wisconsin. We sent invitations but I knew most of my family would not make it because of the distance.