How do you let go? I have a 17yo daughter who is graduating High School. She'll be 18 in September and going to college but living at home. How do you give them their freedom and let go a bit. Technically she will be an adult, but she will still be my baby. Help! I don't want to be an over bearing mother, but I also want her to still have rules to a point as long as she lives home. I think she should have a reasonable time to be home at night and still should check in once in a while. Am I wrong? Any advice will be appreciated!

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Allison~ Brian's wife, SAHM to 2 sweet girls~Arianne 18, Skylar 8 & 1 sweet Doxie. Missing my precious Princess puppy dog.

Always remembering my beautiful heavenly angel Amanda. My sweet Angel rest in your grandma's arms until Mommy can hold you once again.

That's such a tricky thing!

I remember that whenever I came home on weekends, there was still a curfew. It seemed so odd, since I could come and go as I pleased if I was away at school. However, my mother explained it this way: It was more about *her* than *me* - she couldn't sleep well until she heard me come home. So out of respect for her, I had to be in by 12:30 on weekends for my 1st 2 years, 1:00am in my last 2 years.

Once she explained it that way, I mostly respected the curfew...

It's so hard, especially if your DD is the first out of the nest. My DD didn't have a real curfew but we expected her in the house by midnight or she had to call and tell us where she was and when she would be home. She rarely got home by midnight but she faithfully called.

The first few months she came home almost every weekend. (Her school was 3 hours away) Then after she got more comfortable at school she came home once a month. Then on Holidays and Birthdays.

My 17yr old DS is my baby and he is going to school in August. I'm more worried about him. There is much more peer pressure for guys than the gals. It's hard to let go... (((BIG HUG )))

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I went away to school but when I came home in Dec I was told I was an adult now and that meant no curfew. I had just turned 18 in Nov. I thought that was very cool. It was different though, we lived in Germany and it was much safer than I would consider the states to be now, or even then. There was no drinking age however, so we all drank, but we did not drive. The majority of us used public transportation.

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My 20 y/o DD just came back home from working on a cruise ship for 6 mo. Life was free and easy for her there, but now she's living back home until her next contract. She still has a 2 am curfew for the most part, and usually adheres to it. She comes to our room when she gets home and lets us know she's back. I feel the same way, I can't sleep well unless I know she's home.

The only exception is that if she's spending the night with a friend, she'll send me a text and let me know so I don't panic if she's not home yet.

My 17 almost 18 y/o twins don't drive yet, so they're dependent on us for transportation, so it's not an issue.....YET

I hate to use the old thing my parents said to me, but it still goes.... "my house, my rules"

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We are in the same position only my son will be 18 in Nov. I agree with the my house my rules and since my son has it pretty good i think he'll be ok with it

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"Never loan your car to someone you have given birth too"

I have 18 year old son & he still lives at home..I basically learned to let go & believe me it was HARD! His curfew is 1:00 am.. He's pushed it a couple of times but after hearing me chewing on him it hasn't happen since. He's gotten the message Mom will always worry about you, so the least you can do is be home on time, so I won't have to worry as much
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My oldest DS is 18. He does have kind of a cerfew during the week. He has a full time job and has to be up at 6:00 am so I tell him to be home at a reasonable time because he has to get up. So he's pretty much always home by 10 latest is 11. The weekends he's never out past 12:30. It's just a respect thing and he knows I worry. He will be leaving for college in August but when he is back home on weekends or for the summer breaks the same goes. My house and I hate setting up worrying about him!! LOL!

Jen

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My oldest DS is 20...when he hit about 16 1/2 I started stepping back, allowing him to make choices and watching what he would do, and offering advice all the way. His permanant rules, which still linger today are
No drinking and driving
No tobacco of any kind
When he was in high school, he had a reasonable curfew, but he always worked at a restaurant in the evenings. He has done different things that he had to be really punished for (when he was a senior, I found a bottle of Vladimir vodka ((dont laugh, there is such a thing)) with his stuff. he lost his car, and every other priviledge I could think of, including removing his bedroom door. He had to ride the school bus with the freshmen and sophmores. That was a good one
I got lucky, he talks to me about many more things than most young men do to their 39 yr old moms. He was always a level headed responsible kid, ended up getting a partial scholarship to Penn State (local campus) and working his butt off gto pay for the rest. He has no loans, and asks for minimal financial help.
He goes to the local campus, but stays with my bachelor brother during the week (he cant study here, with the other two little guys, its too noisy) and comes home every weekend. He will be a junior in the fall, has made deans list every semester and everything seems to be working out.
I suppose the reason I am telling you all of this, is that it depends on the kid how you handle certain things, DS1 was very mature and had a level head at a young age...my DS 2 has a learning disability, and is immature for his age, so I have to watch and learn from him. He has to learn to make decisions too, but he will need more guidance.
I guess there are always different circumstances, and you just need to play it by ear, but try to step back a bit here and there if you can to try to teach them decision making skills for when it becomes important

edited to add, he has had a cellphone since he started having a bit of a social life, with stong rules he was ALWAYS to answer it, and NEVER turn it off, this would render all rights null and void..it would show he was avoiding me.
I guess looking back and reading my post makes me think this is better advice for someone with a child entering teen years, not already leaving them...Its very important for me to have a son who can do the right thing, all by himself..whether its morally, financially, etc....

Thank you all for all your tips and advice! I really appreciate it. She's graduating tonight. Let the games begin! LOL! She's a good kid so I'm sure she'll be fine. I just worry too much. Thanks again!

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Allison~ Brian's wife, SAHM to 2 sweet girls~Arianne 18, Skylar 8 & 1 sweet Doxie. Missing my precious Princess puppy dog.

Always remembering my beautiful heavenly angel Amanda. My sweet Angel rest in your grandma's arms until Mommy can hold you once again.

Yep. Worry is what we do best. I never really had a curfew for my DSs, but they had to wake me up when they got home. When DS 1 went away to college, he (jokingly) asked me if he should call me every night when he got back to the dorm.

Once a mother, always a mother.