Ok My Daughter just opened her Birthday Gift from her Aunt and it was a Coach Box with used Black leather wallet. Scratched, Crumbs inside some of the folds.

How would you handle this.

I am thinking of asking for the Store she bought it and explaing I don't want to see her get screwed but it looks like someone returned this wallet. I feel bad for my DD as she is 20 and not Stupid and this is also her GodMother.

Do I let it go or do I say something???

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Without Health you have no Wealth!

Are you sure she bought it from a store?

I would not say a thing. Gifts are not mandatory. And, as tacky as it was for her to give our daughter a used wallet, it wouldn't really be right to point that out to the giver.

That's disappointing. Is she having financial problems? Maybe really wanted to give a gift but didn't have the funds to do so? Or maybe she thought your daughter would really enjoy the wallet? I'm just throwing out possibilities. I think it's not the best idea to give someone an obviously used item as a gift, but what kvmj says is true, she didn't have to give her a gift at all.

Happy Birthday to your DD!

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WAHM to DS (11)and DD (8½)

We have an older relative who sends used gifts to our kids - including stuffed animals, dresses, and cosmetics.

She's older, she's probably on a fixed income, but I know that she thought of our kids when she comes across the various "treasures" she's sent our way, just the way other gift-senders do.

Our kids are expected to thank her for the item and her thoughtfulness. That's what the relative deserves. Just because she might have spent less money, or decided that her recycling efforts would be appropriate in gift-giving, doesn't mean she deserves an ungrateful response, IMHO.

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"The errors of faith are better than the best thoughts of unbelief." - Thomas Russell

I would not bring it up. Although it is tacky to give an obviously used item as a gift, it's even tackier to point it out IMO

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Proud to say I haven't shopped at a Wal-Mart since Sept 2003

I do agree with the others here.
My SIL always sends DH and I a used clothing item from a thrift shop at Christmas. But she tells us so, and also sends us a substantial check along with it. At first I found that a bit strange, but not anymore. I do shop at thrift stores myself afterall, tho I must admit, I have not purchased gifts for others there.
I definitely feel it is the thought that counts when giving and receiving gifts.
I do understand your daughter's disappointment though...

I would not say anything, except :thank you: for the gift.

I would just send a card thanking her for her generosity

Since she is 20 I think she is old enough to write a gracious thank you note to her Aunt for remembering her on her birthday.

I am surprised her Aunt is still sending her birthday gifts at that age. Does she have a lot of relatives she tries to remember on their birthdays? Maybe it is becoming cost prohibitive for her, hence the wallet.

Might be time to suggest to other family members that birthday gifts to adults from extended family stop.

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Raising my baby RIGHT!!!!!!

All the cool babies are wearing cloth!

I wouldn't point it out either. This is a lesson in graciousness for your daughter. Just think of all the laughs you will have when you recount this story in the years to come. I would still have your daughter write a simple 'thank you for remembering me' note.

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Prayer is the burden of a sigh,
The falling of a tear,
The upward glancing of an eye
When none but God is near."

She is young and very wealthy and lives in an a very upscale town. We all still exchange gifts because we are a small family. That being said
I have thought this whole situation through and decided not to say anything and just have my DD send her a Thank you card. Life is just too short to get caught up in this BS.

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Without Health you have no Wealth!

I agree with the other posters. However, I don't personally know the aunt so I can't be definitive in my advice. But, I don't think the aunt was trying to be inappropriate in her gift giving, or she would've went with something more obviously offensive. It sounds like she was genuinely thinking with her heart when she gave the gift. I think she either didn't realize the gift would offend, or maybe couldn't afford a new or better gift and felt it would be more offensive to give nothing at all. It's even possible that this "used" gift has put a financial strain on her, but she felt her niece was worth it. In which case, it would be extremely ungracious to point it out. Therefore, I would just say "thank you".

.

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~~~MsMiser

I guess I took too long making my reply, this wasn't here when I started. Sounds like you've come to your conclusion though. And, I agree.... Life is too short for BS!

.

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No outfit is complete without cat hairs!

~~~MsMiser

My grandmother used to give us used gifts all the time. Her attitude was that each family received gifts of equal value. One family had one child, one family had two children, and mine had six. I vividly remember one year when my cousin received a beautiful white blouse. I anxiously opened my gift, expecting the same....only to find a used game with missing pieces. I was very young, and I still remember Grandma's quirks!

I would just let it go as others said...there is one distant relative who always gives me a crappy present at christmas, a cheap/used item, maybe a shirt 4 sizes too big, etc. Used to bug me, not anymore...their present just goes straight to the bag of goodwill clothes or if it's really bad/used up I throw it in the trash lol

That's the same thing I would do.

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Brenda

GO #24 JEFF GORDON

You said it was in a Coach box....was it a used Coach wallet? Just curious LOL

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Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent.

E. Roosevelt

Same here. One year, the gift DD got....the box was so layered in dust, I could ( and did) write a smiley face on the box. It's hard when you see the "crap" you and your family get, and the gorgeous things other family members get. There is only one conclusion to draw when this occurs. At least for me, and my situation. When DH and I got married, SIL was "gracious" enough to let us pick from one of her leftover wedding gifts from her wedding....oh gee, 2 or 3 years prior to ours I try hard to not let this type of thing bother me, lest they get some sort of satisfaction. I also try hard not to stoop to THEIR level of low class.

OP, I, too, would just suggest DD write a nice thank you note and be done with it.

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Doing the right thing isn't always the same as doing the easy thing.

I think this is a good way of handling it.

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Dont go through life,
GROW through life

Real eyes...realize...real lies.

I guess it really is the thought that counts, but that was extremely tasteless. I guess you should be happy that she just tried to give a gift period. BTW, is this the first time this has happened?

Oraf, does she have kids? If so, is it possible they got to it before she could send it? Mine have done that.

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"Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent. Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent. Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil? Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God? " ~Epicurus

It's not likely, but always possible that she has no clue it's not in good shape. She may have purchased it at Coach and it was a return someone carefully re-packaged as though it was unopened when in fact it was very much a used wallet.

Unless she has a history of slighting your daughter, I'd assume that she had all the best intentions and something somewhere just went awry.

Maybe it's a vintage wallet that's worth a lot of money. Just google vintage coach wallet and there were some for $250.

I went through something similar. My sister gave my husband a broken used
paint sprayer for Christmas. She gave me a gift certificate.
There was no reason for this and I was hurt.
My husband puts everyone first before himself. He is always there for me
and our adopted daughter. It took me years to even talk to her much.
She never gave a explanation and they make millions so it wasn't a money issue.
Some people say maybe she's jealous of the good marriage I have.
All I can say is don't dwell on it like I did. Life is too short.

That was my first thought...that someone else returned the box with their old one in it and nobody noticed and put it back out in the store....

I was thinking that too -- in which case the buyer should notify the store. They may not do anything for her, but at least they will know to look more carefully at returned merchandise.

I have purchased several items that were supposed to be new (one was a stroller and the other car seat). The stroller inside the box was a different pattern than the pattern on the box and the car seat was clearly used (cheerios under the seat cover gave it away). Both times I returned the item to the store and exchanged for a new one.

I guess it's a touchy situation that only the OP can decide -- does this person usually give used items and if so, write a polite thank you note and get on with your life.

Have you looked thru the wallet completely?

There's an old wives tale that you never give a wallet unless you put $1.00 in it. Perhaps there's $$ or a check in the wallet and the aunt put it in a used wallet as a joke??

Every time I've ever given a wallet or received one as a gift, there is always money in it.

Tell your daughter she might want to look thru that wallet!!

I thrive in junk shops, garage sales etc, and have given and received appropriate used gifts that were carefully chosen for different reasons....for instance, I got one brother an entire set of old Star Wars Mcdonalds glasses as one of his wedding gifts...he about freaked out with joy. I have also found old Fraggles in great shape at a garage sale, took them home, washed and hung on the line and given to my 15 yrs younger cousin...she had tears in her eyes and told me I was the most thoughtful gift I could have gotten her.
I get mad when people spend good money on stuff I either hate (like the clothing my mom picks out, PLEASE Mom, an LL bean GC so I can get what I need that is not made junky) or dont need.
Also, when people say others are rich, its a matter of perception. Depends on what your debt to income ratio is. By using those means, I am the richest person in town maybe. Just because someone is flashy does not make them rich (you should get a load of my neighbors, constantly buying cars , charging groceries,and all sorts of unneeded junk, while i quietly put my $$ in the bank and drive around in my still great to me older car.)

The gifts you mentioned would obviously be appreciated since they relate to an interest the person you bought them for has.....

That isn't quite the same as someone getting a dirty or worn gift when it has no relationship to any interests.

I did inquire earlier back on this thread if the wallet was a Coach or just in a Coach box.since I know that Coach items are hot among the teen set. Did the OP ever come back to this thread?

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Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent.

E. Roosevelt

I must have misunderstood, I thought it was a coach wallet, and now reading back I see this has not been confirmed

It is a Coach Wallet but it isn't in an original coach wallet box. It is in a box anyone could walk into coach and ask for and use for a scarf etc. I know about the placing a penny or dollar in a new wallet for good luck but nope not in there. Only thing in this wallet was crumbs as if it was fumbled all over someones pocket book along with a very scratched outside. Usually there is a coach tag inside or a coach card where the clear license compartment is nothing. This wallet was a used wallet and I feel like do they think we are stupid or something. Not to sound ungrateful but I would never do that to someone.
I am very familiar with Coach as I myself have a few and the girls also thanks to their very generous Grandma. Oh well I just told her to do the right thing write her a Thank you and call it a day. I have way to many other issues in my life than to dwell on this forever.

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Without Health you have no Wealth!