I like to visit craigslist to find deals and to post things that I'd like to sell. And I love to post here because between this screen name and the one I had before, I've been a member for about 8 or 9 years. I feel that if I need support, I can come here to post and get a kind word.

I just posted my first "rant" on the craigslist "rants/raves" section. I just wanted to get it off of my chest. Many of you know that I get frustrated with how my "live-in" (that's what one person who responded called he and I) fiancee's children are treated. Their mother loves them, but they are always dirty, no sheets on the beds, and the 9 year old cooks and does laundry. I just don't think it's right for a child so small to have to do all those chores and not just be a kid.

So I ranted about always missing the kids (the mother always leaves them at her parents and then tells us that she'll bring them over later...and never does). I ranted about how important it is for their mother to turn off the computer once in a while and keep her kids instead of sending them to their grandfather's house. I ranted because I could do it without anyone knowing who I was. I typed it as if I was talking to the kids' mother.

I checked today and there are a ton of responses saying that I need to "grow up" and marry the kids' father (my fiancee). They are telling me that I am probably not engaged and that I'm making up the fact that he proposed to me close to 10 times. I've been hurt before (cliche' I know) and am just scared. But he is patient with me and he's been waiting for me. We love each other and we love all of the kids (my 1 and his 2). Why is my concern for the kids' safety and wellbeing suddenly becoming a trial of my marital status? Being married won't change how we treat the kids.

I'm just frustrated right now and don't know why I'm being attacked for being hurt and upset in the first place. I'll explain more later, but for now I have to wake up the kiddo.

Please don't flame me here. I feel like I'm among friends and I'm getting flamed enough on craigslist.


BTW, DD got to sleep in late today because her team won the softball championship for her age level! She got 2 RBI's in one play! We're very proud of her!

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Kristee
Kritter0114@aol.com

"Hold on, let me check....YES! I do have a coupon for that!"

I'm not flaming, but why doesn't your fiance file for custody?

And if you were married and had a stable family enviroment, it would be to your advantage in a custody issue.

I agree whole-heartedly with your assessment of the birth mother --and while venting may make you feel better initially, what will make you feel better in the long run is taking affirmative action that will benefit the children.

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Mental that one, I'm telling you. ---Ron Weasley, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"

I am going to disregard your personal situtaion it's none of my business. But I have some harsh words for Rants & Raves. It attracts some of the lowest people around. The ones that attack others that tell them what to do that act like they know everything; then there are the mean ones! OH MY GOD! I have never ever seen such horrendousness.

I cannot look at it. Once I posted in response to someone something like: don't we all want the same things from life to be loved and to love? why do we have to insult each other like this? we don't even know each other. LOL you guys know how corny I am!

I was never so insulted in my life. People called me every name in the book. They analyzed me inside out and of course they don't know anything about me and they are mentally damaged from what I can see so I just quit looking at it.

I understand you venting and that is therapeutic in itself but for Goodness' sake don't read the responses unless you post somewhere like this board where at least one third to one half or more of the responses will be helpful positive and empathetic.

That place is a hellhole of negatvity.

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The political system is broke and it's a joke.

Anytime you post on the internet, in any forum and on any board, you are opening yourself up to anything that people want to post in response. If you feel you can't take any possible response, then don't post in the first place.

I think sometimes posters are looking for confirmation or affirmation, not a critical look at their situation through someone else's eyes.

I guess you wanted feedback here so here I go
Fact according to Judge Judy. Step parents are the last to make decisions for the children, The parents are first.
Bless your lil heart for caring.
Kids that are healthy and play get dirty and at age 9 it is their job to wash themselves..just like your daughter.
They need sheets? Send them some. Kid does laundry? Hire and pay for a laundry to come pick up and deliver clean clothing. Kid cooks? A nine year old should be able to use microwave and toaster over at least. Many children love to cook. Nine isn't too early to cook if that is what they like to do ..with supervision atleast the first few times they cook. If daddy is still worried about the cooking either send them home with easy to heat up meals or hire a caterer.
Send plenty of Child support on time and offer to pick up the childern. Love and not constant fighting is what kids, dirty and clean, need. If daddy does these things life should go easier for all of you.

Can't you delete the post at Craigslist? I've done yard sale ads there and I always go in and delete after the fact since I really don't want my personal info (ie home address) on the web for eternity.

Just a thought.

I've read Craigslist, but have never posted. It is a nasty group here in Hampton Roads-I have not read much for support there. Here you'll get everyone's opinion, but for the most part, it's not hostile, and definitely never dirty.

As far as craigslist in general, I keep to the buying/selling/trading boards. I have had really good luck selling my old clothes, purses, shoes, books, etc. I have found that clothes I would just give my neighbor I could get lots of money for. I have not had any problems. I meet people in a public place, I have my dog with me, sometimes my husband if it's his day off.
I have also placed free items there it's great for getting rid of "junk". LOL

__________________
The political system is broke and it's a joke.

Long engagements tend to annoy people. Basically, you get to be engaged for as long as it takes to plan a wedding, but you don't get to claim to be more than girlfriend, or a bit less than a wife any longer than that. Anyway, that's my guess there, and I don't know if you even said how long you've been engaged, so it may not even be an issue. (Also, fiancee is feminine, so that would be you, not him, but it's not a huge big deal.)

Craig's List is where you go to buy baby clothes, sell appliances, or look for people you probably won't be with long enough to even get engaged to. I wouldn't go there looking for advice, support, or sanity. And I wouldn't take it personally at all.

Thank you for your response! The legal issues are touchy for now. He wants sole custody, but when he spoke with the lawyer, he was told that he'd have to have the room for the kids. Currently we're in a two bedroom 1 bath. The rooms are barely big enough for beds and the three of us, much less two more. So we have to upgrade to a three bedroom (1 for us, 1 for the girls to share, and one for the boy), and in the area we're in, 3 bedrooms are $1200 and up (neither one of us makes enough to afford that). If we move further South in the same parish, there isn't even a grocery store (Katrina issues that I won't get into here). If we'd move North, I'd have to send all three of them to private schools because of the types of schools in New Orleans and the surrounding areas. We're actively rebuilding our credit and soon we'll be able to BUY a home to live in instead of living in someone else's home and filling their pockets.

I've been told at the bank that if we keep at fixing our credit, we'll be able to qualify for a home within the next 2 years (my divorce is holding me back for now).


Thank you for your response also. I care because I've been in their lives for 5 1/2 years. Since the 9 year old was in pull-ups.

My DD is 7 and Lord knows she gets dirty. She goes to camp during the day and then to either one activity or another in the evening. If you can imagine Pigpen from the Charlie Brown strip...that's my kid. However, when his kids told us (and then confirmed by the mother when he called fuming) that their bath days are on Wednesday and Saturday cause "we're just kids and mama says we don't get so dirty". That just gave me chills. Including the latest incident, his two kids have had lice 3 times during this 07-08 school year. I've had lice before and it's terrible, but how do you catch it 3 times in a year? Also, I was at the school having lunch with my DD and there is his DD sitting in the office. The secretary tells me that the mother was notified verbally about the lice and yet sent her to school the very next day and had the nerve to turn her cell phone off and take her phone off of the hook so she wouldn't have to pick her up. I called her dad and he went straight to her house and she said that she "just didn't know how to deal with it". I said, "You get a nit comb and pick." She shaved the boy's head and cut the girl's hair herself. Then she shaved her own head. She's quite the prize.

I pick up sheets whenever I see them on sale. If I see a character they like, I'll buy it and give it to them for a good report card or something. When their dad is picking up or dropping off the answer her gets is that they're dirty. The answer the kids give is that mommy says we don't need sheets on the bed. Maybe I'm too germ phobic, but no matter how clean you are when you go to sleep, your skin still sheds. Dust mites feed on that. (Maybe one to many Dateline NBCs for me).

We have dry cleaners here no services. And it would be nice if we had the money to do that. For now I just keep a clean wardrobe for them at our home. Until I hit the lottery!

Cooking is a whole other issue. She is boiling water and baking in the oven with no supervision. This is never going to sit well with me. I'm waiting for a phone call from the emergency room one day. We tried sending Chef Boyardee, the mother said that they were delicious and thanked us. If I can come home after working outside of the home and cook a balanced planned out meal, why can't she? And a caterer would be great. I'll put that on the lottery list!

We do offer to pick up the kids and do when they are at home or somewhere where we can get to them. And we don't disagree in front of them. Undermining is a pet peeve of both of ours.



Thank all of you for your kind words. I didn't know how ugly Craigslist was. I guess I'm just spoiled by the great people on this board!

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Kristee
Kritter0114@aol.com

"Hold on, let me check....YES! I do have a coupon for that!"

I didn't even know craigslist had such a board. I go there daily to check out stuff and never knew it. About the kids, you will make yourself crazy. I became very involved in the care of a guy I used to dates kids. It was horrible. I did everything I could, then you just have to throw your hands up and pray. Do yall offer to come get them and let them stay alot? Does the grandmother treat them good? Has the school or anyone ever thought it was bad enough to have social services check them out? I know I have heard of them doing home inspections, and this one doesn't sound too promising. Just love them as much as you can, get them as often as possible, and show them the right way. That's about all you can do until yall are in the position to fight for custody. Speaking of, have yall ever just asked her, hey, you probably need a little break, why don't you let the kids stay with us for a week or two? You never know. Keep us posted!

OK, my take on this. I am on my second marriage and my second set of step-kids.

First, these kids love their mom, nothing will change that until they get older and realize what a piece of crap the mom is. It may take years before they realize this. BUT , they will.

Do what you can do for now for them. Don't let the mom get to you , it will only make you a bitter person. Ive been there done that! and I'm still doing that.
Document everything you buy, how they are dressed when you get them, are they dirty? eating? Do they get to school on time, etc...........The courts or your lawyer will want that. KEEP EVERYTHING ...Also.... what do the kids say?. How are they treated? food, etc........ document! document! document!
Be careful not to say anthing to the kids........ ( put words in their mouths) When you ask questions. Just let them talk.

The courts will probably not award him custody unless he has a suitable home for them to live in. PLUS and this helps you two are married. Do what you can to fix your credit. Get married!

As for the lice, Get them some mousse to put in their hair or hairspray, LICE hate it. They cant attach themselves to the root of the hair.

Stay in good communication with the schools and the teacher. Have your boyfriend and YOU go to all parent teacher meetings. Let the school district know you want to be a part of these kids lives. He has rights for all of this. Are they divorced?? If so , then what is on the parenting agreement??
Also does he know her neighbors?? Can he talk with them, maybe get some information of what goes on there?

I saw your post on Craigslist. anyone and everyone will flame you, its par for the course. Dont take it to heart. Its the internet, these people dont know you from adam and they dont care. If the kids are at the grandparents, can you cal them and offer to pick them up ?

Im order to get full custody, you have to have a plan of attack to take kids off of the mom is very hard, we did it with my first marriage. You have to have proof, GOOD PROOF, that will stand up in court. Call children services, you can either give your name or not......... but if you give your name , get ready for some slinging. I have called a numerous times in the past (18 yrs ago). I didnt not have to give my name. I called about 3 times a month. Finally we had the proof we needed to get the kids out of that dirty, stinky house. It costs us money, but was well worth it.

Good luck , keep the faith and stay out of craigslist. (rant and raves)

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"Madison AnnMarie " 6/13/2008

http://s244.photobucket.com/albums/g...t=8652d1ea.pbr

http://s244.photobucket.com/albums/g...t=adbcb309.pbr

OMG!! I checked out the Rants and Raves board on Craigslist!! Those folks are like the lowest of the low!! I couldn't believe the language!! Honestly, I've never been to a board like that, and never will again!! Again, I had no idea that it even existed!! Crazyy!!!!

Don't take anything on craigslist seriously... there are some crazed people posting there. On a different note, I met the love of my life on craigslist! We've known each other for well over a year and have been dating for 10 months. He's my soulmate for sure.

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-Schane_dog

SAHM to:
Jonas -- 11/28/00
Elise -- 7/22/05
Schane_dog@yahoo.com

PITTSBURGH DEALS LIST --> http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Bullseye/