Helllllooo.....so, I saw someone (not here) get their feathers ruffled and blurt out that "friends don't judge friends".

Do friends/family accept what friends/family do without fail? Or, given that we all make mistakes and are subject to improvement, do true friends/family point out our bad behaviors and help us to improve?

And on the extreme end, would you turn in a friend/family who was doing something very illegal...abusing their child, etc? Think Unibomber who might never have been caught if his brother didn't turn him in.

Or do you protect family/friends no mater what?

cj/

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I was walking home one night and a guy hammering on a roof called me a paranoid little weirdo. In morse code. -Emo Phillips

I would and have turned neighbor in for child abuse. I would not turn in for drugs unless they were selling to children.
I would not tell friend that SO was running around however I would be there for them IF they asked for my input.

Such a great question!



I like to think I'd be loyal to a true friend, no matter what.

But I also believe I try to stand by what is right (kind, ethical, humane, just), no matter what.

When those two standards challenge each other, I think I have to weigh out situationally where I stand.

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"The errors of faith are better than the best thoughts of unbelief." - Thomas Russell

In a heartbeat.

I think it depends on what the friend was doing some people have to make mistakes and learn from them, on the other hand child abuse is unacceptable like kelly said I would turn them in, in a heartbeat, If I knew my friends husband/wife was cheating on them I would tell them.

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Proud mom to 4 great boys Anthony20,Nicholas16,Michael4,Sean2

Great answer. I would chose to confront the friend when those standards conflict. I think people need their friends to point out when they are being a jerk.

I would not hesitate to turn in a family or friend if they were doing something that could harm others.

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Calling a illegal alien an "undocumented immigrant" is like calling a drug dealer an "unlicensed pharmacist."

I grew up with a father who made what his children now refer to as "editorial comments". He believed people knew right from wrong and were going to do what they were going to do but would let his feelings be known in a less confrontational way.

And I think that is something I now tend to do.

Would I turn in friends or family for something illegal? I think that would have to be decided when I learned of the activity.

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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass
It's about learning to dance in the rain.

We are all judging each other and ourselves constantly. It is the intent of the judgement and the spirit of it that makes it positive or negative.

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The political system is broke and it's a joke.

Very true.

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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass
It's about learning to dance in the rain.

One thought I had, in keeping with what annadrose said, is that I think we actually judge friends in order for them to become our friends, don't we? We typically choose friends who reflect our interests, values, etc. Family is a different story 'cuz we don't get to choose them.

And as far as calling out a friend/family on certain behaviors....I would do that...and most definitely with my kids. But it's only because I want the best for them, and believe that I have insight or experience that they might not, it's not a judgment. But I'm not sure others see it that way...

my 4cents,

cj/

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I was walking home one night and a guy hammering on a roof called me a paranoid little weirdo. In morse code. -Emo Phillips

Do friends/family accept what friends/family do without fail? Mostly,Yes
Would you turn in a friend/family who was doing something very illegal...abusing their child ?
I would come right out and tell them if I thought they were abusing their child and I would tell them that if they didn't stop that I most definatley will report them to Children Services.That gives them a chance to stop the abuse before they get into trouble.
No I would not turn friend/family in for doing something illegal unless they were torturing or hurting someone,or themselves like habitually using very bad drugs and were really messed up.And then again I would warn them first before taking any action.

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Reserving Judgements is a Matter of Infinite Hope

-- F. Scott Fitzgerald’s The Great Gatsby

Yes, definitely. One thing that really bothers me is when someone lies to me, or somehow otherwise tries to deceive me.

I agree with Annadrose....we are constantly "judging" but, I don't think that is always a bad thing. Judging is just forming an opinion. I think the problem comes in when the opinion is good or bad.

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Doing the right thing isn't always the same as doing the easy thing.

Exactly! We need to judge people to decide how they will fit into our lives or not.

I do have a bit of a dilemma though, I know someone who it growing and distributing illegal drugs (more than what they grow, other things also) and even though I know it for a fact I haven't turned them in. It is a family and even though I disagree (judge) what they do to be wrong IMO should I turn them in? The children are very well cared for a loved and are in no danger that I have ever seen or it wouldn't be a question. It would destroy that family to turn them in, but I still judge what they do and distance myself from them.

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"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." ~ Bernard Meltzer

In this situation a person has to ask themselves if everything they do is always on the up and up. We don't want to go around turning in everyone for everything. If there is no harm no danger and they are not selling meth or giving stuff to kids I don't know.

Sounds you like you are describing pot users maybe even medical marijuana growers. This is not an argument I want to participate in but it has medical validity.

If they are not hurting anyone and you morally object simply on the grounds that it's illegal then you have to ask yourself if you go over the speed limit, jaywalk, have you eaten a grape in the store?

Think about this family--are they better off now or would they be better off split up in foster homes and in jail?
Because the intent is for a better life for the kids right?

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The political system is broke and it's a joke.

The pot alone isn't the biggest problem, it is the other things they are distributing that is more of a problem. ANd no I don't want them to split up and I know what woudl happen to the family if I turned them in. But at what point are the drugs bad enough to be turned in? Prescription drug abuse? Cocaine? As I said they do more than grow pot.

And no I don't need to debate drug use, but again it's a judgement call.

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"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." ~ Bernard Meltzer

Excuse me? They are selling drugs other than Marijuana? And to whom are they selling? Who's lives are they effecting by distributing these drugs?

If it were "just" marijuana--I could (and have) overlooked it. But, depending on what other illegal substances they are providing....I don't believe I could ignore it!

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Mental that one, I'm telling you. ---Ron Weasley, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"

I agree, the pot alone is, IMO, not a big deal, unless of course they walk around stoned out of their gourds, and selling to minors, but, that does not seem to be the case here. I would not condone "other" drugs being used/sold, but, would have a difficult time turning them in. I would and have turn in a family member for child endangerment.

BTW, thinking of you today. Hope your day is going OK........

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Doing the right thing isn't always the same as doing the easy thing.

I dont think I would be friends with someone who deals drugs or abuses children. I have many "fair weather " friends, but only 1 best (that I almost just lost to legionairre's disease), and two others I am very close to. None of the three in my inner circle would do any of these terrible things. The fair weather people, like neighbors or coworkers that I might hang out with here and there, I would turn in in a heartbbeat. I also would no longer associate with them. I dont hang out/associate with my neighbors because I think they are terrible neglectful parents due to alcoholism, and I have reported the children being left alone, or wandering (anonomously (sp??)) bcause I do have to live here, and other than them, its a great place to live (not to mention my house is paid for, and they dont bother me until I see the children doing reckless things)
BTW, My best friend's dad smokes pot every day. he has chronic, terminal pain...(although I remember he always sneaked it when we were teenagers, we all knew what he was doing). I would never turn him in. if someone was growing it to sell, that would be a different story

What about things like having an affair, shoplifting, excessive drinking, slutty/inappropriate dress, overspending/debt, etc - not just drugs? Not talking about turning in, but would you bring it up with a "friend" or just ignore? Does a friend just turn the cheek or try to help?

cj/

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I was walking home one night and a guy hammering on a roof called me a paranoid little weirdo. In morse code. -Emo Phillips

I wouldn't have a "friend" like this. These aren't the types of standards I live by, so wouldn't hang out with someone else who does. Slutty/inappropriate dress is in the eye of the beholder

If I had friends like this I'd be looking for some new ones after I took a good long look at myself to figure out HOW I attracted such a bunch

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Doing the right thing isn't always the same as doing the easy thing.

One has to assume that you are meaning a "new" behaviour--because I wouldn't be friends with someone who exhibited those kind of behaviours in the beginning.
If it's a new behaviour, I, as a friend, would assume something was going on and ask what it was.

I'm a big "why" person. I want to know WHY something is happening.

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Mental that one, I'm telling you. ---Ron Weasley, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"

I had a friend (note that I said had) who did all of the above. She went from Molly Mormon to Molly mess in a few months. Drinking, partying, reliving her teens and having an affair with multiple partners. When she tried to include me in covering for her behaviour by telling her husband and family she was visiting me across country while she actually was planning on meeting her new Mr. Right Now, was the last straw. I was also good long time friends with her husband and told him not to let her go back east again. I didn't tell him she was having an affair but he put two and two together, confronted her, she lied and told him that I was lying and told everyone in her family that I was destroying her marraige. I lost a mutual friend because "I had no integrity" because I couldn't support my friend while she was confused. All the attention was turned on me and away from her. She then stated that she now had to get a divorce from her husband because she couldn't stand everyone thinking she was having an affair.

Lo and behold, 15 months later, she has kicked her husband out of the home, got a divorce, broken up another marraige, moved him in and confessed to her sister that she and the new guy have been together for 18 months.

She doesn't speak to me at all now. I am a reminder of what happened I guess. She is happy I understand. She gave up four kids respect, and broke up two families. (her new husband is her mothers best friends ex husband)

Would I involve myself again? I think I would. I know that I would want someone to tell me if I started to go off the deep end. I would definetly want to know if my husband was. I would want someone who loved me to tell me with concern, not glee, however.


Integrity is important to me. I thought that if her husband was paying more attention to what was going on, he could start a dialogue with her and they could save their marraige. Didn't quite work out that way. I lost a best friend, my husband lost a best friend, my son lost a best friend as well. HIgh price to pay for me. If I had known how it was going to turn out I would have told more maybe and told the entire story.

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GO NAVY WRESTLING!!BEAT ARMY!!!
RJB 3/18/60 - 5/22/04
We miss you, sweet brother
God Bless the USA!!!!! Praying for my Youngster son at United States Naval Academy, class of 2014!!

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