Help I need some advice. I just caught my son stealing money from us and saying that he found it outside on the sidewalk? This is not the first time that he has done it, I need some advice in how to teat him and to stop him from stealing, He stole $100 dollars and was going to the market with some of his friends to buy some candy with it.

Please any advice is appreciated.

Thank You In Advance.

Is there a possibility that someone is bullying him into doing this? am so sorry that you are having this problem.

Maybe a friendly visit from a police officer would be helpful? Years ago one of my aunt's called the police station and asked about having an officer come out to talk to her daughter...they did and it scared her enough to start straightening up.

peapie

This is what I was going to suggest as well.

Good luck!

I caught my daughter stealing (just some change) when she was young and that's when we implemented a set of things to do to earn an allowance so she had her own money to spend as she pleased...it worked for us.

Lisa

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"It's not having what you want,
It's wanting what you've got"

First, I'd spank his little bottom. That will get his attention and he'll know that action like that produces consequences. I think the idea about calling a police officer to come to the house to have a talk with him might wake him up too. If you don't stop the lying and stealing now, it will only get worse when he gets older. Would you rather deal with it now or deal with it when he's a teen facing a judge?

Just wondering......do you live in a neighborhood where your son is allowed to go to the 'market' (as you called it) alone or with a group of other kids? Just wondering.....

When my oldest was 4, he developed a skill at taking things. On the third time, after warning him I would have no choice but to "turn him in" I called the police without him in the room and explained the situation and then I called in front of him and told them I had to bring in a "thief." He cried when I told him he couldn't have his blanket in prison. He cried all the way to the police station. The cop was a HUGE guy with a stern look. They talked and he gave my son a tour of the jail. I think what got him the most was the toilet in the middle of cell : )

Anyway, he insists I harmed him psychologically forever, but he never did steal anything again and he is a find, law abiding young man now.

My sister had a money lifter kid. She dealt with it by having it become a trust issue. The child could not be "trusted" to be alone for some time and had to earn back the right to be alone in a room or to go to anyone's home because he could not be "trusted." That might be a better thing for you, since your child is older and autonomy and trust are concepts he can probably grasp now.

Good luck - this too shall pass

PS - I think considering finding ways for him to earn $ might have hit the nail on the head.

This is the first thing to come to my mind too. Either give him an allowance, or chores to earn money. It might also be helpful to have him keep a simple ledger of money in, and money out. If he wants something expensive, you could teach him the value of saving a little each time until he can afford it.

I just read (somewhere) that children who are taught simple finances usually grow up to be good money managers. I know that worked with my DSs.

Good luck to you. It must be very hard to think through and deal with.

Just want to say I am sorry you are having to deal with this. I, too, would ask if someone "asked" (forced? bullied?) him into getting the money.

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My son never stole from me personally but he did steal a toy when he was younger from the store across the street. The owner called me and told me he caught him stealing did I want to come get him. I said no call the police he needs to learn. The store owner called the police and they came and talked to him then drove him home across the street lol. My son didn't know that I knew already so when the police officer had him explain why he was being driven home in a police car you could see the humilation on his face. Since then as far as I know he has never took anything again.

$100.00!!! Are you kidding? You must know a cop who will come by the scare the begeebers out of him. I don't think the working cops need to stop catching bad guys to do this. Maybe your town has a community officer. If you said, "He stole $1.50". I would say, "Yes, give the poor child the ability to earn money via chores and allowance". But, $100.00! I am afraid someone would have to restrain me.

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Lyn Clarke

That would definitely be a spanking offense. And I agree about calling the police to "scare him"

WHAT?!?!? That's crazy! I would lay down the law! Big time!

I totally agree! $100 to spend on candy?!?!??!!?!?!?

I can't help a lot since I don't have children, but I do remember when I was a child, stealing a pack of gum (5 cents in those days). When we got into the car, my mother saw that I had the gum and immediately marched me back into the store, made me return the gum, apologize for stealing it, and promise to never do it again. It was humiliating, and I think I learned my lesson. Obviously this wouldn't work in your case since he was stealing from you.

But I think having a policeman come over and scaring him might do the trick. You didn't say where you lived, and maybe if you are in a really big city, you wouldn't be able to get one to come over for this reason. But I'm sure in a smaller town (and maybe just as easily in a larger one), the cops would be happy to help you out with this.

I wish you luck on this. I really can't imagine a 7 year old stealing $100 from his parents. A few cents here and there that was laying around on the coffee table or something, maybe, but $100? You need to stop this NOW!

Let us know what you do, and how it turns out.

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Linda

I wonder - only being 7years old - if he didn't realize the value of $100? Yeah, he took it, but does he actually know how much it is worth and how much the candy was worth that he wanted to buy?

Just a thought...

Lisa

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"It's not having what you want,
It's wanting what you've got"

Yeah, I kind of thought about that, but (and again, no kids for me so I'm kind of out of the loop here), isn't that like 2nd grade? I think I knew a little bit about money at that age. I'm sure I was riding my bike to the store to buy penny candy at that age and certainly knew that $100 was way more than than I would ever need.

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Linda

How about a personalized social story? Carol Gray developed them for kids on the Autistic spectrum, but I find it works well with all kids.
Very specific. Personalized. Colorful pictures to keep his interest. There might already be one available on the internet.

Something like....

Johnny is a honest boy.
He knows the difference between right and wrong.
If Johnny see's money - he knows it doesn't belong to him.
If he finds money he takes it to his Mom so she can try to find the owner.
Good job Johnny. We are proud of you for being an honest boy.

Good luck.
Julia

My daughter had taken $20 out of my purse last year when she was 8. At the time I honestly though I had dropped it somewhere and we really needed that money at the time. So a few days later I received an envelope from my daughters teacher with a note and the $20 bill! Apparently my little one was going to pay another girl to tell her what some other child said about her! I was absolutely shocked about the whole incident. My husband and I had a long talk with her explaining what she did wrong etc.

Also around that time she walked out of a store with a trial sized bottle of shampoo! Again, I was stunned and furious at what she had done. She was punished for doing that. Unfortunately, no one trusts her because of it. I think that upsets her a lot and now she seems more interested in building up the trust.

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Paula
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Alright, confessions of an almost 40 year old.
I took coins, antique silver dollars that my mom had collected for a long time.
I bought food w/ them as well-food at the movice theatre, candy from the Sear's counter, could not get enough of Orange Julius! Mom meant well, but at the dinner table she would limit my amounts of food, while letting my big brother and my cute little sister eat all they wanted. So I totally rebelled, My first reaction would be to beat your little guys arse, but my second thought is to wonder if you are denying him food?

My first instinct is to set into a motion a couple of plans. First as others suggested every child needs to learn to earn money. First an allowance then maybe a paper route, mowing lawns, babysitting, etc.
But also to find out why this happened. Does your child understand how you get money and what you use it for? Does he understand completely comprehend what is going to go without being paid or bought. I hope you punished him by taking monetary things away and maybe some entertainment some things that cost money.

Even more important than the money is the honesty. You must now make him comprehend that a person who tells fibs or takes things will not be trusted nor liked and explain in detail that nobody will want to talk to him or be his friend.

And that once a person lies and steals nobody believes them anymore.

Good luck with this and nip it in the bud right now. If you are unsure or lack the confidence see a professional counselor or something.
The police idea is not bad either. Explain to your son what it's like in jail and that's what would happen if a strantger took the money. You would have him arrested and he would be locked up with a bunch of mean people and away from school, friends, and family and fun.

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My 8 yr old wouldn't know the difference between small bills and a large one. She would just know it's money. And spanking a kid for stealing is not going to help. There are deeper issues here.

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I've never lied to you. I've always told you some version the of truth.

I agree that there are other, deeper issues involved in this situation. However, when my children were 8 yrs old and in the 3rd grade, they knew the difference between the value of a one dollar bill and a twenty dollar bill.

Why do some of you say 'there are deeper issues here" and that he needs 'professional counseling'? He's 7 years old. He took $100. I don't care if it was $5 -- stealing is stealing. The child doesn't need to see a shrink. He needs to be taught the consequences of stealing! The parents need to be parents and take the matter into their own hands without outside intervention. Like I said before -- spanking and a little visit from a police officer would take care of this and he'd think twice before he decided to ever steal anything again. Also maybe make him work off the $100 in chores around the house. That would probably keep him busy all summer long!

I think that he needs a taste of his own medicine...

He steals from you, you should "steal" from him and show him how it feels. Things that he cares about should disappear. Lock them up and hide them away. I would take anything and everything I could put in the trunk of my car and then tell him someone must have stolen it. When he feels the impact of having things taken from him, he will understand how it feels and then you can have a conversation with him and make it clear that the next time he steals something from you, the consequences will be much greater.

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