I watch alot of HGTV, especially House Hunters. I have noticed that alot of men walk thru a door BEFORE the women, be it the wife, fiance, a friend whatever. I would be offended if a man EVER walked thru a door before me! I was raised to expect men to open doors, let ladies walk thru first, pull the chair out, you get the picture. Is that only down here? I taught my daughters the same. To me, that would kill a first date. What do yall think???

When you say " Down Here" Do you mean in the South ?
I have lived my whole life in Alabama and Believe me this ISNT the Normal here. Well if are meaning the Younger Men/ Boy's thats a whole different story , Heck they wouldn't know how to treat a female Young or aging if it SLAPPED them in the face, But I can Honesty say for the better part Men open doors, walk in after and will help pull chairs. Well maybe not so much the chairs as my own husband is lacking on that 1 LOL.But I guess this is all small potatoes when you compare it to manners. Nothing and I do mean NOTHING gets to me more than to hear a child say HUH ? WHAT ? to his Mother/ Father/ Grandparents/ or any adult. Lord help me I just want to snatch their tongue out of their mouth ..It's very common up North for children to answer this way to any adult ( Or at least thats what I have been told from many many family members and freinds living up north, that children are not required to say Yes Ma'am No Ma'am or Ma'am or Sir ( yes and no sir )when addressing the adult. Now my children have been adressing the adults with manners since they could talk and if they forget to say it they get a really quick reply back from us about manners and how to speak to adults. I have always and will always say Manners will carry you miles whether it's opening doors, pulling chairs or addressing the adult with Ma'am or Sir. And my biggest pet peeve is saying Thank- You and Please. I mean good lord you ( general you ) were able to open that same mouth asking for (what ever it was you wanted ) Use that same mouth to say please !! or Thank- You !! it's really not that hard, but I guess for some it's the hardest thing in the world for them to do.
Op sorry you don't see the men doing these things,Maybe it's just the neck of the woods you are living in, I have found this happens more so in large cities than smaller ones.

I don't really pay much attention to tell you the truth. I guess my dh goes after me, I can't tell you w/ 100% accuracy and I wouldn't really care if he didn't.

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My husband holds the door open. He also lets women off of elevators first. He doesn't open my car door anymore but when we were first dating, he did. We both were born and raised in NC.

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my husband is from the North but still has manners and holds the door and lets me enter first

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My eight year old grandson opens my doors because when he doesn't he has to come back and get me. I just stand there until it's opened. He's not as good at "Yes ma'am" but he tries. My husband opens building doors for me but not car doors anymore. I kind of wish he did, but I can live with it.

I just hate people who get to a building door and instead of holding it open until you can grab it, just let it go so you are trying to reach for a door that's closing. I want to run up behind them and smack them upside the head. Maybe I'll get myself a cane and start whacking them with that.

As for the doors thing, I think it is just courteous for anyone to hold a door open for the person coming in behind them. I don't really pay much attention to who is walking in first, just moreso to who is holding the door for someone else. I know when I am out somewhere by myself and I come up to a door, if a man is getting ready to go in, he will 99% of the time hold it open for me and let me go in.

I think the "yes sir, yes ma'am" is a Southern thing, and does not necessarily mean a child does not have good manners if they don't address someone this way. Having been raised in the North I did not address people this way. Saying please and thank you is a MUST in my household, tho.

I had a job "in the South" and one of my managers and I got into a discussion on the use of "ma'am and sir" and he said he does not approve of it for children to be required to use this. I forget his exact wording, but, he felt that it belittled the child and reminded him of slavery when the slaves called people sir and ma'am.

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Doing the right thing isn't always the same as doing the easy thing.

Uh oh... I'll start paying attention.

I've never noticed if my DH does this or not but I just asked him and he looked perplexed and said, "I think I do?!". LOL.

Oh, and he says, "Arizona was a neutral territory in the Civil War and so I can't tell you if it's a southern thing or not?!"

Silly man.

I guess I'm in the minority here. I've raised both of my boys to say yes m'am, yes sir, no m'am no sir.
Both of my boys hold the door for women to go in first and will hold it FOREVER until everyone comes out. (Sometimes I tell them "let's go' if able bodied men start coming thru and not taking the door)

My oldest son who just turned 13 has started coming around and opening my car door for me. He did this on his own. My youngest son who just turned 9 gets SO mad because his brother beats him to the door!

I lived in Tennessee, North Carolina, South Carolina, and Mississippi as a kid. Both my boys were born in Texas and we've been here ever since! I guess chivalry is a 'Southern Thing', but most parents today don't seem to teach their boys how to 'treat a lady like a lady'. My boys are both known for their manners and courtesy.

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Ü Ü

Guess I dont really care if my hubby goes into a door before me to me expecting him to open my door ect would be against him treating me as an equal to himself he's welcome to do things on his own but I'd never expect him to.

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My DH does hold and open doors in general but not car doors( I am usually last to get in the car because I am usually strapping car seats and he turns on the ac) We tried the sir and ma'm route but no one else did so it hasn't stuck very well. We also tried to encourage them to call adults miss or mr and insert first name but some insist on mrs or mr last name which isn't as southern but most seem to call adults by their first name only, which really bothers me. Its a respect thing which doesn't exsist anymore. One of the signs of our societies ills.

I'm usually the door opener in my family. If DH and I are on *a date* (ie: alone), he does open the door and car door for me. I have NEVER had anyone pull a chair out for me and that would be weird. I was taught to hold the door open for anyone who might be entering/existing if you are close to the door, especially women with babies/kids and seniors. I live in CO and I don't see a lot of "southern manners" (that's what I call them and my grandparents were from the south). In these days of "equal rights" for women, many men feel they should be treated as equals. You can't have your cake (equality in the workplace, etc) and eat it too (want to be treated with special manners vs. how they treat their guy friends). Most children I know aren't even taught please and thank you so I'm not expecting doors to be held for me...

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Proud to say I haven't shopped at a Wal-Mart since Sept 2003

I absolutely notice that stuff and DH has even trained DS to be a total gentleman even at age 2 by letting girls first.


I have a few cousins in the South and I can say for certainty that their husbands go way and above what my DH does as gentlemen and he is a doll.

Also- I thought it was cute on Kate plus 8- The husband was laughing saying he always did the girls stuff first to remind the little boys girls go first.

CHIVALRY ROCKS

I don't think it has anything to do with equal rights and it doesn't take "special" manners. It just takes manners, period. It has to do with common courtesy. If I'm going through a door that will swing closed behind me, I always make sure no one, male or female, is approaching the door about the same time and if they are I hold the door open until they can grab it. If I see someone approaching who might have trouble for some reason, getting through the door, I hold it open until they are through. I see groups of business men who hold doors open for one another all the time. It is polite to do so. If they can do it for other men, they can do it for everyone.

*I* agree with you wildwood and that's exactly what I do. I'm just saying that the "equal rights" topic comes up when this discussion comes up in groups of men and women I am talked to regarding the subject. It's not MY feelings. It's the general consensus of the people I have talked with on the subject (and boy did it get heated!)

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Proud to say I haven't shopped at a Wal-Mart since Sept 2003

Sorry I missed those conversations. It's like comparing apples and oranges. Manners are manners and "equal rights" is no excuse for rudeness. I just try to treat people like I would like to be treated. That works well just about all the time.

I live in a big city, I don't expect much from the men here...AT ALL!

My Mother made us call anyone older than us by Miss, Mrs, Mr. and if it was a family member we had to call them Uncle, Aunt even our older cousins were called Aunt or Uncle.Guess my Mother was raised very old fashion and she raised us the same way she was raised.. My children call EVERY adult by Mrs. Miss and Mr. even when that adult says they don't have too, Hmm yes they do . This is how we raised them.As far as the cousins, well even in my adulthood I still call them Aunt and Uncle since thats what I've done all my life, so the kids call them the same thing.

I forgot about this.
Anyone take notice to the younger males not giving up their chairs for a female ?? I have seen this MANY MANY TIMES here. Oh lord my husband gets so mad to see this !! I've seen him tell our boy's to give their chair up to the female if there's no other chairs left.

1 time at my OBGYN apt in the back they have chairs for the mother's to be to sit in while waiting for a room, well they also allow the men to go back there as well, I will never forget, onetime all the chairs were taken by females and males alike, 2 ladies came back. of course there were no chairs as the men have taken them, do you know not 1 single man offered those 2 ladies a chair !!! Finally a nurse came in and told the men to go out front and they would be called back when their wifes was taken to a room., I can say I was totally floored to see a male in a OBGYN Office taking up chairs and not offering them to the females. Now this is rude and lacks respect for the females if you ask me.

My Niece's boyfriend never offered his chair to his own mother 2 different times (2005) (2007)when my niece was having her baby in the hospital forget him offering it to us when we got there hours before his own Mother. He sat right in that chair as if his butt was glued to it !! a Nurse had to bring in more chairs for us, wasn't like we had dropped in and was going to leave in a few Min's and he knew this. Guess if the nurse didn't come in there he would have allowed us 3 to stand there till the baby number 1 was born 16 hours later and then again last year when baby #2 was born 9 hours later. Talk about being rude !!.. And this has nothing to do with being from the North or South, but has everything to do with having MANNERS.
But I've seen this happening more and more these days, I can never recall any male in my family not offering a female their chair.

I live in the South and men always open the doors for women and let the woman go in first.

If we're walking on a sidewalk, DH always walks closest to the street and has me on the inside. And if we're in a restaurant, he always takes the chair (or booth side) facing the main entrance or walkway. I think it's a 'protector' kind of thing.

Out here in Podunk, it's a manners thing.
The closest town to me is a small Railroad/Cow town and when I moved here almost 20 years ago it was like another world. Some of the most mannerly people I have ever run into. But as the area has grown and more outsiders have moved in, I notice a decided lowering of standards when it comes to being mannerly.
I will say that I don't think it has anything to do with equal rights. Around here it is nothing to see a woman heave a 100 lb. bale of alfalfa into a pickup bed and then have a man hold the door to the feed store for her.
I have always gone with the "treat others as you wish to be treated" school of thought.

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I think it depends on whether or not they remember any manners they may ahve been taught. Any man I amw ith lets me go thru first even at work.

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My DH is gone now, but if we were going into a building that was open to the public, say a restaurant, he would open the door & allow me to go in first. However, if we had been out & were coming home to an empty house together, he always opened the door & went in first. I think this was a "protective" thing...making sure the house was safe to come home to.

Something he always was big on & I don't see a lot - out here in the west anyway - when we were walking on a sidewalk next to a street, he always placed himself between me & the street. My Dad died with I was 12, so don't remember a lot of the manners he had, so when my DH made a big deal of being between me & the street, he told me it was mannerly for the guy to be between a lady & the street.

I noticed this when I went to my companies corporte headquarters in Little Rock, Arkansas. The elevator stopped at our floor, but everyone (all males but me) just stood there...no one got off. It took me a minute to realize they were all waiting for me to get off first! I was so embarassed, but no one said anything about my faux pas. Up here, those closest to the door usually exit first. I really liked the accents, the charm and the good manners.......it made me feel special.

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To the OP, please explain something as I'm confused. You ask if this is a Southern thing. However, you said that you are picking up on this on HGTV. You indicate your location to be Sweet Home Alabama. Well, is it? If you live in Alabama you should know.

And, no, it's not a Southern thing. We're raising our 13 yr old son to show respect for women. DD is 15 and her male friends are raised with the same teaching.

I too am a little confussed to what the op is meaning when she says down here. Maybe she's wasn't Born and raised in Alabama but now lives in Alabama ?? Not for sure. But I dont think those shows are taped in the south are they ??. Maybe the Op can come back and tell us what she means by " Down here" So we will know where she's meaning she see this happening.

I thought OP's question was self-explanatory. It seemed to me that she wasn't asking if southerners have more manners than others, but rather if the customs she has experienced as a southerner (example - the lady to enter through the door first) are the norm everywhere.


That's how it is for us, too, so I'm thinking that if we were on an episode of "House Hunters," you'd see my DH come in before me - he'd be there first to ward off all the potential bad guys...

DH is very good about who goes toward the table first in a restaurant. If there is a wait person that we're following, then I go first. If we are seating ourselves, then he leads the way.

I feel absolutely weird when he has tried to push in my chair for me. That makes me feel frail, and for some reason, it's just awkward. I have never even seen it look graceful in the movies...

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"The errors of faith are better than the best thoughts of unbelief." - Thomas Russell

Yikes. I used to dump guys if they did the whole open the car door, pull out a chair for me thing. Jeez, I'm not incapable of these things. Whoever gets to a door first, opens it for the person behind them.

As for sir and ma'am, that must be a Southern thing. It gives me the heebie-jeebies when I hear it from kids or adults. (Sorry.)

My husband ALWAYS holds the door for me. He usually holds the door for everyone around us when we go in someplace. It is one of the few gentlemanly things that he does.

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AKA: Airbornearmywife

Neither I nor my children were raised to say "sir' or "Ma'am" but my children are very mannerly in all respects. I do believe "sir' and "ma'am" are mostly southern bred, which does not make those not raised in the south any less mannerly. My children say please and thank you to everyone (including each other), always hold the door for others (both DD and DS), offer seats to their seniors or pregnant and differently-abled people, etc. I don't believe that the South is any more of a bastion of manners than any other place I have lived or travelled in the U.S. It is not a Southern or a Norther or Eastern or Western thing----it is totally how a child is raised....if they are not mannerly, blame the parents, not their location.

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I read somewhere that this began back when chamberpots were used. The man would walk on the outside because that placed the woman under the balconies. If someone were to dump their chamberpot into the street, it would not get on the lady. It was also supposedly to protect her from mud splashes from carriages. On other occasions the man walked on the right so as to leave his sword arm free, and to have space to use it.The sword was worn on the man's left. But un-sheathed with the right hand. So I guess it is a 'protector' kind of thing!

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Ü Ü

My dh opens any door that I may come into contact with. My hands never touch a door handle when I am with him.
He is so polite and just the same with other women.

What I love the most, is that he taught this to our sons as well.

I am incredibly blessed!

My husband as well as my 11 year old son open all doors for myself and my daughter.

Our children learned really quick that manners will get you most anything and rudeness gets you know where. I expect them to say yes Ma'am, no Ma'am, yes Sir and no Sir. If they are addressing an adult it's Miss or Mr. If they are addressing an Aunt or Uncle it's Aunt so and so or Uncle so and so. DH and I have been married for 26 years and he still holds the door open for me. I was raised to respect my elders and to this day I still say yes Ma'am, no Ma'am and yes Sir and no Sir. Maybe it is a southern thing but yes Ma'am and yes Sir sound a lot better than Huh or What. When ladies tell my oldest DS he doesn't have to call them Ma'am he always replies "Yes Ma'am with a smile.

maybe in those certain show & I watch certain ones too the men are going in first to make sure its safe I mean really when entering somewhere for the first time you are uncertain of dang straight dh is going in first LOL

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mom of 3 greats girls

I live in Alabama, always have. What I was saying is it is expected here, is it not expected in other areas of the country? My children also say maam and sir. I think it's gracious.

I remember one time about 15-yrs ago, when I lived in Bloomington (IN), I'd been shopping at The Salvation Army and came outside to find I had a flat tire. I had never changed a flat before (back then), so I went inside and asked one of the young men working there (college student?) if he, or someone there, could help me. He came outside, looked at my tire and said he didn't know how to change a flat and he'd get one of the other guys to help me. From his demeanor, I suspected that he just didn't want to help me. And, apparently neither did any of the other guys because I waited outside for at least 15-20 minutes and no one ever came out. Then, an older gentleman pulled into the parking lot and was about to go into the store when he saw me and offered to help. As he started changing my flat, I explained how one of the workers was supposedly coming out to help me. The man replied, "Haven't you heard? Chivalry is dead." I suspected he was right since no one ever came out to help. However, he did change my flat tire for me. So, I suspect chivalry may not be completely dead, but I do believe it's on it's last leg. And, after that, I learned how to change my own flat tires. I even taught DS how to change a flat when he got his driver's license.

As for opening doors... DH and DS usually get the door for me when we are out in public, but I don't stand around waiting for someone to get the door for me. If I get to the door first, I open and hold it for them as I go through, or occasionally I'll hold it and let them go through first. If they get to the door first, they usually hold it and let me go through first. Regardless which of us gets to the door first, if someone else (a stranger) is about to enter or exit, we will hold the door for whomever. And, that most often seems to be reciprocated.

Generally speaking, where I live (KY)...... I have not noticed a big problem with people saying "thank you". I do believe that "thank you" is probably said a lot more frequently than "please" and "you're welcome". However, Ma'am and Sir are a rarity.

My biggest pet peeve as far as manners are concerned, is people who don't say "excuse me" or "pardon me". I find it extremely rude when you're in the store and the isles are crowded and someone tries to push their way through without saying a word. And, I am a courteous shopper! I move out of the way when I see someone coming and I don't abandon my cart in the middle of the isle while I'm shopping 20 feet away (like some people do). I stay right next to my cart when I'm shopping, because my coupon binder is in it and I'd hate to have to take some fool out if they tried to steal it! (LOL) I always try to be aware of my surroundings, but when I'm shopping I don't keep staring at everyone else in the isle, waiting to see when they're done shopping in that isle and want to leave it. A simple "excuse me" or "pardon me" is a polite signal to let others know that you would like to pass. Even more rude is someone standing behind a person saying things like, "If this woman would move, I could get by". Well, if you'd say "excuse me" that woman would know that you're wanting to get by. Years ago, in our old WM (where some of the isles were barely wide enough for 2 carts to pass), a woman started bumping my cart with hers (almost hitting me), trying to push my cart out of her way. And, I was standing RIGHT NEXT TO MY CART! Of course this was at Christmas time so the isles were jam packed. I just turned around and looked at her like she'd lost her f@&%$ mind and said, "I'm sorry, I guess I didn't here you say EXCUSE ME!"

.

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I have always showed respect toward my elders by calling them sir or mane. I hate to hear little kids call an older person by their first names too. I was taught that it is Mr or Mrs. As for the door opening deal. i live in the south and older men do that all the time, seems that younger people are not taught that anymore. also older men will stand up with a women enters the room but younger men dont. I have seen older men stand and give their seats to women like in a crowded dr office and the teenagers just sit there and let the older people stand. To me thats very disrespective toward them. They should have been taught to give up their seats to older people who may have problems standing for long periods of time.

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I have my students say yes ma'am, no ma'am, and they say please/thank you. I try to show them to be thankful for things, and to show respect. It drives me crazy when they are rude. I will be the same way with my own children.

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AKA: Airbornearmywife

I usually open the door first because I am too impatient. Waiting for him to lollygag and get the keys to open the door to the house drives me nuts. All the groceries are unthawed by the time gets to the door!!!

I'm just recalling how frequently I've heard the expressions "Southern Hospitality" as well as "southern gentleman" and "southern charm."

All of these expressions suggest to me that there is traditionally more "chivalry" in the south than up north.

I have never been further south than North Carolina (besides Florida, which for some reason, doesn't feel like it's down south), so I don't have much to go on. Up north (New England) I think there are other ways of showing (or not showing) good manners. I NEVER hear kids call adults "sir" or "ma'am" unless I'm at my kids' Tae Kwon Do class. And the kids leave those terms at the class - I don't see anyone applying those expressions to adults outside the place.

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"The errors of faith are better than the best thoughts of unbelief." - Thomas Russell

devinmom, you are welcome down here at any time!! The doors always open , along with a glass of sweet tea! Donna

Well, I'm a northerner and I usually will say yes Ma'am and yes Sir. Maybe not as often as ya'll say it, but I do it pretty often. To me it's a matter of respect. (Actually it may be a little bit more of a cliche, but I truly do believe that everyone enjoys being called Ma'am and Sir.)

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Linda

When I was about 26, I was working for a software company. One day, as I approached the door in front of the stairwell, I noticed several older men in suits approaching too. (Except for managers and salespeople, no one wore suits - we all wore jeans and t-shirts.) Because I got to the door first, I opened it for the men in suits. They all froze in front of the door. It totally freaked them out that I was holding the door open for them. They didn't know what to do. Finally, I said, "it's OK. Go ahead!" So they did, reluctantly. LOL. I thought it was so funny.

You just made my morning!

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"The errors of faith are better than the best thoughts of unbelief." - Thomas Russell

...but the question is, who opened the door that is always open? LOL.... sorry, a little off the wall this morning...

cj/

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Not me...it makes me feel olllldddddddd!

To answer the OP's question, I would never be offended if a man walked through a door before me. Now, if a man OR woman just let the door slam in my face, I wouldn't be too happy. I've held the door open for men, women, and children who are behind me. DH always holds the door open for me and opens the car door for me...and we're both from the North. Yes, believe it or not, some of us northerners do have good manners! I don't believe it's where you're from, it's how you're raised. I was brought up to say "Please", "Thank You", "You're Welcome", "Excuse Me?", and so were my children. As far as the "Ma'am and Sir", I think that it's a southern custom. We never said that up north unless you were pulled over and talking to a cop...you would address him or her as "Sir" or "Ma'am". We always called adults by "Mr." and "Mrs." though...never by their first names. Since I've lived down here for awhile, sometimes I will adress an older woman or man as "Sir" or "M'am" just out of respect for them. But I don't think any less of anyone who doesn't use the terms. You just have to realize that this was not a custom up North to say this. It doesn't mean that we're rude. ~Lisa

Yes, I find the ma'am and sir thing to be a "southern" or military thing. And, it CAN be overdone - I had a friend from Texas...OMG, every other word out of her kids' mouths was "yes Ma'am". DROVE ME NUTS!!! IMO, you're just saying it to say it, not much respect involved.

Funny, I was going into Block Buster last night and this young guy, maybe early 20's?? Probably 19ish....anyway, he and a girl, about the same age, came out the door, and not only did he come out the door first, he didn't hold the door for her either. I notice this a lot with younger guys. And, what's up with wearing your ball cap inside a restaurant???? Drives DH NUTS....oh, and the whole no shirt thing out in public or at the dinner table???

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Doing the right thing isn't always the same as doing the easy thing.

From reading all of these posts it seems like the culture in Southern California is very different from the "south." Typically men do not take off their hats inside and it is not considered rude. It is actually nothing that is given second thought.
Men and women walk through doors and hold them for other people.
Children are typically taught to say please and thank you. There is very rarely a Sir or M'aam spoken around here.

I never even thought of much of these manners or "not so" manners as being rude. I think that what we do is culturally accepted in the places where you live.
Being from the melting pot of the United States we have so many other manners that I am sure that another part of the U.S. would not even pick up on.

I rarely see a car door opened for someone other than themselves and the same with a chair. I feel that if I am ablebodied then why would I need that? I understand that it is the thought of manners, but it is also the thought that some people are from cultures that other things have more priority.

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