Ok to start with we have 3 kids Hope 23 Thomas 20 and Caitlin 16. To us the most important thing we have always stressed to them is of course to do the right things in life to make the right decision to become responsible productive people in our society, This of course goes along with the talks about unsafe sex, drugs , smoking and of course drinking, so far so good, we are a very open family and talk about everything. Of course to us school and getting good grades are very important . The most important thing also is to be respectable . I do not believe we are very strict, I am bringing this up because recently I had some conversations with some friends and we were discussing all these subjects, I added that for me and my husband how they wanted to dress was their choice they have to wear it not me, I also stated that we are not againist any form of tattoo;s or body piercing again its their bodies as far as that goes , so i am asking your thoughts on the subject, again we are very strict about the drugs and smoking and drinking and education and speaking of education whatever they choose to what career path they seem possible is wonderful, on a final note we were also talking about whether one of your kids came to you and told you they were gay or that they wanted to marry someone out of their race or religion again our thoughts are fine its there life when it comes to those choices but for now I and my dh must protect them from bad things that could do serious harm in their young lifes, so plmk and share peace to all Catherine

We have four sons, ages 17, 14, 8, and 6. One is starting college, the youngest one has just completed kindergarten. I tell you, it is a free-for-all in our family. Please come join us at the dinner table. They are all wondeful, but extremely competitive, and definitely choose their respecitve alliances on any given day. But I have to tell you-as chaotic as our dinner table is, it just reminds me of having dinner w/ my six uncles. My mom was born second to a seven family household. My favorite aunt and uncle have really been like my sister and brother.

We have DS, 21 (finished with school, car tech) and DD, 18 (sophomore in college). Both of them live with girl-/boyfriend and have all in all been good kids. We were always open and honest with them about our smoking and other nonsense issues of old (we are both children of the 60s and 70s, what do you expect? ) and - so far- they have not gotten in any kind of trouble. I was a little disappointed that DS didn't go to a 4 year college but he does what he loves and is a competent and good at it. He works 11 hours a day and then fixes friend's cars in the evenings (in our driveway ).
DD is a total free spirit, she called me the other day that she wanted to come by and talk to me ... she was all proud that she smoked 6.5 (?) cigarettes. She bought organic ones with recycled paper, because she didn't want to put junk in her lungs . She said she was done now and will not be smoking again.
We are not taking all the credit for the kids - we just lucked out. The main thing we tried to never do was criticizing each others parenting styles in front of the kids.
.... and when they leave here we tell them "love you and don't take the pot"

I've been blessed and I think I've done something right! lol I have great kids! My oldest, 24, was difficult to raise as he is ADHD. He didn't sleep through the night until he was 3!!! I'm still recovering from lack of sleep. He has never had a speeding ticket! Never drank in high school. Has had a job since he was 14. . Always let me know where he was, etc... We had tons of fights but he always knew I loved him and was there for him. I learned in counseling with him to PICK YOUR BATTLES. His friends have been calling me "mom" for years now because they can relax here. I'm pretty easy going although they know what they can and can't get away with. My other son is 17. We are actually best buddys! lol He is home schooling and we laugh and talk together every day. I really haven't had to make any rules for him because he's such a good kid that he really doesn't do anything wrong! Told you I am blessed! He's just a good natured young man-he's never even been grounded. The worst thing I have to yell at him about is taking out the garbage. And he got a 99% on his ACT's. THe oldest barely graduated from high school because he hated it so much! Yes, they are opposties!!!
The only advice I would give is to pick your battles, let them know they are loved unconditionally, that you are there for them, but also let them know that you won't take any crap from them and they need to follow the rules. They need to respect their parents.

Product of the 70's here too. We have a 15 yr old son and an 18 yr old daughter. Son starts 10th grade Monday and Daughter is starting college in 2 weeks. We raised our kids with boundaries and rules and consequences if needed, but never had to spank either one (well, our rule was no hitting in our house -- not between the siblings or from either of us either). I have never heard the words "I hate you" or "You are the worst mother in the world" and my kids would have done so by now if they were so inclined (I am not saying they didn't ever say it to their friends or between each other..but never said it to me or showed any such disrespect.) Got the eye-rolling occasionally, and voices very temporarily raised, but that has been the worst of it so far. My kids do very,very well in school. They volunteer in the community (as do both of us as parents and at school), have run for and held student offices. Do they spend too much time on the computer or in front of video games sometimes. Well, yes in my mind, but if that is the worst I can say, I am really blessed. Do they do enough around the house, chore-wise. Nope--but that is my fault for not requiring them to do so (because I was so way overworked growing up I vowed my kids would NEVER be). My kids have never smoked (both think it is disgusting as do 99.9% of their friends) and I have never ever had even the remotest thought that either have ever done any drinking or used drugs (and, remember I am a prouduct of the 70s so I am not ignorant on this subject). We have definitely had the safe-sex talk, because I know that neither will be celibate till they are married (well, most likely not) and we have worked in hospices and AIDS-related agencies as volunteers so they are schooled in many different areas. As for who they fall in love with, well, that is their heart, not mine or my husband's. As long as they choose someone who cherishes them and their hearts and souls as much as we do, we will honor their decision/choices. I am proud of my kids and proud of the way we raised them. I know they will do as well with their own children one day

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Have the courage to be yourself.

I am a divorced mom but their dad only sees them 2 x's a month. So basically its me, my dd (15) & ds (12). We are very open family, you cant imainge the things we have talked about in the car...lol. I am a very laid back parent that basically lets my kids do what they want, but with guidance. When i was growing up my parents were ultra strict and the things I did without them knowing, I didnt want my children to do the same thing. So I am raising them more laid back and with a very open dialoug. I have very few rules but major ones, no drinking, no drugs, no smoking and I would prefer for you to wait til you are out of high school before having sex, but i am not stupid. and if you think you are grown enough to have sex then you are grown enough to use protection every time and have a open discussion with your partner before on the fact that protection will be used everytime. So far I have been lucky b/c both of my kids have been doing really good. Of course I have the usual teenage moods...lol. Its hard to know how to raise kids ultra strict , or laid back, or something in the middle. i figure you just raise them and hope you are doing it right! My dd has friends who parents are really strict and if they knew how wild they are when they arent around their head would spin.

steph

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Jeaniet I simply loved your post. I truly enjoyed reading about cigarette smoking and also that your kids friends hate it as well. For me personally my children hate that their grandmother my mom smokes, they are always on her back to quit. If they did decide to smoke I would be very upset however as always life is all about choices. That to me and my dh would be a bad choice. We are also very open with them and have always told them mom and dad cannot be with you 24 hours a day, and if you decide to do something and the out come will be bad or jail perhaps, there is very little mom or dad can do.I personally feel being a parent is truly the hardest job in the world. To us sadly to many parents do not take their jobs as parents too seriously. I feel as my kids get older I fall more in love with them, I guess its because they become adults I have 2 now and you seem to lose control and so naturally you worry more, anyone can become a parent, but it takes a special person to be a mommy and daddy. Peace to all, Catherine

I was raised by a dad who was racist. I guess because he was raised that way. When we talk to our kids about school and they are talking about there day and the subject comes up about any other kids, we never ask them what color the child is, infact, my little girl was once invited to a birthday party, we were the only white people there! She had a blast and I was so proud of myself as a mom that that is one road of my dads that I didn't travel. I can only hope that my children follow a christian religion throughout there life. I can not make them. I can only guide them in the right direction and it is there choice then on what path they want to follow. I do believe as of this time that both of my kids will go far with education and thier careers. We do push good grades doing there best is the only choice they have. Yes, my little girl pouts sometimes when we make her rewrite her homework because it is too sloppy but someay she will understand. We do punish, very seldom do I ever have to pop the hiney anymore because they know I will, just a stern glance seem to do it and usually the rewards that they recieve for being good makes it worth their while not to give me a hard time.
I have been truly blessed with a good family, even good inlaws. Lucky me! Life is good!

Geez, I would hope not. Do you know people who ask their kids what color their friends are

yes, very sad.

kelly Jef,
Yes, sadly, my parents did and yes, I have heard other parents ask what color the child was when they are discussing what has happened at school or they are describing something. Very sad.