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The Cafe - 'TC' So? Your daughter wants her belly pierced? Your cat keeps using the couch as a litter box? Your husband taped the Hockey game over your wedding video? Your neighbor has a gnome collection and it makes you mad? Pour yourself a cup of coffee and come on in to The Café! Talk amongst yourselves...discuss, question, reply, or respond to many subjects!

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Old 08-12-2008, 03:31 PM
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My son's friend is a dancer...

My oldest son's friend is a GoGo dancer,she is 19. She strips down to her bra and panties, and dances for 15-30 minutes and makes 450.00+ in anight. I dont know her at all, nor do I know her parents, who does not know that their daughter dances for aliving. I just want to say thank god I have all boys, and would you be upset to find out your daughter dances? I have mixed feelings about this, on one side I would not want all these strange men watching my daughter dance half naked but then again she is not completely naked and is making alot of money when times are really hard. I guess if I was half my age, 25 pounds lighter, with no stretch marks I would do it too, I could pay down my cc bills pretty quick that way.
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Old 08-12-2008, 03:37 PM
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No, it wouldn't bother me if my DD was a gogo dancer. A stripper...well, that's a bit different. Her parents don't "need" to know if she's 19...she's an adult although if she's lying to them about what she does, that is wrong. I almost took a job doing go go dancer stuff when I was in college to help make ends meet. I think it can be a very bad job if you have low self esteem or have a tendency to abuse substances (because they are rampant there). I ended up getting a "regular" job instead because I knew my grandparents (who I was living with at the time) would find it shameful. Their opinion mattered a lot to me so I opted for the less than stellar wage at the drugstore
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Old 08-12-2008, 03:49 PM
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It's an honest living and she's not wearing any less than she'd wear on the beach, so I have no problem with it. If it would upset her parents, I have no problem with her lying to them about it, either. I just hope she never sees her father in the audience!
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Old 08-12-2008, 04:04 PM
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As a mom of a 16 yr old, I say no way would I think it is ok. I'm sure she sees and hears repugnant behavior in her audience. Which may become normal in her eyes. Then I'm sure somewhere along the line she will hear how to make a few more bucks. This experience has to harden a person of this age in a way that I think is not healthy. I don't know where this girl is or what she looks like to be making $450 + for 30 minutes work in her undies. Sounds a little exaggerated to me- though I'm not saying OP is exaggerating. As for lying to her parents, I'm also not for that. I think if she is mature enough to dance in front of men in her underwear, she should be mature enough to face her parents. Can you imagine how they will feel when hearing about this through another source? I think it changes a person's character to lie to people about who you are/what you do especially pertaining to this scenario and this age . I always tell my kids I want to know who they are, warts and all. They know I will not approve of everything they do, and as they grow older they will make decisions that I may not approve of, but that I will love them and try to find a common ground.
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Old 08-12-2008, 04:06 PM
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Dancing for $450.00 for half hour? I would do it in a heartbeat, also ,if I was younger and lighter..but not while my parents were alive. I just know they would have said over my dead body.
Invite the girl for a picnic, get to know her and do not criticise her job. She may be the one to take care of you in your old age.
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Old 08-12-2008, 04:17 PM
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As a mom of a 16 yr old, I say no way would I think it is ok. I'm sure she sees and hears repugnant behavior in her audience. Which may become normal in her eyes. Then I'm sure somewhere along the line she will hear how to make a few more bucks. This experience has to harden a person of this age in a way that I think is not healthy. I don't know where this girl is or what she looks like to be making $450 + for 30 minutes work in her undies. Sounds a little exaggerated to me- though I'm not saying OP is exaggerating. As for lying to her parents, I'm also not for that. I think if she is mature enough to dance in front of men in her underwear, she should be mature enough to face her parents. Can you imagine how they will feel when hearing about this through another source? I think it changes a person's character to lie to people about who you are/what you do especially pertaining to this scenario and this age . I always tell my kids I want to know who they are, warts and all. They know I will not approve of everything they do, and as they grow older they will make decisions that I may not approve of, but that I will love them and try to find a common ground.

Very well-said.

And her parents WILL find out.

The skimpy clothing is bad enough, but the suggestive style of go-go dancing is even worse.
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Old 08-12-2008, 04:56 PM
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I don't have a problem with this. She is wearing as much or more than women wear to the pool or beach. And I don't know if any of you have been to a dance club lately but there is a lot of very suggestive (and more) dancing going on right on the floor.

The question will be how she handles having an excellent income at such a young age. Because that is usually where the trouble begins.
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Old 08-12-2008, 05:08 PM
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I don't have a problem with this. She is wearing as much or more than women wear to the pool or beach. And I don't know if any of you have been to a dance club lately but there is a lot of very suggestive (and more) dancing going on right on the floor.
I have and yes they do. Plus, they are doing it for free or actually, they pay to do it (cover charge). I would rather get paid
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Old 08-12-2008, 05:28 PM
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Big difference for me between dancing because one is getting paid to do it, and dancing (even in the same clothing) because one selected that outfit, herself, and just chooses to do it.

They are getting paid very well because management benefits as many, many customers are getting focus directly on her. She needs to be worth MORE than the $450 that the business is "investing" for such brief periods of time. Hence, I would be absolutely leery of the "no strings attached" - $450 for 15-30 minutes. I have a hunch that she's not being quite honest with your DS about what "else" she does. Either that, or she hasn't been fully "vetted" yet...

If he regards her as a girlfriend, I would suggest that he pay a visit - and stay a while...my brother had a very similar experience with a girlfriend years ago. Things weren't as simple and cut and dry as she had suggested. It got messy, ugly, and there was quite a bit more to her little deal than she had let on.

As for my own girls, I would never want them to think that anything comes so easily to them with no strings attached. I want my kids to learn that they can take pride in doing something that they're good at and earning a living at it - something that they don't have to use euphemisms or lies to describe to relatives...
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Old 08-12-2008, 05:30 PM
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She's probably not getting $450.00 from the business -- a lot of that is probably tips.
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Old 08-12-2008, 05:37 PM
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She's probably not getting $450.00 from the business -- a lot of that is probably tips.
That creeps me out even more - what do the tippers do with their bills - fold them up and place them where? And what kind of attention do they expect for their generous tips? Young girls (I include 18-24+ in this category) are so naive, but many of the skuzzy guys are pretty suave. Sorry - there are too many weirdos out there for me to okay this one. If a child of mine did this, it would absolutely be without my blessing.
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Old 08-12-2008, 06:40 PM
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Have some of you guys ever been to a club that has go go dancers? Seriously, it is nothing like stripping. Basically you are dancing in a bikini at a dance club. This is not a strip club with people leering. I actually did this in college with a few of my friends. The rate does sound off though, I would make about $450 a night for a 4 hr shift but that was in Boston about 15 years ago.

If my girls choose to do this, I would have no problem with it as long as they were of legal age and not in some sleezy dive. Yes, there are laws with age requirements on dancers too.
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Old 08-12-2008, 07:33 PM
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That creeps me out even more - what do the tippers do with their bills - fold them up and place them where? And what kind of attention do they expect for their generous tips? Young girls (I include 18-24+ in this category) are so naive, but many of the skuzzy guys are pretty suave. Sorry - there are too many weirdos out there for me to okay this one. If a child of mine did this, it would absolutely be without my blessing.
I have no personal experience with it, but I really do think you're reading a lot into this whole thing.
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Old 08-13-2008, 10:08 AM
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$450 a night? Do they take fat middle aged women?
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Old 08-13-2008, 10:17 AM
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I'm with you annadrose!
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Old 08-13-2008, 10:42 AM
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They dance for 15-30 minutes at a time and she is probably making 450 a night for her whole shift. I personally have nn problem with any woman making the decision to do this and fully support. I only wish I had the body to do it myself.

ALso just because she may work in this atmosphere does not mean that the young lady is somehow hurt by it. Look at some of the homes others come from and not all of them become that type of person.

And the others that find it wrong - what are you and your daughter wearing on the beach?
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Old 08-13-2008, 11:11 AM
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Invite the girl for a picnic, get to know her and do not criticise her job. She may be the one to take care of you in your old age.
Great advice!
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