How do you encourage, but not force, your kids to stick it out?

My 7yr old just had his first practice.

A little background on him. He's very docile, rule follower, not crazy hyper or overenergized. He likes to play physically, but also plays mentally, ie computer, video, lego, puzzles, etc. Sorta quiet, not real outgoing. Has just one or two "close" friends.

A little background on us, as a family. Oldest did the "expected" sports when he was young, basketball, soccer, football, once he was in 6th gr or so he just decided it wasn't for him. I never ever pushed or demanded that he play. (Sometimes over the years I, and he, kinda wished I did) My daughter on the other hand is extremely athletic, all on her own, she LOVES sports. Has been playing basketball and softball for 7yrs with no prodding from me. Just her choice.

Now the three of us, me and two older sibs, really want the boy to be on a team, play a sport. He, too, really was excited to sign up as his "best friend" is playing on the same team. I dont' think he realized what it entailed. Not just pushing each other around with a football. It's tough, the practices are 2 hours long, 5 nights a week for the first 2 weeks and then 3 times a week after that. And they really practice!

So tonight was his first one. About and hour and a half into it, he started fading. Got a mosquito bite that had him coming over to me whining that he just couldn't play anymore. I know he was beat, it wasn't the bite and I was stumped on how to handle it! I didn't want to pressure him, I didn't want to make it a chore to get back out there, yet I still want to make him stick it out. I'm almost dreading the next two weeks! I know it's tough in the beginning and all, and I know KNOW in the long run it's THE best thing for him to do for many reasons, but I'm.... I guess... a bit of a wimpy mom in that I don't want to see him suffer!

SO.... what do/have, you all done? To encourage but not push, to MAKE them stick it out without MAKING them stick it out???

Sorry so long and thanx for playing!!!

Kath

Well, he's only 7, if you force him then he might grow to hate the game. My DD plays fast pitch softball, she has been playing for 7 years, pitching just starting the 4th year. She is just starting on the junior high team going into 7th grade, they have been practicing 2 hours a day 8-10pm so far + they will practice an additional 1 hour a day during school, it is their elective, so a total of 3 hours a day of practice ( her pitching practice will be on top of this) . School starts tomorrow, so they haven't started with the extra hour yet. during the day, this is in addition to games. I think sports is something they have to want to do. They have to enjoy it. Just my opinion. I wouldn't force my child to play sports, but that is just me, I do know parents that do.

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He's 7 for pete's sake. He thought football would be fun and apparently for him, it isn't. As an adult, he'll have to do many things he doesn't find fun. Even as a child, there's plenty already he has to do that isn't fun. IMO, this isn't something he should have to do.

Ask him again in 2 or 3 years if he wants to play. If he says yes, make him understand that if you sign him up, he has to stick out the season. At 9 or 10 he'll have a better grasp of the effort needed and whether or not he's ready to stick it out.

Some kids aren't athletes and I think it's cruel to force them to try to be. On the other hand, some kids aren't athletes and still enjoy being part of a team. In a few years, he'll know better what he wants to do.

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there's other sports he can be in that's not so rough. forcing him is just going to make him hate it and a wreck for you having to force him to go each time.

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Well, wow, thanx for the responses!

I thought I was pretty clear in that I have not in the past, nor do I want to, FORCE my child to play any sport!

I was just looking for ways to encourage him to stick it out, give it a real chance before he decided it was too much for him. He is 7, they don't always want to do lots of things. But some things are worth having the support and extra push from your parents....

And he has not decided, AT ALL, that it's not something he likes. I just know him and see this as something a little more than he's ever done. Like lots of things will be a little more than he's ever done....


Anyway, thanx!

My girls started sports at 4 years old. I don't care what they do or don't play, but once they sign up for a sport they must complete their seasons. They never have to sign up for it again if they don't want to. They know that we don't care what activities they are in and will support them fully in whatever they decide to do...but once they sign up for it, they're in it until the end.

My oldest decided to try softball in 1st grade. She hated it and cried before the practices, but we would not let her quit. She never signed up for it again, but she completed the season. Youngest on the other hand played softball for 7 years. She just quit after this season, not because she wanted to but because she has too much going on and had to drop an activitiy - I didn't care what - she had to pick 1 to go.

We have the rule that they must complete their season for several reasons - 1) we don't want them to be quitters and think that they can drop anything they want. 2) their teammates are depending on them. My DH has coached soccer for years and it really hurts the team when you think you have your roster and then some decide to drop. It is also not fair to those on the waiting list waiting for spot that was taken up and then opened up after the season started and practices are already going on. 3) after part of one practice, how do they know whether they do or don't like the sport - they've never even played a game. Most kids don't like practices. My girls have a clear passion for soccer, but don't always want to go to practice. But they'd never quit - they love it.

Lisa

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I let my youngest son quit playing Pop Warner football when he was 7. The only time I've let one of my kids quit a sport. Pop Warner requires all kids to get a certain number of plays per game, and I felt that making my kid finish the season when he really, *really* didn't want to be there wasn't fair to the team.

He did fine with the conditioning practices, but once they started practicing in pads/with hitting, he was done. There was a waiting list, so allowing my son to quit didn't hurt the team at all.

He's getting ready to go into 9th grade now. He started playing football again in 7th grade, was a captain in 8th, and is looking forward to playing this year - has been conditioning for it all summer. He loves it now.

I honestly believe that if we had made him play when he was younger, he wouldn't be playing now. He has 2 older brothers who both played, so it was kind of expected, and difficult for us to make the choice to allow him to quit.

OP - can you maybe encourage your son to stick it out for a specific time frame , and if he still really doesn't like it, decide what you want to do?

Good luck!

Sandy in DE

Lisa, thank you, that's almost exactly how I feel. I don't want to force, but I, too, think it's important to give these things a fair shake! That being said, I think Sandy has a good plan. The first two weeks will be tough, no doubt, it's all practice, no games yet, everyday committment, learning something that he's new at. I truly believe if he can get through that, push himself a bit, that he will really enjoy all he's learned and gained. That will be my requirement, that he gives it a good two week try.

Thank you ladies!