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Old 08-16-2008, 09:15 PM
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Question Wedding Etiquette?

Just wondering what the average Tuxedo rental fee is for a groomsmen or host or whatever.
My husband is in someones soon and the Tux is 160.00 That seems like alot to me
Is it normal at all for any of the cost to be paid for by the groom or brides family

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Old 08-16-2008, 10:00 PM
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Where I am from groomsmen pay for their own tuxes. Usually rental is around $100.00 or so. I have not heard of the brides family paying for them but that doesn't mean it doesn't happen. I know last time we needed tuxes the guys all rented from the same shop and got a discount. We had them for over a week and I think total it cost us $120.00 for his.
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Old 08-16-2008, 10:17 PM
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My DH just rented a tux for $140.00

That pained me!!! LOL. I was able to dress the rest of us in beautiful dresses (off the clearance rack, of course) for less than that combined!

I don't believe it is typically the groom's family or bride's family that are chipping in. In fact, with my DH's group, if six or more ushers rented from this particular place, then they gave the groom his rental for free!! So the groom got the deal - not the ushers - at least at our particular tux rental place.

Good luck!
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Last edited by devinmom; 08-16-2008 at 10:55 PM. Reason: wording
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Old 08-16-2008, 10:19 PM
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my dh was in his sisters wedding last year and his tux was around $200 but that was in Vail. We paid for it as well as the tux for our son. That was with a discount for all the tuxes in the wedding and we had to have them back the next morning. I have never heard of the bride or grooms family paying for the tuxes or bridesmaid dresses
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Old 08-16-2008, 11:19 PM
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Smile Wedding

It mainly bothers me because we don't really have the money right now (I thought the groom would understand that that was alot since he didn't have alot of money growing up
My Husband and him and some other guys all grew up in the same low income apartment complex

I thought my husband and him wre really good friends but My Husband is a Host ( I think)
I thought he would be a groomsmen he's known him since he was like 9 and still talks to him everyday on the internet mainly (we live in MI he lives in TX for the last few months)
The tux is from Mens wearhouse
160 total and like 20 or 25 for every extra day

I guess it bothers me more than it does my husband but we really don't have the extra $
the tux, the gas money, The Hotel if we stay
Its not the best time
Thanks for letting me vent
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whenever I have a question I tell everyone (I'll look on mycoupons and ask them somebody knows everything)
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Old 08-16-2008, 11:38 PM
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OP, what is a host? You said your husband was a host instead of a groomsman. Is that like an usher? Seems to me if he's not really IN the wedding party as a groomsman, he could wear a black suit, white shirt. You might want to mention it to the groom and see what they say. Weddings get more and more expensive and it seems the groom and bride have no regard for the costs the wedding party incurs. I just went to a wedding where there were groomsmen and ushers. The groomsmen wore tuxs and the ushers wore black suits. The ushers seated the guests and then as the wedding began, they were seated at the front of the church.
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Old 08-16-2008, 11:47 PM
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We (well, my parents!) paid for the dresses and shoes for my bridesmaids and my husband saved up and paid for all the tuxes for the groomsmen and ushers. Honestly, we wouldn't have felt right making them do it. We were young and poor ourselves and every dollar mattered, and we knew our friends were in the same boat. Just because my husband and I were starting *our* life together didn't mean, in our eyes, that our young-and-broke friends should be on the hook to spend money they didn't have.

DH had to save for about six months to afford the rental of nine tuxes, a honeymoon, and all those other 'groom' things.

And now that I think of it, I was in about four weddings that same summer and didn't buy any of those dresses... and DH was a groomsman a few times and I have no recollection of him ever paying to rent a tux. The only time we were going to have to pay was when DS was a ringbearer. I was shocked to find our our niece expected us to pay $160 to rent a tiny little tux given that we didn't expect of our own wedding party. I don't know if it's geographical or generational. It was just a plain jane black tux, and so I asked her if she cared if I got one for him myself on eBay. She said that was just fine. It cost a mere $40, total, including shoes! He wore it in another wedding and loaned it out several times.
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Old 08-17-2008, 01:03 AM
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Originally Posted by wowitsdark View Post
We (well, my parents!) paid for the dresses and shoes for my bridesmaids and my husband saved up and paid for all the tuxes for the groomsmen and ushers. Honestly, we wouldn't have felt right making them do it. We were young and poor ourselves and every dollar mattered, and we knew our friends were in the same boat. Just because my husband and I were starting *our* life together didn't mean, in our eyes, that our young-and-broke friends should be on the hook to spend money they didn't have.

DH had to save for about six months to afford the rental of nine tuxes, a honeymoon, and all those other 'groom' things.

And now that I think of it, I was in about four weddings that same summer and didn't buy any of those dresses... and DH was a groomsman a few times and I have no recollection of him ever paying to rent a tux. The only time we were going to have to pay was when DS was a ringbearer. I was shocked to find our our niece expected us to pay $160 to rent a tiny little tux given that we didn't expect of our own wedding party. I don't know if it's geographical or generational. It was just a plain jane black tux, and so I asked her if she cared if I got one for him myself on eBay. She said that was just fine. It cost a mere $40, total, including shoes! He wore it in another wedding and loaned it out several times.
I thought they should pay part or gotten cheaper tuxes
he got fitted today
i guess usher i keep saying host
They are young and we are 29 & 30 which i feel is pretty young and really don't have the extra $ and he doesn't even think of my husband enough to be a groomsmen, At first i thought well she must have brothers, (nope)
one of the groomsmen lives in FLA someone he has only known for a few years
My Husband, the groom, my husbands brother and the bestman all grew up together in the same apartment complex for years and I thought (assumed) =) hat he'd be a groomsman, the wedding is the 31st of this month so we have to pay the other 140 when we pick it up (yeah)
We got married at the courthouse, and we didn't get a thing from the groom not even a card or anything.
And I talked to my SIL and she said that she got a note for the bachelorette party that if she was going she had to pay $60.00 towards the room and Limo (I didn't think that was right) I thought that was the maid of Honors part when she accepted
This is more the bride doing this than the grooms ideas (It irks me soo much) thanks again for letting me vent
Suzanne
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Old 08-17-2008, 01:32 AM
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Personally, I think I'd find any reason to avoid going to this wedding, but I don't have much tolerance for people who want to feel like a princes for a day -- and have everyone else fund it. Use the tux money to buy a really nice gift if you want (can you imagine the kind of slow cooker you could get for $160?), but do consider whether DH's role in the wedding is really all that important, or if this is a friendship that's in great shape to start with.
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Old 08-17-2008, 09:47 AM
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Around here - if you are a "groomsman" then that makes you an "usher" or "host" also. I've been to at least thirty weddings - I have never seen two separate groups for this one position in the New York/Boston area. The groomsmen are the same men who help the guests to their seats.

If you are an usher without being a groomsman, does that mean that you're sort of more like "second string?" I wonder why any wedding party needs two levels of man groups. Am I the only one who has never seen this?

Since you've implied that being a host seems inferior to being a groomsman, then I think I would speak up, if possible. I would *not* imply that I was offended, because causing awkwardness before a wedding never seems like a good idea. But if I were your DH, I would thank the wedding couple for thinking of me, and for making an effort to include me. But I would say something like, "It is an honor that you asked me to be a host. However, if it is okay with you, I would be much more comfortable to simply attend your wedding and celebrate with you as a guest. I hope you understand."

I hope you have enough time to make an arrangement to graciously step aside, if that's what you choose to do! Good luck!
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Old 08-17-2008, 10:01 AM
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Originally Posted by devinmom View Post
Around here - if you are a "groomsman" then that makes you an "usher" or "host" also. I've been to at least thirty weddings - I have never seen two separate groups for this one position in the New York/Boston area. The groomsmen are the same men who help the guests to their seats.

If you are an usher without being a groomsman, does that mean that you're sort of more like "second string?" I wonder why any wedding party needs two levels of man groups. Am I the only one who has never seen this?

Since you've implied that being a host seems inferior to being a groomsman, then I think I would speak up, if possible. I would *not* imply that I was offended, because causing awkwardness before a wedding never seems like a good idea. But if I were your DH, I would thank the wedding couple for thinking of me, and for making an effort to include me. But I would say something like, "It is an honor that you asked me to be a host. However, if it is okay with you, I would be much more comfortable to simply attend your wedding and celebrate with you as a guest. I hope you understand."

I hope you have enough time to make an arrangement to graciously step aside, if that's what you choose to do! Good luck!
I asked my husband over a month ago to tell him he couldn't because we didn't have the money and because I knew that his "friend" didn't think enough of him to make him a groomsmen
I wasn't gonna go, he put 1 on the reply card but My SIL asked me why and i said I would go (don't really want to, I don't do good around lots of people anyways)
My husband just doesn't think it is as big of a deal as I do
I think if you are gonna spend that much it should be for a good reason, and you be valued as a person in the wedding
I think of usher as "I don't wanna hurt your feelings so we made and extra job"
Pretty crappy I think
I dwell on stuff too much I guess
And the menu for this is over the top i think too
3 choices one
filet mignon
and I never forget things that people have done to me or not done, like not getting a card or present from him when we got married but we have to spend over 200 for his
by the time we pick up the tux and take it back the next day and gas to get there
Thanks again =)
I love hearing from everyone
Suzanne
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Old 08-17-2008, 11:02 AM
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I think I would ask about wearing a black suit or something instead of the tux. When my two oldest DD's got married we did pay for all the dresses for the all bridesmaids, flower girls, etc. including the ring bearers suit. The groomsmen did all get their own clothing, but we did buy all the ties so they were all matching, they didn't wear tuxes, one DD wanted khakis and white shirts (more casual) and the other black suits. The reason I bought all the dresses was because I knew all the "girls" were tight on cash they were all younger, college students or single moms and I didn't want them to feel like they couldn't "afford" to be in the wedding, they did buy their own shoes.
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Old 08-17-2008, 11:30 AM
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I asked my husband over a month ago to tell him he couldn't because we didn't have the money and because I knew that his "friend" didn't think enough of him to make him a groomsmen
It must be reasonably important to your husband and I think that's important. It sounds like you really are not happy with this couple so, if I were you, I'd beg off rather than go. Why spend an afternoon at an event that clearly makes you really unhappy? Life's too short. Let your husband go and you do something that makes you happy.

Me, personally, I'd go and enjoy a free filet!
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Old 08-17-2008, 12:15 PM
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around here 90% of the time you buy/rent your own dress/tux. I cant imagine how expensive it would be if one person had to buy for everybody. I dont know why they wont let an usher wear a black suit, thats how its done around here anyways. If i were you I would let my husband go by himself and have a good time. You wouldnt be tore up the whole day and it would save you all lots of money if you only have to pay for one person to get there and back. steph
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Old 08-17-2008, 12:27 PM
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Here everyone pays for their own. It's understood when you accept the position in the wedding that you will pay your own share.

Also, in our wedding (almost 19 years ago) we had different ushers and groomsmen. It didn't mean we thought less of them, there's just so many spots in the wedding party and we tried to fit everyone we were closest to in somewhere. Our ushers also wore tuxes (and paid for them themselves).

I don't believe I've ever been to a wedding where the groomsmen were also ushers.

Lisa
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Old 08-17-2008, 12:32 PM
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It's so interesting that things are so different across the country. I grew up in CA and live in CO now and I have never seen separate ushers and groomsmen. The groomsmen are the ushers as well. I have been to a lot of weddings as well.
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Old 08-17-2008, 12:40 PM
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Thank you everyone for your replies
Suzanne
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Old 08-17-2008, 01:03 PM
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My DH rented from Men's Wearhouse recently. I think they have a policy that the tux can be returned to ANY men's wearhouse (check up on this, though. I'd hate to steer you wrong).

So if you can have your DH return his tux via the groom, or other guests who will be delivering right away, you'd at least save the extra twenty-some-odd dollars due to the extra day.

Worth looking into. Every bit helps!
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Old 08-17-2008, 01:10 PM
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Wedddings are such a scam, if you ask me. (I know you didn't.) I would feel so guilty having friends and family fork over that kind of money. When my husband and I got married, we had no "wedding party" for that reason. We only invited 50 people - almost all family. There were only 8 friends - our closest friends and their spouses.

I actually hate going to weddings unless it is a family member or very close friend - even then, frankly, it's not my favorite thing to do. Some of my newer friends were offended that they weren't invited to my wedding. I thought I was doing them a favor, LOL.
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Old 08-17-2008, 01:27 PM
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Wedddings are such a scam, if you ask me. (I know you didn't.) I would feel so guilty having friends and family fork over that kind of money. When my husband and I got married, we had no "wedding party" for that reason. We only invited 50 people - almost all family. There were only 8 friends - our closest friends and their spouses.

I actually hate going to weddings unless it is a family member or very close friend - even then, frankly, it's not my favorite thing to do. Some of my newer friends were offended that they weren't invited to my wedding. I thought I was doing them a favor, LOL.
I totally agree they are a scam, We got married at a courthouse
My dad and my husbands parents didn't have money so it was kinda impossible to have an extravagant wedding (I wouldn't have anyways) I don't dress up or like crowds) =)
we went to the courthouse and had a get together that weekend with like 20 people.
I have heard lots of people say"If I had it to do over again I wouldn't or I would rather have the $)
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Old 08-17-2008, 08:28 PM
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Quote:
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I totally agree they are a scam, We got married at a courthouse
My dad and my husbands parents didn't have money so it was kinda impossible to have an extravagant wedding (I wouldn't have anyways) I don't dress up or like crowds) =)
we went to the courthouse and had a get together that weekend with like 20 people.
I have heard lots of people say"If I had it to do over again I wouldn't or I would rather have the $)
While I don't believe that wedding (receptions) are a scam, I do think they can easily become an out-of-control, over-the-top affair at this particular point in time.

I love simple weddings - I went to a wedding recently where the bridesmaids wore any evening dress that they selected, and they held wildflowers from a bridesmaid's garden. The wedding party looked beautiful! Truly no less stunning than a wedding party decked out in identical expensive dresses that they'll never wear again, holding expensive flowers.

There are so many extra "frills" now that are available - I won't list them, because in and of themselves, I'm sure there are sometimes valid reasons for these expenses. But so many brides these days appear to think that their wedding HAS to include every single one of the trimmings/entourage/extras. I even saw on one of the bridal shows that you can hire a designer who will come in and invent a special "logo" (monogram) for all of those matchbooks, cocktail napkins, place cards, and wall-hangings. The wedding can easily become something that distracts the guests from celebrating the actual marriage.

I digress. You are making a big investment into this wedding on behalf of DH. Do you think you'll feel more happy to participate after such an amount has been spent, or do you think you'd be happiest to sit this one out, and allow your DH to go alone? If you can't see yourself enjoying the occasion, then I think you've spent enough $$ to be able to make the decision to actually spend your time on that day doing whatever YOU want!

I hope you come to peace with however you both choose to resolve this one. Then put it behind you. Good luck!
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Old 08-17-2008, 08:40 PM
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My wedding was in my grandparents living room. My grandparents place is my most favorite place in the world and that was the perfect place for me. dh and i both dont like crowds and being the center of attention.
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Old 08-18-2008, 07:41 AM
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DS has been in 6 weddings over the last year and a half (including his own). He paid for the tux rentals for all of them. The prices varied between $60 and $160. For his own wedding, they all purchased their own tuxes (some place on line). The price is comparable to renting. That way, they have a tux for other events, or can sell it and make a little money back.
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Old 08-18-2008, 08:42 AM
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I think a wedding can be done right without feeling like it is a *scam*. My dd got married two summers ago. Her wedding was beautiful and so was the reception. Did it cost money...why yes it did. But, we bargain shopped and managed to keep within a budget of $6,000-$7,000. That included everything....dress, flowers, food, alcohol, cake, profesional photos, party favors for tables, decorations, right down to getting our hair done. It was a day my daughter will remember forever.
Her dh did not wear a tux, they opted for dark suits. Her dress was actually a prom dress. We paid $189 for it. It was silk and fitted like a dress from the 40s, very slim, low back...beautiful.
I do think weddings can get out of control. A friend of ours went to a wedding in Maryland that cost over $100,000, and the couple didn't last six months.
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Old 08-18-2008, 08:51 AM
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For his own wedding, they all purchased their own tuxes (some place on line). The price is comparable to renting. That way, they have a tux for other events, or can sell it and make a little money back.

Can you find out the website for this? Only if it's not too much trouble.

Thanks!
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Old 08-18-2008, 08:55 AM
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every wedding I've ever been involved with (many, many) -- the groomsmen and bridesmaids pay for their own tux rental/gown, shoes, etc. When you agree to be in someone's wedding, you are agreeing to pay those expenses. If it's too much of a financial burden, then one can always decline the offer of being part of the wedding party. If this is important to your husband, find a way to do it and move on. I know times are tough right now but this sounds like an important friendship for your husband. Good luck, I hope it all works out well for you.
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Old 08-18-2008, 09:17 AM
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Can you find out the website for this? Only if it's not too much trouble.

Thanks!
Oh gosh, I can't remember and I deleted it from my favorite list. You can just search for *buy tuxedo* and compare prices. I do remember that we got my nephew's (ring bearer) at Little Tuxedos - Tuxedos and Formalwear For Boys

We measured and ordered according to the charts. The only thing is that they come unhemmed.

ETA I did a search and *think* we ordered them from here Buy Tuxedos, tuxedo shirts and Mens formalwear at Cheap Tuxedos
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