OK, this is a long story, I will try to make it brief. Friend, I'll call her " Elma " , is pregnant with a baby. due in Sept. Dad, "Rufus", is a lazy bum...whole nuther story...

well, friend Elma still does not have her crib put together, you'd think Rufus would AT LEAST do this for the baby...guess there is too much beer to drink to bother with HIS BABY'S NEEDS...

anyhow..I offered to go over and help her put it together.

I callled at 1 in the afternoon..she was JUST getting up..she does not work, so that is not an excuse, asked me if she can call me in a bit...Yeah, Elma, let me WAIT FOR YOU to be ready for ME to take time out of my day and do something for YOU. I thought that took some gall..she knew I was coming over around that time, I even reminded her the night before..I would at the very least thought she would be up and at em by one in the afternoon you know ?

So, I got there around 1:45...my son went with me, since he and her son ( 16 ) are in football practice together...football practice that day was at 3..I figured, and EVEN SAID TO HER...that I'd come by around 1...if I did not get the crib put together by then, she can drive the boys to practice and I'd continue to work on the crib.

times flies by, the crib is NOT going well..a neighbor had tried to help her before, but put the rails on upside down..now they were stuck ..The boys came into the room and asked who was going to drive them to practice...I was quiet..the3 boys asked again..Elma then pipes up..." Well, *I* have to drive over to the post office to see if my check came !"...

GGGRRRR!!! Stupid me then ends up driving the boys to practice and back, a good 12 miles with my gas tank on precious few drops...then I go back to her house to finish the job !

Now the kicker to all this is, if that was not enough...at one point, we needed a male to come over and help us un-jam the rails...we tried and tried... Elma decides to call " Hank" over to help us. Hank is a good guy, I know him ..but he does like to act like women are helpless and lord it over how he is coming to our rescue. I said, half jokingly.,., " Oh, don't invite over Hank..he will just brag how he is so great !"

Elma replies, " I don't care how he acts, MY BABY NEEDS SOMEPLACE to sleep and I NEED this DONE!"...

I left feeling used and I did not like her spoiled attitude..If your baby needs a place to sleep so desperately..why wait until NOW to get it done, why not have the FOB put the crib together...

what do you think ?

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Live, Love, Laugh

Why are you Elma's friend? Does she have some great qualities? Do you have a lot in common? Doesn't sound like it.

Maybe it's time to do Elma a favor and let her learn to stand on her own. I'm sure you have other things you could spend your time on.

I am her friend, honestly, because her ds and mine are good friends. I also had a friend come over and help me fix a leak in my bathroom, so I decided to pay forward to help a friend in need.

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To add to this story, I just FEEL that IF SOMEONE comes over to help you out, you should at LEAST act thankful, and understand they are helping you. Offer a drink, offer to pay ( I did not expect pay but I did offer to pay the man who helped me with the leak ) & the VERY least, pay it forward by driving the kids to PRACTICE.

She also has a very bad habit of never bothering to invite my ds over to her house to spend the night with his friend, her ds..but sure knows my phone number when it comes time to have her ds spend the night.

btw, Rufus is just the baby daddy..does not live there ...

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Live, Love, Laugh

lose her as a friend.Sounds like a leech who will suck you dry.If you have an urge to pay if forward volunteer or donate to a womans shelter,nursing home.... at least you'll feel appreciated.Waiting on a thanks or appreciation from her is prolly a longgggggggg way off

Frustrating........

I have learned in these types of situations, you have to remember WHY you are helping....because you are a good person, not because you think they will be grateful or give you a thank you or show appreciation. You can HOPE for these things, but, don't be disappointed if you don't get them.

I agree with itzme91, I'd have to lose her as a friend, at least one I associated with often.

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Doing the right thing isn't always the same as doing the easy thing.

OP..Elma sounds like an energy vampire to me

You can be friendly for the sake of your son, without actually being her friend. It sounds like you really resent her - that's not the way you want to "pay it forward."

I would say yes, now, I do resent her ACTIONS..but I did not harbor resentment for years with her ( I have known her 3 years now ) ..If I had, I would not have even offered to put the crib together for her. I do admit, she had some quirks that bothered me before, but I overlooked them..no one has a perfect friend, as I am sure I am quirky to some of my friends. .

It seems to me, though, that she is making some very poor choices in her life lately, which I do not agree with..things like leaving a good paying job to now go on public assistance , the father of the baby is a bum on " disability"...I have seen them live it up with pizzas and beer with his "low disability check"...I do not know why she would saddle herself with this man...

YES..this is HER life and HER choices..but she used to not be this way..I am going to distance myself from her. I just cannot believe the GALL I have seen in her lately..

Another ???HUH???!!! moment was yesterday her mom stopped by. Her mom was saying how Elma was "promised" all these baby gifts from friends, but they never materialized..and now Elma has to buy ( her) baby these things by herself...I piped up..." Well, unfortunately for Elma, she is having this baby at a time when gas prices are high and no one really it seems has the money for extras "...Elma and her mom just had the attitude, I deserve these things !

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Live, Love, Laugh

oh, btw...I gave her a baby gift of baby shampoo, samples of diapers..and some Robeez shoes...

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Live, Love, Laugh

You sound really resentful of this lady and her entire family. I think you should take a break from her. The old saying that 'no one can take advantage of you unless you let them' is true in this situation. So back away from it.

I'd back off too. on the other hand I never put anything together or get anything more than going home clothes for baby anyway til afterwards. I lost my girl 30 days before her due date and I had everything put up and stuff, after haveing to put it all away and take it down ect I refused to have anything more than some clothes for them was awful for me. Now I have four boys <three after my girl>

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My other favorites
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God Bless your little angel Valorian !

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Live, Love, Laugh

This woman is NOT your friend. She's a leech w/ a sense of entitlement.

I would go out of my way to avoid having contact with her...one can only hope and pray that her children learn personal responsibility elsewhere, because this woman has none!

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Mental that one, I'm telling you. ---Ron Weasley, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"

So, she didn't give you the warm fuzzies when you went over to help. She is 9 months pregnant. I'd say she is entitled to have some flaky days here and there. Now, if it's ongoing, I'd dump her.

Rebecca

Thought this might be Perfect for ya !

Dealing With Oddball Friends - Â* MSN Relationships


I love having friends. Really, I do. And I'm a good friend as well. But inevitably there's someone who gets on my nerves. Like a still-single girlfriend I'd donate an organ to...if only she would stop complaining about never finding Mr. Right (does it have to be analyzed every time we hang out?). Then there's the buffoon my husband calls his best friend — and even worse, the self-absorbed chick he married!
More from The Nest

• <LI class=first>Make new couple friends!
• Entertain with ease
• Dealing with annoying people

I know I'm not perfect. And I'm not making my case any better by publicly complaining about people I call friends. It's just that sometimes I have to be in the right mood to deal. Here's how I maneuvered around some frustrating friends.
Method 1:
Get out of it! You know the friend you love who married someone dreadful? In my case it's my husband's buddy, who has a wife I shall call the Ice Queen. No bones about it: This woman is cold. I need a parka in her presence. When we're invited to meet up with them for brunch (hardly her idea), I suggest that my husband go alone. I try not to seem rude — in fact, I encourage him to make it about guy bonding. They don't see each other often (her idea, I'm sure), and I come off as the understanding wife who doesn't try to step in on his social outings. This would also be a perfect time to get my brows waxed, the car waxed, the floor waxed — all of the things I had been meaning to do but haven't yet had the time.
Method 2:
Invite them along. We have this friend...let's call him Chip. He's the nicest guy you'll ever meet. He's also the biggest talker you'll ever encounter — and he's kinda gross. He's funny and warm and loves to hang out with us, but his social filter is clogged. Sometimes I don't think he even knows we're talking. So how do I balance seeing him without being sick of him? My plan has two parts: First, I suggest we widen the circle and ask some mutual friends to join us for a day of Chip. There's strength in numbers. The more people there who have things to say, the less Chip will get a chance to speak. It's also easier to say, "Eww, stop telling that story!" when others are making lighthearted gagging noises to back you up. Second: We don't do dinner. It makes for a captive audience, which I don't want Chip to have. Instead, we actually do something. Bowling was a perfect choice to keep everyone active, and it provided lots of things for everyone to chat about.
Method 3:
Suck it up, sucka. Even though this seems to be the most honest approach, it's the most difficult for me. I don't like to waste my time with people who ignite my short fuse. I love my friend, Cat, and have known her since grade school. But she has a big chip on her shoulder about being single. As if her pity party isn't enough, she's not a woman of action: She'd rather lament about the lack of suitable dates than actually go out and meet men. This time I decide to prepare myself for her onslaught of relationship issues and remind myself to take deep breaths.
As soon as she started in on her date deficit, my whole body tensed up, and I wanted to flee. I wanted to shake her and tell her to shut up! But then I thought back to that time in high school when we took a pottery class together and made funny busts of each other. It reminded me that it's possible to have fun with Cat, and that we all go through ups and downs. I diverted the conversation to her new boots, last week's episode of Scrubs, chocolate cake. I wanted to talk about anything (even her dog's eczema) except her love life.