Here is the story, we went the mall last nite, I was walking around doing some window shopping. I walked into some stores, everything is soooooooo expensive i picked one little teeshirt it was 138.00 omg that crazy. Then I passed the louis Vitton store, i know I should know better there are bags in there for 10.000.,,,,,,,,, crazy. I just got depressed I love shopping at the clearance rack. I started to walk in the mall some the kids walking around carrying these big expensive bags wearing beautiful clothes and of course talking away on their cells phones. So finally I meet up with my son and my husband, he looks at me and says you look sad whats up. I turned to him and said everything is too much money how many material things do we truly need to survive. I also said I wish sometimes I could just walk away and move upstate and work on a animal farm and take care of my beloved and have more animals . Have a garden, live the simple life. I am just feeling depressed, I guess with all the holidays coming and missing my brother and my cousins who passed what is life all about, it is really necessary to have that much money . Anyone else feeling this way kindly share. Peace to all . Catherine

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in memory of my beloved beautiful brother Sonny who is now an angel in heaven

I think many people (especially teens) are WAY too materialistic. BUT...that said, they learn it from their parents. Do I NEED a $100 purse (or more)? NO. I can get by with much less. Will my kids flaunt around in the latest styles at top dollar prices? Not unless I got it at Kohls on sale with 30% extra off they won't. These "kids" you see wandering around with the high dollar stuff do not know what true living is. They let their belongings define them and THAT is what is sad. These kind of people are NOTHING without their "designer" duds or top dollar cars/phones/houses. I mean, we live in a nice house and I try to give my kids nice clothes to wear but honestly, there is NO WAY I would even step foot in a store where tee's are $138...no way! Many people have to have things to be happy. It's difficult for us to learn to be happy with our own lives and ourselves. Many people (although not all) who are carrying expensive bag and wearing the top dollar clothes are trying to "put on a show". It's more about their lack of self esteem and trying to prove themselves to be better. That's my opinion and obviously, doesn't apply to everyone. Parents who buy their kids all that stuff are not teaching their kids any lessons int this life except "I deserve this"...which is crap if you ask me.

Everything doesn't *have* to be about money. It's what you make of it. I truly believe the best things in life are free. It's just sad that a good portion of the population will never see that

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Proud to say I haven't shopped at a Wal-Mart since Sept 2003

Hi Catherine~
Do you ever think that the area you live might be a little more "commercialized" than other places in the country?

I am often in Long Island, and it can easily become overwhelming to see the amount of Lexus, Hummers, gigantic SUV's being driven around (in the 2 or 3 towns where we spend time)...by what seems like just about everyone! In general, LI seems to have a very wealthy population, and the families that I know who AREN'T wealthy, yet live there, feel a great deal of "keep up with the Jones" pressure. I don't know that this is the case where you live, but I'm throwing it out, anyway, as this is my limited experience there.

Do you ever think you'd consider moving somewhere where life is a little more laid back? I'm not suggesting that you pack your bags! I'm just wondering if you've ever thought that maybe the area you live could be contributing to the feeling. Then again, I could be way off base. Obviously, I don't know where on Long Island you live, and I only know my experience there. But I can absolutely imagine that what you're feeling would be what I'd be going through, if I lived in the part that I visit regularly.

One family with which we are close actually sold their LI home and moved to a remote part of North Carolina. They are so happy, they feel they simplified their lives (which obviously was helped when they got so much $$ for their home in LI, and were able to pay for an equivalently sized home IN FULL down there). For them, it was a great move, and they've never regretted it. But we have many groups of friends there who would never leave your beautiful beaches and great climate for anything, either!

Just my limited perspective. Good luck, Catherine!

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"The errors of faith are better than the best thoughts of unbelief." - Thomas Russell

Devinmom yes I do live on long island and that is one of the problems, however first and foremost my parents are still alive thanks to god and they live here and for my parents to move it would be very very hard considering my mom is very ill and continues to get sicker all the time, all her doctors are all here. Plain and simple she is just to sick to make a big move. Second thing that keeps us here is of my husbands business which is a family business that was started by my father in law. My husband and his family build homes for a living and when you own your own business alot of people think is all wonderful but its truly alot of work especially his line of work. At this point my father in law is 80 and still going strong. My dh Thomas does not want to do that. He and I would but love to have our own business some day. He would love to own a sports store and me either a rummage/antique store or like I said we both we love to own a big farm and take care of animals. However like you said Long Island and New York if not the most one of the most expensive places to live. It is kinda sad because I am a Native New Yorker and I do and always will love New York. However like you said the cost of houses is crazy. Honestly I truly do not have to worry about money, money to me is a wonderful thing of course you need it to survive, howver i firmly believe that money can only buy you temporary happiness. The mosre important things in life money all the money in the world cannot buy, your health your happiness, your family, . I have always said if I could have my brother back I would give up everything and live in a shack.I love coupons and clearance items and I love love to shop at garage sales and go to my local good will store where I have gotten some pretty good bargains. The mall that we were at last nite has so many expensive stores and just window shopping or browsing omg the prices are way crazy, I would never ever ever purchase a item like that, its more of a principle thing. Anyway thanks for the vent. Peace to all. catherine

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in memory of my beloved beautiful brother Sonny who is now an angel in heaven

Guess I don't get depressed over things like this. My Mother was poor so we also were poor. She worked when I was growing up for .65 Hr for 9 years in my early childhood to my early teens( 6-15 ). We got no support from my dead beat father not that there was any thing called child support in those days anyway.At Christmas we got 1 Pair of pants, 1 shirt ( from my Aunt ). My Mother was only able to buy us 1pr shoes, 2 shirts and 1 Pair of pants Plus our undies to start school. Living this way for many many years in the "Important years" I grew to accept that this was the life I too would led with my own kids. Al tho, they have more than me and better than me at their age than I in the same age group, I've learned to NOT buy the "over price" stuff as this didn't kill me and nor will it kill them. I shop for their clothing at Target, Bargain outlets, Ebay and sometimes at Wal-Mart and yard sales. I'm totally NOT one of those parents that say I buy the 100.00 Pair of jeans because I didnt have it in my childhood. My kids own NOTHING with brand names exp for a few pairs of uniform pants and shirts I lucked out on from old navy and got them for 6.99 each. I live right near a Huge Huge Mall and in the 10 years I have lived here been there 4 times. Even tho, My kids don't wear labels their clothing is nice and trendy. Plus by buying at a lower cost they/ we are able to get more bang from the buck than 100.00 pair of shoes ( I can get the 5 pairs for same amount of money ) 50.00 Labeled jeans ( at Target can get them at least 5 pairs OR MORE, I always find the jeans marked down to 2.99 or 3.99 ).. Cell phones HA not in this life time. When my kids get a cell phone it Will be them paying for it and not us. My kids don't have anything that would require a cell phone so they don't need one. I guess things like this just don't bother us or if it does the kids have never spoken of it to me or their dad. As long as their clothing is nicely colored, trendy and in style ( yes Even target has the 'latest" trends) my kids are happy with their 2.99 pair of jeans vs the 100.00 pair hanging in a window at some over priced mall store.

When ever you go shopping a the mall or at least here its this way. You are going to find over priced items and items that cost 20- 40 times more than a non labeled, but same style stuff. This is why I don't shop at the mall. Might make you feel better about your shopping trips if you stuck to places with in your means of buying.

sunsetbeach sorry to hear about your story, and yes I am staying away from malls. I am truly really depressed because so much money is totally wasted and why would someone spend so much. I just got a over whelming feeling that all that money could go to so much better use. And living in todays standards everything is truly over priced. But again i am around it of where I live and for now i can not change it, So again thanks for listening, Peace, Catherine

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in memory of my beloved beautiful brother Sonny who is now an angel in heaven

One of the posters in this forum has a tagline that says something like "Spending money you don't have to buy things you don't need to impress people you don't care about" Not sure of the exact wording but I really agree with the sentiment.

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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass
It's about learning to dance in the rain.

I hate malls and aviod tham if at all possible.
We didnt have alot growing up (70'S and 80'S), but my Dad never let us know we were "poor". Although I wore my brothers hand me down jeans, we fished, camped and made fudge and taffy for fun. sometimes on friday or Saturdays, we would pop a huge bowl of popcorn, load up in the station wagon and go to the drive inn.
We visited everywhere by car that was attainable, the ocean, the forest, Gettysburg, Amish country. Of course we looked alot, and ate baloney sandwiches.
My dad once talked to a farmer in the winter (he would pull over the car so we could see the horses and cows close up, and the farmer came over)...nex thing i know, we are bundled and dashing though the snow, on a TWO horse open sleigh.
Now that I have my own family, i try to remember all of these wonderful things we did, and pass it on to my own family. We had goals to get out of debt. I dont waste money, because I dont want my DH to keep doing the hard work he is doing, My kids do more with us than most families, and i hope they remember these things when they grow up.
these things mean so much more to me than a silly purse

If it makes you feel any better those people are probably up to their armpits in credit card bills. Most people do NOT have the money to keep themselves that way so unless there happens to be a large amount of rich people in your mall they probably sing "I owe, I owe so off to work I go" every morning.

I love the mall myself I get all my clothes, purses, etc for at least 50% off or I don't buy them!

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"Men can't be fat only fat women can be fat" Peter Griffin
"Without the environment where will we do stuff?" JoeJack-Strickland Propane

I was just talking about this with my cousin yesterday. I have two kids (14 and 10), and I refuse to keep up with the Jones's. Granted, we do live in an affluent area, so my kids are exposed to more materially, than they may have been exposed to in a lesser area of wealth. However, I do my best to keep them grounded.

The main school shopping this year consisted of going to the Salvation Army Store (on half price family day), and letting them pick out their own clothes. All the name brands were covered (Hollister, AE, Abercrombie, etc). The most we spent on one item was $4.99 for a pair of AE jeans for my son. I was raised on Goodwill, flea markets and church sales. Partially because my parents didn't have the money, and partially because I learned the value of saving. My son has a trac phone with an annual plan which I purchased mainly to make my life easier. It is to be used only to call me for pick up for school events and emergencies.

So many times, I talk about packing up and moving to an area where materialism isn't as visible. Every generation before your's feels that times are drastically different, and I suppose that the current generation is no different. It is often hard not to be disillusioned. The media presents that the more things you have, the happier you will be. We see first hand that isn't true. Kids no longer get excited about receiving a special gift or toy, once only reserved for Christmas or birthday. They receive items all year long, and take this for granted.

I too wish we could go back to a simpler time, and it frightens me that my children will be facing an adulthood filled with false (or what I perceive to be false) ideas of what happiness is. For us, we try to do the best we can-give them a strong sense of family, a spiritual belief system, sense of a work ethic and an appreciation of how good they do have it. Hopefully, we are doing things the right way for our family. If not, I suppose I will hear about it when my kids get therapy when they are adults (LOL).

I am the furtherest thing from materialistic and would be content living the simple life on a farm out in rural midwest. My kids know how frugal I am and won't even try to ask/beg for things. If I don't get their clothes deeply discounted at Kohl's or Target, it's ebay and garage sales. I have gotten many nice furnishings for the house at auctions. My daughter has even commented that a person could literally buy a whole household of furnishings for so little (compared to new). I hope that I have taught them the value of a dollar and how to stretch that dollar far.

My daughter's school is a combination of a very wealthy and middle class. It's very discouraging to see kids driving around in sports cars, convertibles, SUVs, so on. I don't think that a teenager should be given a car like that. And giving a kid everything his o her heart desires is 1.......... creating a spoiled, unappreciative kid and, 2.......... setting them up for huge disappointments/failures later on as they probably will not be able to afford that lifestyle when they're on their own ....unless mom and dad are supporting them.

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I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!

I think this is a good point. There are so many places in America where money and material possessions aren't valued as highly as family, faith, or community. Certain areas have always drawn people who are more materialistic and status minded. I've known people who bought property just for the address and others who paid much less for a home that was three times larger because they don't care about impressing anyone. I think it depends on the person and what they think is important and the people who value 'things' may live in certain communities because people usually like to be around people like them.

I know how you feel. My husband hasn't been working full time in almost a year, so it's up to me to pay the mortgage & bills. I go to the mall once in a blue moon. I went to the mall late last evening so I wouldn't be able to go to all the stores, and avoid temptation. I chose a couple of stores to shop at in advance. The economy is pretty depressing right now, especially with such a high unemployment rate. I think back to our nation's history and the great Depression, and hold a conservative attitude when buying anything. If my grandparents could survive the Depression, I can survive this recession/unstable economy.

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We're off to never never land

I think in everything you have to have a happy medium, and a sense of balance.

If you want to have a Louis Vuitton, and can afford it, go for it. Some people just like quality, and feel that even if they spend more to get it, it is worth it to them.

I do not fault anyone for having expensive items in which they have indulged themselves with. The whole thing is, if they can afford it, then great.. I believe it is when someone doesn't have the money, and yet longs for these types of items or worse yet..actually go out and buy them when they can't afford, that it becomes a problem.

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Never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be!

"All I have is all I need" -- my favorite quote ever-- from Simple Abundance . Learn to be happy with the blessings you have, stay away from places that get you down. We do live in a materialistic society but that doesn't mean you have to participate in it. I stay away from the mall except when absolutely necessary. I have kids and they know this is just how mom is so my teenager rarely gets to hang out at the mall like some of her friends. I'm trying to instill in them that shopping is something you need to do when you need something, not something you do for entertainment.

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Cecilia

"We must love them both--those whose opinions we share and those whose opinions we reject. For both have labored in the search for truth, and both have helped us in the finding of it."
Saint Thomas Aquinas

I think this economy is kicking some people back to reality. I think this Christmas there will be more of a shift back to whats really important or at least I hope so.


I also agree with others that have stated that people who have to have all the over priced nonsense have something to prove. I have known some very wealthy people and if you had seen them on the street you would have never known. They did not have all the stuff and didn't care. They bougtht quality not labels esp ready to wear. My grandfather loved to talk about Sam Walton and seeing him around town. He was never dressed to the nines and for years drove a sad beat up old pick up truck. He had no need to prove anything to anyone.

It really does matter where you live.

I too live in LONG ISLAND with ILUVLUCY. I am not speaking badly of it, but just trying to be objective when I describe Long Island (and of course not everyone and not every community), as materialistic, fastpaced, ambitious, aggressive, anxious, discontent, overworked, over scheduled people. The gold coast (the northern coast) is very wealthy, and we have the Hamptons out east with celebrity homes. There is intense pressure to go, do, buy. The best homes, the best clothes, the best cars, the best colleges, the best jobs. It is the fast track from birth to death. The bustle of life is 24/7---people are out all hours of the night and the pace never slows.

Again that is not everyone, and not every community, but go down to the main roads and the malls and you are in the pack.

I often visit my best friends in the Lancaster PA area and it is hard to describe my life to them. Their bills are less, their pace is slower, most stores close early and many are closed on Sunday, even their speech is slower. Jokes are less sarcastic....it is just so different and so nice!

Last weekend we were in Manhattan among the thousands and thousands of people out enjoying the day. This weekend we were in Philadelphia and I kept saying, "Where are all the people?"
Just the huge amount of people around ALWAYS, keeps the pace of life too fast.

So what do you do? That is the question.
My dh and I have actively removed ourselves and our family from that pace. We do NOT have the money. And I don't even want that lifestyle. We have made a concerted effort to be creative in shopping, salvaging and remaking furniture, clothes, etc. We chose a different path. But it means a constant affirmation of what we believe in, a constant remembering of our core values and then we don't get swept up in the meaninglessness of STUFF. My dd has traveled to 3 different countries to help build homes for people who life in extreme poverty. That was a tremendous eyeopener for all of us. We also work for several non-profit organizations.
Just focusing on others who suffer so profoundly around the world has affected our materialistic tendencies.

I certainly don't mean this to be preachy, and upon rereading this it certainly sounds that way. I'm sorry. But I just wanted to agree with ILUVLUCY that it is very stressful living in NY, Long Island.

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tanks to everyone for all their kind words I feel a little better now. Yes I do would simply love to live in the country on a farm have some animals and also have a nice garden of flowers and food, and I would truly love to have a brook or stream near by the water is so beautiful in the sunlight and so clear, not like the water here on long island.And like some of have said if people think where I live is expensive try new york city where little little apartments rents are like 5,000 a month and condos well the highest i saw once was 46 million for one its absolutey crazy and then of course the hamptons where the stars are forget about it all together its one if not the wealthiest communties around. Too sad that people cannot realize the best and most important things in life are free. peace to all. Catherine

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in memory of my beloved beautiful brother Sonny who is now an angel in heaven

we already lead a very slow simple lifestyle here. we raise a garden, cann and freeze veggies, heat with wood, cook on the wood stove in the winter, hang laundry to dry., I have never been one to try and keep up with the "Jones" nor has my family. My dd wasnt the type of child that HAD to have the name brand jeans, shoes and bags. She was and still is very simple and "laid back". I just dont see why people buy teenagers coach bags and such. I dont even like them and dont see what the big deal is over them. lol. lots of our dd's friends wouldnt even wear jeans that wasnt the "in" name. dont make sense to me.

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Looks like we should all have our own little community. I guess thats why we are on my coupons to start with. We are all looking for the bargains.

I hate the mall. When my son was younger and wanted the expencive clothes (he loved Timberland) I told him to get a job there even part time to get the discounts.

I grew up with out much money but I didnt realize it because we always had but it wasnt expencive stuff. We did have vacations alot but drove. I will meet all of you on the farm O.K. nancy

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NANCY:

I think its important to try to live simply and with fewer things, no matter what the price is. I never understand people who brag about all the crap they bought for 75% off or whatever. They'd save even more if they didn't buy it at all and it won't become trash when they tire of it in a few weeks or months.

I completely agree about the materialistic lifestyle that some many people lead. I too can be guilty of it, but not to the extent I see some people. I would love to move to a more simple place.
I remember "THE" things to have when I was growing up. Back then it was OP clothing, Nike shoes and all the trendy fashions (headbands, neon clothing, FlashDance leggings - I know I'm showing my age). Kids today have more money and more choices. I guess it can be their way of identifying with a certain group. You're right, it is kind of depressing.