I have a friend who wants to come for a visit which would be wonderful ... except that she wants to stay with us for two weeks!

When our family of four visits people, we usually will only stay for three nights max and then get a motel or something for a few nights and then possibly, come back to their house for a few nights or not ??? Break it up out of consideration for the host and their busy or not so busy lives.

She lives in the eastern US and we live in the west. She was my childhood friend growing up... has epilepsy and some other handicaps (on disability), can't drive, is single and never had kids, takes a couple of hours to get ready to go anywhere ... and the clincher is that we have very little in common after 25 years apart.

Our family has incredibly busy lives and she really would be bored out of her skull following us around.

How do I handle this? I value her friendship.

Hmmm, sounds like at the rate she moves around, her two weeks would be comparable to our week visit. If you have the time and energy, I say enjoy it since you might not see her again for a long, long time. If two weeks is much too long, just be honest & let her know what time frame would be convenient for you to make sure the visit is enjoyable for all.

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I agree... I know that I just need to muster up the energy. It is sadly easier to take in people that we don't know as well!!!

I still live in the state where we grew up so maybe I can work up something with some of her other 'old' friends so she can stay with them a few nights here and there.

I'll just have to get creative.

Not that this'll be your experience, but my MIL was only supposed to stay with us for 2 weeks ("max"). She was supposed to be getting her own apartment after she moved back in town.

...

Fast forward to 5 weeks later and she's still sleeping on my couch and has 5 of the larger size tupperware containers with her clothes and God knows what else that she's slowly snuck in from her car. She did find a job as soon as she got her (or should I say that I found it for her since she didn't seem too interested) and has been working there for 4 weeks. Come to find out, she doesn't have any money saved for an apartment or deposit for an apartment like she says she did. My SO is only one of her two children. She can't mooch off of the younger son because he's living with his girlfriend in a town 5 hours away.

Anyway, not saying that you'll have this experience, but "houseguests" are a sore spot for me right now. And you want to be as nice as possible without disrupting your life, but with the kids & school & sports...how can your life not be interrupted?

My suggestion is to let her know your schedule ahead of time (like the night before) so that she can tag along. That way she'll be able to figure out what time she needs to start getting ready. And even though you might think that your errands are boring, she probably doesn't get out much. And she'd probably enjoy the tasks with the kids since she doesn't have any.

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Kristee
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cuthie...I sure can relate to you. I, too, have a childhood friend who has some problems and comes to visit. She does work, but at 54 she still lives with her parents. I don't know what she'll do when they're gone, because she is not capable of taking care of herself. She has come to visit twice and stayed a week each time. Honestly, I thought I'd go nuts. One week is extremely exhausting, and I found myself getting cranky inside...and to others. The first time was the worst. The second time, I braced myself mentally. Friends and family think I'm crazy to let her come, but I can't help but thinking how awful it would be to be in her shoes...and the visit is something she looks forward to for months. We, too, have very little in common, and I live in a remote area with just about nothing to do. If I could make a suggestion...I'd tell her that I had plans for the other week, but one week would be fine. Good luck.

If you are thinking two weeks is going to be to much before she even gets there, then you need to talk to her. I had one of my best friends come in August to stay with us for 10 days and I was ecstatic about her coming, after day 7 I couldn't wait for the visit to be over. She lives in South Dakota and I'm in Delaware so it will be at least a 6 to 12 months before I get to see her again, but not even that thought helped with the last 3 days. It's hard having house-guest, and when they are staying a substantial amount of time, it disrupts your families routine. But also now that a month has passed I wish I could see my best friends again, I miss her! Being friends with someone doesn't guarantee living with them under the same roof is easy, because it's not!

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3-5 days is absolute tops for me. sometimes even 1-2 days is too much. with full-time work and activities, i don't really have the energy to be "on" for houseguests for much longer than that.

cj/

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I think 3-4 nights worth of a stay is enough to get a great visit in...but they can leave while yall still like each other. It is hard to have guests for much longer than that.

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3-4 days tops. My in laws come and stay sometimes and once they stayed 5 days...OMG...I was ready to pull my hair out (and theirs too!). Never again. 1-2 days is perfect and after that I need to have my routine back

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WOW 2 weeks, that would be to long for me. 3-4 days is all I could take.

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Be happy it's only 2 weeks. We've had dh's siblings (and their GF) stay for a month when they were on leave. It was such a pain in the butt.

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Ugh. I hate overnight house guests. My sister-in-law, her husband and three kids stayed with us once for 5 days. I thought I was going to lose my mind. We have a tiny house and they all stayed in one room. They never bathed (although we gave them towels and such). I think they wore the same clothes the entire time. I thought we'd have to fumigate the room when they left.

Cuthie,

Just going on a hunch, even though most of us couldn't tolerate this scenario of yours for more than 3 or 4 days, I have a feeling that if you were even able to cut your situation down to 7-9 days, you'd be thrilled.

I probably would be a lame girl and make up stories about why it wouldn't work for her to be here longer than 3 or 4 nights. In a situation like this, I do think that lying is better than the truth, if I am able to spare feelings.

But at the very least, I would contact her and say something to the effect of "I have been looking ahead to what we have going on for the 2 weeks that you were planning to be out here. You are such a dear friend, and I absolutely refuse to subject you to the insane family obligations we have going on during that time. I'd much rather be able to make plans that would really *incorporate* you with our family in a fun way. I have figured out how to do that for 5 straight days - those days wouldn't be without some unavoidable family commitments, but I think we'd make it as fun as possible! Maybe we could plan for a longer visit another time..."

If you could email (or mail, or even voicemail) all of this, you'd be better off, since you could get your whole monologue out there uninterrupted. Good luck!!! You are such a nice friend.

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WOW! 2 weeks and I would be pulling my hair out! And that is speaking as a guest! LOL.

We never stay anywhere more than 2 days.

I don't think anyone should ask to stay over 5 or 6 days.

I think two weeks is way too long-even with someone you like. For a single person, I think I could stand a bit longer, but when ppl come who have kids, that gets old real fast. Not that I don't like kids, but already having four of my own, anymore, and it's just chaotic-so a long weekend at the max. That being said, when I travel with my kids, I feel like I am imposing if we stay any longer than 2-3 nights. I'll assume your friend is flying, so I can understand her wanting to maximize the trip. Even so, I still think one week is plenty. Just after day five, start paying your kids to be REALLY, REALLY bad, and ask her to babysit for a couple of eves. That should do the trick-lol...

LOL. You guys are so funny and creative!!!

Yes, I'd be happy to compromise (heh!) and trim it down to one week. Being that she is single does make it easier to have her here (in a lot of ways). But with some of her disabilities and habits that she's formed from living alone for so many years, it is an incredible adjustment for our family.

We have no spare rooms in our house which means my son gives up his room and goes to sleep with his brother. Not a big deal... they like that for a few days (and then they'll start fighting as you suggested Linny!!!). This might be one of the points that I'll bring up as well.

Yes, I think trimming it down might be doable between the kids, small house, and finding some of our old friends to send her to for a few days at a time during one of the weeks... I don't even mind driving her a few hours to get her re-located. I'll figure this out.

She's visited before. Thus the anxiety.

This is exactly how I felt when MIL asked to come over for a visit last time.

She lives an hour away. By herself.

The entire time she is here she follows me around talking. The lady WON'T shut up!!

And complaining.... OMG! That woman can complain! About anything!

The first time she was over, I thought I would go insane.

The second time, we were ready for her. But she still got ticked over something DH did and said and left earlier than expected.

She has not, and will not, be over for a long time. She is mentally exhausting. And I don't have time to entertain her when I need to be doing stuff. And I am constantly tripping over her.

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I think it was Ben Franklin that said fish and house guests start to stink after three days. I would agree.

Two weeks is way too long! 3, 4, maybe 5 days is good for me