My ex husband was remarried 2 years ago. He only knew the girl a few months.
We had 2 kids together. Now age 24 and 27.
His new wife never liked our kids. Shortly after he remarried he found out he had cancer. He died a couple of weeks ago. At the funeral my daughter told me there was no mention at all of his own kids. Only his wife, his friends, old friends from years ago. She said it was as if they didn't exist.
At the funeral they were informed they wern't getting anything. Our son was told by his dad all along he was getting his 2005 truck that was paid off when he died. At the funeral he was told his dads friend was getting the truck.
He had $100,000 in life insurance. His kids were taken off after he married this person.
Their dad was always very gullable. Was always easily talked into doing things. Even if he didn't really want to do something.
Our kids, especially daughter have had finacial problems. She lost 95% of everything she owned in a storage unit fire about a year ago.No insurance. He knew it. I just find it hard to belive he would do that to his kids.
I just had to vent.

It is sad that the kids have been treated like this. My prayers are with them.

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Laura
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That is sad. I'm sorry your kids have to go through that. It's good they have you for moral support and love!

It is very sad. I hope they are able to recall some happy times with their dad when they felt loved and valued.

Truly truly sad I just hope also they can as mailady said recall the happy times with dad

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Did he have a will? Im guessing he did as you said the kids wasn't mentioned to get anything. I am not sure the laws in your state, but in mass from what i have been told is each child does have to be mentioned in the will even if it is to say xxx your getting nothing. I am not sure i would let it go until i investigated this a little further. It really doesn't seem right to me. My husbands mother died 2 yrs ago and left him nothing, but in her will she had to mention at least his name by law. Her's said xxx you can pick over what is left.

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SAHM of Bailey 12, Tyler 9 , Emily Ann 5, and Ryan Matthew 4 yrs old.

They live in Missouri, Their dad was in Missouri. I am in California.
I do not know if there was a will, or just life insurance. They were just told they aren't getting anything.
I wish there was something they could do.
He had good health insurance. He had no dept. Lived rent free in a home owned by his wifes parents.
His wifes parents have money.
His wife and mother in law wanted him to have nothing to do with his kids. Especially his daughter. He would have to sneak around to see and talk to her.
The whole thing is just sad.

The tough thing here is that no one is entitled to anything. That's what your kids have to get over. So many do leave everything to their wife/husband, it's very common.

It doesn't matter that the wife's parents have money. It's a crapshoot whether or not his wife and mother-in-law wanted him to have nothing to do with his kids truthfully. And another crapshoot whether or not they truly influenced him.

Another tough thing is it appears you haven't let go. You call her a girl and yet your children are adults of 24 and 27 looking for a handout. I am sure my response sounds harsh, but you've given a lot of details that send up flags. The best thing you and your kids can do is start the painful process of moving on.

dl

I am sorry for your kids loss. I might get flamed but here it goes......I can understand your children not getting any money from the life insurance. They are 24 and 27 years old, the life insurance money should go to his widow no matter how long they were married. If anything would happen to my DH( knocking on wood nothing will), I am the solo recipient of his military pension and life insurance....we have two kids one is 14 who is only my step son and one 7 who is ours together. Both our kids have college funds and both would receive S.S. for support until the age of 18 and we think that is suffice enough for monetary support for the kids. However, I do disagree with your son not getting his truck or any other personal items, I feel they should be split by all parties involved. I know there are many items of DH's that he wants he children to have and items I want them to have to cherish in the memory of their father, but the money is mine. JMHO

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I guess it makes me mad that he gave a friend a truck worth $25,000. His kids nothing. A friend who has money and can afford to buy his own truck.
Our daughter has had health problems the last couple years. She had no health insurance.They finally found out her problem and is better now. She lost her car. Her dad was co signer on it. His wife made him sell it to pay it off. Sold to the same friend he gave the truck to for what was owed on it (She owed her dad $650) About $3000 was owed on it. She was going to pay him a month later when she got her taxes. His wife said no. Sell it now. She bought a cheap car with her tax money that after 2 months broke down with major problems that would cost $1000 to fix. So she had to junk it. She is now without a car. So she went deep in dept because of health problems. She ws living with a friend when the storage unit she had her stuff in burned and she lost everything in it 95% of everything she owned.
My kids do not want a hand out. They just are hurt their dad lied to them all along.
They are hurt that at the funeral everyone that was a part of his life even co workers were mentioned but not his kids.
He treated them and me bad growing up. He finally admitted to how he treated us a few months ago. My daughter said he was sorry for it.
He wanted to do things for them. But the wife and mother in law would not allow him to.
Also my daughter was told there were several benificeries. But they would not tell her who.

he admitted to her? But did he admit anything to you and apologize to you? Did he make amends to you and ALL of his children?

Oh, and I do not buy for a minute that he was so controlled by his 2nd wife and mother-in-law that he couldn't do things for his flesh and blood. And if he did? Then he allowed it, and he's the blame for the situation.

You would better serve your children in helping them move on. Give them your support and love--that will do more than fretting over something that can't be changed.

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Mental that one, I'm telling you. ---Ron Weasley, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"

My ex husband was very gullable. People talked him into things he did not really want to do all the time. I think he was afraid if he didn't they wouldn't like him. We could have plans to do something as a family. A friend would call say "are you busy? I need some help with something" He would drop all our plans and leave.
It is very likely and possible his mother in law pressured him to do what she wanted. I should know. We were married 17 years. He did lots of things people talked him into that he should not have done. He was the type that could be influenced by others very easy. It seemed to me that he really did not have a mind of his own.
I could give lots of examples. But won't go into details. Just believe me. He could be influnced.
He took all his anger out on me. And no he never told me he ws sorry.

It's coming through loud and clear. Another woe is me post that nothing was the op's fault. Gullible? Maybe he was just a nice guy who liked to help people. And it all comes out over money.

I wish I had a nickel for every time the ex and the kids blamed everything on the 2nd spouse. You've said several things of how he was, that you were married 17 years to him, and yet now he moved on, and it's his fault and his new wife's and his mother-in-law's fault.

Really, move on yourself in a positive way.

dl

is it a sign of the Apocolyps that you and I agree?? LOL

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Mental that one, I'm telling you. ---Ron Weasley, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"

I said it is not about the money.
When my ex knew he was close to dying he was asking for our daughter. She was the only one he would let hold his hand. He died holding his daughters hand.
He would even steal for people.It was 15 and more years ago now he did that. He only did it a few times. I didn't want to tell that. But it will make you understand better. He did not have many friends. People thought he was weird. The only friends he had used him.
I did everything for him when we were married. I was just tired of being afraid. He had a bad temper. He would get mad at someone else take it out on me. He was always breaking things.
He got mad at me cause our daughter was born by c-section and he went home and destroyed all our wedding pictures cause he did not get to see her born the natural way.
My current husband has even joked that I don't get mad and I have never cussed in my life.
Some women just can not accept the fact that thier husbands have kids from another woman. Even though it was before he knew them. There are women out there who just are not very nice to their step kids. Who don't and will never accept them.
All I wanted to do was vent cause of how my kids were treated by my exes wife and mother in law. At the funeral . They were told at the funeral they were not getting a dime or anything by the mother in law.
His kids should have been mentioned at the funeral along with his friends and co workers.

It's not sad, it's pathetic. I feel bad for your kids. I feel bad that they have to endure this life-lesson so early in age. Their dad was a loser hosebag. A dad who did not provide for them after he passed. Obviously dear dad had not too many balls. But I must say, given the relationship that you had w/ him before, is this really a surprise?

I am sorry this happened.

Just be there for your kids, and let them know that their future is theirs to create alone.

Don't dwell on the negative about their dad, they're going through enough pain in having lost their dad. Let the money stuff go, and urge them to hold onto the memories that they hold dear. Allowing them to wallow in sadness over the loss of $$ should be unacceptable. It definitely won't help them to learn to be responsible for their OWN happiness. But you can help instill a gift in your kids - self-reliance. It's not too late, IMHO.

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"The errors of faith are better than the best thoughts of unbelief." - Thomas Russell

rkk-

You do NOT have to explain yourself to those who are beating you up right now.
You came here looking for support, NOT asking for advice on how YOU need/should/could move on or anything for that matter. You came here looking for support and sharing with us something that is troubling you. Now here you are on the defensive for some people who very rarely, if ever, have anything good to say, but are quick to give unsolicited advice.

Don't let this BS of someone telling you that what you feel is just a "woe's me" story! They are the ones who obviously have a very poor self image and their life must be a constant state of "woe's me" for them to truly believe they can fix everyone around them, but they probably can't even get it right in their own life.

Your entire family has suffered a loss. Right now is not the time for anyone to be kicking you or questioning your family background or situation.

((((HUGS)))) to you and your family. I hope you all get through this eventually. I know it will be hard.

When my father died, I didn't get anything either. I was 20. He was married to his 3rd wife at the time (my Mom was his 2nd).

There was some things I wanted of his.. well just one thing.. a cabinet that belonged to his parents, he got when they died. I didn't get it. I didn't even ask for it. I let it go.

Your kids will be ok. It's just stuff. If he was still alive now, they wouldn't have the truck or money or whatever it is they wanted.

Don't let greed cover up grief.

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Susie, if that picture is of you, I have to tell you--you have the most beautiful, captivating eyes!!!

thanks,

Some do not seem to get it. It is not about the money. They are not dwelling on it.
It is just the mother in law came up to them at the FUNERAL and told them they are not getting anything. And told my son he is not geting the truck. His dads friend is. THAT right there shows me what kind of people they are. I mean to tell them AT the funeral is just WRONG. There was nothing in writing about the truck. I think the wife and mil did that on their own. They did not honor my exes wishes is what I think happened. They did what they wanted to do.
The things their dad told them before he died did not happen. Either he lied or the new wife and mil just did not honor his wishes. As for the life insurance, I was thinking maybe he did not know what was going on. They could have filled out the benificiary form , told him to sign it and he did without knowing what he did. He was VERY sick at the time it was changed. I am angry because of how my kids were treated in all this by the wife and mother in law. After all it was their dad. No matter how they were treated growing up. They still loved him.
There are all kinds of people in this world. I can not understand why some people do the things they do.
There are some very strange people out there. Who do wierd things.

Well thank you! *bats eyelashes*

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Support bacteria -- it's the only culture some people have!

If Vegetarians eat Vegetables. Do Humanitarians eat Humans?

'Vegetarian' is an old Native American word for bad hunter.

I'm sorry for your children. I really am because this must be distressing for them. However, I think you're letting your ex off too easy. You keep saying how gullible he was and that his wishes weren't honored, maybe they forced him to sign the insurance policy when he was too sick to comprehend it, etc., etc. I've never heard more hogwash and making excuses for him doesn't alter the facts. If he cared about his children and wanted them to have anything. he would have left it to them. If he was old enough to have children, he was old enough to have heard of a will. Since he didn't provide for them, he obviously wasn't concerned about them. It's no fun facing the fact but I don't think making up a litany of excuses for this man makes him less responsible for his actions (or lack of them). I imagine it's less painful to believe that your ex was a good and loving father who loved his children but was misled by these evil people but the fact remains, that provided for his new family and ignored his old one. To whom he left his money and property was his choice and he made it. He is the one who bears responsibility or any blame for it.

I absolutely agree that it is the father of the children who bears responsibility for his choices. It surely hurts to think that, but I don't think that the guy that you described as below is a gullible, shrinking violet that caved to the wishes of the new wife and in-laws.

"I did everything for him when we were married. I was just tired of being afraid. He had a bad temper. He would get mad at someone else take it out on me. He was always breaking things.
He got mad at me cause our daughter was born by c-section and he went home and destroyed all our wedding pictures cause he did not get to see her born the natural way. "

Money and property won't ease the pain of death or the bad behavior of the extended family. Really, it won't. It's probably best to chalk this up to a bad experience and try to remember the good times.

cj/

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I was walking home one night and a guy hammering on a roof called me a paranoid little weirdo. In morse code. -Emo Phillips

Here's a scenario for you...Let's say your husband dies first, and you collect the money. Will you give an equal share to the two children down the road in your will or will the child who is "only a step-child" be forgotten? My guess is that the latter happens all too frequently.

Rebecca

HUH???

When you post on a message board, you're automatically solicting opinions and advice so there's no such thing here as "unsolicited advice". If you're just looking for support, then you should post on a Support Board or at least, just say that all you want is support and please don't comment on the situation or all you want is support from people who agree with you and can relate to the way you think. Otherwise, you will get advice and differing opinions because this is what a forum like this one is for.

Who is beating her up, anyway? I only see posts that think she should just move on and let it go. They explained their views in a reasonable way. Since when does not agreeing with someone constitute "beating up"? There's not even a problem here, much less "beating up". ???

IMHO she is looking for support and empathy. I think some of the posts on her have been rather callous. I feel bad for the kids. Especially not being mentioned at the funeral. That would have been a choice of his current wife and that was cold and heartless. They will get over the financial loss much sooner than the emotional loss.
My ex husband had 6 siblings. His dad was known as the tightest man in town (about 28,000). I remember my sister in law saying she had to save her babysitting money to buy herself underwear when she was 12 or 13. Those kids suffered by his stinginess. Their mom died when my ex was 18 (before I knew him). The dad remarried later. He married a woman who was also a widow and was fairly well off (house paid for, pension, grown kids, etc...) and her kids also made fun of their step-dad being the tightest man in town, etc.... He died of prosate cancer and left the bulk of his esate (rumored at that time to be around a million) to his current wife who will then leave it to her children. My ex did get a small amount but was soooo hurt by this. Now the stepkids who made fun of how tight my exs dad was will end up with the money! I know that parents technically owe their children nothing financially but this was really a slap in their faces. I always feel bad about this for them. Oh yes, I remember another time he and his sons (all grown, my ex was the youngest) went on a fishing trip. They took his car but he made them all split the gas money and he was proud that he didn't charge them for a percentage of the oil, etc... That's tight!!!!

There is to many "what ifs" in that scenario to give an honest answer. As it stands now, if something were to happen to me, DH would get all the money, if something was to happen to DH, I would get all the money if something happens to both of us it goes to both kids equally, in trusteed to DH mother/ my mil.

__________________
Chicago Bears!!!!
We are the Bears Shufflin' Crew
Shufflin' on down, doin' it for you.
We're so bad we know we're good.
Blowin' your mind like we knew we would.
You know we're just struttin' for fun
Struttin' our stuff for everyone.
We're not here to start no trouble.
We're just here to do the Super Bowl Shuffle.

Hire a lawyer. Don't take anybody's word for it that there wasn't a will and that the kids were left nothing. Even wills are contested all the time. Seriously. . .talk to a lawyer.

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"No one believes more firmly than Comrade Napoleon that all animals are equal. He would be only too happy to let you make your decisions for yourselves. But sometimes you might make the wrong decisions, comrades, and then where should we be?"
- George Orwell Animal Farm

seriously? Is a monetary inheritance so important? The man didn't have a lot to do with them while he was alive--what would make them think he'd want them to have anything in death?? I honestly would move on...any sort of contestation is just going to make an already bad situation worse. Money isn't going to fix the damage these adult children may have in their life.

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Mental that one, I'm telling you. ---Ron Weasley, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"

pssssssst ....don't you think every remarried adult parent chooses to leave EVERYTHING to his/her adult children? With complete disregard to the second spouse? Awwww come on just when we were agreeing!

I'll be honest. . .I didn't read the whole thread. Just the part where the OP said that he said he was going to leave his son the truck and stuff. I would still want to know what the the deceased's wishes really were. It's not so much about the money as it is about that making sure the father's wishes were carried out. How would you feel if after you were dead that your wishes weren't carried out and that your children felt slighted if that wasn't really your intentions? I'm just saying to speak to a lawyer and make sure that what is being said isn't just what the step-mom is saying. Does that make sense?

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"No one believes more firmly than Comrade Napoleon that all animals are equal. He would be only too happy to let you make your decisions for yourselves. But sometimes you might make the wrong decisions, comrades, and then where should we be?"
- George Orwell Animal Farm

You should consider reading the op's entire comments. They are quite telling and give a clear picture of the money aspect currently being discussed.

As far as speaking to a lawyer, my guess is that won't go too far. The will (if there is one that a specific lawyer is to handle probate on) is no one's business until such time as it's submitted to the court. Once probated, in some states it becomes public record and then the greedlings can see for themselves.

Additionally, any lawyer should be responsible enough to follow the will and notify named heirs accordingly. Unless of course we can blame more hanky panky on the current wife and her mother.

dl

I think it's easy to transfer the sadness over the loss of the relationship to the *stuff* because it gives people something to focus on.

Obviously, the OP knows her ex wasn't a real prize. That's why he was the ex!

That doesn't change the fact that it's difficult to see your kids jilted - both financially and emotionally - by someone who should have been a great source of support. The truck was a representation of the dad at least extending *some* measure of blessing to his son once he died, and according to the new wife, that measure was revoked.

I do think hambirg has a good point. If in fact the father *didn't* change his mind, it would be a real shame if her son lived the rest of his life believing that his dad backed out on him. It would probably gratifying for him to know that, even if he didn't fight it in order to get the truck.

I've been in those exact shoes except it was my grandmother who died, and an uncle who had her estate changed from being in a will to being in a trust, and having himself in the position of trustee. Things that were supposed to come to me (that had been supposed to go to my dad, who is deceased)... none of them became ours. He gave everything to his own sons. Probably several hundred thousand dollars worth of assets... all to them. We were not mentioned at the funeral nor in the obit. They got a limo for themselves to ride to the cemetary and didn't even have enough chairs set up for us at the graveside. A number of people called us afterwards to express their sympathy and let us know they thought my uncle's family put on the tackiest show they'd ever seen in their lives. Admittedly, it was nice to be validated.

We knew she had had Alzheimers and so we didn't take what happened personally, but if we'd been led to believe she wanted us to have something and then were told she'd changed her mind, it would reflect on the memory of the relationship.

OP, I'm really sorry your kids were put in this position. I do think that in the long run, they'll do well to hold their heads high and decide to make their own fortunes without that old truck.

Like I said it was not about the money. Their dad told them things that they later found out were not true. He either lied to them or his wishes were not carried out. As for the life insurance. It was changed at a time he was VERY sick and on lots of pain medication. The truck was worth $25,000. It was given to a friend over his kids. If the wife had kept it, that would have been a whole different story. Would have been understandable. The main thing is that our kids felt as if they had never existed.
His wife, friends, and even his co workers were mentioned. But not his kids.
Especially our daughter wanted her dad to be a part of her life. She was always thinking about him. She was doing ok financially till she had a few health problems a couple years ago. He dad was a big fan of this one country music star. Our daughter knew it. About 5 years ago at her job she came into contact with this star. She told him what a big fan her dad was. This star gave her tickets and back stage passes for her and her dad to go.
When he met wife close to 3 years ago. Then married her a few months later. She rarely got to see him. The wife admitted he always talked about the concert our daughter got him tickets for.
And he really was very gullible. ANYONE could tell him a big wopper of a lie that could not possible be true and he would believe it. He would believe anything anyone told him. I was always having to explain things to him.
I think what they are hurting about is the fact there was no mention of them at the funeral.
They will probably not even get back pictures their dad had of them. The Wife will probably just trash them.
They would love to just have something to remember their dad by. But they have nothing but memories.
My daughter said they were told they were getting nothing at the funeral. She said she said nothing and just walked away. They did not want to make a scene.