I know all of us know at least one mom who has the worst kid that bullies everyone, but when confronted, that mother
just won't hear it. What do you do with that type of person? Are you that mom? What's going on? My kid has been teased by a younger, smaller kid who (apparently) bullies lots of people and then thinks no one will do anything because he's so small. My kid has warned him, next time ... Well, we teach our kids not to hit because they'll get in trouble for it, even if they're defending themselves, but are they just supposed to take it? And please don't tell me to let administration handle it, they just sit back and wait til it's too late. Ideas?

No, I don't think my kids are angels. Now, they don't go around bullying kids, but, they are respectful, courteous, polite, and most times thoughtful. I have been told this by neigbors, friends, and teachers. If someone says my child did something, I don't immediately take up my child's side, I get both sides, and we go from there.

Now, in the case of a bully, I would tell my child to let that kid have it. Sorry, I know that may not sound very nice, but, there is no way I would tell my child to just "take it". Up to a point, yes......"Johnny, just ignore him". But, if it keeps on , nope, all bets are off, go ahead and flatten him. We have told our children it is not so much the school's discipline they need to worry about, but ours. Not meaning "act an a$$ with no consequences". Here's a sort of example: DD said she didn't eat lunch the other day. She had b'fast at 6am, and nothing else until 5:45 PM after she done at practice. I asked her why??? She said the line was so long she would not have had time to get her food and eat it. She would have been late to her next class. I told her that next time she needs to stand in that line, and get her lunch, even if it is a sandwich that she brings to her next class. Any problems from the teacher, you tell them to call me, I'll be glad to come discuss it with them. There is no reason a child should be going without lunch. The school, as many are,, is SOOOOO overcrowded, it's not even funny.

I hope that helped a little......I kind of got off on a tangent.

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Doing the right thing isn't always the same as doing the easy thing.

I had to laugh no my son is NOT an angel. I'm not sure how to handle your problem I taught my son not to cause trouble but also not to run from it. He wouldn't start the fight but if someone messed with him he would finish it.

He also has the advantage that he is so big that kids ran to him for protection . . as far as I know all he had to do was say soemthing about leaving so and so alone and the person did.

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Weirdly enough, I never thought I'd be the parent who said "Go ahead, if you're being bullied (seriously threatened, hit, etc.) - you can get loud, get in their face, and even shove if you have to. Don't allow them to make you the victim..." But that's where we are.

My daughter, who is a brown belt in Tae Kwon Do, was being intimidated by a teeny little girl. She was afraid of getting into trouble, and has been told time and again by her TKD instructor not to "use" her skills on other kids, unless in self-defense. Since DD knew that this girl wasn't a serious threat to her, she didn't see it as *the time* to act.

Well, she had taken that to heart, and was doing NOTHING. School just tells kids to walk away, and that's great, if it works. But at this age (8 at the time), it wasn't doing anything in this situation, except making the antagonizing girl think she 'won.'

We said to get as loud as possible, and say, "Hey! You are making a MISTAKE if you try to hurt me!" and walk toward them (even right into their space). We told her we were pretty sure she wouldn't have to hit or be in a fight, that the instigator would realize that they now needed to find a new 'target' so to speak. But if punches were exchanged, we would understand, and she wouldn't be in trouble with us.

We role-played this several times at home. We were emphatic that she was not to start anything with anyone, and that this was only if the same girl kept needling her. She finally did have to stand her ground, and it worked. We've also told her that it is okay to stick up for someone else, if she can see that they are being picked on in a very mean way. Sadly, we've decided that sometimes you DO have to be able to do something besides the old 'walk away' (although I wish that DID do the trick more often). Sometimes, you have to be able to just stick up for yourself.

This is a VERY tricky issue, and as I said, I NEVER thought I'd see the day when we were giving one of our children this advice. But we did. And she hasn't had trouble since.

Good luck, OP, with however your situation goes. I hope it works out for your DS.

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"The errors of faith are better than the best thoughts of unbelief." - Thomas Russell

nope, DS#1 got punched for throwing ice at another kid, the school asked if I wanted to press charges and I'm like Why? he started it. I did request from both kids that it stopped then and there that they leave each other alone and both kids agreed and that was it.

DS#2 got bullied last year, the same day his guinea pig died, I called the school and told them the 6th grader <son was in 4th> shoved ds#2 down in a parking lot and cut his head open, and I had taken pictures if needed. The kid apoligized to me and ds#2 the next day on the way home from school so not sure what happened there. But I know Ds#2 wouldnt have bullied the other kid he's more on the wimpy side

Ds#3 is on wimpy side

DS#4 Ummmm after haveing 3 older brothers he bullies DS#3 so have to watch him, he's 3 right now and I told DH he's going to be the one kid that breaks a limb doing something. He stuck the chain of a keychain in a bottle cap the other day and got it stuck in there so i asked if he needed me to get it out and he told me "no i be right back" he came back with a screwdriver and got it out "It ok mom I got it out with screwdriver" and goes on his way

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No angels here.

My youngest ds is fairly aggressive. It's not so much that he's a bully, he doesn't like to start fights, but he way over-reacts to things other kids do. At school there hasn't been any problems. But at home he's one of the youngest and smallest in the neighborhood, and the other kids can be kinda rough. We've told him repeatedly that if there's a problem, come inside and let us know.

Over the summer Tyler (my ds) and another kid were swinging on the swing set next to each other. The other kid kept turning his swing to kick Tyler. Tyler finally got mad and instead of just moving away from him or coming in, he grabbed the back of the kid's shirt and pulled him off the swing.

About a year ago another kid behind us threw a rock at him and split his lip open. Instead of telling, Tyler just picked up the rock and chased the kid down, when he finally caught him he smacked him with the rock.

I have no problem with self-defense. Retaliation OTOH is unacceptable. We're trying to teach him the difference.

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Once the game is over, the king and the pawn go back in the same box.

Do you think your kid is an angel?

Nope. Neither one of my kids is an angel. But they are pretty darned good.

As for bullies with parents who won't acknowledge it....is it really any surprise? The apple usually doesn't fall too far from the tree.

cj/

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I was walking home one night and a guy hammering on a roof called me a paranoid little weirdo. In morse code. -Emo Phillips

My son has a T-shirt that says:

"Lead me not into temptation -- I can find it myself"

Guess that sums up what I think!!

Nope, no kid is an angel to me and the ones who DO think their kids are angels are *usually* the ones with meanest devilish kids.

Similar scene happened in a park near us to my friend. Boy starts picking a fight with her son. Mom gets in the boy's face , takes his pic with her camera and says "I'll find you mom" and the kid takes off. My friend is talking to the principal at their school, shows him the pic and he knows him. Turns out the bully gets beat up by his older brother (whose dad is in prison for abusing the older brother) so the younger one takes it out on other kids. Anyway, the cops somehow got involved and gave a "warning" to the kids mom.

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My three daughters all know Tae Kwon Do - not sure the training would actually kick in if they were confronted, but regardless, they have been trained in self defense.

My rule with my kids has always been not to hit - "BUT, if you are hit, hit back TEN TIMES HARDER". I will go to war for you if you were in fact defending yourself. I encourage my girls not to put up with anyone that tries to intimidate or bully them.... my girls are nice, nice girls. Not angels by any means. My teenager is another story. LOL Dealing with teenage boys is a whole different ballgame. Sometimes I feel sorry for her and other times, I really feel sorry for those around her.

I so agree with you there! I've even had one mom justify her bratty kid's behavior as being "age appropriate." Umm... even if the child is young, you should still train and reprimand, otherwise that 'age appropriate' behavior is going to end that kid up in juvenille hall one day.

My friends and I also have one mom that refuses to believe what anyone else says negative about her child. She will justify and defend this child's behavior; it is always someone else's fault according to her. And she wonders why her child's friends are disappearing. She thinks it's because little Suzie/Johnny is so 'godly'. (imho - when someone describes themselves as 'godly', it's means they're arrogant)

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Nope, none of my sons are angels either. DS#1 (age 18) doesn't get into trouble, is polite and respectful to others, makes good grades, is loved by everyone; however, cusses like a truckdriver-drives me bonkers! DS#2 is another kid loved by everyone-apparently he is so polite and wonderful---outside of the house. Inside, he loves to torment his two younger brothers and knows just how to push everyone's buttons. Thank goodness he is on the school baseball team and has a job-that does seem to take some of his energy. DS#3 is probably the most compassionate, however, he is pretty bossy. He is taller/bigger than most kids his age, so unfortunately, this is often mistaken for aggression. My youngest child, age six, is the one I thought was the sweetest. However, I just learned last night that he made fun of my friend's son on the playground the other day (my friend's son has a severe handicap). I felt horrible when she told me, but I'm glad she did. DS and I discussed it for quite a while-he had a lot of questions about the condition of my friend's son, and I answered them honestly. At the end, I asked him, "What do you need to do?" His little lip began to quiver, and he said, "I really need to apologize to those people."
I have been on both ends of the stick. The first end, knocking on the door, or making the phone call. I don't do it often, just when it gets past the point where the kids can't make it work. And when I get that phone call, or that knock on the door (and no, it doesn't happen THAT often), and they say, Hey, I'm here to talk to you about (insert name here), instead of being all defensive, I either say, "Hey what's going on?, or "Hey what's up?" I find that invites honest communication. And there are times when I have totally defended my kid, knowing that the perception was skewed. But I don't B*tch up about it. For instance-bus stop stories. Most of the parents around here leave before the bus comes-the kids go to the bus stop after the parents leave. Either I am at the bus stop, watching at the window, or sitting on the front porch. The kids like to play tag-they all play hard. DS #3 is bigger than the most kids, but those girls don't cut him any slack-they are probably tagging him harder than he does them. However, one mom, who has never been to the bus stop. decided to report DS #3 for slapping her daughter-during one of the tag games. Thankfully the bus driver saw through the situation, and DS did not get into trouble, and she sent the little girl down to her correct bus stop. So no, my kids aren't angels, but they are not exactly little heathens either.

Of course my son is an angel - his halo is held up by his horns!

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Mary

It's nice to hear how so many of you have empowered your kids to stand up for themselves. We had to do the same with DS. He has always been very, very thin, has very fair skin with freckles, bright red, curly hair and a very gentle, wimpy personality. Since we live in mostly Hispanic city, I knew if any kid would be the target for bullying, it would be him. As a red-head myself growing up in the same city, I had lots of experience with the red hair comments/teasing. So from the time he was very young, we taught him how to handle people's comments, teasing, etc. about his hair. And it worked - he never let the comments bother him and when he didn't react, the abusers stopped immediately as they didn't get the reaction they wanted. He's never had any problems at school, has lots of friends, and at 16, is now over 6ft tall!

Oh good grief no! I am the parent that when the school has to call for something I ask "what did **** do?" LOL
both of my boys know how to behave appropriately, but they are still children and do misbehave.

Both of the boys are big for their age (always have been). In kindergarten, oldest DS got in trouble for fighting at recess. When I got the whole story, DS had been taking up for one of his little buddies who was being picked on by 5th graders! And DS didn't really "fight"---he just shoved one 5th grader down and then sat on him until the playground teacher got there....We explained to DS that while we understood he was protecting his friend, there were better ways to handle it.

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Mental that one, I'm telling you. ---Ron Weasley, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"

Not one of my three children are angels. My dd is closer than her brothers though. LOL At our schools they make it very hard to defend yourself. They have a zero tolerance policy for fighting. So your child could be on the ground being beaten up and if he hits back he is just as guilty. I don't know what to tell my kids. I told my oldest (21 now) never to hit back and luckly the need to fight or defend himself never came up. I think zero tolerance for this is terrible.

So you know my neighbor lady ,huh?

She continually has complained about the 8 yr old boy down the block. Her own 6 yr old boy has turned into a real B R A T !!

I know the other child and I have never seen or heard him do half the stuff that her kid does.
I get so tired of hearing how bad the other kid is.

Some day I may tell her that her is no angel

I LOVE it!


My DS really is a sweet boy, but he gets in trouble for the stupidest stuff! Just yesterday I got a call from the principal that he splashed water all over the bathroom and had lunch detention. I have to say I thought that was a little extreme for a 1st grader and to not even give a warning or anything, but I thought I was being one of those parents who thinks their kid is an angel!

I do worry about him, a lot.

DD now she's an angel, but she' s young we still have time to sprout her horns.

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"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." ~ Bernard Meltzer

but my 7 year old daughter is darn close. She is the sweetest girl. The kind that always wants to please and if you look at her cross eyed she cries. I think she looks more like an Angel because my older son(11) is rotten to the core, LOL. Luckily he only gets into trouble at home. It is one of those "oh he is such a joy to have in class"type things and I just have to laugh(STINKER).

Do I think my kid is an angel??

I SURE DO!

My son is a Prince!

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I don't think my kids are angels I KNOW they are!!!!!!

DSS use to get teased and bullied all the time. It started about 4th grade and continued into middle school.....he is extremely short for his age in the 1% percentile and has but weight on during that time....so he would get bomb barded with insults, stuff taken from him, slapped in the head and this was happening daily. It came to to the point he was put on anti-depressants. His mom (bless her heart) fought will the administration, the bullies parents, teachers, bus drivers and so on to help with the problem. Everyone ignored it...... the parents didn't want to hear it, the teachers said they never say it, the administration kept blowing her off....and yet it kept on escalating. It all ended the last month of 7th grade, he was in gym getting teased once more and the bully pushed him down during basketball as he was spurting out insults......DSS stood up and and punched him in the nose and broke it. I am not one that condones violence, but he has been teased/bullied free for almost two years now (so it worked for him) and he hasn't grown any or lost any weight but no one will mess with him anymore.

I can't imagine what he most of gone thru everyday for those 4 years, and while violence shouldn't be the solution, I am glad he finally stood up for himself! And I still consider him an ANGEL, because it not in his nature to be aggressive but I think everyone has their boiling point and he had just hit his.

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Both my boys are good kids -- not angels, but they know how to behave and rarely get in trouble at school. My oldest DS will take thing up to a point and then he reacts. We were at Chick-fil-A one time and there were these two boys in the play area hitting, pushing and spitting. DS came out and told me about it and I told him to stay away from them. Well, my DS went back into the play area and tried to stay away from them, but they kept following him. DS ignored them for awhile, but they kept after him. Just when DS had enough and spit back at them, the mom of these kids came into the play area. She went bezerk on my DS. I had to pick up my son, kicking and screaming and carry him out of the play area (he was so upset because they lady was really in his face yelling at him before I could get to him). I was with a friend and she gave the lady an earfull about how HER kids were the ones that were spitting and hitting and pushing and my DS put up with it for a long time before he did anything back to them.

I felt just awful for my DS because that lady had no right to yell at him like she did. I knew exactly what had happened and did not get mad at DS at all. We just talked about what he should have done instead of spitting.

My kids know that they aren't supposed to hit, push, shove, etc., but that they do need to stand up for themselves. If only it were just that simple to 'walk away'.

Sarah...........

No offense, but I think I would have handled that situation differently. I wouldn't have let it get to the point where my son felt he had to spit on someone. Hitting or pushing might be one thing (which I would allow my child to handle himself depending on the severity and age of the children involved), but if the kids were spitting on my child..... I would have either found their parents and made them aware of their children's behavior (respectfully, but stern), or went to Chick-fil-A management and required that they handle it. I think that kind of behavior is extremely disrespectful. I am by no means a violent or aggressive person, but if someone spat on me, I'd crack their lip wide open..... the next time they'd spit, they'd be spitting blood!

.

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~~~MsMiser

No angels here, but they are great kids. About the bullying issue...teach your kids to verbally stand up for their friends and themselves. I think it is more about having self-confidence and close friends to support you than fighting back.

Rebecca