I have four kids from 15 to 3. there's times anymore i'd love to go hide somewhere. when they are home it's fight fight fight pick pick pick all the time. My oldest went to get his ROTC uniform for me so i can take it to the cleaners monday and be ready on Thursday, this is how he found his shirt <had the patch on shoulder but I took it off to save it>



SO I have to explain to his chief what happened and wonder how much it's going to cost me for the damaged shirt. pretty much anything important to me I have to lock up otherwise it's going to be ripped up, or taken. i had pictures of son in his uniform on my desk.... I found them ripped up

You may as well ask the wall who did stuff because you'll never get an honest answer around here about anything. You cant put the blame on someone because they all blame each other theres no way to figure it out.

I'd never really run off and leave them except maybe in a dream lol their my kids and I do love them, but geesh their driving me CRAZY!

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Yikes! If this happened at my house, and nobody would admit who did it, they would all get punished. I would take away any TV or video games or any "fun" stuff they like to do. They would eat their meals and then go right to their rooms where all toys and fun stuff had been removed. All the remaining kids would do chores around the house to "pay" for the damages.

Stuff like this has happened here, let me tell you what, once you put them all to work, the culprit will surface eventually.

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oh wow! my kids fight awful but have never actually damaged each other stuff. They have pick up each other stuff and acted like they were gonna threw it or whatever and break it but actually never did it.

steph

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At first I thought YOU had cut up the shirt!

Seriously, once you find out how much the replacement shirt will be, divide that amount by the kids and make them pay it back. If they get an allowance, withhold it until the shirt is paid for.

we've put them to work, and it doesnt work no one will admit to it
we've made them hug each other, for hours, it doesnt work


they dont have video games, they used to but that's all theyd talk about or want to do so the video games are locked up, I have my Wii but the controllers are locked up I saved and bought it for my christmas last year

Maybe I need Jo from Nanny 911 to come heheh

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I cut a little on it, I took the ROTC patch from the sleeve before it got messed up and had to replace it too, but the rest was one of them

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I would personally take them to Nevada and turn them in under the safe haven law.

Maybe a little more manual labor would work? I dunno....send them to the local stable to shovel manure or something they would find heinous.....LOL

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Well, I will apologize in advance if I offend....but there is no effin' way that something like this would happen in my house and ANYONE would get away with it. Quite frankly, I do not know how a child would have the idea that he/she could destroy something and life would just go on. Maybe I'm a Nazi mom or something, but that is vandalism in my book and would not be tolerated.

It would NOT be me explaining to the chief what happened, or me finding out how much it would cost to replace it or paying that cost. (Maybe that's part of the issue - don't bail them out!) That would fall squarely on the shoulders of the child in ROTC. See how that flies with the chief.

cj/

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I'm sorry that this happened, but maybe someday you'll laugh about this...although NOT funny right now. To me, it looks like the cut out is of the Pokemon character, Pikachu! Which kid in the house likes Pikachu? Most likely that's the one who did it! If my investigative senses are correct! ~Lisa

So the blame goes onto oldest because he went into his room to find his shirt cut up? so he should be in trouble with the chief because, he found his shirt that way? I'm not understanding sorry.

they've been cleaning and packing boxes since 7am this morning and we're not done yet so it's not like they laid around watching tv. there is nothing but big furniture and clothing in their rooms right now toys are gone except a few downstairs so they've not been playing either.

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LOL I saw Pikachu too! I thought it was just me.

And CJS....don't faint but I agree with you. There would be serious hell to pay if this kind of thing happened here. I've removed ALL toys/games/anything of fun from rooms at one time or another when some serious infraction happened.


I think what CJS was saying (correct me if I'm wrong) was that your oldest should have kept his uniform & shirt where it didn't have a chance to get ruined. Either hung up or in a safe place, especially if it didn't belong to him.

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Well,in my opinion, only the 3 year old could have done this and potentially not have know that it was not appropriate. For anyone over 3 years old, it is vandalism, plain and simple. It's not just the cut up shirt, but the cut up picture and that they aren't forthcoming about what happened. How hard is it to get a 3 year old to fess up? Or his brothers to be honest? So yeah, I see nothing wrong with putting the responsibility for the problem on the oldest as it will put some pressure on the situation. Perhaps the ROTC chief will be able to recommend something to restore some order to the household.....

Just my opinion...take it or leave it. And yes, Nanny 911 did come to mind when I first saw/read this.

cj/

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it was hung in his closet where his uniform always is unless it's at the cleaners or on him

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If I had to guess, I'd say it was the action of a very small person, maybe a three year old? Don't feel bad, my kids won't fess up either- they will go for days denying things.

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If it was my house, none of the kids would have t.v, phone, games or anything for entertainment until someone fessed up.I would give them extra stuff to do when they were home and they would have more homework added on from me too. bedtime would be lots earlier with no book to read and lights off too.someone would confess cause the others would be making it hard on them cause they were suffering cause of what they did. just wondering he the owner of the shirt has made one of the others mad recently,.
yep. nanny 911 would be a thought .

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You need to locate pikachu, where you find him, you'll find the culprit. I'm thinking it is one of your middle children since it would take some awesome scissor skills to cut a cartoon character out of fabric.

Rebecca

If you look at the shirt sideways, it looks like a sheep...

Wow, you must get some giant mothballs for those giant Pokemon loving giant moths. Not only did I see Pikachu, but is that not a Pokeball to his right? It looks like it's cut all the way through. Anyone running through your house with miniature pillows? A three year old can't cut like this (mine never could anyway). I don't know what ages your kids are, other than 3 and 15, but this looks like the work of a 7-9 year old. Does this narrow it down for you? I would be SOOO mad! It would take a lot of toilet scrubbing and vacuuming to pay off that debt!

OH MY GOSH!!!

I don't mean to offend , but there is NO way that any of our kids would ever have gotten away with this!

Aren't these the kids that ate your birthday treat. Do you always have problems with them?

Where is their father? Isn't he able to help you get to the bottom of this?

I am sorry, but it doesn't sound like they have respect for you.

Im thinking the same thing. Lying, eating your birthday treat, vandalism, why are you allowing this behavior? Who's the parent? You need to get a handle on these children right now or you and they are in for years of unhappiness. I'd line all four of them up and let them know that this garbage stops right now and we have new rules in effect. I wouldn't tolerate it for one minute longer. Judging by your posts, you're not in control of your household. You need to take control while you still can because if you wait too long, your children will be too far gone to ever listen to you. You'll be surprised how quickly that day arrives, too.

I know this is not funny, but ever since someone said it looks like Pikachu I just can't look at that shirt without laughing out loud. I even showed it to my son, without telling him what it was, and he said "That looks like Pikachu!"

It was me who first spotted Pikachu...gotta catch 'em all! Yes, I guess I have a really warped mind or just too much time on my hands. And when I saw the Pikachu character in I think Cuthie's post, I almost wet myself...too funny! ~Lisa

Wow! I'm sorry you are having such a hard time with your kids, but this really shocks me. I have four kids and I cannot even imagine anything close to that type of behavior.

I hope you can get some support to restore order in your home. If it were here, I would be on them like a ton of bricks every single day until they learned some respect and honesty.

I don't know what to tell you valorian except good luck. My two know there would be extreme consequences for something like this.
I agree that your son whose shirt this is needs to be the one to tell his chief. You should be there by his side though so you know what the chief says and to make sure your son follows through. It is a life lesson. We all need to learn how to take responsibilty for something that we borrow. It doesn't matter if he had nothing to do with the damages. He is ultimately responsible for the shirt.
If you find out which one did it before Thursday, make that child tell the chief.
I would ask the chief what he/she thinks is a good solution to this. Maybe he has some ideas so things get better at home.
Judy

heard from chief was resolved

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Is this shorthand or is there a real Indian Chief in this scenario? Did you ever find out who Zorro is? How did you handle it? Is it common to join ROTC as a teen? Sorry, I am just full of questions today.

Rebecca

His Senior Chief called me and it's resolved. Yes ROTC is offered here just like band, cheerleading. drama ect same for where we're moving to. He doesnt like sports but loved ROTC keeping his shoes shined, buckle and pins polished.

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I'm sorry you had to deal with this. I'm not trying to step on any toes, but sometimes coming down hard on the culprit defeats the purpose. Not that there shouldn't be consequences, but sometimes kids won't fess up because of fear of the consequences. You want to foster that intrinsic sense of right and wrong. You want the culprit to feel guilty that they destroyed somebody elses property. . .especially somebody that is in their family, on their team, so to speak. If this would have happened in my house, I would have sat them all down, held up the shirt, and showed my outrage that,"Anybody in our family could do this kind of thing to another member of our family is horrible! I don't care who did it. The fact that somebody could, makes me sick and makes me not want to be a part of this kind of family." Then I would tell them that I need to get away from this house for awhile because I am so disgusted. On my way out the door, I would say, "If and when I decide to come back. . .this house better be clean and there better be no fighting or anymore of this kind of behavior!" This lets the culprit somewhat off the hook, but still makes clear what the acceptable rules of behavior are. I've found when I do this kind of thing that my kids really come together after I leave. Guilt can be a beautiful thing; something I learned from my mom.



ETA: All kids seek parent approval, so sometimes the best punishment can just be to show how disappointed you are in the behavior.

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Well, Guess what's for dinner tonight kids? A big bowl of Woop #%@! Yep, I'd tear them up with misery. I can not imagine my kids being like that but I do have neighbor kids like that. I have a neighbor who is a great person but her two youngest kids I do not like in my house. They do bad things for negative attention. the littles last month took a whole jar of mustard and spread it all over the carpet, soda on the carpet and the middle one is usually the instigator but she thinks her kids are so sweet. I don't get it. They have come to my house and can destroy the kids bedrooms in minutes. She seems to think nothing of it. I am a stess case around them and if they were my children and I didn't have control of them, I would probably have severe hives that no medicine could touch. I am guessing that the three year old did that to the shirt. I sure hopt it was not the five year old or you might as well just take him right now to the juvenile detention center and save yourself years of frustration.

If we're taking guesses, my bets are on the 10 year old due to the hand-eye coordination it would have taken to cut Pikachu out of fabric.

Rebecca

Sweet. Problem solved. All's well that ends well, huh?

cj/

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Sounds like it!

Am I the the only one worried about the lack of control and respect these kids show her?

I am sorry for valorian and think she needs help teaching them who is the BOSS in their house.

I so have to disagree with this manner of dealing with it. Threatening to leave "If" you decide to come back? OMG! How traumatic that can be to a child. It leaves the kid with the impression that should they not behave correctly their parent could walk out and not come back....

I would explain that because big brother's shirt had gotten destroyed, that the family was going to have to buy a new one. I would explain that while I was terribly disappointed in the person who thought it was ok to destroy someone else's property, I would hope that whoever did it would take responsibility for it and apologize to their brother. Also, since we were going to have to not go to ______, or have pizza on Friday or whatever because that money was now going to have to go to getting a new shirt. I would also advise that whoever did this needed to take responsibility because now no one would be trusted with scissors (I would proceed to gather all the scissors).
If the youngest did this, I would think that it probably wasn't done out of malice--but more out of a 3 y/o not being supervised as closely as they might need to be. If it was one of the older kids---they know better, and did it out of meanness/malice, anger, or attention seeking behaviour. I think this incident is just a symptom of a much larger issue.

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What is wrong with me? I cannot stop looking at that shirt! I am completely amazed that a child could cut Pikachu out of fabric! I don't think I could have cut that out as well. I just have to know who did it and how old they are, and did they mean to cut out Pikachu or was it an accident that it looks like Pikachu? I am totally obsessed with this!

Yes. . .just like if you don't behave correctly you will lose your job. The boss isn't just going to take casual Fridays away. . .he or she is going to affect your life in a serious way.

Btw. . .my kids know I'm coming back because they know me. But they understand that I'm their parent, and that they need to respect what I do for them and they shouldn't take that for granted. That is what the issue seems to be here.

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As someone who lost a parent as a child, I have to agree with Marilyn on this. I have been laid off from a job before and it is nowhere near the same as my mom dying when I was 7. Adults think differently and we have the skills and coping mechanisms to deal with a loss of a job. Kids who lose parents are not equipped to deal with it the way adults are. I'm 38 years old now and I still cry about my mom sometimes. Losing her at a young age is, and will probably always be, the single most traumatic thing that I've ever experienced.

So, you're equating being a mom to being a boss? Unlike a boss, I love my children unconditionally and would not, in the heat of the moment give the impression that I was leaving them.
Sorry, I disagree with your methods....

I agree with what you are saying about respect and that is what the issue being. However, I do not agree with the manner in which you have proposed to gain that respect. I don't even have an issue w/ the statement of "I'm so angry/upset I need some time alone", it's just the "if".

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did anyone ever confess? find out which one did this? what happened????

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i see Pikachu and a pokie ball also...lol. how funny!

steph

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I am more concerned about the child that did this. They obviously knew which shirt to mangle, one that would cause more distress. I see some serious anger issues here.

My youngest was always destroying the stuff her older sister had...toys, posters on the wall, make up etc. She had some serious anger issues toward her sister which was plain jealousy. She has subsided now in doing that but it was very stressful to my oldest daughter. I know all about having to lock things up as that is what my oldest and I both had to do with our belongings. Might I suggest a lock on your sons closet or bedroom door while he is not in the room? Have a key for you and one for him. It might cut down on the mangling..

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I guess she really did run off!

LOL!!! And here I am, looking at that shirt, AGAIN! I will have to print out that picture and put it on my monitor so I don't have to come back to this thread every day!

Maybe someone just whacked the shirt with scissors and we see what we want to. Like the Ink Blot tests.
Rorschach inkblot test - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

With the way this thread went, I would have run off too! People can be so very judgemental. Sometimes kids do really stupid things- sounds like one of hers did. Did none of your (general) kids ever do something really stupid?

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Jackie

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Jackie Doo I agree with you, as we are all mothers none of us is perfect, none of our kids are total angels. Like my mom always said the apple does not fall far from the tree.Also never speak ill of someone else's child when it can happen to you right in your own back yard. I am not saying that doing that to the shirt was wrong but we have all been there, to me its not the far far from the worst thing a child could do. Peace. Catherine

Ever want to just run off?


Yes!!!! LOL

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