I am a stay at home mom-SAHM- and have been for years. I'm wondering if anyone besides myself feels like people that are not SAHM's have attitude when talking about SAHM's. Example- "this is my friend Joy, she doesn't work"...(snotty tone) OR my niece, who works outside of the home, told her kindergartner that 2 other little girls moms pick them up from school (instead of riding the Kindercare bus) because their moms don't work... I told her that those moms DO work and the difference between staying home or working away from home was getting a paycheck, and having cute clothes plus lunch with their girl friends and other adults on a daily basis
I become defensive about staying home, which is silly because I decided before having kids that I wanted to be at home while they were growing up...my personal choice, and yes, I understand it is a privledge.
My question is this, are other SAHM's feeling defensive or are my friends just rude? lol!
Also, do you working "outside of the home" girls feel resentful? be honest...not mean

P.S When I talk about my "career" girl friends, I don't spat it out that they work in a place away from home

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Love, J.

Yeah I get that too. I live in a neighborhood where both parents all work (and it is the cheapest subdivision in my town - starter community). DH and I decided when we were starting a family that as long as I could I would stay home and raise the kids. Well I do not have any friends in this neighborhood. I use to but when the last lady (besides me) went back to work (and her kids are still young and she said she had to go back to work) the whole community starting treating me like an outcast. The ones that I was friendly with now won't say hi or wave and we (our family) does not get invited to friendly events anymore (ones that we use to always get invited to). Only thing I can figure is it is because I am the only SAHM mom left in the neighborhood (well there are a few others but they were never friendly with any of these people to begin with).

I know how you feel when I do talk to these other moms (because our kids play together or are on the same football team) they always say things like "Welll I have to work all day then come home and get the kids ready for practice and rush around, must be nice to not have to worry about all that". Or I have a mom who is mad at me because I volunteer every week in my son's classes and I got picked to go on the field trip. She said "It is not any fair they should pick people who are not always in the class." Well Should I be excluded from field trips with my kids because I am able to volunteer once a week? I don't think so.
I know not everyone can stay home and it is a privilege and I do not rub it in anyone's face nor do I bring it up unless I am asked where I work. It just bothers me the way some people are rude about SAHM. I understand and totally can relate to you.

I work part time now, but when I was at home full-time, I didn't feel defensive, and honestly, I probably wouldn't have taken offense to what either your neice or your friend said.

I didn't work outside the home. I know what I did (do), and how important it was (is). I didn't feel the need to qualify it.

My schedule now is such that I can work around my kids' schedules to pick up from school when needed and to attend events, and I feel very fortunate.

I think this is the same old SAHM/WOHM thing that's always around. Personally, work, don't work, whatever is best for your family, no need to defend it, or feel defensive.

Your friends are being rude! j/k! Maybe my case is the exception rather than the rule but my group of friends is a mix of SAHMs and WOHMs and we all respect each other's choices when it comes to this decision. Many (most) of my friends have just recently re-entered the job market after many years of being SAHMs. In my world, it's not an issue.

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Cecilia

"We must love them both--those whose opinions we share and those whose opinions we reject. For both have labored in the search for truth, and both have helped us in the finding of it."
Saint Thomas Aquinas

Well, I've been on both sides of the fence. SAHM for 12 years, just went back to work last year as a teacher. While a SAHM, I kind of had the attitude that SAH was the only way. Now that I work full time, while I am so glad I had that time while my kids were young, I don't feel it is the ONLY way any more. I personally cannot see leaving babies and preschoolers in the care of someone else, but I see how others could.

I suppose we always try to make whatever we are doing at any given time, seem like it is the right thing ot do, whether it be staying home or working.

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Jackie

Music is what feelings sound like._ ~Author Unknown

Maybe no one's being rude. Maybe you're the one who feels resentful about staying at home--wishing you could have a paycheck, cute clothes and lunch with your girlfriends and other adults on a daily basis.

Sometimes, when we (the general "we") get offended one time about something, it's easier to become offended again about the same thing. You develop a little chip on your shoulder.

And before anyone gets their knickers in a knot---I've been on both sides of the fence: I stayed at home until my kids started school, then I went back to work. I currently work 40+ hours a week away from home, DH works from home. And FYI--working does provide a paycheck, but it doesn't provide just for cute clothes, and lunch out with the girls. The door swings both ways--I work, so that I can help provide my children with what they need, some of what they want and for personal satisfaction--Not just so I have a little extra money.

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Mental that one, I'm telling you. ---Ron Weasley, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"

I'm sorry you're feeling put out with people's comments. I can't imagine they mean anything bad by it. Perhaps you should find something you can say in reply to comments like that to ease your tension. Make a joke about it and try not to take it so seriously. I'm a SAHM and all the moms I know who work seem to be in awe of the SAHM's here. I can't go out with the girls without hearing about how they couldn't do what we do, how hard it must be, etc. That in mind, very nearly all of these women work because they want to, not out of economic need. I just pass it off as a choice we made, no new cars every year, etc, but I get to stay at home. I tend to respond to their comments by saying, "Yep, I have it hard. I played Legos all day today (or whatever)" Try a little humor instead of being resentful.

The only problem is that as a SAHM you become the go-to person. Your kids are sick and you have an important meeting? Call your SAHM friend. Class party, field trip, PTA anything. It all seems to fall to the SAHM because we "don't have anything else to do". Now that both my kiddos are in school (my DD is in preschool) all I get asked is "What do you do all day?"

I personally don't see how working moms do it all. I have all day to take care of my house, take care of my family. If I had to drop my kiddos at school, work all day, then pick them up, make dinner, make sure their homework was done, get them bathed and still clean house and find some time to myself I think I'd lose it.

Renee

I know how you feel sometimes. I hate checking the box that says "unemployed". I work very hard at home. "Unemployed" to me sounds like a loser that sits on their butt all day, eating bon bons (or Dibs), watching every soap operas.

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Calling a illegal alien an "undocumented immigrant" is like calling a drug dealer an "unlicensed pharmacist."

I find myself defensive but usually only with close friends or family. I work at home with my own business. The majority of it is done while the kids are at school. So, I do *have a job* other than being a SAHM although I DO consider myself a SAHM. Most moms I know are SAHM's and the fact that I any sort of work is sometimes look down upon (but I try to not let it bug me). I find the worst offenders to make me feel defensive are my the teachers at shcool. They (like others), don't view a business ran out of the home as a "job" and when they need help on field trips or in class and the times/dates don't work with my schedule, they just don't seem to understand why because "I'm home". I probably read more into it than I should (I am hoping). My kids like to stand up for me though. They say I have 2 jobs...being a mom and running my biz

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Proud to say I haven't shopped at a Wal-Mart since Sept 2003

I'm so happy to be a SAHM. It, to me, is hitting the lotto, I feel like I beat the system and figured out how to stay home with my kids, have summers free,never miss a field trip, join my dd for the school lunch adventure..etc So as far as a chip on my shoulder, um,DUH, are you kidding!?!
I never hear anyone say "damn, I wish I worked more hours and spent less time with the family"
I did not mean to imply that I would trade what I have everyday for any paycheck or pants suit, it's the green with envy people who come across like what I do with my days is less valuable than what they do.
I say "don't hate me because I'm living the dream"...
When asked what I "do" I say "I'm a trophy wife"

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Love, J.

Most of my friends and neighbors are either SAHM or WAHM. A lot of the parents at my kids school are the same way too. Those who do work outside the home mostly work for the school district, so they are home when their kids are off school or have some other kind of flexible job so that they can be home for their kids (real estate, home health, etc.).

I think it's a privlidge and a personal choice to stay at home. It was mine & DH's choice and I don't feel like I have to defend that. There is a lady in my nieghborhood who is a SAHM. Her youngest is in highschool. She gets lots of questions about what she does all day -- since her kids really don't need her there, to which she usually responds, "Whatever I feel like doing".

Sarah...........

My opinion on this is that it is more often than not the SAHM that has the issue. I have not known a single working mother over my 25+ years of working who has ever given any indication of looking down on SAHMs becasue they choose to stay-at-home. That's because, again in my opinion, working moms are either very comfortable in their skin and their role such that they appreciate and respect women's choices OR they wish they were able to stay-at-home themselves and so would not look down on it.

cj/

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I was walking home one night and a guy hammering on a roof called me a paranoid little weirdo. In morse code. -Emo Phillips

My, but you ARE defensive....
I just put out one theory.

By the way--you are awfully snotty about the career women. You presume that the only reason they work is for cute clothes(which one could infer to mean your clothes are not cute). You presume that career women spend less time with their children (which one could infer you spend too much time with your kids). You presume that all career women wear a pants suit!(some of us wear slacks or skirts or even dresses) You presume that all who think what you do is less important than what they do, are green with envy.(trust me, there may be some sparks of jealousy--but I think you do have a little jealousy) Lady, I've been where you are (a SAHM), so don't blast me for just throwing an idea out there.

And quite frankly, if I were less secure in the fact that I'm doing what's best for me and mine, I'd be offended. You've got your hackles up and have your feelings hurt. Get over it. As long you know what you are doing is the best for you and your children then who gives a flip what others think?

Oh, and I worked in childcare for several years prior to getting married/having kids--so I know the pros and cons of that as well.

Not one of us is better than the other! We all do what we do because it's what is right for our family. And until all women can accept all other women based on that--then there will continue to be this kind of crap going back and forth! Think of it like Tylenol vs. Motrin---Tylenol works better for some, Motrin works better for others. Sometimes, you even have to take the two in combination!

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Mental that one, I'm telling you. ---Ron Weasley, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"

Goodness gracious, did someone pee in your Wheaties? That's a rather harsh post, marilynk!

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I was walking home one night and a guy hammering on a roof called me a paranoid little weirdo. In morse code. -Emo Phillips

Nope, I'm in my usual state of good health and sunny disposition.

My post is harsh, but the OPs implying that the only difference between stay at home moms and moms who work outside of the home is the outside moms get to have cute clothes?

Everyone, once they get their feelings hurt, generally becomes just a little more defensive--and I think that's the case w/ the OP. I think that she can't see that the same thing she's complaining that other women do to her, is exactly what she's doing to other women. The OP made assumptions and statements about career women that are at best unfair, and at worst are wrong--the same exact thing that she's complaining women do to her.

Having been a stay at home mom the first 6 years of my kids' little lives--I loved that. Now that they require less maintenance and upkeep, per se, I love the decision that I made to go back to work. I don't envy anyone that has the ability, means or opportunity to continue being a SAHM. I think that is marvelous. Those women are doing what they feel is the best thing for their kids and their family as a whole. Who am I to say they are wrong? I do know how much work goes into to being a stay at home mom! My point is this--sometimes when we feel defensive or picked on, it's our own insecurities coming out. You start second-guessing yourself--It's human nature!

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Mental that one, I'm telling you. ---Ron Weasley, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"

My Mom is a Phd and worked all of her life, never really spending time with us, going to school functions, etc and when I had kids I knew this was NOT going to be how I raised my family. So for me it was how I was brought up that made me choose to stay at home when the kids were born. Sure I could go out and get a job, but why should I if we don't need the income and I am happy home?

I do feel very blessed to be able to stay at home and I do joke about having to get a "job" now that the kids are in school full time, but I am enjoying being home ALONE! My Mom needed work, she needed that adult interaction, the thinking, the stimulation, me I am a little more comfortable with myself. I volunteer which keeps me busy and in the loop, but that 's more at my leisure than a job would be.

I think no matter what you do or don't do, you have to be comfortable with you to be happy, kwim?

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"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." ~ Bernard Meltzer

God bless the SAH moms. Honestly, I think that you have a harder job then anyone..

To you and hashbug-it sounds like those people are jealous or just plain rude. I would guess they are secretly wishful. I have been on both sides of the fence also. If enough people make rude comments it's easy to get defensive. I don't blame you at all for feeling this way. My sister is that way about money-even though her net worth is probably 4 TIMES mine if I have something she doesn't-a bigger cable package for instance-she says things like I wish I could afford that. I finally got her to admit that she could but she doesn't want to pay more since she isn't home that much. It sounds like the same type of remarks being made and they really old really fast! Hang in there. Staying at home is awesome. You can't replace any of that time with your children!

I personally was a Sahm for a long time and only recently 8 years when back only parttine however, its all about personal choices and and financial choices, no one person, should pass judgement on a working mom or a stay at home mom. Also being a sahm is truly the hardest job in the world. You do whatever makes you and your family comfortable, do make other people make you feel bad at all. Thats just rude.. final note a man works from sun to sun a womens work is never done... Peace and feel better op... Catherine

When our daughter was little , I worked second shift and her dad worked first. sucked for us but was wonderful for her. she awas with one of the two of us all but one hr a day when she was with her aunt. she loved it cause she had mommie all to her self during the day and daddy's attention in the evenings. She was and still is a big daddys girl. I could have stayed home with her all the time but this way, she got undivided attenting from the both of us everyday and didnt have to share her time with me and her dad at the same time. when she started school, i changed jobs and took one that allowed me to be here with her before and after school. this worked best for all of us.

I have some sahm friends and it never bothered me that they didnt go out side of the home to work. there is one that bugs the crap outa me cause she has gained so much weight since she stopped working and now spends her days on the sofa eating mostly. her home is a mess and she expects her hubby to do alot of the house work when he is home and he works 2 jobs for her to stay at home. this is a big issue for me . drives me nuts to see him working 10 hr shifts 5 days a week and then 8 hrs each day on sat and sun and doing laungry on the weekends. she dont do squat!

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I stayed at home when the kids were little. I loved staying home. I did have to make some money though, so I babysat and a few other things. As they have gotten older, I started working at the school. This past summer was my first summer that I was off and didnt have to work anywhere. I loved it!!!!
I think my job now is a perfect compromise. I work 8:45-3:45 and I have school breaks off and the summer. I work as an aide in first grade. I don't feel resentful about the friends that I have that are SAHM's even though that would be my preference. I also dont think for a second that they dont work!!

Thank you all for the positive input. I'm always interested in other points of view that stay on topic. I love to hear from people who have something to contribute and not looking for a place to be aggressive.

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Love, J.

Thank you cjs216, I thought so too. I think some people just need to blow off steam, maybe this is the only place they can get away with it...who knows (sigh/yawn)
I feel another attack coming...move on

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Love, J.

I don't understand why SAHMs are so eager to claim that they "work." If being a SAHM is a job, then I guess I have two jobs, since I work at 40 hour week and then still do everything the SAHMs do.

IMO, which I've been flamed for expressing before, what SAHMs do isn't "work," it's the business of life that we all perform.

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Reading is Fundamental.

You have a point. I think we all agree, well, most of us..that being a mom is not for sissies!

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Love, J.

Oh good grief! Of course being a mom isn't for the weak at heart. I never said anything to the contrary.

What I said, and still stand by is that the very thing you were complaining about, you were doing. You made some pretty catty comments about career women.

That being said, no one can make you feel inferior but you. If you are secure in what you are doing, and in your beliefs, then who cares what anyone else thinks?

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Mental that one, I'm telling you. ---Ron Weasley, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"

Dang Girl, I wasn't even talking about you!
You are just not that important to me that my replys are directed at YOU-
And who said anything about feeling inferior-WTF??
Go find another place to grind your axe!!

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Love, J.

Well no one ever used to respect my choice but they sure do now after years of staying home my kids get meals from scratch alot & I get tons of cute clothes at garage sales super cheap thier halloween costumes were .50 I do work very pt & sale on ebay I use coupons & I am still here for my kids 24/7 & thats how we choose to live we are way better off than if I worked & my 2nd grader reads 2 yrs above her level & I know where my 13 yr old is at all times & she is an honor roll student & my 4yr old is doing super too almost reading

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mom of 3 greats girls

Thanks for the laugh!!! Good one!

I'm sorry. I inferred from several things that you posted that you were referring to me.

I do not have an axe to grind. You're the one who took my original post so personal. I just threw out one possibility. I'm sorry if that one possibility so offended your delicate sensibilities.

Again, you have control over what irritates you, makes you angry, etc. If you feel secure in what you are doing (staying at home, raising your family) then you shouldn't become as offended or defensive--and you've already said you love being a stay at home mom. So, why let what someone says get you upset? I'm just wondering?

However, I do not agree that being a stay at home is the most difficult job there is. To me, it was the easiest "job" I ever had, because every thing I did was for people I loved. I was paid in kisses, story time snuggles, hand drawn pictures, and I love yous. On many occasions I found my self wondering how I was so fortunate to not have to work. I guess, I just never perceived the things I did as a stay at home mom as "work". *shrug* that's just my opinion.

Now, I work and I still get to be a mom! How fantastic is that??

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Mental that one, I'm telling you. ---Ron Weasley, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"

Well, I've done both, and I can honestly say that both jobs are hard.

However, when I worked, I still had all the stuff to do at home when I finished my day job. I had no maid to wash clothes, clean the house, scrub the floors and do the spring cleaning. It was very hard to do everything that had to be done. Plus when you work, you have to come home, fix dinner, help the kids with homework, do baths and then do all the extra curricular activities that they're in. Then there's the grocery shopping that has to get done somehow, doctor appointments for children and mom. The list goes on and on. It's very hard to work outside the home and have children. Yet we see it all the time. No wonder we have so many stressed-out women!

On the other hand, it's hard to be a stay-at-home mom, but I think it's easier. Yes, you get to be with the kids all day but you have hardly any interaction with adults. I remember that being something I really missed. I missed going out to lunch with the girls and just being around adults. But being at home gave me time to do what I needed to get done around the home. I had time when the kids were taking naps to do housework. I could throw in a load of clothes while doing something in the kitchen. I could get a head start on dinner. If stay-at-home moms plan their day, they can get everything done and have time to relax in the evenings. The same cannot be said for working moms with a day job. If the kids are outside playing, you can do yard work outside. I remember enjoying taking my boys in their stroller out to the mall and getting a cookie. I couldn't have done that if I'd been working outside the home. I could take time during the day to read to them or play or go to the park or help at school when they got older. Working moms can't do that.

I think working moms do miss out on a lot by working; I think stay-at-home moms, if they're not careful, will fall into a routine where they get nothing done and feel overwhelmed and resentful.

So I think it's up to each woman to decide what they want to do. Some women don't like to be home all the time; some women do. Some women see taking care of their children as their main priority. Some women HAVE to work.

I think there will always be resentment on each side. I have a feeling a lot of women envy the stay-at-home mom and maybe that's the reason 'snide' remarks are made. OP, you shouldn't be offended because you're staying home with your kids. It's something that is right for you and you should stand up for yourself when someone makes a rude comment.

This is a great point.

I've had people tell me that I did nothing all day. I think that is why some of us SAHMs assert that we in fact, do work.

I have the utmost respect for moms employed outside the home. Like you state, you do indeed have two jobs. You juggle both, which must take even more skill, time, and patience.

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l/ l/ l/
Dont go through life,
GROW through life

Real eyes...realize...real lies.

Thank you for providing a near-perfect example of SAHM-itis.

I'm not convinced the cause-effect relationship is quite what you think it is. Shall we have all moms - working and SAH - weigh in with their children's academic achievements and accomplishments? That's a rhetorical question, by the way, but not a run-on sentence.

cj/

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I was walking home one night and a guy hammering on a roof called me a paranoid little weirdo. In morse code. -Emo Phillips

I often have been jealous of SAHM until this past summer when I was on medical leave and spent 6 weeks with a snotty 14 year old step son.

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Laura
Please visit my blog
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How funny,great point! I know my dh looks forward to going back to work on Mondays!
I always say being a SAHM is a glamourous job, but it's not for everyone!!

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Love, J.

<Insert creepy applauding hands here.> You nailed it. The notion that SAHMs are the only ones getting good deals, making home-made meals or raising smart and good kids is ridiculous, insulting and naive. Not all of us have to be at home all day long to accomplish those worthwhile goals.

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Reading is Fundamental.

I've been a SAHM for 11 years. I don't really care what anyone calls it. LOL I*MY*HO, it is best for the kids if someone can stay home. But I can certainly understand the other side of the coin. We could definately use more income and I am doing what I can to bring some in while still being at home, but if I absolutely needed to go and get a job outside the home, I would.

As far as SAHM vs. Working mother and their children...I know plenty of well-behaved, straight-A kids whose parents both work.

peapie

I currently work, used to be a SAHM, so I feel like I can see a little bit of both sides.

If what a SAHM does isn't work then why do we pay people to watch little kids, clean houses or do laundry? Before I got married, I worked in a daycare and I got paid for it. I got to go home after 8 or 9 hours. Being my three kids full-time mom for 15 years was work! (especially my oldest son, but that's another story )

Anyway, I went back to work(out of the house, that is, for an organization that pays me real money) and I am thrilled that now my husband does about 50% of the housework. I cook and shop and he cleans. Such a deal! and I remember the storytime cuddles and hand drawn pictures, but I also remember the mountains of diapers and whining four year olds and just wishing I could take a nap!

SAHM, and working -- I think both are jobs, and both are hard. And -- rewarding, but in different ways. I just want to enjoy the place I am right now -- I spent a lot of my SAHM years feeing inferior to other people. Well, no more!

I sure hope your daycare provider worked for free from 7:30 - 5:30 for you then, since she obviously wasn't doing anything but going about the business of life all day.

Only an ignorant person would honestly believe that a SAHM )or even a stay at home non-Mom) does not work. Magic elves do not come around and take care of the responsibilities and when you are a SAHM you get NO breaks, NO lunch hours (ha you are lucky to be able to slurp up the droppings from the baby food IF you have the energy), and there is NO going home away from the work. Although children are a blessing (and you are not actually allowed to drug or knock them out) there is no vacation.
I was in my thirties when I had the revelation I called my Mom and said "Mom I just realized that family vacations were no vacation for you. You had to take care of your husband and your four kids and do EVERYTHING you do at home--cooking.laundry, etc--without the conveniences of home. It would've been better if we all left and you had your own home to yourself"
She was quiet for a moment and said "you know I never really did like all those vacations that much".
Poor Mom!

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The political system is broke and it's a joke.

I think this all really depends on your situation. I've been a WAHM for most of my 'mommy career', but when I was first at home and a new mom, money was tight. It was that way for the first four or five years I was home - until I started working from home. We didn't have much debt at all, but also didn't have a huge income. Economizing is what allowed me to stay home, so for me it wasn't some *gift* or *privlidge* that came without some level of personal sacrifice.

In other words... I worked.

We rarely ate out and I cooked most everything from scratch. I washed cloth diapers. I gardened and froze a lot of food for the winter. I *was* the car wash in the driveway. Lawn service? No thank you, I'll cut my own third-acre lot and put the fertilizer on myself. When we renovated our very old home I got a sledgehammer and knocked out walls. We drywalled. We taped. We painted. We laid carpet.

I did a lot of jobs on behalf of our family that my working counterparts paid to have done on their behalf. I don't say that out of a sense of martyrdom at all - it was just our reality. If I was going to stay home, I was going to have to make considerable effort to keep us from needing to spend money on things some people consider commonplace. That cut down on the time I might've had for all the snuggling on the couch reading storybooks for hours on end that I sometimes hear SAHM's say takes place in their homes.

Once I started earning money from home - and DH began to make more than he initially had - that belt wasn't so tight. The kids were in school and DH and I could go out for lunch and it didn't put a terrible dent in our budget. I have a contractor coming tomorrow to do a home renovation project that ten years ago I would have done myself. But now because I work, I just don't have time. I do have the money to pay him, though!

Defintely, for me, the trade-off of not going outside the home to earn an income was that I had to serve as the cheif 'loss prevention agent' for our bank account... and that took a lot of *work*.

I personally think being a Sahm is so much harder, especially when they were little ones , there was constant 24/7 taking care of them, along with cleaning , cooking and when they were sick and all at the same time omg those times were hard. For moms that have to do both I give them 100 percent credit. First you must get up real early and work 8 or 10 hours aday and then have to come home to perhaps. homework, sick kids, dinner, laundry cleaning its goes on and on. NOw I do know some moms who do prefer to work not for the money only they like be outside of the home and they like having extra money to spend. Again its always a personal choice all around. Peace.. Catherine

Yep, that's the kind of response I would have expected, especially from you.

There are all kinds of things that I could pay someone else to do that I would consider "life" if I did them myself. Car washing, gardening, sewing a hem, nail polishing, drying my hair, having sex . . . obviously, YMMV.

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Reading is Fundamental.

Interesting how there is so much passion behind this subject. If you are replying to this thread then you must be a mom, so we all know that everything you have, everything, goes into that.
Let's support each other and respect the job we all share. It's really not that hard to toss a little kindness out there, I know I can use a shot of it myself from time to time!

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Love, J.

I have never really understood why some can't have passion yet not reduce themselves to personal attacks.....

cj/

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I was walking home one night and a guy hammering on a roof called me a paranoid little weirdo. In morse code. -Emo Phillips

It's mostly about that new nasty four letter word "busy".

It has become a contest for people to tell each other how busy they are. As if there is somehow, more worthiness in exclaiming how busy one is, and yet how one can accomplish everything and yet in such a stellar way. I think busy has replaced keeping up with the Smith's material goods. It's the new wave of one-upping each other.

I have a relative who cannot say 2 sentences without going on about how busy he/they are. For years! I hear it every day from friends and aquaintenances and I see it as more of an excuse for why people conduct themselves the way they do. Once we stop trying to one up each other, maybe we can all value each other more.

dl

SAHM's have the luxury of spreading their work out over the course of an entire day. Working moms must cram all that same work into the evenings and weekends.

OTOH, SAHM's often, not always, are making huge sacrifices to stay home. Usually financial sacrifices. No big yearly trips, no dinners out, no nice clothes. This was how it was for me. Finances were extrememly tight. Now that I'm working, I've got lots of wiggle room in the financial department.

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Jackie

Music is what feelings sound like._ ~Author Unknown

Wait a minute -- you started this thread by accusing working mothers of having an attitude towards SAHMs. Isn't it a little late to talk about mutual support and respect when you began the thread slamming working mothers?

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Reading is Fundamental.

The daycare provider's "business of life" would be to secure daycare for her own kids, clean her own house, and pay her own bills. I agree that being a SAHM is not "work". When someone asks another person if they work, they generally want to know if they provide income.

Rebecca

I would have to disagree with that, to an extent. If I were working a full-time job outside the home (or at home) I would expect my husband to split the household duties with me. Since I am a SAHM, I take on all the household duties (except the lawns). Plus, I do a lot of volunteer work, which I wouldn't be able to do if I had a full-time job. So I have a lot of unpaid jobs and they are work.

peapie

Slamming working mothers? Is that really what I said...Jeez,come on.
I was asking if other SAHM ever get offended when they are referred to as "not having a job" or "she doesn't work"
What is your story? Why the attack on me and other posters during this thread? Isn't that really what this chat board is all about, other people sharing their experiances in a related setting??
I just don't get the personal attacks......
I'm feeling that the career moms. over all, are more sensitive than the SAHM's, more defensive for sure.

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Love, J.

Now wait a minute....I resemble that statement. I think the key here is to realize that everyone is different and to try not to make sweeping generalizations. There are uber-sensitive SAHMs, defensive working moms, lazy ass workerse, go-get-em SAHMs, etc. That's what makes the world go round. Make your choice and be your darned best at it! Change your mind, and be your darned best at the other.

I do think that a working mom tends to be better at getting more done in less time and/or juggling more competing priorities. She simply has to. As to the husbands of working moms picking up 50% of the load, I think you'll find that's by and large not true....many surveys have shown that out time and again. Would be nice though. So, most working moms really are doing two jobs....but they sub-contract some aspects of it. If you think sub-contracting these services is easy, think again. If you think getting young children off to daycare and communicating well with the provider at the beginning and end of the day and handling emergencies doesn't take time or is somehow free, think again. These things all take care and effort on top of the work day. (But I wouldn't trade it for a minute)

For me, the hardest part of being a SAHM would not be the at-the-moment financial crunch, but would be living with the fear that if something went wrong, I might not be prepared to take care of my family. That would really bother me....but I'm a control freak. I am always curious if a SAHM would truly choose to be a SAHM if it meant leaving a six-figure income?

cj/

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I was walking home one night and a guy hammering on a roof called me a paranoid little weirdo. In morse code. -Emo Phillips

For me, when they were little, the hardest part was the fact that there was really no respite and no alone time. I loved 'em, but sometimes I just wanted to sit in silence... and there was rarely opportunity for that! lol

We carry life insurance on both my husband and me. There is more on him since he is the primary provider. When we figured out how much insurance I should carry, we based it on the amount a daycare provider would cost for 40 hours/week for the years we would have a child at home full-time, and 10 hours/week for school-aged kids until they would be old enough to stay home. We also accounted for extra services my husband might want to enlist were I not around - including the fact that they'd probably eat out more if I wasn't around to cook.

I didn't give up a huge income when I stayed home - I hadn't made all that much while working as a teacher! We had put most of my income towards our home and vehicles during the years that I worked prior to having kids, so for us it wasn't as though we were really living on that much less. Still, add in diapers and co-pays on well baby checks to the budget and things did get tighter than they were prior to my quitting.

I'm glad I did it... but they were some of the most overwhelming years of my life! lol

I guess I would call myself an unappologetic SAHM. I like my life. My house insn't neater than anyone elses, my kids aren't smarter and I don't care. I like going where and when I want to. I am happy. If I want to go out and have lunch with the girls I do and If I want to go shopping I do. Staying at home is a luxury I enjoy. I do feel I have more time to hunt for bargains and find the deals. That is my contribution and I find it recreational. It may help that I live in an area where a large number of moms sre Sahms and a few dads stay at home too. I find that anyone who has a problem with it is usually because they really are jealous or filled with doubt about their choices. That I consider their problem not mine. Why do we women have to get so competetive about everything. I made my choices and working moms have made theirs. We should support each others choices.


I will say I do get annoyed when a working mom thinks I should do something for them or take care of their kids because they have to work. They made their decision and have to deal with it. Its not my problem that you don't know what to do with your kids. I just don't care how busy you are. You work. Hire a sitter. Get over yourself and enjoy life.

Maybe, I don't know, your explanation to your niece's child that the difference between working women and SAHM was that they got to wear cute clothes and go out to lunch w/ their girlfriends left a little of a bad taste in people's mouths. Or, maybe it was stating that people were envious of you. Or maybe it was the whole pants suit comment. Or the insinuation that working women had some sort of negative attitude toward SAHM. Because it's a message board it's hard to discern your tone, inflection and body language. I'm just putting that thought out there. I don't know if that's what truble's talking about or not.

Personally--I don't care whether you stay at home, work in an office, are a waitress, or whatever, as long as you are content that you are doing what is best for yourself and your family. Makes not a bit of difference to me.
I loved being a stay at home mom. I love working. I have days when I cringe at the thought of being a SAHM, and I have days when I loathe going to my office. But, in the long run, I'm doing what is best and taking care of my kids. My kids go to school in clean clothes--not always matched because they dress themselves. Faces clean, teeth brushed--hair not always combed because, well, that's not a battle I am willing to fight. I volunteer as much as possible at their school. For the most part they are happy and healthy....and so am I!

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Mental that one, I'm telling you. ---Ron Weasley, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"

Cool, the "ignore" list works! Great tool!
It's like gettin' that pebble out of your shoe!
If your trying to get to me marilynk...I can't see you and I LIKE it!

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Love, J.

Okey dokey then. And you know, I use the ignore feature too. But I usually give people more than one chance to be the pebble in my shoe. It takes several different topics and threads before I make a judgment call that anything and everything they post is going to irritate me. Because we are all different and have different opinions. I may disagree with you on one subject but be your biggest support on another....

oh well....

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Mental that one, I'm telling you. ---Ron Weasley, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"

Wowitsdark - I guess I was thinking that the something could happen includes not only death, but loss of the single income or divorce, etc. Life insurance doesn't cover those.....

cj/

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I was walking home one night and a guy hammering on a roof called me a paranoid little weirdo. In morse code. -Emo Phillips

Good point. You have to have a back up plan. It is easy to fall out of the loop and find yourself, years later, not marketable.
Sad but true, money very much matters.

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Love, J.

I wish I could stay at home. I would love not having to leave the house and being able to tend to all the things I want to do at home.

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The political system is broke and it's a joke.

closed thread...post limit reached

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