Background . . . My kids are 8 and 10 years old . . . we do not even get videos games that are not "E" for everyone, I have parental controls on the computer and the TV. They watch cartoons and still believe in Santa and save their teeth for the Easter bunny. We have lived here since they were born and I know every kid that they play with after school and good or bad all the kids on our block are younger than my kids, no older brothers or cousins, nada . . .

This morning & out of the blue my hubby starts asking my 8 year old if he knew where babies came from. I told hubby, not now, we have to get ready for school but hubby just keeps asking my 8 year old about how the babies get in the mommies tummy. Not my 8 year old asking dad, Dad asking the 8 year old about this . . . Then hubby says the mommy and the daddy get together, you know I mean and he says no and my hubby says it means they have sex. I have to leave the room and I was ready to throw up . . . I told him again that we don't have time for this now . . we have to eat breakfast, get their shoes on and brush their teeth and get to school . .
but now he now calls downstairs our 10 year old and starts again . . . same questions but more like "come on you already knew about this right" and "come on, don't the kids at school talk about this" . . .
I started getting hot flashes and was about to start crying and left the house to get some 'air' I really think I was in "total shock". I asked him to stop and he just kept going with the 'talk' but I was so flustered I never heard anything except "this is just between me and you , okay" . . . which I didn't understand . . .

Fast Forward - kids go to school - my hubbies all why are you so mad . . . I said because Nicky is 8 years old and he said well I had sex at 13 so whats the big deal . . ." I said 5 years . . . Your an IDIOT"

My kids are both in elementary school and I'm not dumb and I know kids talk but the kids I knew in 4th grade where not talking about sex, jr high, maybe, but not 4th grade, & I know Jr High is coming but not for quite a few years. My kids are in 4th and 5th grade.

What is your opinion?

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Mommy to three wonderful boys, Justin (11), Nicholas (9) and Scottie (8)

A little more :

What's in your opinion of hubby telling an 8 year old kid about having sex?

What's your opinion of having this talk at 7:30am when mom is trying to get luches made, backpackes filled, shoes on, teeth brushed, breakfast eaten?

Is hubby an IDIOT?

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Mommy to three wonderful boys, Justin (11), Nicholas (9) and Scottie (8)

Well.....
while I don't know what possessed your DH to bring the subject up (that might be something you want to talk to him about), I do think your reaction was completely out of proportion to the situation.

My kids are 8 and 10. If they ask, I'll tell. If DH wants to have "that" talk w/ them, more power to him!

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Mental that one, I'm telling you. ---Ron Weasley, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"

Sorry to tell you this, however, there are a few 4th graders talking about sex and even more 5th graders talking about it. You've got to remember there's 4th grade girls starting their periods and 4th grade is the school growing up film for girls, 5th grade for boys. While that's not sex talk, it's still there.
I will agree that your hubby did not choose the ideal time for this talk. I think that sometime after school would have been more appropriate. You're talking about 2 boys? And, yes, you overreacted.

Thanks for your reply . .

But they did not ask . . . that is why I am so mad . . .

My kids didn't ask, my hubby just decided to tell them and before school at "crunch time' for me.

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Mommy to three wonderful boys, Justin (11), Nicholas (9) and Scottie (8)

Wanting to throw up, getting hot flashes, and having to go outside for air....seems like a rather extreme reaction. Is there more to this story???

cj/

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I was walking home one night and a guy hammering on a roof called me a paranoid little weirdo. In morse code. -Emo Phillips

My kids are 7 &9 and they have known about "sex" for quite some time. It may have been the wrong time for hubby to start the discussion but IMO, it's WAY overdue for a 10 year old especially. There is nothing wrong with your kids knowing what sex is. Do they need the dirty details? No but they need proper information. Perhaps if you hubby had the proper info, he wouldn't have had sex at 13???? Maybe he's thinking if he had a talk with his dad at your son's ages, he would have made different choices? Just a thought.

In any case, I think your reaction was a bit over the top but I know women who would have the same reaction. Women who can't say "penis" without blushing or thinking it's dirty. I just wonder why you are so opposed to the sex talk coming up. It doesn't matter if the kids ask or if you volunteer...it's the communication that matters. Most dads avoid the subject so I gotta give kudos to your DH for bringing it up

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I think it's a strange thing for a parent to bring up while trying rush around in the morning. I find your reaction even stranger though, it's sounds like a full blown panic attack.

My boys are 8 and 11. My oldest pretty much knows all the details, my 8 yr old knows most of them. We never had a big "sex talk" with them. They've picked up info along the way. We've always answered their questions honestly. Early on the answers were very, very basic and we expanded on that as they've gotten older.

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Once the game is over, the king and the pawn go back in the same box.

No, that was my reaction to hubby telling them at such a young age about sex . . . I really don't think they are old enough for that info about sex . . . they were not even asking . . .

I guess I kept asking him to stop and continue later because I had to get them to school so i guess I was really upset. It's been about 12 hours and I can tell my heart is still throbbing . . . I was very upset, thinking about it all day.

If they asked I would tell (after school) . . . again, they didn't ask, hubby just decided to tell (without talking to me). . .

And we made such a big deal out of getting the 10 year old deodorant last week that telling him was a big boy and we did it together . . . and funny sex never came up but deodorant did as a big stage of life.

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Mommy to three wonderful boys, Justin (11), Nicholas (9) and Scottie (8)

While my kids are older, 17 and 14, they have known about the "details" of sex for a very long time. We have never kept anything from them nor have we tried to keep them from things.

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Not being mean but if this makes you want t o throw up and hot flash wait until they're teens.

Hubby has bad timing. This is a topic that is eased into, gradually. not SPRUNG on kids during a busy time of day. I would have shot my dh.

Yes, he acted as an idiot.

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Jackie

Music is what feelings sound like._ ~Author Unknown

he probably had been thinking about having the talk and maybe just jumped in before he could change his mine?Yeah men are idiots.

His timing was bad, and the fact that he hadn't said anything about the topic to you was bad.

I don't think 8 and 10 are too young. They may actually be at the best age, depending on your agenda.

The value system we're instilling in our kids holds that sex is for married people, and we've never refrained from talking about sex - and in fact my DH told our kids about how babies were made when they were around 5/6. He didn't get into the emotions surrounding the act at all - just explained that when people are grown up and married and love each other that it's what they do sometimes, and it's how babies start to grow. Very scientific, but told with the intent of instilling in their minds that it's a 'married people' thing and not a 'whenever you feel ready' kind of a thing. They know some people participate in sex who *aren't* married and that that can also create babies, but that we think it's best to keep that part of their lives as something reserved for the person they'll one day marry.

Did your DH tell the kids it's something he was doing at the ripe age of 13? That would've sent me out to get some air - lol!

I just have to ask..why do you save their teeth for the easter bunny?

Me and my dh explained everyting to each one when they were 7 not too grafic , but we both wanted them all to know the facts from us and not from their friends.... Again jsut the basic's and honestly they asked some questions and we explained it how a baby is made., Made from love with a mommy and daddy .... hth... Now that they are older and we talk about it they laugh . For me I found out at 12 from friends at school and was so horrified and scared and truly did believe eggs were delivered and that babies just fell out of your stomach. WHen I found out from my friends I said no way does my parents too that and no way will I ever have a baby. Yeah right,, Good topic and very important especially these days.... peace... CAtherine

I think your kids were more than ready for at least some of this talk at the ages of 8 and 10, and waiting for them to ask shouldn't be part of the criteria for starting the sex discussions.

I do NOT think that any parent should be waiting for a kid to "ask" about sex. What if your kid is getting false information from a friend at school, so doesn't bother asking? I would never consider waiting for kids to come to me. I want them to have the facts before they're asking, because I'm afraid of who else is providing answers...

However, your DH sounds like he was really off-base! Why initiate a discussion with kids who are preoccupied and rushing to school? Why continue to talk once he was getting the signals from you? I wouldn't have wanted my kids to go off to school after that terse explanation provided by your DH. Due to the timing and the choice of words, I can see why you were upset!

But I do think it's time to have more than one conversation about sex, and to make sure that the timing of your discussions are better suited to allow for some reactions and/or questions from your kids.

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"The errors of faith are better than the best thoughts of unbelief." - Thomas Russell

My daughter who is 21 now came home from school when she was 6 years old and said, Hey Mom, I know what S. E. X is. Hubby ran to the bedroom with his tail between his legs & stayed there for hours. leaving me to explain the birds & bees to her. I also explained to my daughter when she was 8 that she could get her period early. It's not uncommon for 9 years to get their period nowadays.

I agree with others your kids are at the age where they need to have the talk at their level..... especially the 10 year old his body will soon be changing if NOT already and needs to be explained what is going on with his body. My son was 10 when he hit puberty. When he was about 7 years he got excited playing Nintendo & discovered something in his pants. Dear old Dad ran out of the room again & left me to explain it to him. Never be embarrass to explain things to your kids they will sence it and will feel like they can't come to you.

I think your husband was wrong to go off on his own and explained it to them. A short conversation just don't cut it. If it was my Hubble I would be tick but would want to know why he felt the urgency.

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Not knowing the personality of your husband it does seem like he jumped the gun. If you told him that now wasn't a good time it was rather disrespectful of him to ignore that and continue on. It's not like they had to know at that moment! The 10 year old should definitely have at least some information. They really talk about it early at school these days. When my 17 yr old was in 5th grade he came home from school one day and told me how their teacher (male) explained to them that they would be able to control their erections better as they get older! I guess this was part of a sex ed type talk. So your ten yr old should have a good basic knowledge. The 8 year old should have a little bit and it can be added to as time goes on. The most important thing though is to have good communication so they won't be afraid to ask you anything. Good luck with your husband! For what it's worth, I don't think you overreacted.

You beat me to it, was going to ask the same thing Why the Easter Bunny

Any hoot,
I have never waited for my kids to come to me. I don't ever want them to hear it from a school friend, But Rather from us, this way they get the "Right" answers rather than what a 8-9 or even 12 year tells them. My kids that are still living at home are 12,9,8, and 6. The 12 and 9 year old Know everything there's to know, The 8 yo is autistic so he doesn't know and the 6 yo thinks (since I have C-sections scars from my belly button down ) that this is the way babies get here.

My 12 yo was in a all girls classroom in the 4th and 5th grade and they did 'role" playing and show tapes on the subject, But she already knew most of it anyways.

I think a parent owes the sex talk to their children no matter what ,if they ask tell them. If they dont ask you still need to tell them ( Of course , this is given the child is at least 8 years old, but if your child can handle the "truth" at a earlier age then you should talk to him or her ) You would be very very suprise to learn what kids are doing at age 8 !...

You are right about the timing being way off and kind of werid that out of the blue he would bring it up. However, I have always talked to my kids about everything. My 12 yr old son has heard the condom speech so many time I think he will be afraid to have sex with his own wife w/o using one...lol. Not that I condone teenagers having sex I just make sure both of my kids know what a condom is and how to use one. I think its irresponsible to think that all teenagers will wait til adulthood or marriage, so if i prepare my kids atleast they will have the tools to make the correct decision. I think it is a good idea to get the lines of communication open now and be able to tell your morals regarding sex because they will learn it from others. I am actually surprised they havent heard other kids talking about it before now. Maybe sometime this weekend both you and your husband can sit down and explain and see if they have any questions.

steph

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Steph - you said exactly what I was going to say.

While I hope my 17 year old ds would wait a while, real world is that that probably isn't going to happen. I give the condom speech when ever I can too (Just the other day while I was making breakfast.. hey, he brought it up). I think it is really important for him to know the facts not only to prevent pregnancy, but also to protect himself against STDs.

Our best communication has come up in casual conversation instead of big "Talks". I find if I didn't get all flustered and embarrassed when they asked questions and just answered honestly (age appropriate of course), that they came back with more questions. I rather they get the facts from us instead of misinformation from friends.

You may have gotten flustered over your husband's actions, but what message does that give your kids? Do they know that or do they think Mom is going to freak out every time sex is brought up?

You may be surprised what they really do know at that age - you can't control everything that they are exposed too - especially once they go to school. They do talk about sex with each other, even in Elementary school.

Chris

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I'll go against the crowd here, I don't think you overreacted at all. We all handle things differently. I think, for me and my family, (I cannot speak for anyone else) 8 and 10 is too young and right before school to talk about it is to say the least horrible timing. I'm sorry he kept right on with whatever he thought he was going to enlighten them with.

I do agree, the talk should come from the home first, and I think it should be planned, not something spontaneous. Also, I feel, sex is nothing that should be left to the world, kids at school, tv, MTV, BET, etc. to teach our kids!!

My oldest grandson's Kindergarten "girlfriend" told him where babies come from and how they get there.
Kids DO talk at an early age so it is best to talk to them early, but slowly. They do not have to know every detail at age 5 but their questions should be answered truthfully.

I'd really like to know why your DH brought it up how and when he did tho.
I'd also like to know what the Easter Bunny does with teeth!

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I think your DH's timing was poor -- this is a discussion better left to a more relaxed time of day -- say at the dinner table, perhaps when there is time for answering questions. Your kids aren't too young for this information but I don't blame you for being ticked at DH methods.

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Cecilia

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Well I am 43 and STILL waiting for my parents to give me the Sex talk, LOL. My son is 12 so he knows pretty much all there is to know. MY 7 year old daughter is still my little baby so we haven't told her anything yet and she hasn't asked. I will give her info as I see fit. I do think your hubby was like mine(clueless). He should have sensed that you were uncomfortable and stopped talking about it. The right thing would have been for him to discuss it with you first then the 2 of you talk to the kids.... MEN???????????

Your husband had poor taste in springing it on your children like he did. My children know age appropriate information about where babies come from. My oldest is 7 and always asking questions, I also have a 5 a 3 and a 5 month old. We talked a lot with them since I was preg and they wanted to know how the baby gets out. Again, it should be age appropriate information, though, and use correct terminology for male and female anatomy. No weiners or twinkies or any of that! Why did he feel it was something to bring up right them? Did he make the comment about him having sex at 13 in front of the kids? I hope not! But your kids should have SOME idea of where babies come from by now, or else they will be hearing things at school... It's as young as 1st grade.

Thanks for all your replys . . . I still think hubby is an idiot ! ! !
And opps . . . the tooth fairy . . . of course

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Mommy to three wonderful boys, Justin (11), Nicholas (9) and Scottie (8)

8 and 10 would be too young for my own boys. It's probably a case-by-case?

I think your DH should have stopped when you asked him to stop and discussed it with you in private before proceeding.

I'm just curious, is this a blended family? Are these your husband's sons by a previous marriage? I only ask because your tagline says you are mommy to 3 younger children.

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mkjn1999
not to sound mean but I think your husband is a total jerk
if my husband had done that, esp in the morning rush, i would have pounced on him and chewed him up for breakfast.
i am 100% in your corner but there is not way in the devils home i would have allowed him to continue his statement after he had asked the inital question
now he has left you with the questions when they come home
if he had sex at 13 that is his problem
take care

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While me and my dh felt it was right to tell our children at 7 and 8 the sex talk that was our choice. This is a total personal matter and a true comman ground of both parents agreeing when the talk should occur should be so important. Its like saying well mommy said I can stay out till 12 and daddy said I have till 1 a.m./ I feel your dh should have spoke to you first to seek your advice, and not to do it alone.. Peace and good luck. Catherine

This part of your post has continued to resonate with me.

Forgive me, but what an inappropriate way to talk to the kids! Really? Did he really say this? It actually sounds like he was belittling your kids for NOT participating/tuning into the discussions among their peers - as if he's disappointed that they've stayed out of such sex-speculation discussions at school!

If your husband is so bent on leading the discussion, perhaps you should select a good book that he can read with the boys. In the meantime, it's probably time to field some questions from your kids. If they didn't have questions before, I'm sure they do now that DH has spoken!

Update us on this scenario when you can.

I think you've done a great job filtering what kind of stuff comes into your home, BTW. That's not easy! At this point, I hope you've made some decisions about what should be discussed. And I hope DH is respectful enough to value your input on how/when to go about introducing the information.

Someone said that only some information at a time should be given. I do believe this is the best way to go. But I am a believer in offering correct information before it is asked for.

Good luck!

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"The errors of faith are better than the best thoughts of unbelief." - Thomas Russell

My OB/GYN recommended this book for boys:

Amazon.com: For Young Men Only: A Guy's Guide to the Alien Gender: Jeff Feldhahn, Eric Rice, Shaunti Feldhahn: Books

Girls:

http://www.amazon.com/Young-Women-On...4818278&sr=1-1

Okay,
This part is having me worried for your sons... Please tell us that you spoke with each of them without your husband present... What "was just between the two of them?" That's a weird way for a father to be talking with his child. Also, is he okay with having HIS 13 yo son out having sex??? And if he is, are you? He sounds like he's trying to live vicariously thru his boys again... Update us soon!

I wondered also about why he would say this is between us. I wondered if he saw how you reacted adn didnt want you to freak out more, or if he said the common names for stuff? I would also suggest that you ask the boys what he said was between them and him.

steph

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I'm a nurse at a clinic in a small town of about 21,000. I cannot tell you how many 12-16 year olds that come in for STD testing and have positive HPV, herpes, trich, etc. I want to shake those boys and girls and say hey, if you're going to do it, use a condom.

Sandy

Yeah, your husband is an idiot.

It wasn't the time or place or the appropriate way to broach the topic.

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Raising my baby RIGHT!!!!!!

All the cool babies are wearing cloth!

Just wondering OP is there an update on this?