I posted a few weeks ago about how my husband does nothing around the house. (Other then take out the garbage. )
I stopped, four days ago, doing anything that did not pertain to DD or myself. Well I looked around this morning and saw that there was a pan full of fish grease from MONDAY on the bar, there was a pile of clothes, WET ONES, in the middle for the room since Tuesday, hunting **** from one end of the house to the other, and junk and crap everywhere.. I honestly cant stand it anymore and have no choice but to clean it up now... It stinks and is absolutley disgusting at this point.

He asked if we could go have drinks or something tonight... I then informed him that there was **** to be done since we were going to be gone tomorrow night, working saturday during the day and gone saturday night..
He had the balls to say "OK, I will see you when I get done fishing... We got off early so we are going to drown some worms for a few..."
UNREAL!!

I am sorry.

((HUGS)) to you, as I can understand how it feels

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should have told him his **** will be outside waiting for him to put away when he gets back. We've moved recently and I told the kids they put their stuff away cause I wont <well to the older ones that are perfectly able to help, the youngest helps without being asked> anyway they didnt believe me til i started throwing their toys away I'd find in the floor, they are now helping cause they dont want me to get it

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The clothes wouldn't stink up the house if they were outside in a pile.

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You should "train" him to clean up after himself, Let him know ahead of time that if he doesn't clean up his stuff, then when he comes home, he's not going to find it. Keep some big black garbage bags around and put all the stuff in there... Then make him earn the stuff back by doing things for you around the house...
But honestly though, have you really talked with him about it? I don't mean nag or bicker with him, but when you are in a peaceful place go to him and let him know that him not taking care of his stuff is really making your life difficult, and how tremendously helpful it would be for him to take care of his stuff?

That's what I was thinking! I would be throwing them out in in the yard and tell him there they are deal with them when you get ready.

DH works full time, I work part time, so I do more, as far as taking DD to sports practices, attending games, I take care of all the pool maintenance, I do most of the cooking simply because I am there more during the time frames that those things need to be done, etc. , DH does not get off until 7:00 pm. BUT when it comes to cleaning, we usually all clean together like we all clean on Saturday or Sunday afternoon, me, dh and dd. I cook every night, dh does the dishes, dd feeds all the pets, dh or I throw in a load of laundry each night (usually depends on who needs something for the next day) we divide up the daily activites. I have to coordinate the weekend cleaning or nobody would do it, NOBODY really wants to clean (including me), I have to say this is what needs to be done today.

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Perhaps your answer to the invite for drinks could have been "With being gone most of the weekend we really need to get the house picked up, how about you give me a hand with that so we can do something fun after?"


I agree with the above poster that says to talk to him. Not when your hair is on fire because of a pan with fish grease that has sat for 4 days, but when you have thought about what your goal is.

And I mean really think about what it is you want from him. Not just I want him to do more.

Obviously it isn't his nature to pick up after himself, so he may need step by step instructions on what you expect.

Wet clothes need to be hung on a line either outside, garage, basement, where ever. He needs to know this.

You may need to explain to him how important it is to you to come home from work and not see that there is nothing but more work there. It could make YOU not want to come home.

Or that you can't stand the feeling when someone drops by for a visit and the place looks like a bomb went off.
Or maybe you need to make him a list of things that he is responsible for around the house.

Bottomline is- you know him better than anyone, so you know how best to approach this. But it's probably not with, yelling, snottiness or anger.

It won't happen overnight, and he will never do things to your satisfaction but it's kind of like training a puppy. You need to be alpha dog and with praise and recognition go a long way.

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This would be what I would have done. I HAVE picked up my kids toys and not thrown them away but I donated them. I say hey, if you want it, keep it put up! Hubby has "lost" a few items over the years (just a few because he KNOWS what will happen).

I would be tempted to say "well, we can't have drinks because I have to pack the kids and my bags so we can stay at a hotel until you get your **** cleaned up. I can't keep them here...social services might take them away because of health risks. I've cleaned up my stuff and the kids' stuff so now it's your turn buddy!"

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I would also pile them up and put them outside. See what he does then and what he does without clean laundry. I wouldnt clean his mess, I would pick it all up and pile it up outside. If your too embarrass to do it in the front yard then do it in the back

steph

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I dont know what to tell you. I would say throw his junk out- but I know my DH would come in in a total rage and throw my stuff out too.

I hope things get better for you. I know there are a lot of strong women on here with husbands who actually do what they ask- yes, their threats work.. but some men, like my DH, threats dont work- it just makes for more work/anxiety for me.

dannic,
If you find something that works, let me know. I have the same problem with my dh. He wears uniforms for work (policeman). He only has 3 and takes them off by the dirty laundry, but somehow they end up all over the house. I have to go look for them. I can't throw them away or not wash them. He needs them for work.
He leaves empty soda bottles, fast food containers everywhere. I've tried putting the stuff under his pillow, but he'll just move them to my side of the bed.
Judy

he needs to learn how to use the washer and dryer!

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First, talk to him, then let him know that it is not fair, if he does it again, fair warning. Let him know the consequences. If he does it the third time, follow through. Throw all of his nasty laundry in a garbage bag out in the garage.

When you find something that works, let me know too. I've tried everything over 15 years of marriage. If anything 'works', it's only for a few days and it's back to maid mommy/wife. I stay home with my kids (a soon to be 2 year old all day, a 7 year old, 9 year old and 12 year old that are in school daily but I have been home since the oldest was 2). I am sinking. I'm up doing laundry right now (4 a.m.). I have no life because all I do is clean, laundry, cook, etc. I even mow the yard over 1/2 the time (we have almost 2 acres). I think we women in general get the raw deal, but then my DH goes to work every day, etc., and I know from doing that how difficult that gig is too (we both have degrees and when my youngest starts school, I'll go back to work full time too--but I know from the past that I will still have all of this to do--with my income though I plan to hire help when I go back, lol). I have no problem with doing my job all day as he does his all day, but when DH gets home he thinks he's 'done'. I can't get it through his head that I can't do this 24/7 and survive (hello at some point I have to sleep), plus it's waaaaayyyy too much for one person to keep going. I've tried the letting it go, but no one here cares (or notices) either. I am the one that can't stand the mess (not perfect by any means but there is only so much you can let go before things get ruined, stink , etc.) plus my DH actually believes he is doing his 'fair share' around the house (don't make me laugh as that is a major joke). It is causing major issues in my life and our marriage (can you say one way ticket anywhere?). I've had 'the talks', I've threatened, I do take the kids' things and put them away, etc. if they don't pick them up. This job is just way too much for one person to keep up; no one else gets it. Sorry to hijack your thread OP, I just want you to know that there are a lot of us out there sinking with you! It is soooo overwhelming. I'm very organized and have always managed to keep it going wonderfully, but it seems like the older I get the harder it is all getting. I have always been in awe (and very envious/jealous) of my friends that have spouses that actually get up and help in the house. Does anyone think that it has a lot to do with how our MILs raised our DHs? I am totally raising my son to know how to do things just like I'm teaching my daughters. Everyone should know how to cook, clean, wash clothes, etc.

MY dh cooks,wash his own clothes,take and pick up his dry cleanning,cleans his den and his half of our bedroom,cut the yard and want ever needs to be done. He cooks nore than I do.Got to love that mna when he was working and i did not have diner cook,he cook it his self.

He needs to learn respect.

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Welcome to my world. DH works crazy hours, so I do cut him some slack. BUT...I work full-time too. There are weeks I just need a little help WITHOUT me begging! I was a full-time SAHM for 13 years and went back to work full-time last August. My job is way more stressful, demanding and harder than his. (he will admit that). Yet I do all the laundry (he MAY switch it on his weekdays off), I cook, clean, pay the bills, grocery shop and handle all the kids' things. I still NEVER get a day off. On the weekends, I play "catch up" and try to do some things with our kids. (this weekend it's a movie and a trip for grade card rewards). I will clean tonight, take DD for 3 hours of volunteer work tomorrow, grocery shop, laundry and make a salad for a church carry-in. I'll also have kids' things ready for the week. He will work Sat. and Sun. That's it! He will be off allll day Monday and Tuesday while the rest of us are at school and he will do almost nothing. (He may run to the grocery FOR his stuff!) UGH!