I am having a tough time deciding what the best thing to do in this situation is.

DD has girl scouts twice a month and I need something for DS to do while she's there. One of the girls has a brother who is on DS's baseball team and we know the family farely well through church events, baseball and now girl scouts. They have invited my son to come over for a play date while the girls are at their meeting and we did that last week and he had a great time.

The problem is that the little boy has some psychological problems. He is bi-polar and they are trying to get his medications correct and he has been in the hospital twice since the start of school and has threatened suicide( which they think is related to the anti depressant meds he was on).

The boys are 7 btw.

And I am a little nervous now that he has threatened suicide and I worry about my son going there. At the same time the mom was saying how he doesn't have any friends and he's depressed and a play date would really help him out, which was why they have tried to get him involved in diffrent activities in town, to meet people. So we could be a good influence and a self esteem booster he can really use, so he doesn't feel so alone which is easy to do out here in the sticks.

I totally trust the mom and the grandparents but this is an issue I didn't think I would have to worry about at 7? WWYD?

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"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." ~ Bernard Meltzer

Very sad situation. And tricky.

From the perspective of someone who advocates for people having special needs, I would vote for the boys to get together and for you to supervise them, at least initially. But I would not agree to anything "regular" yet, because if it is not working out early on, you will feel bad if it's been set up and understood (by the boys) that this is a 'from now on' thing. Instead, plan each play date after the last one.

All kids need opportunities for socializing, and both boys have an opportunity to spend time with each other. It may very well be a mutually beneficial friendship.

You should be very candid about your expectations with the parents, particularly since the friend has expressed suicidal thoughts. Will the parents be within earshot during the visits? Also - *watch* how they deal with their son. Do they intervene when/if there are inappropriate things said, or do they turn a deaf ear? Are they still very positive in their interactions with their son, or are they at their wits' end (and does it show through)? Seven years old seems extremely young for a label of bi-polar disorder. I would be very interested in observing the surrounding factors (Is he being given a lot of freedom? Does he play violent video games? Does he easily frustrate? Does he take it out on others? Does he seem to be the one controlling the dynamics within the house?)

You are your child's best advocate. Take opportunities to role play at home - he doesn't need to know that the reason you're doing it is so that he'll know how to handle potential situations with *this* particular friend, but how to handle negative situations with peers, in general. Yes, your son may very well be a positive influence in the other child's life, but it will only be a positive experience for your son if he is a strong enough person to say "No, let's not do that, it's wrong," if the case may be, or "It's not fun when you talk like that, can we play something else?"

You know your son best. Does he tend to be a 'leader' type of kid? I'd still require close range supervision, though, and if I were you, I'd want it to be yourself that supervises - at least until you feel good about the kids' relationship, about the way the parents supervise, and the way the parents step in, as appropriate.

ETA: Please make sure that your son doesn't feel pressure to make this friendship work. It is not up to your seven year old to be all-important to this child and family. In fact, hopefully he doesn't have any knowledge of the role the other parents have in mind for him (or that the child has previously made suicidal statements).

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"The errors of faith are better than the best thoughts of unbelief." - Thomas Russell

I would be very careful of this situation. We have a similar issue with a friend of my son's who has psychological issues. The boys have been friends since birth and are now in high school. The boy has few friends and relies heavily on my son. This is a huge burden for my son. On the one hand, he wants to be a good friend, but on the other this boy does not relate well to others so it is difficult to include him in a group. My son always feels like he is letting him down. Sometimes, we get as many as 5 calls in an hour from this boy. It borders on stalker behavior. The parents also put pressure on us and our son. There has also been some violent behavior.

I know that you are talking about boys who are only 7, but before you know it, they will be 17. I would be extremely careful abou this one. You just don't know how this will evolve and it may be difficult to get out of down the road.

I think that I would have the get togethers at your house and monitor them and the activities that they are doing.
This would be more on you but at least you would know what is going on.
You will also have to see if your son even wants him as a friend.
Playing should not be a burden.

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Bi polar behavior changes from minute to minute. While I salute the parents for getting their child medication the child also needs counselling. If you feel the least bit afraid or apprehensive about your child playing with the other child wait until You can observe them together.
Because you posted here I don't think you are comfortable with this situation and neither you or your 7 year old is in the position to handle this child if something were to go badly. If and when you are comfortable then by all means they should be allowed to play together. You may want to invite this child to a family activity such as going for pizza or ice cream with your family and see the interaction for yourself.

I agree with the previous posters, let the child come over to your house where you can observe, as well as control the situation. This will be a bonus for the child, to get out of the his house for awhile, and see how the other folks live & interact. I bet he'll be an angel at your house. Good luck & post what happens for us.

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We're off to never never land

Ask your child how he feels about the situation and follow his cues. Without mentioning the mental illness so as not to color his response.

I'm not going to manufacture scenarios. The child is bipolar. He's not an ax murderer.

The parents sound like they're smart and on top of things. They've obviously taken his threats of suicide seriously. I doubt that child is out of their line of vision for more than 5 minututes, ever.

Your son had a great time. Until he doesn't have a great time, I wouldn't worry about it. And if the day comes when your child says his friend wasn't as much fun as usual, I'd explain how people have good and bad days and that his friend was just having a bad day. That's as far as I'd take the explanation.

Of course the bottom line is to have your child feel safe and be safe. I just wouldn't go on a witch hunt.

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bite me and get a brain!

I'd do as the others suggested and hold the play dates at my house. I feel sorry for the child and it sounds like his parents are doing all the right things to treat his illness. I hope they're successful in controlling it.

I think this is a great idea.

I would really try to help this kid if at all possible.

I realize I'm going against conventional wisdom here, but I think, initially, the play dates may be easier for everybody at the other boy's house. He will certainly be more comfortable in his own surroundings, and I'm sure his parents know his cues better than you do. You mentioned that you trust this boy's caregivers to keep things safe and secure. You can casually ask your son about the games they play together, but if everything seems fine, I'd let it go for awhile.
At some point you or your son may want to invite this boy over to your house. Your son will know what to expect from his friend by that time and they will have already established whatever games they consider to be "fun", which will make the transition to your house easier and more fun for both your son and his friend. Putting off play dates at your house will allow two important things to happen: 1) Your son and his friend can build a relationship in an area the friend feels most secure and 2) The boy's parents and doctors will have more time to stabilize his meds.
Whatever you decide, it really comes down to two little boys playing with each other -- I hope they have fun!

I would talk to your child about the how the play date went and take it from there. If he seemed happy and nothing out of the ordinary that concerns you happened, I think its fine. It sounds like the parents are well aware of their child's condition and are doing all they can to help him. If the child is not violent and the parents are supervising, I wouldn't worry about it. You can always stress with your DS that if this boy does something out of the ordinary that your DS should notify an adult immediately.

If anything happens that makes you or your DS feel uncomfortable, then I would address it at that time.