that you didn't even want to be there? That you would rather be at work 24/7 than have to go home?

I am so desperately unhappy, feel like crying all the time. It's just my soon to be 18 yr old son and I, and these past 6 months or so have been so awful I just don't even want to be around him anymore. I can't wait for him to leave for college. I didn't think I would ever say that or feel this way.

I don't know what to do. I am thinking about going to a hotel for a few days but I know that I won't want to come home again. I don't know how I am going to make it until next fall. Not wanting to be in your own home is awful. Not wanting to be around your own son is heartbreaking. I am so unhappy. I just can't live like this.

It has to be awful to not want to be in your own safe haven. Obviously there is a tremendous amount of detail which has lead you to this point in your life and to post.

I can only say that you have to make it through this as long as the troubles aren't of a legal nature. If legal, perhaps it's time to go that route. I can't offer much more other than to say take it one day at a time (yes I know, next fall is a lot of days away). If you can make a change for the better, perhaps consider it now.

dl

I'm so sorry you are feeling so bad. I think I understand how you feel. My best friend went through something similar when her son left for college this fall. You desperately want them to go to college to continue their education and start a great new chapter of their life, but you will miss them. They also can be very selfish and not see any of this. You are torn and no one seems to understand; especially your own child.
It will get better. They still need you even though they won't admit it.
Don't forget to take care of you too.

If the law of your state says you are financially responsible for the child until he turns 18, that is just what it means. Give him directions to the local shelter and tell him that is where he is welcome to live if he doesn't shape up soon.

You are not doing him any favors by allowing him to behave poorly.

Does he expect you to help him with college expenses?

To the op, I am so sorry to hear this, I feel so sad and I feel more sad, because I feel like you are dealing with a heavy heart all alone. Hon do you have any family close by that perhaps you can stay with or even a friend. Hon do not go to a Hotel all by yourself, at this emotional time in your life, you need to be surrounded by a loving support system> . I also pray that things will be better in the future between your son and you. Hugs and Peace. Catherine

OP, aren't you the lady who lost 2k in her home that was kept in a vase or something in the livingroom??

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Support bacteria -- it's the only culture some people have!

If Vegetarians eat Vegetables. Do Humanitarians eat Humans?

'Vegetarian' is an old Native American word for bad hunter.

I think you need to take him on a trip to Nebraska where they have the child drop off laws. Some kids are hell bent on making everyones lives miserable and they are dangerous when they are like that.
Bet I get flamed for this post

Sadly and honestly I personally feel, that the op needs to enforce tough love. As a mom it is never ever a easy thing to do and it is always easier said then done, I would be very sad if I had to make that decision on the behalf of one of my children. Again sometimes tough love although seems harsh in the beginning, came bring some wonderful results. Again a sincere blessing and plenty of prayers for you and your son. Remember hon take care of yourself first, so that you can be strong for your ds who needs help.. Try to stay strong and kindly keep us posted.. Peace. Catherine

Sorry, icansavedaily. No more dropping off kids in Nebraska - at least not older kids! They had a special session of the unicameral and re-wrote that law so that now it is as it was always intended to be - for babies!

OP, I'm really sorry. Do you have any good friends or a good church that you can rely on for support right now?

Thanks for the update wowitsdark.
First off cancel Christmas. No Ipod service.
You are miserable let him see what it feels like. Go to a hotel if it will give you a good night's rest and talk to someone tomorrow and get their advise. We do not know the whole story. Confide in someone that can help you. If you feel unsafe do not go home. Call the police on him if necessary, You have been struggling with this for six months and nothing is being resolved. The time for pampering him is over and that means no college funds for him either unless he saved it for himself. Lucy is right it is time for tough love. Good luck and keep us updated.

Susiecat-yes, that was me who lost $2,000. It never turned up. I know, absolutely no question, that my son did not take it. He would not do that.

This present problem seems to have started with the girlfriend whom he started seeing seriously over this summer. She is a freshman in college, he is a senior in high school. I have put my foot down more than once limiting their time together. I don't feel like I have a problem being strict - I am probably more strict than most of his friends. The girlfriend had a fit when I wouldn't let him stay overnight in her dorm room - she just couldn't understand that one (of course, he was none too happy about it either).

She doesn't get along with her parents, he hears how she talks to them and about them, and I feel like this is rubbing off on him.

I know some of this is normal teenage attitude, getting ready to separate to go to college next year and wanting to be on his own.

Maybe the reason I feel so despondent is because he has never been like this before. He has always been such a good boy, we have had so much fun together, and now I don't even want to be around him. I lay in bed every night crying. I dread waking up in the morning and having to face another day of arguing with him over every little thing. I feel sick and nauseaus all the time.

I know you can't help me - I just needed to get it out and tell someone. I am just so overwhelmingly despondent.

Forgot to add: icansavedaily - His Christmas gift was a one year service plan on his iPhone. This is around $88/mo. He is texting the girlfriend constantly as this new plan includes unlimited texting. He got the phone in October. I contemplated cancelling the plan, but there was a one year agreement and there is a stiff penalty for cancelling. I would be better off just paying it. And I really don't want to "punish" him by taking away his Christmas gift. I just want my relationship with my son back.

Honey I pray that you find someone that can help you thru this tough time. Stay strong.

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Laura
Please visit my blog
http://mylifeinlaurasworld.blogspot.com/

I have no advice for you but just want to say that I'm sad for you and I hope that somehow things will improve. Getting it off your chest is a good thing and we are all here to listen and hope and pray for the best for you and your son.

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Cecilia

"We must love them both--those whose opinions we share and those whose opinions we reject. For both have labored in the search for truth, and both have helped us in the finding of it."
Saint Thomas Aquinas

Teenagers are really the pictures that should be on the birth control commercials, don't you think? We get pulled in by these adorable little cherubs who hug us and hold our hands with their tiny fingers, and all of a sudden there are these crazed hormones running around looking at us like we really couldn't be less intelligent if we were a grape!

I am so sorry for your pain, but truly, if my teens are making me unhappy, misery loves company! If he is keeping his grades in line and respecting your basic house rules, you may need to just step back a bit and let him work through this. If you are so unhappy with his behavior it is making you sick, I am worried there is more going on here. Are you concerned he will make a mistake that may cost him his college plans? Is he drinking or using drugs? Is he challenging and disrespectful? A teenager who is contemptuous and in your face can be very upsetting, and that can certainly not be tolerated.

Actually, I can help you, if you'll take my advice. You need to go see your doctor. While some of your son's behaviour may be normal, your reaction to it is not. It sounds like you are suffering from clinical depression and a doctor can help you. It's nothing to be ashamed of; it's a physical chemical imbalance and there's treatment. You don't need to feel this way. Just print out your post, hand it to your doctor and he or she will know what to do.

Good luck!

I have dealt with depression since I was in high school, and I take Lexapro daily, plus Xanex for anxiety as needed. I know what depression feels like - this isn't it. I feel despondent. But I do appreciate your response. I probably shouldn't have posted at all, I know there is nothing anyone can do. I just felt so overwhelmed at that moment and when you are laying in bed and starting to have some really bad thoughts about not wanting to go on like this, well - I don't know what else to say. It's just a really bad time.

I know but it doesn't have to be. Please, just go back to your doctor. You know that you suiffer from depression and you know that there are different levels of clinical depression. You're just having a setback and you need a new medication. You've probably built up a tolerance and the medication isn't working as well anymore.

You want help or you wouldn't have reached out. You know that suicidal thoughts aren't the 'normal' reaction to a teenager's angst. If you act on these thoughts, your pain will end and your son's pain will begin. You don't want to hurt him like that. You don't need to feel this way and you won't if you just go to the doctor.

You need to
1. See your Doctor ASAP! This is a real medical condition your not crazy
2. Get into Counseling with your son if you can convince him to go.

Some teenagers go through a really rough patch and just need to talk to someone neutral to vent out. We all have bad days but to feel hopeless all the time everyday isn't normal.

Good Luck and keep us informed.....We care......Cheryl

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Without Health you have no Wealth!

Are you upset that he has another woman in his life?? Do you feel like he is cheating on you?? The way you describe it seems that way to me. Like you're jealous, and I bet he knows it and that's why he is acting out toward you, which is natural.
You should ...I dunno.. I don't want to say get a life.. but that's it...get a life. Get new friends, go out, join clubs, start dating. Find companionship and fun with other people your own age. It'll do you and him and your relationship a world of good!

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Support bacteria -- it's the only culture some people have!

If Vegetarians eat Vegetables. Do Humanitarians eat Humans?

'Vegetarian' is an old Native American word for bad hunter.

A couple of months ago I started getting depressed, it was slowly coming on and getting worse, Istarted getting quiet, unhappy but I wouldn't state my opinion, I would just with the flow in the household. Well, I started walking. I was walking over 2 miles aday. What a difference it made. I became happy again. I walked with some other girls in the neighborhood. Well, since the time changed, I haven't been able to walk and my sadness is coming back. I told my husband, he doesn't seem to care which makes me feel like going into a cave again. What a bummer. i know the problem but I truly can not find time to walk because I have kids at home. I can not leave them a lone. I think you should try walking. It really makes a difference.

Mitcham,
Yes, I have been that very same way before. Specifically, 2004. I traveled four days out of the week on business. Home on Friday-Sunday then back out again.
I looked forward to going away and would schedule my trips for longer/more often than I really needed too.
I just hated being home. My happy time was away in some hotel room by myself.

Now, I love home. I do not travel anymore on business. I left the job that I had to do that.

It's all seasons of our life. When things get tough, I tend to run and hide. Some like confrontation, but I do only if it isn't that important to me. If it is something that is close to my heart or very close to home, I tend to run.....

I had to go out of town for work today, so I had some windshield time to just think.

I am going to call my doctor on Monday. I may need to change my depression med.

I also wonder if my hormones are haywire. I had fibroid embolization last summer and since then my periods have been on/off - haven't had one for over two months now.

I also have a severe problem with anemia and probably need a blood test as well as a B-12 shot.

anyway - thanks to the people who offered support and positive thoughts. I really appreciate your kindness and I will let you know what the doctor says.

Just thinking of you, and hoping you get some positive results at the doctor's.

Please update us.

D

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"The errors of faith are better than the best thoughts of unbelief." - Thomas Russell

Mitchum I sincerely hope you will feel better soon. Listen go to the doctors, if you are truly feel depressed, depression hurts all over and literally all you want to do is just lay in bed with the covers over you. Hon its not healthy nor good for you sweetie. Also I know about being anemic which can make you feel even more lousy and tired I have been taking a iron supplement and its helps so much. I also take 2 tablets of vitamin B-12 as well and it totally makes the difference. I sincerely wish you much health and healing. Saying a prayer. Peace. Catherine

(((Mitcham))) Please do call your doctor!

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Freedom Stands...Because HEROS Serve

Mary

Omg mitchum the beloved Hormones are they not so wonderful , not, never, ever. Hon they truly get make your feel like your going crazy. So its a strong possiblity it could be those damn hormones lol... I sincerely wish my freind Flo who visits each month with her dear friend hormones would never pay me a vist again.. Lol. Catherine

mitcham -

looking forward to hearing that you visited your doctor and that he/she has a solution for you. i know that i'm not alone in thinking about you and hoping that your homelife and outlook on life improve greatly real soon....there are many here who care about you!!

cj/

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I was walking home one night and a guy hammering on a roof called me a paranoid little weirdo. In morse code. -Emo Phillips

I'm glad you're going to take the steps necessary to get help.

Please keep us posted on what the doctor says.