Ok first of all this year we are having Christmas at home. Most years we either go to my inlaws in Canada or every 3 or 4 years to my Mom's in Florida. Last Christmas I told everyone that they could come to us and they all said Ok Vicky & Erik called it so we all go there. That is DH's family did. I knew my mom would not be coming from florida nor my sister or brother there. My sister here is coming for Christmas Eve and My brother that lives here is coming Christmas Day.

Ok so My niece tells me in June that she is not coming because she wants to be able to share the day with Her new baby and have the father(whom she is not with anymore) have some time with him too. I understand that and its fine. Then 2 months ago One sister in law tells me she is Not coming because she has a new job and said she would work and its her grandsons first christmas and she wants to spend it with him. Ok fine. Then 3 weeks ago my mother in law loses her car so she has no way to get here...However my Father in law offers to pick her up(they get along fine) She still says no because its Noahs(her great grandsons) first christmas and She should stay with the rest of them. Lovely! I am getting frustrated now but thankfully My father in law and stepmother in law are coming and bringing Our nephew whom is 5. So today I get a call from him saying He is not coming because His step son just broke up with his live in gf and they are flying to nova scotia to be with him. He needs them..BS! He has been on again off again all year with her and He is NOT a child and Is a very mature adult whom does NOT need mommy to cuddle him anymore. Its just another excuse! So he says maybe they can come for new years...I said WE have plans..then I said here talk to Erik..I called erik and he said whats wrong..I said its your father and I do NOT want to talk to him right now. I was pissed. YES I was..And I was crying..I am so frustrated at his family. Not Only because they cancelled but because these past 3 months have been very rough on my husband since he injured himself 3 months ago. He has been off on disability and has been in alot of pain. He is possibly facing surgery and He could use a nice FAMILY get together. Needless to say I am NOT looking forward to Christmas Now. I want it all to be over and done with.

BTW I too have been on disability but mine has been for longer. Money is very tight yet we scrimped and saved so that we had money to get gifts and a nice dinner etc. We bought for them..We are not buying for each other. There is no money for that.

I am still having my brother and sister in law Christmas Day but Honestly I am used to a bigger bunch of people and its going to be so different.I honestly could care less about gifts.I like the family get together and the good times together most. I also don't know how I am supposed to just go on next time I see the inlaws and NOT be mad. I usually do NOT hold grudges but I am just so sick of his family being like this.

His father was the last straw. He was the only one constant that always seemed to be there and never let us down and now he too has followed the rest of them.

I know I should Just let it go but I am honestly FURIOUS with them all .Dh was upset too and He would probably kill me if he heard me say this but he too was crying although..I am unsure if he was crying because they all are not coming or because I was so upset. I was pretty pissed and told him I was F___in done with his family that they can all jump in a lake and that we will have christmas with MY family and OUR friends and forget them. I apologized to him for being so mad ..That I know he hurts too and that We would be ok..we still had each other and THAT was not going to change!

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~*~Live life to the fullest*~*

I would take the gifts back. Go to the movies on Christmas day and not think a minute more about it. It seems like now adays, families are so busy.
I truly wish my family was not coming on christmas. I am going to be so busy on Christmas week and then my brother shows up. Sleeps on the couch most of the afternoon (at least it seems like it) and then goes home. It drives me crazy. My husband and brother say about two words to each other since my husband doesn't think my brother is a very motivated person in life. I feel caught in the middle. I just wish it could be me , hubby and kids. Plus... I have to pack because the next day we are headed out of state to see the inlaws. Now.... my husband is so bored at his parents house. He just watches the history channel or goes shopping. I am there visiting which I do enjoy. I have a great MIL. We hurry back home on New Years eve where it will take me two days to catch up on laundry. I wish I could veto Christmas. Like it never happened.

Yes I wish we could Veto Christmas too!

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~*~Live life to the fullest*~*

Oh, don't say that. I know you're upset and I understand how disappointed you must be but you can still celebrate Christmas with your family and friends. I think I'd start some new holiday traditions and enjoy them. Christmas is what you make it and I'd try to make it a good one. Good Luck!.

First off, I am so sorry. Been there with the washing the hands of the whole in-law mess. It stinks. BUT you will have your family, although it's smaller than you said you're used to, it may be AWESOME!! I'm sure it'll be more relaxed/enjoyable without the chaos of a house full of family. You never know. Keep an open mind and an open heart. Who knows how many more changes may happen between now and Christmas.

I'm also diggin' the 'return the gifts and go to the movies' suggestion!

Christmas without inlaws?? .I know a ton of peole who would be THRILLED ((smiles))

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Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent.

E. Roosevelt

Awww sweetie [hugs]. They have made you feel like you are not important in their lives, like you don't matter. I am not sure what will make that hurt go away. If they are usually good people though, perhaps they need to know. Maybe after the holidays you could write a letter, just an honest from the heart letter, about how sad and slighted you and DH feel. I wouldn't accuse or be nasty, just write the sadness that is in your heart. And send it to those that you think would care, like DH's dad.

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Raising my baby RIGHT!!!!!!

All the cool babies are wearing cloth!

I wonder... Could they be trying in some way to be nice without you knowing? You say your DH got injured 3 months ago and is on disability.. Everyone knows people on disability don't have a lot of spare money.
Maybe in their odd way of thinking, they think if they don't come, you won't have to dole out all that money for presents and food to feed them. Maybe they are just trying to make things easier for you two..
They could all be having separate Christmases so that no one has to drive/fly anywhere and they can all cut down on their gift giving. It's tough all over, even in Canada.

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Support bacteria -- it's the only culture some people have!

If Vegetarians eat Vegetables. Do Humanitarians eat Humans?

'Vegetarian' is an old Native American word for bad hunter.

I agree. So what if everybody else is a Scrooge why let it bring you down and ruin your Christmas? You sacrificed to scrimp and save now spend it on your family and friends and be happy! Next year things might be different someone could be gone the economy could be worse (don't throw rocks at me please) or there could be something else.

So let them do what they must and have a great Christmas with the people whom are with you.

We really need to remind ourselves especially at this time of year to be grateful for what we have and not be sad about what we don't have. So many are homeless and hungry and there will be no presents under some trees.

Thank God your family is blessed.

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The political system is broke and it's a joke.

Sorry this is happening to you. You said you and Erik don't exchange gifts because money is tight. Could you return the gifts you bought for the "no shows" and get each other something instead? Your feelings are hurt now but you'll find a way to make Christmas special in spite of what's going on with the in laws.

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Cecilia

"We must love them both--those whose opinions we share and those whose opinions we reject. For both have labored in the search for truth, and both have helped us in the finding of it."
Saint Thomas Aquinas

If it's any consolation---I would be crying if my in-laws decided to come here for Christmas!!LOL (I'm still thinking that DH was adopted!)

I hope that you can heal your hurt feelings, and make this Holiday a blessed experience for you and your DH.

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Mental that one, I'm telling you. ---Ron Weasley, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"

I totally LOVE Tessa's idea of the heartfelt letter, IF these are people who are usually much more respectful than this. If this is their standard operating procedure, I am NOT against snubbing and when they ask "why?", let them know exactly why. Also, I definitely would return the gifts and buy yourselves something nice--for you and your family.

Sorry you have been slighted and made to feel as an easy toss-aside. That is never pleasant. {{{HUGS}}}

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"Well-Behaved Women SELDOM make history."Laurel Thatcher Ulrich


"Yesterday is but a vision, and tomorrow is only a dream. But today well lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness, and every tomorrow a dream of hope." Anonymous

"Your candle does not lose it's light by lighting another candle" Generosity

Have the courage to be yourself.

I agree with Cougar Skies. My inlaws are somewhat the same.....it's all some excuse or another on why they can't come to something at our house. It is usually MIL, yet, for her other son's family......oh dear, she would move the Earth if need be, to get to his family.

We have a rather monumental event occuring next month, and I am already taking bids on who will show up from DH's family. Yet, when we don't invite them to something...they gripe and groan.

Sorry for your situation. I agree with the other posters who have said to start your own traditions. Don't let them bring you down. Don't allow them that power over you.

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Doing the right thing isn't always the same as doing the easy thing.

Thank you everyone for the kind and encouraging words. I have been so mad that I have overlooked the fact that yes I can still make it a good Christmas for Erik and I with my family and friends that are coming. I think I will talk to them all after Christmas and tell them How we were sad and hurt but NOT be angry about it like I have been. It is NOT the end of the world. However I do think next year we will be going to celebrate in Florida with me Mom ,sister & brother and their families.

Happy Holidays all!

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~*~Live life to the fullest*~*

I am happy for you and your family that you will be able to look beyond this mess and make a special time for your immediate family. Who knows, you may just so enjoy the peaceful togetherness your close-knit celebration turns out to be that you will make this your own tradition. I am also happy that you have decided to share your feelings so that it won't eat at you. Even if you don't get the result you wish for, you will have honored yourself and your own feelings. Happy holidays to you and yours!

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"Well-Behaved Women SELDOM make history."Laurel Thatcher Ulrich


"Yesterday is but a vision, and tomorrow is only a dream. But today well lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness, and every tomorrow a dream of hope." Anonymous

"Your candle does not lose it's light by lighting another candle" Generosity

Have the courage to be yourself.

Try to look at the positives, you can still have a nice Christmas with your husband. My 23 year old DD and her DH are stationed in WA, he was not supposed to deploy to Afghanistan until Jan, well last Friday he got told he had to deploy Monday morning (there was an emergency situation and only he could do it). He's now in Afghanistan. My DD will be spending Christmas far away from home and alone, as will my son-in-law. Even though her situation is not the best she seems to be handling it well (she's been through deployments before, but not Christmas and not only to have a 2 day notice of him leaving). If we would have had more notice she could have come home, but we just paid their way here in August and she said no it was too much and they are having work done in their housing unit and she decided she would be just fine by herself. So, even though you are frustrated, things could be worse. So try to look at the positives.

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I honestly think that you should be thankful that you have in laws and family. If you dont see them for the holidays then so be it. I just think you need to thank god that you have them at all...

HOn I am sincerely sorry to hear all this especially at the holidays, try to relax and enjoy the holidays with your dh and family and a sincere wish that things will get better. Peace and stay safe in this holiday season. Catherine

Have a qjuiet, peaceful Christmas and enjoy the reason for the season!

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Square dancing is friendship set to music!

I would be po'ed too. I agree w/ the other posters. Take the gifts back and use the $$ to make the day special for you and your husband. Please don't let this ruin your Christmas day-it's not worth it.