Wednesday will be one year since my mom died. Christmas last year was miserable - we didn't put up a tree until Christmas Eve, and only then because my hubby insisted we had to have one for the kids (who are all teens). I'm trying so hard not to ruin Christmas this year, but honestly, I'm just not up for it. We STILL don't have the tree up and all I can think of is mom and how much I miss her. I'm volunteering at the local domestic violence shelter Wednesday in her memory, and honestly, that's the only thing I'm looking forward to. Christmas music makes me so very sad.

Anyone else just feel really down at Christmas?

Personally for anyone whom has lost a loved one, Christmas can be sad, because your thinking of all the loved ones whom are no longer with us.Hon try to remember all the past christmas memories you shared with your mom . Also remember that your mom will always be there in spirit with you and now you also have your mom as your guardian angel to watch over and keep all safe in your family. I feel your sadness.Everytime I hear John Lennons so this is christmas it gets me deep in my heart, because of my brother Sonny.However because we do have children we must be happy for them. As I am sure your Mom would want it that way..Peace and stay safe in this holiday season.. Catherine

I am sad, too....but, trying to work through it.

December has never been a good time for my family. When I was six, I lost my older sister and my mother never really recovered from that (she was 16 when she died --- a few days before Christmas). My mom never really put up a tree after that.

Last year, I was married the Saturday after Thanksgiving, and my father died 5 days later. A few days after that, I moved here to VA...and my first xmas here was a spent sorting through moving boxes and being homesick.

This year, I decided that it would be different. I have a tree, a big one....10ft...and it's my first tree in over 30 years...and I love it. We had all the neighbors over this past weekend for a holiday party, and it was great. Many of our neighbors are my parents age, so I thought it might be a little hard...but, it was great. Being around all of those men that were around my father's age made me miss him, but I felt better than I had in a while

If your mom really loved Christmas, you should think about honoring her by making it nice for your family. Sometimes the only way to get past your grief is to do the things that you think will make you the most sad. It's hard...but trust me, it get's better.

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I'm the kind of woman when my feet hit the floor in each morning, the devil says "Oh crap, she's up."

I guess I'm in the minority on this one, but I feel that if you are not up to it, then ask your husband and teens if they want a tree and if they do, let them put it up. They may say they really don't care. If you aren't feeling like baking cookies, then don't do it. Why make yourself more miserable and put more stress into an already stressful time of year?

I'm not feeling all that festive myself, and I'm just trying to get through it the best I can without adding to my depression. I decided to make baked goods for co-workers and close friends for gifts this year rather than buying something that would only add to their clutter. So I have been making one thing a night for the past week, and tonight I am finishing it up. I did it all myself rather than having my son help me, so this way it was some quiet time for me and I didn't have to worry about getting into any arguments with him.

I did put the tree up, but it is very simple. I just wrapped some lights around it and hung up some fairly large ornaments so it didn't take much time. My son is in his bedroom 90% of the time so I'm the only one who sees it anyway. I could have very easily have done without it.

I didn't put up any other decorations inside or outside the house. The tree will be coming down either Christmas night or on the 26th, which I do routinely because I can't wait for it all to be over.

My son got a service plan for his iPhone for his gift, so there was no shopping other than the things I picked up for him through online deals throughout the year like sweatshirts.

I don't know if you are religious, but you might find your greatest comfort in going to church on Christmas eve? We have a candlelight service; it's quiet and peaceful. You might be able to think of your mother and recall happy memories from past holidays that will give you some comfort.

I know how you feel, and just want you to know I wish the best for you. Take care of yourself first. Hugs to you.

My inlaws both passed away at Christmas time. My fil died on Dec 22nd, over a year before we were even married. Was very tough on mil and dh, but we did Christmas anyways to keep her busy. 4 years later mil died on Dec 19th (I believe) and that really took a toll on dh. Our dd#1 was only 3 months old at the time, so Christmas that year wasn't too much...my parents were still in town so we did celebrate but it wasn't the same. Now that we have 2 kids (9 and almost 7) we do celebrate....for them. It is getting easier each year to get in the Christmas spirit, but it still pains us to know they aren't around (I'm one of the lucky ones who got along well with the inlaws).

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Friends are like butt cheeks.
Crap might separate them,
But they always come back together.

Its been 3 years since my Mom passed and yes I am still sad. Then to top it off her birthday was Dec 26th. Just do what you can, don't force yourself to do anything your not up to.

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Laura
Please visit my blog
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I think Christmas can be a hard time of year for many people who have lost someone they love. I think about my mom and dad and wish that they were here to celebrate the holidays with my family. My dad died a when I was 22 and my mom passed away about six years ago. I have a brother who lives in Florida (I live in Maine). I have no other immediate family. I am very lucky to have a wonderful hubby, two beautiful daughters, a son-in-law and all the wonderful (crazy) members of my dh family, who have always treated me like part of their family. But...I still deeply miss my parents....

I wouldn't say I'm really sad, but, I'm not as jolly as I probably should be. The past few Christmases have been a bit unsettling, and this one is having it's ups and downs too.

I have been really getting in the spirit, tho, and spreading the cheer to those that maybe don't have so much. I am counting my blessings, and being thankful for what I have, and who I have in my life.

I know this is a very hard time of year for many people.

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Doing the right thing isn't always the same as doing the easy thing.

six years since my mom died, but i lost my grandpa on my dads side <dont talk to moms family at all> in June and still tear up everytime i think of him. I overheard my uncle and my grandma talking about how grandpa was going to die from all the cigarettes he was smokeing and me being a little blabbermouth lol, when grandpa and I went out that afternoon I asked him about it. couple weeks later he started trying to quit and did, everytime he wanted a cigarette he'd eat a lifesaver candy. unforunatly he still died of lung cancer.

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Christmas around my moms house was never what you could call Jolly.
She lost her mom on Dec 24th and they buried her Dec 26th.
Then 10 years later my 14 yo sister died in Nov and 15 years later my oldest sister 25 yo died In July.So my mom never had a happy Christmas to speak of. My stepfather died last year the day before Easter and she also doesn't enjoy Easter now.

I get sad at Christmas time also due to my oldest sisters death. She loved loved Christmas. I can recall many many Dec's she would be in the hospital and we made tree decorations for all the nurses on her floor. we even sold some for .25 to other people.I would have to say the 13 years my sister lived with her illness she was in the hospital 6 times in Dec and we did Christmas there.Altho she is gone and has been for a number of years I can't help but feel sad at Christmas. But I try to never let it show, sometimes thats really hard to do .

Add me to the list of those who are having a hard time right now. This has been the worst year ever for me.
It has been 5 months since our son died. It was very hard to get thru Thanksgiving and then his Birthday was 2 days later on Nov 29th.

I had surgery 6 wks ago and I was just told that I can slowly start doing things again. I still have not put up a tree. I have no interest in decorating anything.


I am glad that we give our kids money so I don't have to shop for many gifts.

Shirley

Count me in the depressed group.I miss family members so much this time of the year.My mom,,my brother, my dad.I wish I could just sleep through the holidays and be done with it.I am giving my daughters money for Christmas,my grandson is getting gifts his mom picked out.My husband wanted some rain gear so when he rides his motorcycle so I paid for it.My children always thought I was awful.Haven't wrapped a gift in years,I would toss it in a box and let them wrap their own.LOL

I'm sad with the rest of y'all in this thread. Sigh. I lost someone very special to me around this time of the year...December 19th...Way back in 1982, but I still feel the pain. I don't think I'll ever truly get over it. I've been suffering from depression the past few months and I feel so overwhelmed. I can't seem to keep up with it all. I'm trying to do the best that I can, but I feel so far behind with everything. Simply put, I'm burnt out. Here's hoping things turn around for me and everyone else who is down and out also. ~Lisa

Caddylisa aw, sweetie I was saddened to read your post. I was sad to read all ths posts. However to me I believe that while we may lose a loved one and they are not with us in the flesh, they are always with us in spirit, in memories, in pictures and most of all they become our guardian angels. If I thought for one single moment loved ones I have lost are totally gone I do not know how to go on with my life. In a 7 year period I lost on my moms side all my aunts and uncles , my parents from my moms side are the only ones left and the only aunt and uncle. I have lost my brother and I have lost 3 cousins most recently my dear cousin Maria on 7/13/08 from copd.So this is the first christmas without her and hearing her voice. But to all go in a quite room, and close your eyes and at least for me I can hear all their voices .Life sometimes is sad, life sometimes is not always fair.However you do have today and your are alive so try to live life always like it is your last day. Caddylisa i sincerely hope and pray sweetie that 2009 will be a better year for you all around happiness, good health, joy, peace and love find you. Peace and stay safe in this holiday season. Catherine

I do get sad, but I don't stay sad. I won't allow myself to. Not only does it hurt yourself, but the people around you that are still alive and love you and see you sad and they can't do anything to help you.

When I was 12, my Dad left my Mom and me 2 weeks before Christmas. Years later my Granny died the week of christmas, we had to postpone her funeral because of the holidays. Last year in August my Mom died. I miss them yes, but being sad isn't going to bring them back. And if they are watching me.. they would be upset with me for not enjoying their favorite holiday!

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Sometimes I am and sometimes I'm not. My grandfather died on Christmas morning so it's very hard for me since we were always close. Then me and the DH start thinking about our dads who passed away. (f-i-l was in October and then 4 months later it was my day). I also think some of the sadness was from working retail and how it was pushed on us so early and now I think it's because "some" people are to PC to say 'MERRY CHRISTMAS'. I don't know...but like I said some years are easier then others.

I lost my mom the beginning of Dec. 4 years ago. The first couple weeks of Dec. were hard, but I feel better now. This is the first year since she died that I actually feel like enjoying Christmas.

All that to say, I know how you feel mariah. There is so much else going on in the world right now to put a downer on the season as well.

There are many, many families in our area who just got laid off. It's hard and it makes me mad that we've so commercialized Christmas, that these families have to struggle to try to provide a commercial Christmas for their kids. That's not what it's about, but that is where we are. We don't have much ourselves, but we certainly aren't suffering and I am so thankful. I digress.....

Mariah.....it does get easier. You will always miss her, but as time passes it gets better.

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Melissa

I don't like this time of year. I don't like the weather and the commercialism. I hate feeling like you have to buy presents -- and I feel guilty if I don't. My family has always had some sort of fractured relationship as long as I can remember so holidays can be strained. I've lost 7 relatives in the last 10 years too, so that is sad. I don't like the hustle and bustle.

I am just focusing on my immediate family and trying to keep everything simple. I smile and do the right things but my heart really isn't into it. I would much rather focus on spending time with loved ones, and forget the whole present thing. Sorry to be a bummer. I just think that the focus is wrong for most people. I just don't get the "Christmas spirit".

Back to my corner....

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Donna

DD's Christmas Concert was last week, and one of the songs that was played there was "The Eighth Candle". Before they began to play, the Band Director said "close your eyes, and think of someone very dear to you.....that is no longer here" <GASP> My little one leaned over and said "Mom, I'm thinking of Rufus" her hamster that died a few months back. FIL and SMIL were sniffling all thru it, and there was barely a dry eye in the house. It was rather therapeutic, and I thought maybe some people here might like to hear this beautiful song as well.

This is NOT my DD's band, just one I found on YouTube.

YouTube - The Eighth Candle

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Doing the right thing isn't always the same as doing the easy thing.

I am sad at times too but I try and not let it show. This is the 2nd year without my father and I miss him. Holidays just do not seem the same. I also am sad for my mom because she is alone but I know she will be with her sister and my brother and sister around the holidays so it helps. Hugs to all of you that are missing someone at this time of year or just have the holiday blues! ((((((((((((((hugssss)))))))))))))))))

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~*~Live life to the fullest*~*

Not sad...just stressed.

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Mary

My dad died on Dec. 23 (it will be 3 yrs. this year) it definitely gets easier as time passes. Not a day goes by that I don't think about him. (love you Big T!!) My family is very close and we are certain that my Dad dying at that time will cause us to always get together at Christmas and celebrate our family. I know how difficult it is to put on a happy front for others when inside you are so sad. Do only what you feel comfortable with and take care of yourself.

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*******If life gives you lemons, make lemonade.
But if life gives you limes....make margaritas!!!*******

i think what helped with my mom passing was that she just loved winter and watching the snow fall. During her service it started snowing those really big white fluffy flakes made me feel like she was happier then, she was having a very hard time with being a diabetic, lost her leg and so many pills, dialysis and all that, she's happier now.

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Thanks for helping me not feel so alone. I spent yesterday volunteering at the local domestic violence shelter - my first time ever - in honor and memory of my mother, and to be honest, it was probably the best thing I could've done. I wrapped about 300 gifts, did some filing, picked up food from someplace who donated it, and met a lot of wonderful people. I had expected yesterday to be horrible, but honestly, I felt like mom was smiling. I know it would've made her happy. I feel better than I've felt in a long time, and I'm going to make this a yearly tradition...maybe I'll even do it on her birthday!

I'm so sorry to hear of the rest of you who are going through something similar...I knew I wasn't alone, but sometimes it helps to hear it and you don't feel as sorry for yourself, you know?

Happy Christmas, everyone.

Mariah

Mariah I am so happy to hear you did volunterring yesterday in your mom;s honor. Your mom must have been smiling down on you from heaven, to do something that made her so happy. I sincerely wish you much peace and joy in this holiday. Peace. Catherine

And that's exactly what we're doing this year.

None of us are exchanging presents this year. We're all getting together for Christmas dinner at my daughter's house and planning to just enjoy each other's company this year.

Well said and done! I think we all need a reminder of what is really important in our lives Family! Now if I can teach that to a few in my own it would be the greatest miracle.

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Without Health you have no Wealth!

like i said...sometimes the best way to get past grief is to plow right through it. keep blazing....

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I'm the kind of woman when my feet hit the floor in each morning, the devil says "Oh crap, she's up."

that reminds me of a song that goes something like this......

"if you're going thru Hell....keep on walking, don't slow down.....you might get out before the devil even knows you're there........"


I have my moments....this year, there seem to be more of them

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Doing the right thing isn't always the same as doing the easy thing.

My dad died a year ago this month. So Christmas was very hard last year. I promised myself that I'd be more in the spirit of Christmas this year.

I may not be celebrating Christmas in the traditional way this year (we're not fully decorated, there has been little cookie making, etc.), but there have been so many situations that have come up which has helped me in a BIG way to enjoy the spirit of Christmas. I donated blood in honor of my dad (he was a multi-gallon donor), I gave away the majority of my Christmas toy stash/stockpile (from Target clearances all year long) to a family who has almost nothing this year, and I just completed a scrapbook wedding album for an older widower whose house burned down a few weeks ago.

None of these things have cost me much, and they aren't traditional ways of celebrating the holidays, but they helped me through, and I really think I've got the Christmas spirit again.

So who says you have to make cookies, put up trees, sing particular songs, or show up at particular traditional parties? Do something else that is about someone else. As op just expressed, it might be the most rewarding feeling of all this holiday season.

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah and happy holidays to all of us!

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"The errors of faith are better than the best thoughts of unbelief." - Thomas Russell

I lost my mom in April of 2008 and my children and I lived with her. I didn't want to put up a tree. I finally put up the tree but nothing else no other decorations in the house or outside.. I am not in the mood for Christmas at all this year.. Just yesterday my uncle that had lung cancer passed away and they said he would probably live till March so that was a shocker. He was my mom's brother... I am so not looking forward to the holidays but I am doing it for my kids