My 21 year old son rents a home in the college area of our home town - he and 5 friends rent a wonderful victorian house that has 6 bedrooms - all with fireplaces. However like many areas of old homes - it is close to a bad area of town - in October the boys were robbed in their back yard at gun point the two thieves fired four shots - no one was injured - but it changed their lives. Much to NO NO NO from the parents the boys purchased a gun for protection. On Dec 12 one of the boys was handling the gun - and it went off - the bullet entered his neck and exited the back of his head - the other boys were sitting there when it happened. They did all the could for this young man - He died in the ambulance on the way to the hospital. All of the boys present in the house were arrested and taken by the police to be questioned and then the police took the boys to the hospital but it was too late for them to see their friend- the staff thought it best for them not to see him. They buried their best friend a week before Christmas.

This was my son’s best friend he held him while he was dying- my son is a mess. We have already started him seeing a specialist and he is taking some medication to help him sleep -he has lost so much - every time he does something he misses this boy - they were always together.

This is what I need help with-
The boys have moved back into their house - they want to be there they feel close to the boy who died.(They are leaning on one another for support. )My son states he can feel him there. He has started to tell me he is catching movement out of the corner of his eye - My son wants to know if this boy’s spirit is trapped there - is he haunting them because they couldn’t save him or does he just miss them? At first I told my son that I don’t really believe in hauntings but he could talk out loud when he has that feeling of the boy being close. He could say some of the things that he wished he would have said — I thought it would be good for him to voice these things. He is now telling me that the door to the bathroom is closing on it’s own - a slam - not a gentle closing - the other boys have experienced this- I don’t believe in ghost but I believe in evil- What do I tell him???????? I have strongly advised against anything beyond a simple talking out loud. What do I tell my son??? I think he wants this to be his friend still with him

My first instinct is to pray. I know that he probably wants this to be his friend, but I honestly wonder if this is just his emotions reading more into normal occurances. Everyone handles grief differently.

Just keep letting him talk and vent, with no judgement from you. Sometimes people just need to talk in order to deal w/ the grief. Don't try to solve his problems, but offer encouragement and unconditional support. You might want to gently remind your son that his friend wouldn't 'haunt' him to scare him. This was a terrible accident and I'm sure his friend would never blame your son.

As far as trying to 'release' the spirit, honestly, I wouldn't dabble into that as I think it opens a door for worse things. jmho

I'm so sorry for the loss of his friend. I will keep your son and this whole situation in my prayers.

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Prayer is the burden of a sigh,
The falling of a tear,
The upward glancing of an eye
When none but God is near."

I think the boys are looking for a sign from their friend and probably are finding it in normal household quirks. I would let them think it is him (who knows, it could be him). They must need to know that he is close. I remember when my mom died, we were all seeing and hearing things and assuming it was her. There is a reason people do this, it helps to know the person isn't really GONE.

That was a particularly traumatic death of a friend that they all witnessed. This is going to be a rough time for them, let them grieve in their own ways.

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Jackie

Music is what feelings sound like._ ~Author Unknown

do some research on survivor guilt...
You say your son is seeing a specialist; is he seeing a psychiatrist? I don't think your DS is "crazy" but I believe he probably has some serious issues at this time. That was a pretty traumatic event that he witnessed.

I do believe in hauntings, I do believe in restless spirits. I don't know if phenomenon is actually happening to your son and his friends, but, I would not completely discount it as a possibility.

If you are religious, you could request a pastor/priest to come and bless the house. I believe, and I could be wrong, that blessing a home is common in the Catholic belief system.

In all honesty, I think that your DS is just not handling the trauma and the death well (I don't know too many who could handle it well), and this is his way of trying to wrap his mind around what happened.

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Mental that one, I'm telling you. ---Ron Weasley, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"

I do believe in hauntings. I have had personal experience with them twice. And I know someone whose mother died while he was younger and they seen and heard things that thier mother did while she was alive. She would get up around 2am because she was diabetic and had to eat something. I continued hearing the refrigerator open and footsteps in the hallway every night for several months after she passed. Things of this sort. Both my friend his brother and their father heard the same noises from different rooms, and even opened thier bedroom doors at the same time at first and ran downstairs to see what it was. They believe thier mother did not realize she passed and continued on like she was alive for several months. Then all the sudden it stopped. they think she must of finally realized it and left.
Maybe your sons friend "thinks" he is still alive and is going on as if nothing happened.

first ... how awful for those boys.

i am one who believes. Maybe it is your son's friend either not realizing he is dead or coming around to show that he is there for him. If it keeps up they might look into a reputable ghost hunting group to come in and help them out.

steph

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Classes probably have not started yet. Perhaps it would be beneficial to your son to just come home for a couple of weeks. He totally needs to grieve, but perhaps getting him out of that location for a week or two might be therapeutic. His best friend died in that home. I would get him out of there, and surround him w/ family for a bit. Don't let him go back to school until he is ready.

I agree 100% !!!