I have a serious dilemma with Ex-hubby. He was renting a house from me, fell behind in his rent and I filed eviction papers on him on Monday. The Sheriff will serve him this week. They will have a court date later in Jan, so they have a couple weeks to get their crap together. There are many many issues in this, complete with a girlfriend, her son and allegations of drug use. They owe me over $3000 in back rent....they had every excuse in the book for paying late and partial payments and I was trying to work something out, but 0 rent for Dec and now Jan is late. She says she is trying to move with her son and seeking help thru the county, but that he will "go live in his car with his dog". We have dangerously cold temps in Jan, so I don't know if he is bluffing or seeking attention or what?

I am wondering if I should call is Mom, who winters in AZ, and let her know what is going on? Or is this further enabling him? I don't know if she will be able or willing to help him out?

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"It's not about how much baggage you have, it's about whether or not you can carry your own baggage with grace and dignity."

He's your EX for a reason.You aren't responsible for him.

Just remember he's your EX for a reason (or many reasons)! And take that into consideration when deciding whether to make efforts to help him.

Also, if you have children together(especially younger ones) you don't necessarily want to be seen as the bad person who kicked their dad out to the streets. KWIM?

I don't know, it's a tough call, but I think that I would make the effort to contact his mother. (Unless of course, you've tried to help before and it's all ended the same way--badly)

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Mental that one, I'm telling you. ---Ron Weasley, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"

Sounds like he's assuming he can just use you and get away with free rent. I dont see how calling Mom would help, he's a big boy and all, I guess it'd depend too on how close you still are with his family my uncle divorced his first wife and she turned into some kind of satan spawn or something. She called him out of the blue right before Christmas and screamed at him over the phone about how awful of a father he is.... and shes the one that lets the daughter that's living with her do whatever she wants.

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I agree with that poster, but I think I would call his mother maybe she will make good on the back rent you are owed, and maybe help him too.

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Proud mom to 4 great boys Anthony20,Nicholas16,Michael4,Sean2

I agree with Mary, I think you should call his mom. How old is he by the way?
Maybe she can offer assistance.

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Be careful what you wish for.....

Marilynk, that is exactly what I am trying to avoid, "being the bad guy". Our daughter is 17 and so far is unaware of what's happened. We have tried to keep the rental situation seperate from our parenting, but this past Christmas he didn't even call, send a gift or card. He has court ordered visitation, but chooses not to use it--hasn't seen or called DD since summer. No call/card for DD's bday week after Christmas either. That another reason I suspect drugs or serious depression issues. He was never an involved father, but never this indifferent.

I will try his Mom.......I know he is a big boy--I think he is 46 (we have been divorced over 8 years), but I still worry about him and wish he would grow up, get healthy and be responsible.

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"It's not about how much baggage you have, it's about whether or not you can carry your own baggage with grace and dignity."

And I'm sure that you're main reasoning for wishing that is for your DD's sake...

I'm guessing you are at least on civil, if not friendly terms with his mom. I think calling her is the right decision.

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Mental that one, I'm telling you. ---Ron Weasley, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"

My first thought was "why are you renting a house to your ex-husband"?

If you feel comfortable calling his mom, then call her. What can it hurt? I would try to get the ex out of your rental home and be done with him.

He's not your responsibility anymore -- that's why you divorced him.

I don't think calling the mother of a 46 year old is appropriate. Why burden her with the situation? I know OP didn't bring this up, another poster did, but to expect the poor mother to pay for his debts is unfair. I don't think she should be responsible for the irresponsibility of a grown man, even if she did raise him. 46 is way too old to expect or accept a bail out from your mommy, unless there are really drastic circumstances IMHO. Maybe a few nights in his car with the dog will motivate him to get his act together.

Thank you for all the comments.......I am so conflicted!

I did call his mom. We used to be very close, even through the divorce, so I felt OK about it. She was very nice and said she will try to call him, although he doesn't call her back very often. She also mentioned money is tight for them as they are retired and their investments are down too. Even if she can't help him moneywise, maybe she can kick him in the rear and get him going again. I told her straight out.....I feel like I am tattling, but thought she should know whats going on. I guess that is all I can do......I really feel that he is ill, either with depression and/or drug use.

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"It's not about how much baggage you have, it's about whether or not you can carry your own baggage with grace and dignity."

Well, its been done but I would have voted for no.

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Raising my baby RIGHT!!!!!!

All the cool babies are wearing cloth!

I would have voted "hell no"....but, like tessa said, it is done.

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I'm the kind of woman when my feet hit the floor in each morning, the devil says "Oh crap, she's up."

As the mother of 2 sons, I would want to know if something like this was going on with them regardless of their ages and as a landlord, I would want my rent money regardless of whose pocketbook it had to come out of. If mama chooses to bring him up to speed on his bills, well, that is between the two of them.

I know this sounds harsh but I truly believe that people will only do to you what you allow them to do. Maybe a lesson to be learned here is, never rent to friends or relatives.

I totally agree. This is a business situation, you are the landlord and he is the renter - an adult renter. His financial concerns are not yours to tell his mother or be hopeful she will pay you unless she signed the rental agreement.

To back up, I would never have rented to him in the first place. This had all the makings for problems and here you are.

Again, this is a landlord/renter situation and nothing more should be made of it. Evict him and move on with your life, stop hanging on to him.

dl

Do they allow evictions during seriously dangerous cold weather? I know they used to, but I thought some laws had changed. Maybe I am just thinking of utilities.. I dunno.

Thanks all.....I am printing this thread out and putting it in my court file to keep me strong. We have court Friday and his gf has called me 3 times this week, panicking, crying, blaming him, etc etc etc. Her story is that she didn't know he wasnt' paying the rent.......I don't believe it for a second. When she was out of town for 6 months, he paid on time and even paid ahead. The problems start when she gets ahold of the checkbook!

The judge will most likely give them a 'move out' date, if they don't move the sherriff comes and escorts them out. Even in the winter. There is no "cold weather rule" on evictions, only on utility shut offs.

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"It's not about how much baggage you have, it's about whether or not you can carry your own baggage with grace and dignity."

Good luck in court!

(and in this case of calling mom, I wouldn't have. It just reeks of "enabling" to me.....calling someone else who may (or may not) bail his butt out)