My father is dying of liver cancer it turns out. We thought he had an infection but it turns out it is liver cancer. He is refusing all intervention. He just wants to go home and die. He has hospice coming in now. its a matter of days or weeks at this point.

What advice does anyone have? I am trying to think of financial arrangements esp for my mother. My mind is not working properly and and I know there are things I should be doing but I can't think right now.

I would really appreciate any advice I can get right now.

I am so sorry about what you and your family are going through. My mother was in hospice care before she passed away. The hospice should have a social worker that can help you with your questions about your mothers financial needs. If they don't they should be able to refer you to someone that can help you. My prayers are with you and your family.

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Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.
That way, if you do criticize them, you're a mile away and have their shoes.

I just want to offer you my prayers. My grandfather passed away 6 months ago. The only advice I can give you now is spend all your time with your dad. May God bless you and your family.

I am so sorry to hear about your dad. i think the most important thing to do right now is have your dad collect all paper work that he thinks is important and give to you for safekeeping. As soon as possible. If you have all the paperwork, then everything can be worked out when the time comes, and you can spend your time now dealing with the immediate situation. Wishing you strength to deal with this matter....

I'm sorry to hear of this, but, how smart of you to try and get your ducks in a row. And, you can look at this as a "blessing"......your Dad will get to say his good byes, and so will all who loved him. He has this opportunity to get his affairs in order.

I would suggest his getting a Power of Attorney, and putting things in your mother's name. I would also consult an estate attorney.

Have your Dad expresses his wishes for funeral, send off, burial arrangements, etc.

Do things with your Dad that he enjoys and that will leave you with wonderful lasting memories of him. Maybe give him a pen and paper if he wishes to express things that way, to be read after his passing. I know a lot of times people can't say what they feel, but, can put it in writing.

I hope he passes painlessly.

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Aww sweeite I am sooooo sorry to hear about your Daddy, may I call him Daddy. Hon if it is his wishes to come home and have hospice take care of home, then please please do it. We did it for my brother Sonny it was the best to be at home surrounded by loved ones and in your own bed. Take this precious time and spend every possible moment, share old photos albums, so some talking, speak of memories , make some new memories in this time. Do whatever he wishes. Read to him, watch some of his favorite movies, let him eat his favorite meals.Truly make the most of this precious time. My heart and soul and prayers and thoughts are with you and your family and your Daddy.. Blessings and peace.. Catherine

AllinAugust had good suggestions, I just wanted to offer up my condolences.

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Make sure he has told someone where the will is and what he has to pay to who. when my dad died at the age of 50 , my mom didnt have a clue what they owed to anyone, where the will was, life insurance stuff was or anything like that.

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My prayers are with you. I went through the same thing with my mother she decided she wanted to go to her home to die and that's what we did, hospice was very good and on call whenever you needed them. I was adopted and no siblings with this family (although I do have some siblings) and my adoptive dad had already passed away, so just me to deal with things. I would suggest a power of attorney to your mother or you or whoever is going to handle the business. Make sure your mothers name is on everything, then there won't be any problems down the road. One nice thing about him knowing he is going to pass away is he can tell you what he wants at the funeral, my mom had me go buy a certain color sweater she wanted to wear, pick out any music that is to be played, any solos to be sung, that type thing, my mom had a poem she wanted read. This would be something for you to do, not for your mom, and only if you are not overwhelmed, I did find out that the price differences in funeral costs can vary, so it might pay to call around and do some checking on prices (unless money is not a problem), I found the same headstone $300 cheaper at one place than at another. The headstone does not have to be ordered at the time of the funeral you can do it later, they can't place it for a couple of months anyway. If your dad ever served in the military he is entitled to a free headstone and free burial in a federal cemetary as well as a military burial. Also, you will need to pick out a cemetary, the funeral home will check on availability and make all the arrangements to purchase the plot, but do keep in mind you will need to have an idea of where you will want him to be buried. Or maybe creamation (I know we discussed that also), good to be able to talk to your dad about all these options to find out exactly what he would want himself. There is so much to think about and for him to be actually able to have input is such a blessing, I know for me it was to have my mom's input, it made it so much easier, less decisions for me to make.

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AllinAugust pretty much hit the nail on the head.

Does your father have Advance Directives?


I worked hospice for over 10 years. (First)Take a deep breath, ask your father what he wants to be done, does he get SS now, if not you may want to look into that. SSI can rush and will rush with the correct Dr.s papers, money for him and your mom. I'm sorry for what you will go through and your family. The next few weeks or months will feel like a whirlwind! You will not know what hit you at times. There will be ups and downs. Just remember (god ) will not give you what you can not handle.

My dad was my last patient, I know the feelings you are feeling now. Do not let your mother get run down with stress or overloaded with giving care. If there are other family members who can help that would be great. Hospice works with the whole family unit. You will also want an aid to come in day to day to help with daily baths, etc. you will need Respite – Taking a Break . Ask all the questions you have with the hospice nurse. Keep a notebook for daily care ,meds, and notes you want to remember to ask.


There is so much I could tell you that will need to be done, but get his affairs in order , love, cherish, and value the last few weeks, months that you have . There will be so many memories for everyone. Let you father talk............ He may not at first, but listen to what he is not saying. Quality of Life is what is important now. listen to his End-of-Life Wishes.


We showed old family movies we had, and my dad loved that. Pictures were brought out, stores told. He wrote all the (5) kids and the grandchildren , and my mom letters of how he felt, and also wrote a poem for his funeral, That was the hardest part for me, cause I was his secretary.I had to write it all down for him.

I'm sorry for what your father will go through and your family. My prayers are with everyone!

If you need someone to talk to please don't hesitate to PM me. Irish

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I too am sorry to hear about your dad. I think you have been given some wonderful advice by some great ladies. Losing a parent is very difficult and my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

I have no advice, but I'm very sorry to hear what you and your family are going though.

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I think there is a great deal of helpful advice here.

I don't want to assume that it is easy to talk to your dad about dying, and his wishes, but if you can, and if you think it would be important to him, I would ask him for his wishes for "after." Before my dad died, he hadn't been really able to communicate with us, except for nodding and hand squeezes. I had wished he would have been able to tell us how he would want things done. Things like pall-bearers, certain songs at the funeral, bagpipes, last messages to his friends, etc. Then again, these details might not be important to some families.

I am really feeling for you. Prayers that this time with your dad becomes a gift.

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"The errors of faith are better than the best thoughts of unbelief." - Thomas Russell

I am so sorry to hear about your father. When my mom was dying of lung cancer she didn't feel like eating. I would get her anything ice cream, milk shakes, mac and cheese all her favorites and she was just not hungry. This went on for the whole time she knew she had cancer (25 days). She would only eat a few bites. We would try to get her to eat and she just didn't want to. Now I wish we had let her be about eating. I have spoke to so many people that have said the same thing. I think at the end your body is working so hard just to survive that eating just takes up too much energy. So don't push him to eat if he doesn't want to. You got a lot of great advice and that is the only thing I would add.

Devinmom hon do not feel bad about not talking about "death wishes or issues" i could not bare it either when my brother Sonny died.Sometimes people can and some can. Sometimes the ones who are dying actually have more strenght to deal with the issues of what they want for their funeral wishes.. Again so sorry to op for your Daddy. God bless you and your whole family... Peace.. Catherine

I'm so sorry to hear about your father. I know what you are going through since my father was in hospice care. Sit with your father, hold his hand and tell him how much you love him. My father wasn't able to speak and I regret that I didn't talk to him more, just sit by his bed, and be with him. My prayers are with you and your family.

Our situation was similar but Dad was in ICU, not hospice care. He couldn't speak and wasn't conscious the last day. We talked to him, held his hand, told him we loved him, prayed.

One thing my dad made clear for many, many years was that he wanted "When the Saints Go Marching In" at his funeral and that he wanted us to party afterward. He loved a good party and so that's just what we did. It was sad and happy all at the same time.

farfardsmommy -- I'm so sorry you're going through this. You're in my prayers.

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I'm sorry to hear about your father. Hang in there, we are all behind you!

Thank you so much everyone. He went from sick but funtional to not being able to sit up or breathe or even speak this weekend. It won't be long now. I am just getting to the point I can think or type about it without sobbing. Its happening quickly. We weren't able to get him to do any of things we hoped we could like write about his childhood memories for the grandkids etc. oops starting to lose it.

Thank you all.

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my father suddenly in 2001 and never got to say a word to him.
I hope you can take comfort in the fact that there is more to life than this and you will have the opportunity to see him again.

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I am so sorry. It is difficult losing a parent, even when you know how sick they are. At this point, be with him, hold his hand and tell him what a great dad he was and that you love him. Try to be strong. Again, so sorry.

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Do whatever you can to make him comfortable. I went through it with my dad and we had a really nice last week together. Don't worry about all of the other stuff, it can be done later.


We had company all day ( I called them the parade), all of his friends were welcome to come and stay as long as they wanted, some even stayed overnight with him. We listened to his favorite music, had picnics on the deck with his friends and joked around about everything, reminiscing. The last couple of days he didn't do anything except lay in the bed, but there was always someone to hold his hand and sit with him, which meant a lot.

And if there's any unfinished business, like a fight with a friend or family member that needs to be reconciled let that happen, it's important for him. My dad split with a fiance a couple years before he passed ( it was pretty bitter) and she came to visit him and that meant more to him than anything else we could have done. She took care of him the last few days and they actually parted sort of back together again, it was so sad, but it gave them both a sotr of closure.

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op I'm really sorry hang in there and know that we are thinking of you and your family -