O.k.....the weather is crappy and cold, I'm preparing to put my house up for sale in one of the worst markets ever so I can move to a colder place, and I had to stay up until 1:00 a.m. to meet a deadline.

I'm damn cranky today. That said, either let me know this made you laugh or post something equally funny.


Female Joke

A married woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after work drink with her girlfriends. A tall, exceptionally handsome, very sexy, middle-aged man entered the bar. He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes off him.

The man noticed her overly attentive stare and walked directly to her. Before she could offer her apology for staring so rudely, he leaned over and whispered to her, "I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $20.00. However, there is one condition."

Flabbergasted, the woman asked what the condition was. He replied, "You must tell me what you want me to do in just three words."

The woman thought for a moment, pondering the sexy man's proposition. Then slowly, she removed a $20 bill from her purse. She carefully and quietly pressed it into the man's hand, along with her address. She gazed deeply into his eyes and said with a coy smile.................




"Clean my house."

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I want to keep ALL of my paycheck and eliminate the pyramid scheme known as Social Security (there is no lockbox ). Do you want the same thing? www.fairtax.org

Here is a text that my 14 yo dd sent me last night

roses are red, violets are blue
faces like yours belong in the zoo
don't be mad cuz I'll be there too
not in a cage but laughing at you!

the week before she sent me this one:

a guy gets on a plane with 6 kids. a woman says, "awww are those all your kids?" he replies, "no, I work for Trojan, these are my customer complaints!"

I had to ask her if she even knew what that meant and she said yes. I asked her what a Trojan was and she answered correctly. sigh.... she's growing up!

Lisa

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"It's not having what you want,
It's wanting what you've got"

LOL
everyone has a right to be cranky once in a while. That is the only way our families know it's time to start appreciating us!

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The political system is broke and it's a joke.

Funny! And I don't have anything better that can be posted here.

Have FUN being cranky - and good luck getting the house sold!!

cj/

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I was walking home one night and a guy hammering on a roof called me a paranoid little weirdo. In morse code. -Emo Phillips

Sorry you're cranky, we all have our days. Here's my funny contribution:

http://bewareofthedoghouse.com/videoPage.aspx

Morris returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the doctor has told him that he has only 24 hours to live.
Given the prognosis, Morris asks his wife for sex.
Naturally, she agrees, so they make love.
About 6 hours later, the husband goes to his wife and says, "Honey, you know I now have only 18 hours to live. Could we please do it one more time?"
Of course, the wife agrees, and they do it again.
Later, as the man gets into bed, he looks at his watch and realizes that he now has only 8 hours left.
He touches his wife's shoulder and asks, "Honey, please...just one more time before I die."
She says, "Of course, dear," and they make love for the third time.
After this session, the wife rolls over and falls to sleep.
Morris, however, worried about his impending, tosses and turns, until he's down to 4 more hours.
He taps his wife, who rouses. "Honey, I have only 4 more hours. Do you think we could..."
At this point the wife sits up and says, "Listen Morris, I have to get up in the morning...you don't."