I was shopping (what else!) yesterday and a lady at Coldwater Creek said to me "I'll take that for you, sweetheart". Ugh.

Drives me crazy when people use terms of endearment with strangers. Fingers on a chalkboard. I don't know why but it feels condescending to me...something you'd use for a child or an elderly person (uh oh, maybe that's telling me something )....or someone very close.

Do you like to be called terms of endearment by strangers or people you barely know - IRL and online? If its OK, are there any terms that cross the line? Sweetheart, hon, babe, sweetie, etc?

cj/

__________________
I was walking home one night and a guy hammering on a roof called me a paranoid little weirdo. In morse code. -Emo Phillips

considering i live in the south, i dont even pay attention anymore when people call me hon.

steph

__________________
IMG]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v487/my2cuties/diabetes_1.gif[/IMG]

Nope not a problem here. Its a southern thang. lol. I live in the south and hear it all the time. They dont mean anything by it and I dont pay it any attention.

__________________
·´`·.(*·.¸(`·.¸ ¸.·´)¸.·*).·´`·
«·´¨*·.¸¸. Jo ¸¸.·*¨`·»
«·´`·.(¸.·´(¸.·* *·.¸)`·.¸).·´`·»


Please leave feedback for me here.
http://www.mycoupons.com/boards/g-l/...-littlejo.html



gretchengirl@gmail.com

http://lifewithlittlejo.blogspot.com/

It doesn't bother me. I don't hear it much up here in the North! But, when we travel down South....I find it nice to hear it! One of the special ed students I worked with a few years ago, always called me Miss Tammy. She would always get told that was rude, she should call me by my last name. I always would tell whoever mentioned it being rude that she was from South Carolina and that they often greeted people that way. It was just the way she talked to everyone. I didn't find it disrespectful in any way...I thought it was charming.

There is a cashier at the grocery store who calls everyone 'Hon'. I try not to let it grate on me but it does. She looks to be my age? If it was an elderly person, I'd find it endearing it but not from someone in my age group or younger than me (she does this with everyone...haven't noticed if she does it with males too?)?

It honestly feels less endearing and more like a superiority thing... I don't know why but maybe it's because I don't really live in the South? I live in the Southwest! LOL.

I'm find it offensive. I once told a young male clerk at Friendly's when he addressed me as Honey - I'm NOT your honey, just ring up my order. He looked like I'd slapped him. But I just found it so condescending. I actually wanted to speak to his manager about the issue but I was in a hurry so I let it go.

__________________

If it's an elderly or southern person, it's fine. If it's someone close to my age without a southern accent, it sounds ridiculous.

One time I was taking a class for work, along with several of my coworkers. The instructor was southern and referred to each of us as "Miss first-name" We thought it was too funny. That was about 10 years ago. My coworkers and I still refer to each other as "Miss first-name!"

__________________
If this is going to be a Christian nation that doesn't help the poor, either we have to pretend that Jesus was just as selfish as we are, or we've got to acknowledge that He commanded us to love the poor and serve the needy without condition, and then admit that we just don't want to do it.

- Stephen Colbert.

I want to add that as a person who works with young children, I myself do call the children by endearing names mainly because I have a hard time remembering their names!

I don't mind it at all but those words don't seem to roll off of my tongue gracefully.

I could care less. Things like that have never bothered me.

Jen

__________________
Mom to Jake, Zach & Meghan
SJCC STREAKS FOOTBALL!!
CLEVELAND BROWNS FOOTBALL!

Hear it all the time and I think it's great. That's the way we are where I live. I don't think it's condescending at all.

__________________
Mary

The two times I was in an accident (neither one was my fault) both of the guys called me hon. One was an older guy and the other one was probably in his 40's. It didn't bother me really. I figured they called me that so I wouldn't be upset with them when they hit me. LOL

__________________
Amy
Mom to Lauren, Eryn, Naysa
and announcing......
Gavin Michael Chase, 9 lbs 10 ozs
and 21 3/4 inches long on 10/13/09!

I also live in the south and it's a habit...and very normal here. I don't mind being called baby, hon, or sweetheart...I've been called a lot worse! :-)

__________________
If you're not living on the edge, you're wasting space.

I'm with cjs here. I find it condescending and insincere.

With that being said, I do realize that depending on your location/upbringing it might me natural to call someone "hon" or "sweetheart".
I try not to let it get under my skin, but sometimes it does. It depends on the person and the situation whether it bugs me or not.

It depends on the context.

If I hold the door open for an older lady and she says "Thanks sweetie", or a waitress says "What would you like hon", I think nothing of it.

If a guy comes up to me while I'm at work and asks "Sweetheart, can you help me find such and such" to my boobs, I find it highly offensive.

__________________
Jesus SAVES by shopping smartly and using double coupons!

There is a girl at work (mybackup person) that always calls me sweetie, hon, and girly. She is about 10 years younger then I am and it drives me crazy. Since being a coworker I don't say anything just not to fight with anyone. But I really hate it and she questions me about what's wrong. Because she can tell something is bothering me and I just tell her nothing.

I HATE IT!!!
I sometimes call them "darling" back, very sarcasticly.(sp?)
I don't care if they are in the south, they can use some manners!
I feel that it is just plain rude!
If it comes from an older person, Idon't mind as much.

__________________
Square dancing is friendship set to music!

I very much had to get used to it. In Germany it would be unheard of! Talking about Germany ... The first time my Mom came over here, she went to a big bank, where the lady we spoke to, called her honey. When she stepped away for a minute, my Mom asked me, if that lady was gay ...

Exactly!

It's all in the context and tone used.

My kids refer to family friends as Ms. "first name" or Mr. "first name"--it's a Southern Thang.

__________________
Mental that one, I'm telling you. ---Ron Weasley, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"

I moved to NC from AZ and was shocked because people put "sug" at the end and the beginning of talking to you...the first person to do it was a used car salesman and that turned me off quick. We've been here for almost 3 years, so I am used to it. My kids put Mr. or Miss. in front of peoples first names as well. It has to be a Southern thing!

__________________
" Even though life can be a very long, hard, stressful and never-ending journey, never lose hope in what you want the most."

Miss CJ, ma'am may I please be excused.

I am an offender in this catagory . My name attachment of choice when dealing with people I know or younger people is darlin'.
And I would never use it in a professional setting.

While reading all the replies I was struck by several things.

I didn't realize how close I may have come to being slapped.

I don't really care to have anyone speaking to my boobs no matter what they call them.

I have pretty thick skin so I have never really paid attention to the pet names except that someone calling me "kiddo" kind of grates and any young thing that refers to me as ma'am on certain days may get a sneer.
Oh and when the serviceperson refers to my sweetie and me as "you guys". Hello, now you may notice the boobs.

And like another poster I have been called much, much worse so I guess the sugary names are kind of refreshing.

All that said I will try to catch the darlin's before they slip out so I will stop offendin' ya'll.

__________________

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass
It's about learning to dance in the rain.

My mother-in-law insists on calling everyone "young lady" - especially if they are 60 and older. My sister-in-law and I have tried to explain to her that it is condescending, but she says that people like it.

Uhmmm, I don't think so - I think it is totally RUDE!

Of course, there are other thiings that she says/does that I find totally rude, but that would take a whole thread of it's own....lol

I am used to it. My mom's family is from the south so I would hear it all the time when we would visit. Then I work in a "good ol' boy" industry of aircraft repair for a couple of years in CA. When you work in an industry of "good ol' boys". you get A LOT of darlin', honey, sweetie, etc. They don't mean it sexually or demeaning...at least it didn't come across like that to me. I knew women who HATED it though and one gal slapped a customer (who was a creep anyway but I never dealt with him). It wasn't the men we worked with who did it but the customers who came in and/or called. I grew up hanging around boys and most of my friends are currently male so I guess those sorts of names just roll off me.

__________________
Proud to say I haven't shopped at a Wal-Mart since Sept 2003

Doesn't bother me a bit. I live in the south too, so it's very commonplace here. So is hearing "sir", "ma'am", "please" and "thank you".

I can tell the difference when someone is speaking to me in a condescending tone and when someone is speaking pleasantly. Down here, "honey", "sugar" or "sweet pea" are just little added pleasantries. So is slowing down a hurried pace a bit, saying "good morning" to strangers and taking time to have a conversation. (We're all on the earth one go-round. It's nice to take a moment and see who all is here with you! )

I don't get how anyone could take someone saying, "Have a good day now, sugar!" to be condescending! LOL!

It's always given me a warm feeling. I spent years in the north and now in the south...I'll love the south!

__________________

If I am called Honey, Sweetie, etc, by someone significantly older than me or southern, then I can appreciate it.

If I am called the same names by anyone in my age group or younger, it feels like the person has a boundary issue.

If my kids are called Honey, Sweetie, Darlin', etc. by strangers, it bugs me to no end. I think it's confusing to children to be addressed with such a term of endearment by a stranger. But I'm sure that if I grew up in south, I wouldn't be so sensitive to it at all.

I ALWAYS expect to hear please/thank you/have a nice day... I think that's just being cordial, and should be expected from both parties when interacting with anyone. I don't put those niceties in the same category, but that's probably just showing my "northern-ness" LOL!

__________________
"The errors of faith are better than the best thoughts of unbelief." - Thomas Russell

I'm not nearly as bothered by language like this when I'm in the South....anyone who says "y'all" can call me "darlin'"

__________________
I was walking home one night and a guy hammering on a roof called me a paranoid little weirdo. In morse code. -Emo Phillips

I would rather be called sug, hon or darling that B*&^h. lol. as I said before, its a southern thang and I guess saying good morning to strangers is too. Is holding the door for others a southern thing too? I know when I was in ny, I got the door shut on me by men alot. I always hold the door for whoever is behind me , male or female.

__________________
·´`·.(*·.¸(`·.¸ ¸.·´)¸.·*).·´`·
«·´¨*·.¸¸. Jo ¸¸.·*¨`·»
«·´`·.(¸.·´(¸.·* *·.¸)`·.¸).·´`·»


Please leave feedback for me here.
http://www.mycoupons.com/boards/g-l/...-littlejo.html



gretchengirl@gmail.com

http://lifewithlittlejo.blogspot.com/

I'm somewhere in the middle. I find it kind of weird. Just last week my young eye doctor was calling me sweetie and I thought it was very weird. I noticed it everytime she said it. I couldn't decide how I felt, but I don't think I liked it.

I also find it condenscending to use for an elderly person. I used to work in a nursing home and a lot of the employees referred to the residents with those names. I hated it and swore I'd never do it.

Lisa

__________________
"It's not having what you want,
It's wanting what you've got"

Like someone else said, It depends on context and tone. I really can't stand it when I'm in a disagreement with someone and they say it.

My boys are 8 and 12, and I'm guilty of using these terms with them and their friends. I've been trying to catch myself lately, because I can hear my 12 yr old ds cringe when I say it to his friends.

__________________
Once the game is over, the king and the pawn go back in the same box.

Not a problem at all for me. I just respond in kind. "What would you like, Hon?" And, I respond "Well, Hon (is it okay if I call you Hon? I would like coffee with cream and some hotcakes. Thanks, Hon?" Generally, after that, they don't call me Hon again.....

If the relationship is professional, I stop it the minute I hear it. I am not any doctors, dentists, receptionists, or employer's honey, sweety, or luv. Generally I say, "That is what my husband and mother call me. I would prefer you address me as ..."

I do the same thing. There are so many kids that by the time I do remember their name they are on the other side of the playground. lol

I'd rather be called Sweetie or Honey than Ma'am. Ma'am grates on my last nerve because I'm not 80 yet. The kids in my Awana class all call me Miss Tami, and I don't have a problem with that either. As far as it being rude, I totally disagree. Here in the south it's a way of life. People raise their children to say these things, so it's natural that some of them take it with them wherever they go.

Here's one time when it grated on me - I got a call at work, where the exchange went like this:

Phone: Brrrrring!
Me: Hello, my name.
Caller: I'm trying to reach Tom Smith.
Me: Sorry, you have the wrong number.
Caller: Well, sweetie, why don't you go get him for me.
Me: Well, first of all, I'm not your sweetie. Second, I have no idea who Tom Smith is.

Then I hung up on him. (And in case you're wondering -- I wasn't a receptionist. I worked in an office where we each had our own phone. I didn't work with customers. But, for all I know it was the CEO. Lol! I still had that job until I quit 9 years later, so probably not.)

__________________
If this is going to be a Christian nation that doesn't help the poor, either we have to pretend that Jesus was just as selfish as we are, or we've got to acknowledge that He commanded us to love the poor and serve the needy without condition, and then admit that we just don't want to do it.

- Stephen Colbert.

Im from the south so its normal for me

Around here (New England), we frequently refer to a group of people, regardless of gender, as "you guys."

__________________
If this is going to be a Christian nation that doesn't help the poor, either we have to pretend that Jesus was just as selfish as we are, or we've got to acknowledge that He commanded us to love the poor and serve the needy without condition, and then admit that we just don't want to do it.

- Stephen Colbert.

Count me in with the people that do not like it. It bugs me. My DIL does it to me.

I like that you gave the phone a line in your dialog. For some reason that struck me as totally hilarious!

__________________

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass
It's about learning to dance in the rain.

Not at all, in fact I do it so much and receive it so much I think it makes me feel like there are some truly caring people in the world and if we were to extend more of this perhaps just perhaps the world would be a better place to exist. Again I know some people do not like it, and thats perfectly fine to each his own.. Peace. CAtherine

I can't stand it when waitstaff say that to me or my dh. We both find it very distasteful.

I think to myself.. you don't know me well enough to call me hon, sweetie or dear, and I don't believe my mom is serving me. So, since you don't really know if I really am one of these things.. please refrain from saying this to me!

It is like nails on a chalkboard to me as well. ugh.

But, if it is an elderly person, or someone from the south, I do overlook it and do not find offense at all. But even in this category, if they are waiting on me.. I don't overlook it at all, no matter what.

I live in Virginia, so when I hear these words, it just sounds like a big ol' hug coming my way! When one of my sons went to preschool, we had a drive thru to drop off the kids. Anyway, we had the most dynamic director (60yrs. old or so, from Georgia) who would greet the cars and help unload each and every kid every morning. While we were dropping off my 4 yr. old, she would still give love to my 1 yr. old. I swear his first words, in the perfect Georgian accent, were, "Buh bye, Sugah. "

around here everybody calls everybody by their first names, except teachers when they are in school. if they know teachers out side of school then they call them by their first names when they arent in school. when we get people not from around here to move in, at first the parents will say now this is ms. so and so or mr. so and so, but since everybody around here calls everybody by their first name its not long til you hear the people from not around here kid's calling them by their first name. it just seems werid to hear a kid say mrs. so and so or mr. so and so..lol. plus when a kid says for example, hello miss. jones or miss stephanie we just say oh honey just call me stephanie. (b/c nobody is used to be called miss, mrs, mr.)

steph

__________________
IMG]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v487/my2cuties/diabetes_1.gif[/IMG]

If he was gay, they call pretty much everyone honey. I have a relative who is and let me tell you, he calls everyone honey, sweetie, etc. They don't mean any thing by it, it's just like others have said something they do all the time.

I'm from the south too and it's normal for me too.

__________________
Brenda

GO #24 JEFF GORDON

Living in the South thats the norm. I surely dont find it rude when someone says kind words.

You've got to be kidding me. "They" are not all the same; "they" come in all shapes, sizes, personalities, mannerisms, religions, opinions, etc - just like heterosexuals.

cj/

__________________
I was walking home one night and a guy hammering on a roof called me a paranoid little weirdo. In morse code. -Emo Phillips

Duchess sorry but you just hit a personal nerve with me, God created us all equal , cjs216 thanks so much for your comments, they were right on target.Gay or straight does not make you use the terms hon and dear or sweetie anymore or anyless. That is plain ignorant ..Again Cjs216 thanks. Peace. Catherine

I really think this is a regional thing.....Here in Texas, everyone uses Ma'am and Sir for their elders, and just about every person I know uses Honey, Sweetheart, Darling, and they are used with kindness. I use them quite a bit myself. I see nothing wrong with it.

__________________
Nicole

It depends on their tone. I don't want to hear something in a condescending voice or a rude one. If they are being friendly that's fine with me.

__________________
The political system is broke and it's a joke.

I don't love it!
Living in the south, I got used to it , to a point. ( I am from New England, after all...lol...). Tone, age, attitude, etc do make a difference.
Once (out of habit, etc) is acceptable, but don't "honey-sugar-luv-darlin'" me! GAG!
We had a waitress once whos every 4th word was something to this effect and it bugged the crap out of me! Didn't help that she was maybe half our age. <It doesn't make me want to tip you, just slap you! ...lol >

I'm right there with ya, Loribean. I worked with a girl in her 20's at a Dr.'s office, and she would greet the elderly patients by saying "how can I help you sweetie?" Drove me nuts and I always thought it was very condescending and disrespectful. yuk.

__________________
Melissa

I'm glad I asked this question. I thought this was one of those things that I make more of than I should, but I feel somewhat validated that at least some others feel the same way. I also appreciate that there is a wide spectrum of opinions on this, but nobody calling each other names about it!

Thanks everyone!!
cj/

__________________
I was walking home one night and a guy hammering on a roof called me a paranoid little weirdo. In morse code. -Emo Phillips

Not yet.......

I was hedging my bets since its due to be locked.

__________________
I was walking home one night and a guy hammering on a roof called me a paranoid little weirdo. In morse code. -Emo Phillips

see, my biggest pet peeve on the name thing is when telemarketers call, or when we were broke and bill collectors would call--and they would address me by my given name! You don't know me, you don't have a personal relationship with me, show some modicum of respect and professionalism. even if you were threatening to take my car because I was past due on the payment!
Currently I deal w/ opposing counsel/attorneys who think it's ok to call me Marilyn...ummmmm, no, I show you respect by addressing you as Mr. claimant attorney or Ms. claimant attorney--even though I think you're a slimey ambulance chaser.
There are a few opposing counsel that I have worked with enough that we dispense w/ the formalities--but they aren't the scummy, slimey ambulance chasers!

__________________
Mental that one, I'm telling you. ---Ron Weasley, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"

To me it all depends on context/tone. I usually don't mind unless it's someone really creepy! I just HATE when people call me ma'am. The only ones that I've noticed that do it are the one's I deal with in the Navy from the south and when I've been pulled over by the police. I understand it, but it still bugs me.

To those who do use terms such as Honey, Sweetheart, etc on casual encounter meetings with others, do you also address elders this way?

I do think that the most offensive is calling older people "Sweetie" - I am pretty sure that in my region it would be considered very rude and condescending. I also don't like it when strangers these terms on children, but for other reasons stated in my previous post.



Wondering if most people in the south (where it seems these terms are more common) see it this way too?

__________________
"The errors of faith are better than the best thoughts of unbelief." - Thomas Russell

Although I am from the south, I would never call someone older than I am hon, sweetie, or sweetheart. I generally reserve those terms for the preschool children I teach. Now if someone older than I am calls me that I have no problem with it. If a kid at the grocery store called me one of those names, we would have a problem because I find it disrespectful.

__________________
Check out my homepage http://julie.mycoupons.com/