This topic was brought up on another thread, thought it deserved a thread of its own.

My thoughts:

Scenario 1:
~ Son/Daughter 21 graduates from college ( a year sooner than most counterparts) - finds job at entry level management position (assuming he/she could find a job, which in today's economy, even a college diploma is no guarantee). Makes $750 a week - Take home $525 a week (after taxes, medical Insurance, etc)
~ Gets apartment which takes up a half of his/her paycheck (this includes utilities, cable, Internet, phone etc).
~ Gets a used car, another 1/4 of the paycheck for car payments and insurance.
~ this leaves him/her $525 a month to eat, get gas for car, clothes, AND make Student loan payment - little left to put in savings.
~ Son/Daughter visits parents once a week...maybe

Scenario 2:
~ Son/Daughter 21 graduates from college ( a year sooner than most counterparts) - finds job at entry level management position (assuming he/she could find a job, which in today's economy, even a college diploma is no guarantee). Makes $750 a week - Take home $525 a week (after taxes, medical Insurance, etc)
~ Son/Daughter moves into parents home chipping in $200 a week for food & Utilities
~ Gets a used car, 1/4 of the paycheck for car payments and insurance.
~ Son/Daughter doubles up on Student loan payment and put $500 a month into savings.
~ Son/Daughter chips in doing odd jobs around the house.
~ Family eats dinner together 4 times a week.

Personally, my daughter lived with us until she was 23. She just moved to Arizona, by herself, to take a job. Her car is paid off and, with the exception of a small balance on her student loan, she is debt free.

I'd encourage all families to take this route if possible.

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Mary

You make a lot of assumptions in these scenarios, including very generous estimations of take-home pay.

When do you expect the child to move out in scenario #2? Or should they live at home forever? Is that the plan?

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Reading is Fundamental.

My son lives with my Mom while he attends college and it works out great for the whole family.
In these days of less money and getting back to the important and simple things in life I think it's great for kids to live at home longer. They have done it that way in Europe for centuries with the child staying home until marriage and the elders living with family members.

I think depending on the family it would be good in both situations for the child to live at home.

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The political system is broke and it's a joke.

Honestly, if my house were large enough and my kids wanted to, I would have them live with me FOREVER!

Seriously - I don't think 4-5 years is unreasonable. But it all depends on your life style and living conditions. We lived in Germany many years and it is the norm to have kids live with parents until the get married or move on to work somewhere else. (what Anna said)

Look at the Asia culture. They live as a family group indefinitely.

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Mary

My daughter lives with us now. She's also had her own place in the past. I'm glad to have her here.

My son also lived with us for a while but now he has his own home. The only constant in life is that things keep changing.

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Trbl,
You said, "Or should they live at home forever? Is that the plan? " Can I ask what is so wrong with that?

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Be careful what you wish for.....

I think it really depends on the motives of the family members involved.

I have seen situations where it's more about the enmeshment and an inability of either the parents to let their kids grow up and mature, or about the child taking more years to 'find himself' than is healthy, simply because there was no pressure to move on to the next step in life.

I remember losing my dad and what a blow that was to my psyche, despite the fact that I lived two states away and had not been financially dependent on my parents for ten years. I can't imagine how difficult it must be for someone who never emotionally separated themselves from their parents' existence to cope with that loss.

However, the pragmatist in me sees lots of advantages to this if the child is emotionally healthy and working towards an independent future. What a blessing to be able to launch into independence with no debt and a nice nest egg saved up for a house!

I think the bottom line is that young people need to have the vision for themselves of independence and self-sufficiency, and that if they are working towards that and living at home doesn't enable them to develop a sense of entitlement or stunt their drive, it's probably fine. But if the parents detect that staying home is a coping mechanism they are employing so they don't have to grow up, that's an entirely different matter.

My mom always said we could live at home as long as we wanted at no charge to us. BUT, once we moved out, and then wanted/needed to move back in, we would have to pay rent. College time away did not count. I lived with my grandparents when I went to college and then lived with my parents until I got married (age 21). I never paid rent. I did pay for my car, insurance, etc. I did help with meals when time allowed and still had to abide by "house rules". My brother stayed at home until he was 25 and mom kicked him out because he couldn't abide house rules. He was not considerate of my parents like he should have been.

As long as my kids aren't bums and leaches, I will probably do the same as my parents except once they get a job, they will be expected to contribute. If they have no job, they will be expected to contribute in more house labor ways. I am not going to support a child sitting around playing video games all day while I work (I know those who do). I would make exceptions for children homeless due to divorce (my neighbor took her DD and grandDD in after her DD's divorce. Stayed there 1.5 years until she remarried). My parents let us stay rent free for 6 months while our house was being built so we could put more money down. I will say, it's HARD to live at home with a DH and 2 kids.

There is nothing wrong with having your kids live with you forever as long as the children are contributing to the household and all in it are happy with the situation. If my mom had it her way, she would own a huge piece of property and myself and my brother would own a house on it as well. Then, we would meet up nightly for dinner at her house...she's such a dreamer

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Proud to say I haven't shopped at a Wal-Mart since Sept 2003

I don't know what to say about this because 3 weeks ago out of the blue my 21 yr old son, you know the troubled 18 yr old I used to moan about in 2005/2006 literally showed up on our doorstep from Kansas. He decided to come back to turn himself in on the warrants for his arrest on probation violation he wanted to see the inauguration and then turned himself after it and is still there. We are pondering what to do when he is released, he cannot sleep in the same room as DS Stefan, he will have to sleep on the couch and he will have to get a job and help pay some of the added bills for food, plus catch up all his old bills and make a dent on the $5,000 + he cost us the last time he was here. I think we are going to set a time limit of 90 days, but with the economy and the job market here in DC not so good for a 21 yr old with a GED its going to be hard, he would love to work in a call center again but I dont know where to start. I am sure I will be on here groaning and witching after his court date March 4th of they let him out, thankfully I will be in California when he has court for my Foster Care Conference

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~ Christine ~
Grammie to Trinity Lorayne Jean Keens Born June 9, 2011 Loving my awesome guitar picking 100% Country Boy boyfriend Kenny !
RIP Daddy~ 01/24/1930-06/01/2007 I miss you !
Dont Think you Can .. know you can ~ Jeff Hardy

As with most parenting issues, I don't think there's a "one size fits all" recipe for success. Different kids and different situations need different plans.

My 2 cents.

cj/

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I was walking home one night and a guy hammering on a roof called me a paranoid little weirdo. In morse code. -Emo Phillips

We currently have my daughter, age 36, my son-in-law, much older, my grandson, age 8, my son age 38, and of course my husband and me. Luckily we have a large enough, (barely), house.

My daughter and gang moved in with us, just temporarily over 6 years ago. It worked out well because my SIL was traveling most of the time. They have the lower level of the house. The house is a ranch, built on a downslope, so the entire back of the lower level is mostly glass. My husband and others spent two years finishing the area while they lived upstairs. In the last 6 years my SIL has been layed off several times. It's the nature of the work he does.

When they first came, they came with SIL's grown son and his dog. Step-grandson lasted about 2 years and got homesick for the Dakota's and left. Didn't take dog, but dog got allergies so bad they had to send her up to him, in the hopes that her allergies would not be so bad there.

Last Aug. son came home after losing his job and wife and dog. He has been job hunting ever since. Has interviews several times a week, but so far nothing has panned out.

Recently my daughter decided to get grandson a dog and my son decided if they had a dog he had to have a dog.

So things around here are not always smooth, but peace is a relative thing. Son lives on upper level with us and everyone comes and goes as they please. Once a week or so, we all have dinner together. And of course they have built in baby sitters for my talented, charming, beautiful grandson. Our lives would probably be too quiet if they all left. I love quiet, but during the week, during the day, there are still quiet times to be found. It works for us, so far.

Both my dh and I lived at home until we got married. We were both 24. I had a full time job since high school graduation and paid my own bills. My parents didn't make me pay rent as long as I saved my money. When I got married I had a very nice nest egg in the bank. I don't have a problem having my 21 yr old son living at home. As long as he is working and going to school I think this is the best way to go.

I think it's nice if a kid can live at home for a period of time in adulthood (which, for the sake of argument here can be after college/trade school). I think any kid living at home should be required to contribute at least a modest amount of $$ to the household expenses.

However, I also think that every adult should live away from their parents' home for a period of time, if possible, prior to settling down with their own family.

I, personally, would be a little apprehensive about marrying a person who had only ever lived at their parents' house. I'd be extra worried if that same person had never made real financial contributions to the parents' house/utilities, etc.

eta - I posted this BEFORE reading 3togetready's response. I know that there are exceptions to my own little theory here! I'm sure 3togetready's is one of them.

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"The errors of faith are better than the best thoughts of unbelief." - Thomas Russell

>>>If my mom had it her way, she would own a huge piece of property and myself and my brother would own a house on it as well. Then, we would meet up nightly for dinner at her house...she's such a dreamer<<<

That's my dh's idea of bliss. I wouldn't at all mind something like that because I'd have my own quiet and tidy home and my privacy.
Have an adult kid living w/us now, has a developmental disability. It will take more years for this kid to get out and be independent, but so long as a kid lives in this house, adult or minor, disabled or not, they must abide by the rules dh and I dictate. Adult kid was *not* living by the rules, was basically being a sponge and a bum, using disability as an excuse. Came pretty close to feeling dh's boot on the backside out the front door. Curiously enough, when threatened w/the prospect of living away from us and being 100% financially responsible for what it takes to do that, a miraculous change in attitude occurred.
Many families had multi-generational households when I grew up (am in my 50's), both in the city and the country, it was not at all an anomaly. There were always families with grandparents or aunts/uncles or married kid sibs & grandkids living together in the same house with kids and their parents.
When my parents grew up (depression era and earlier) it was a given that you'd live with your folks till you got married or joined the military.
I know of folks in my area who never woulda considered having adult kids live with them but the economy has made it a necessity, especially the fams with kids going to college right now. A larger number of local young folks are going to the various 2 year colleges around here now vs. the universities, and even the kids going to 4 year schools are living at home to save $$ on room & board.
MZ

In the midst of all the economic turmoil we've got going on right now, I have to wonder how much of it has to do with the societal changes we've made in the past 100 years or so. Not only is it an expectation that kids will live on their own at 18 or as soon as they graduate from college, but often when they 'launch' they haven't been in a situation where they could really acquire a nest egg. They start their adult lives in debt. If they went to college, they didn't pay for it outright like previous generations did - they owe the bank and the government tens of thousands of dollars.

Add to this the fact that they are accustomed to all sorts of toys that they consider part of their baseline existence, and it's no wonder that the economic game has changed and so far, it seems, there aren't really a set of rules to guide us into this new age.

I think we need to look to our parent's (or grandparent's) generation to see that the rules do in fact exist to guide us into this new age.

My parents both grew up during the Great Depression and they showed us kids everyday how to live within our means. I didn't always listen but they set an excellent example. They dealt with true hardship and learned to survive and thrive.

Really, the baby boomer generation and their children are the first generations in this country to have the disposable income we've enjoyed for decades. That's not such a long time historically speaking.

I think one of the huge changes that will result from this economic mess is that families will become closer knit. Many of my friend's kids have had to move back home out of necessity. They are making the adjustment and making it work.

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Cecilia

"We must love them both--those whose opinions we share and those whose opinions we reject. For both have labored in the search for truth, and both have helped us in the finding of it."
Saint Thomas Aquinas

I don't think the age of leaving home is the same for everybody. I think it depends on the family and whether the son or daughter is following family rules and how well they get along with each other. If everybody's happy with the arangement, why not?

It's a nice dream that could be reality if you pool your money. My sister and I inherited 100 acres from our grandfather (used to belong to HIS grandfather) and we both took 50. Our parents bought 10 acres next to us and we all built our own houses. I gave my son 10 acres of my land and my sister gave her daughter 10 acres of her's and they built houses and moved their families in. Our other children will get their share when they build a home or when we die.

We don't eat together every night though - just on weekends. It's more like living close by than living together but we visit back and forth. We like having everybody close by but we don't want to eat together every night. That would be too much work!

You don't need that much land to see your dream come true, though. We couldn't have afforded to buy so much land if we'd had to pay for it and we have to pay taxes on all of it. Taxes aren't cheap. You probably only need one or two acres per family and you can still buy land sort of cheap in rural acres if you buy 25 acres or more at once. You could pool your money and buy 5 or 10 scres now and build later. You DO need money to build the houses. We spent more building than we would have buying a house.

I hope your mother gets her dream! We like living on our land together better than when we lived in the city and it keeps us closer as a family.

Nope, no thank you. It's her dream I live 2 blocks away from her and 2 blocks away from my brother as well so we are close enough. Being on the same land...pooling money...that would drive me crazy. I love my mom but I don't want to be right next door to her. I need my "room" and no way I could live in the country. I am a city girl I know it *could* work but I know it's only my mom's dream...not mine or my brothers (or my DH's for that matter LOL)

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Proud to say I haven't shopped at a Wal-Mart since Sept 2003

DD is 20 now and is in college. She works part time also. Pays her own car payment (we cosigned for a car) and car insurance, gets her own medical insurance from her job, pays minimum for it. We pay her deductable on it for her. We furnish food/personal items (toothpaste, shampoo, most of her make up etc..) And of course I buy her clothing from time to time, not like I use to but when I see something I think she will like I pick it up. (today I got her a top and some sweatpants) She will pay rent when she is not in school that is the rule. As long as she is enrolled in school or on school break she pays nothing. Once she is out she will pay $100 per month to cover some of her expenses, and we will not be paying the insurance deductable anymore.

You can ask, but, if you have to, I can't imagine you'd find my answer agreeable. I think the notion of kids living with their parents forever is insane. If you want yours there until the day you die, that's certainly your business. It won't be happening in this household. I think it's extremely damaging to have adult children dependent on their parents.

ETA: Just want to make it clear that I'm talking about healthy, able-bodied and able-minded adults, not kids with learning or emotional disabilities.

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Reading is Fundamental.

Like one poster said, it depends on the situation.

My oldest moved out when he finished college at 22.

My second moved out after a year of college at 19.

My third took 5 1/2 years to finish college and stay home for two years to pay off loans. She is moving out in two weeks.

I would have said when the kids were younger I would kick them out at 18 but now that oldest is 14 I would say she can stay as long as she wants too!!! As long as she is working & paying her own way on things which at 14 she is already working so hopefully it continues to not be a problem

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mom of 3 greats girls

As parents we would love to hold on forever as children most of them cannot wait to be "on their own" until they find out what that means LOL.

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The political system is broke and it's a joke.

Wowww.......why so extreme? "Forever" or just for a year or so? I would let my ds or dd move back in as they pay off their car or just to save 1 year's worth salary in order to have a chance at living debt-free as a temporary situation.

What "The cafe" needs now is Love ...........
Sweet Love!