Have you ever had to break-up with a friend or cut ties with an acquaintance? I have someone in my life, (friend would be a strong word) - more of an acquaintance that is trying to be my friend.
She is sucking time and energy out of me. Very demanding, calls really early and really late. She always wants to set up playdates with our kids. We are VERY different in alot of ways, and because I tend to be non-confrontational, I am always biting my tongue around her. I have been too nice to her, I've been taken advantage of. Sometimes it kills me to say no when someone needs a babysitter. Really it is too long to go into great detail here on MC. I just wonder if anyone out there has had a similar thing happen, and how did you handle it?

Just say "I treasure my alone time and only want to be on the phone when I make the calls. I do not do daycare, however if I ever start I will be charging $15.00 and hour. I will call you at that time to see if you are interested in my services."

I recently broke up with a friend. She was sucking the happiness out of my life. I guess she was unhappy in her life and didn't want me to be happy.
She would bad talk everything good happening in my life.
I just stopped. I stopped everything. I stopped speaking to her. I stopped accepting phone calls and or emails. I blocked her where I could, email/phone.
Doing that was easier than trying to explain what she was doing wrong. She would only say someone else was putting me up to saying those things :rollseyes:
It's been a couple of months and I feel so much better without her around!
That sounds bad to say, but it's true.

__________________
Support bacteria -- it's the only culture some people have!

If Vegetarians eat Vegetables. Do Humanitarians eat Humans?

'Vegetarian' is an old Native American word for bad hunter.

I've broken up with friends over the years. And for the reasons you mentioned. They were toxic - sucking the happiness and emotional availability out of me.

I just became very "busy" - didn't return phone calls, didn't make phone calls to this person. If I got caught off-guard by the 'friend' - such as at Target, or grocery shopping, or if my kid answered the phone before I could screen it I would say "This isn't a good time...can I call you back?" and then I wouldn't do it.

I admit it wasn't honest of me, and many people would say that I should have been more direct. However, I hate confrontations IRL. Since she was already creating an unpleasant/negative atmosphere, I didn't feel the responsibility to make my situation even more stressful by planning and implementing a "fair" or upfront break-up. And I know that if I HAD gone that route, I would have replayed the confrontation in my head a million times after, felt horrible about it, and probably called her back out of guilt. Not the way to go if you have a propensity to the same behavior.

So I just avoided. She got the hint, and I got my life back. (This has happened more than once - and the results were the same each time).

I feel for you. You owe yourself peace.
D

__________________
"The errors of faith are better than the best thoughts of unbelief." - Thomas Russell

If it's someone sucking the life out of me I have to stop them. If it's someone I have to deal with (at school, work, etc) I come up with a diplomatic way that puts everything on me. If I don't have to see them again then I can either just let them go becoming very "busy" as devinmom said or just let them go.

__________________
The political system is broke and it's a joke.

Yes, I have broken up with friends and also family (an aunt who was extremely toxic). You have to be direct. Most people like you are talking about do not (or won't), take a hint. Next time you see her, tell her that her calls are disturbing your life. NO CALLS before xxxx (it's 9:00 am here unless it's an emergency) and no calls after xxx (7:00 pm here). Then, she wants to do something, have you watch her kids, etc...just say NO. Sorry, I just can't do do it. Won't take NO for an answer? Reiterate that you are not watching her child and hang up before she can say anything else. Treat her like a telemarketer (she's acting like it). I like the idea of saying you will now charge $15 or 20 an hour for childcare too. Up front payment expected

Toxic "friends" suck. Your life will not be great while you rid yourself of them but SO much better once they are gone. They are leaches and will attach to someone else soon enough

__________________
Proud to say I haven't shopped at a Wal-Mart since Sept 2003

Yep. A couple years ago - it was my next door neighbor. I just stopped everything. Then we moved across town - which was already in the works, not because of her directly. That and time has helped. I've allowed her back into my life a little, but not near as much as before. It works much better this way...especially now that we're not neighbors.

It's rough at the time, but better in the long run.

Lisa

__________________
"It's not having what you want,
It's wanting what you've got"

It's hard to tell from everything I am involved in, but I a NOT a social person!! When my commitments are done, I want to go home to my family and relax. Well I have a friend who takes offense to that and we have been working it out for about a year.

She doesn't like it when i say that I like to have family time and I am a friend who might not call for 2 weeks and you need to be ok with that? When I have free time I love to get together with friends, but I am NOT running myself crazy or running my kids around like a lot of these people do, that's not me.

So I have had to cut high maintenance friends out, no time for that. If you can't be comfortable and secure enough to know we're still friends even though I don't call you every day then we are not meant to be.

__________________
"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." ~ Bernard Meltzer

I am the same way flipper. I just don't need social interaction ALL the time. I actually have been told by friends to "check in" daily with them. I said I would to avoid argument and to be nice but I don't. I'm a grown woman, I shouldn't have to check in with anyone anymore.
Are people becoming more needy and clingy than they used to be?

__________________
Support bacteria -- it's the only culture some people have!

If Vegetarians eat Vegetables. Do Humanitarians eat Humans?

'Vegetarian' is an old Native American word for bad hunter.

I think I am about to become very "busy" and I like devinmoms, & flippers ideas. You guys are great, you are all like my therapists or something!!!!

I prefer the direct approach. I would rather be honest and just deal with it. I'm not into playing games. If I were on the other end, I would want to know why the person was ending the relationship with me instead of always wondering what happened between us. ~Lisa

I'm the type of person that has to have her "alone time". I have had to put my foot down to a lot of friends and family members because they always thought I was the one to pick the pieces up for them.I'm not a social person by nature even tho, I 'm a den leader for cub scouts , I work very closely with the cub master and do a lot of work for my kids schools.I'm the type of person that wants to get the job done and go home to "My family" and their day or problems or what ever is going on in their life's. I am good friends with a lady I have known for 3 years, we have taken vacations together, gone to movies, had play dates for the kids, But we may only talk over the phone 5 times a year. We hardly ever see each other but when we do it's always a good time and very enjoyable for the both of us. The reason I believe its like this is because we DON'T see each other daily or talk daily so when we do it's special.As far as family members went / goes its the same. My oldest DD was taking advantage of me with babysitting her 4 children. She seem to have the mind set that since I didn't work and I am the granny that meant I didn't have a life even tho I have her 4 youngest brothers and sisters still living at home. She thought since all the kids were the same ages or close to the same age that meant I would or should have been tickled pink to have 8 kids here under the age of 13 . It had gotten to the point she would ask if I could watch them and once I said yes the plans would change after she dropped them off. what should have only been 1 maybe 2 hours would turn into 7 to 8 hours because she would call her husband and tell him it was Ok to work a double shift since I was babysitting the boys.This happen 4 times on the 5th time this happen I came UNGLUED on them and told them it wouldn't happen again ever ! So now the only time I babysit the boys is in an emergency or when the boys come to stay the night.Other then this I don't babysit them I refuse to be taken advantage of even if it's by my daughter .
Op good luck it's hard to know you feel trap and you want a way out w/o starting a war , but sometimes you have to take a step back and look to see if this is worth it or not. If you know its not then remove yourself from it. Good luck I think we all have been there.

Me too. I am direct to a fault and prefer direct in return.

cj/

__________________
I was walking home one night and a guy hammering on a roof called me a paranoid little weirdo. In morse code. -Emo Phillips

I agree with both CaddyLisa and cjs216 in that I really am ok with knowing exactly how someone feels. I tend to shoot from the hip and take it on the chin
in the honesty department myself. However not everyone is good at recieving honesty.

I have found with very clingy people, the kind you are trying to ditch, honesty sometimes is just more reason for drama.

Sometimes changing a phone number is the only answer.

__________________

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass
It's about learning to dance in the rain.

I agree with CaddyLisa and CJ also. It is the best, most fair way to go.

However, if a person cannot muster up the courage for that honest breakup, then I think they should proceed in whatever way gets them out of the unhealthy friendship.

I'm one of the people who would still be rehearsing the right words even now, if I held myself to that standard. Hence (and unfortunately for me), the breakup would never have occurred.

If you can be forthright, then I agree it's best to go that way. Otherwise, just do what you need to.

__________________
"The errors of faith are better than the best thoughts of unbelief." - Thomas Russell