Ok I feel really stupid here. I never really paid much attention to sex ed back in the day when I was supposed to be learning it and now I have a question and don't even know where to begin to look to find the answer.

My daughter's friend has confided in me that she has been having sex. She says that it was with two different guys but within the same month. Now the first guy I will call Joe and the second guy I will call Bill

Joe is her boyfriend and they have been having sex an a fairly regular basis (from what she tells me). She told me that they "normally" use protection but not always. She and Joe had a fight and to get back at him she had sex with Bill.

The sex with Bill was unprotected and within the week before she was due to have her period. (She was supposed to get it around the 25th and they had sex on the 21st.)

She wants to know , IF she is pregnant, what the chances are that the baby will be Bill's. As I've stated at the start of this post I really have no idea but said if anyone would be able to help me find the answer someone here would. So does anyone know what the chances are that the baby (if there is one) will be Bill's? Or at least know a site where I can try and find an answer?


(Just to be clear, we've already discussed the fact that she is going to need to tell her mom what is going on and the fact that now all three of them are going to need to go to the doctors and get STD tests along with the pregnancy test for her )

UPDATE- Sorry it took so long to post with what has happened but its been a long week. When we went to her house and tried to talk with her mother her mother was upset (she didn't even know the girl had a boyfriend let alone sexually active!)

When she first heard that the girl might have been pregnant she told her she had to move out. (this was a gut reaction to having the rug pulled out from under her) I offered to let the girl spend the night at my house so that mom could have a chance to think about what was going on and how to proceed.

On Monday, Mom called me and appologized for acting the way she did on Sunday when I was there. She took the girl back home and they made an appointment for the dr for a pregnance test. Results were that she is not pregnant (Thank goodness for that)

They have been talking about why the girl felt the need to be having sex to begin with and then to go have sex to get back at the boyfriend with some random guy. (I have removed myself from the situation now because I feel since I am not a family member I have done all that I should ) From what my daughter has told me her friends mom is refusing to get her birth control. Mom feels that by putting her on the pill it sends the message that she is ok with the girl having sex. (I disagree with this because its obvious that the girl is going to have sex if her mom approves or not so it makes more sense to ensure she is protected but this is not my child so I do not voice my opinion )

On the bright side of this... my daughter who has been there for her friend through all of this told me she knows she is no where near ready to have sex after seeing everything her friend has gone through.

I don't really know what the chances are, BUT most women ovulate roughly 14 days before the start of the next period. Of course that is just a very rough rule. . .anything is possible. I would say the chances of it being Bill's (if heaven forbid she is pregnant) would be slim.

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*Most* women will ovulate, and thus have a greater chance of becoming pregnant mid-cycle.
I am not *most* women ;-)

It should be Joe's but you never know for sure.....

You can use an online ovulation predictor such as

Ovulation Calendar
American Pregnancy Association : Getting Pregnant: Ovulation Calendar

The week before would typically be a little late to hit the fertility window, but not out of the question, especially if her cycle is irregular.

(off-topic) I saw a bit on the news the other night that childbirth in 2007 was at a short-term high and that 40% of the babies born were to single mothers. Blows my mind....especially the young girls. I really wish girls had more self-esteem.

cj/

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There is no way to tell for sure, every woman is different and unless she's tracked when she ovulates she won't know now until a paternity test is done. And don't try to guess it can be devistating if she's wrong.

A guy that DH works with just found out after something like 8 years of child support and visitation that his son is not his son. He had suspected it because she had just broken up with her boyfriend ( sound familiar) and then found out she was pregnant and this guy thought it was his and he believed her. They broke up shortly after the baby was born, but he paid his support and watched the kid grow up. Lately there were things that she said that made him suspicious and he had a paternity test done ( without her knowing) and he isn't the father at all. Now he doesn't know what to do, he still loves him, but the mother is back with the childs actual father ( and has been for the last 7 years I guess) and they could be a happy family without him.

She needs to be sure, bottom line.

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This is off-topic too, but why is it that people always say if a girl has sex she has low self-esteem, but they never say that about the boy? I think "girls" have sex because they're curious and they enjoy it. (BTW, I didn't have sex as a teen, so this isn't trying to defend my behavior.)

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- Stephen Colbert.

I don't know about "people", but I personally was referring to teenage pregnancy - which I believe is often, not always but often, tied not to the desire to have sex but the desire to have something to tie them to the "baby daddy" or have something to love and/or be loved by. That is a self-esteem issue. I think precious few boys have sex for those reasons. But that's just my opinion.

And relative to the basenote, I was referring to having sex with Bill to get back at Joe. That is more of a self-esteem issue, in my opinion, than a curious and enjoy it situation.

cj/

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I was walking home one night and a guy hammering on a roof called me a paranoid little weirdo. In morse code. -Emo Phillips

I see your point.

__________________
If this is going to be a Christian nation that doesn't help the poor, either we have to pretend that Jesus was just as selfish as we are, or we've got to acknowledge that He commanded us to love the poor and serve the needy without condition, and then admit that we just don't want to do it.

- Stephen Colbert.

OP, do you mean she was supposed to get her period on the 25th of March, as in 4 days ago?

If that's the case, I'd tell her to calm down, that having your period be off by a couple of days doesn't mean that you're pregnant though she does need to get a pregnancy test ASAP.

I can tell you from personal experience that getting worried and worked up over getting your period can make it take longer to come. Stress can mess with your hormones. Thankfully, in the case when I was worried once I clamed down and got a grip my period came within a day or two.

This girl does need a complete check up along with a pregnancy test and reliable birth control if she isn't already pregnant.

Back to the original question: I'd say the chances are slim that any pregnancy would be Bill's, but both guys should be tested if she is pregnant 'cuz you never know.

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Thank you everyone for your responses. I did explain to her that she could just be a few days late and that if she is stressed worrying that she could be pregnant that it could delay her getting her period even longer. We are heading to her mothers house in about an hour so she can talk with her mom about what is going on and then hopefully her mother will take care of the birth control issue. I am trying to be supportive here without giving my own daughter the impression that I approve of girls her age having sex. What the friend did can't be undone and needs to be dealt with now.

Forget about if it's Joe's or Bill's this girl needs to have someone talk to her about respecting herself and not allowing every Joe or Bill who comes along to possibly impregnate her. Your vagina is your most private spot and you should not be sharing with people who don't give a damn about the rest of you.

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OP, you didn't mention the girls age? But you did mention about not giving your own DD the impression it's ok to have sex at that age, which leads me to believe she is a minor? It's good that she felt safe in coming to you to confide in! Just wondering how the talk with her mom went?

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Hey JDYMITCH, how did things work out telling the mom? Hope it went OK....

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I was walking home one night and a guy hammering on a roof called me a paranoid little weirdo. In morse code. -Emo Phillips

Don't forget the boys responsiblilty in all this too........a few minutes of 'fun' can result in 18 years of child support and baby raising! This reminds me of a guy friend of my dd's this summer, who was having random sex and because of that 2 girls (that I know of) had to go to PP for the morning after pill. I was torn between calling his mom, who I know a little, or keeping my trap shut. I kept quiet....but still wonder if I did the right thing. If she gets back together with Joe, both of them need a talk.........

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