I start this thread because in 22 days I will be 46 years old. Now I realize I am not a senior citizen lol not yet. However of course with each year as I get older things change in my life. I realize there are some things I cannot change, as you get older it is the basic rule your body gets older and your body changes. I go back and forth and somedays I am totally fine and then there are others, where I have discussions with dh , family and friends and I get upset. Like having to always dye my hair, some weigh gain, wearing glasses, stiff joins and minor here and there aches and pains. Then I go positive and say, no one takes me for my age except me, which is a good thing lol. I am happy I married young and had my children young. While I will me 46 on 4/20 I will have a 23, 21, and 17 year old children. But behond all those factors, I just feel we are living in a too fast paced world and truly wish we could go back to the way it was. We have become disconnected from our extended families.Personally I do not have any extended family on my moms side she was one of 7 she is the only one living all her sisters and one brother and their spouses all have passed away. From the 23 grandchildren I have lost one bother and 7 cousins. I dearly miss sunday dinners at my grandmothers house. She had a small little apartment yet every Sunday we were all there her 7 children their spouses and all 23 grandchildren. There was one tiny television, no cell phones, no computers, no texting, just board games and playing in the hallway or in her living room. We had plenty to do and plenty of fun. There were no stores open, we went to church and then to grandma Violetta's home for all home cooking. Boy do I miss those days, those days were truly special and yet seem so long ago. Today too much is placed on materialistic items and we are so busy some people cannot even talk on the phone at home, they are talking non stop on the cell phone. THen we become so lazy we only can text. For me as I have said it before I only only use my cell phone for emergencies and just to make sure I know where my kids are and how they are and if my dh and parents are okay. Otherwise all can wait till I get home. As far as texting I am dumb never did it once. It has gotten so way out of hand it is truly sad.Me and my husband Tommy always lived with the policy of having dinner every nite with our children, However since all now have boyfriends and my ds has his girlfriend, we are noticing they are going out a bit more.Thats okay it is apart of life we realize that.However my oldest Hope is thinking about joining the peace corps. I guess we cannot blame her, because all our children were raised loving animals and caring for people and loving rock and roll music and spreading peace. Also with me and my dd;s both being vegetarians . My ds Thomas now while he has so many stomach aliments, he truly is bothered by eating meat, because he as all of us loves animals so much. Anyway thats a whole story I will have to discuss and with Hope perhaps wanting to go to peace corps with her boyfriend. Getting back to the original post, does anyone else feel this well.I sometimes feel I was born in the wrong era.I know this because my love for everything old and older and older. I literally cannot stand anything modern. I just feel we all need to learn to slow down and truly smell the roses and not live in such a materialistic world and realize, without your health and your family what truly is most important. Thanks to all for the long vent. Peace to all . Catherine

I agree with a lot of you post. I love animals, antiques, the way family USED to be, some of the way things used to be done. BUT, I would have never survived they way women were treated 100 years ago much less any farther back. I wouldn't survive the way women are still treated in most foreign countries. I was raised to " cover my own ground " and unfortunately I do that and more. If I were to step into life 100 years ago, I would without a doubt wind up horse whipped by a man or group of men for being as out spoken and opinionated as I am. So as much as I love a LOT of days gone by and the way families were closer, I don't think I would like that life. I have heard my mother and older relative talk about the difference in the way women were treated even in their early years to know that was not a life I could have lived. Just my opinions.

Yep. I wish we could take the good things from the old days but keep the good things that have made our lives easier. I miss the neighborhoods where all the kids played "safely" outside, most moms were home and watched out for everyone elses kids too, Kids had to use their imaginations much more than they do now. Even being bored was ok. Food habits were better. People didn't have quite so much, not as many distractions. Modesty was certainly valued more. Those Victoria Secret model shows are worse than the early Playboy magazines!! I'll keep my cable tv and medical advances! I don't think I was born in the wrong era (I used to think I should have been born in the pioneer days but there's no way I could have made it!) but I should have been born in Alaska or northern Minnesota, etc...!! I love the cold! Yes, I miss the good old days........

Busy is a nasty word to me.

Busy is an automatic answer to everything.

Busy is an excuse.

Busy is the "in" thing to be.

Busy is over used and over rated.

People are too busy being busy being busy.

dl

Do you ever wish our lives were not so busy and that life was like it was years ago??

Sometimes but more for others than for us. We aren't as "busy" as everyone else.

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Proud to say I haven't shopped at a Wal-Mart since Sept 2003

I think we miss a lot being so busy. My DH and I have a lake house in a super small rural area and we love being there. My DS can walk over to his nanni's house with his bb gun, ride 4 wheelers and just take it a little slower. We all take walks and just look at the wild flowers, stroll by the lake, check out our neighbors' goats, gardens, chickens, etc... We cook all meals out there because the closest restaurant is 25 miles away! We buy fresh veggies, fruits and eggs from neighbors. I would love to live there, but I share custody of my DS with his dad and can't see taking him 1 1/2 hours away. There is also the issue of the school system not having as much to offer. BUT, DH and I will move there when DS graduates from high school - just 8 more years... lol... Then, WE will have chickens, a big garden, and a slower pace. I am so looking forward to it.

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Kim

I agree. I wish our lives weren't so busy and that families got together more often (other than funerals). Even to go back to when my boys were little was a slower paced world (25 years ago). I stayed home with them. I worked out in the yard while they played. We took walks around our neighborhood and knew all our neighbors. We'd go to the local park and have a picnic lunch. I had dinner on the table when my husband came home from work.

I wish our families got together more often. Now everyone is so BUSY there is not a weekend to spare. When my parents were alive, we'd all go to mama and daddy's for Sunday dinner. The kids played outside. We'd all sit around and talk. The guys would take a nap!

Now no one gets together for anything. Maybe a hurried Christmas/Thanksgiving dinner because the younger ones have to be at the other set of parents' house later on (or stepparents). We used to get together for 4th of July and other holidays (Easter), but not anymore. The younger couples are just so busy taking the kids to everything (wrestling, softball, baseball, piano, ballet, football, golf, etc.) They have no time to talk on the phone. My niece is so busy she can't even call me on the phone to ask if I can keep her daughter. She has to email me about it!!!
I think the younger generation will look back and wonder -- where did the time go? They've rushed thru their younger years and haven't enjoyed a single bit of it.

And I've noticed they have absolutely no patience with their children whatsoever!

I think a lot of people need to step back and ask themselves just what are they so "busy" doing?

Are they busy working overtime at a job they hate so they can make payments on a house that's way more space than they need and payments on an SUV that's way bigger than they need?
Are they busy dragging the kids around to activities that the kids don't even care about that much and are getting very little out of?
Are they busy trying to keep up with the Jonses, who are, truth be told, up to their eyeballs in debt from putting on the appearance that they do "have it all"?

I'm sure a lot of people could find more time to actually enjoy life if they were just willing to change the way they do things or cut back on the amount of stuff they have.

No, I would NEVER want to go back to "the good old days" before antibiotics, birth control and vaccines, back when women couldn't vote and were expected to keep their mouths shut while making dinner and babies, back when segregation was legal and alcohol wasn't.

I think Billy Joel said it well: "The good old days weren't always good and tomorrow ain't as bad as it seems".

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Jesus SAVES by shopping smartly and using double coupons!

I agree with alot with what was said here. While I agree there are so many issues from living 100 years ago, that I would not want to live with, like how are women did work especially living on a farm. Women most certain had very rough lives to lead. Getting married way too young, having a child every 9 months, of course having to wear a corset I could never ever. Also womens rights and finally very important medical technology. Aside from those important issues, I guess I just wish in our crazy lives today, we would go back to some simpler times which would include more quality family time. For me I would love to live on a farm in the country and live in a old old house, have alot of animals and just live the country life having a running brook or pond by my house. Like I said before I just feel that sometimes we lead way too many crazy lives. I guess lol I have been watching the notebook movie too much lately.. Boy some of those scenes and times were priceless. I am gald we have our summer home in Connecticut and realize that my dh has a family business that is important, so I try to make the best of my life. peace, Catherine

Quote

:For me I would love to live on a farm in the country and live in a old old house, have alot of animals and just live the country life having a running brook or pond by my house."

Catherine,, I have all these but the old old house, because our land was farm land when a new built home wouild be old old now. Life isn't any slower here than it is in a big city, just a different type of busy,.

I don't think our lives are that busy. I think that our society makes our life chaotic! Get the kids up so early for school that the roosters are still sleeping! When you live in a neighborhood, some kid is knocking on your door wanting to play with my kids. Why can't the kids learn to play by themselves. Also some function going on it town... 26 miles away... have to go because ... I have no reason why.. just gotta go!....

My Mom the psychoanalyst says that people stay busy so they don't have to deal with other "issues" and I think that's true to a point.

The happiest people are the ones who can be happy just sitting home in a lawn chair watching the kids play, or just hanging around the house with the family. We clutter our lives so much that there's no room to really live and see what we already have.

I am quitting almost all of my activities this year when school ends, they aren't helping my family, it's just more stress we don't need. No more Daisy's, PTA, class Mom, school store and more relaxing and fun with my kids ( and husband). I'm not busy any more!

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"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." ~ Bernard Meltzer

I agree with your Mom's thoughts, too. I also believe that people who's homes are a mess are "mentally" a mess, or trying to not deal with something. If they have all this other stuff going on, they can focus on it, and not some of the mental things they should deal with.

I like a simplistic life style. Less to think about, worry about, etc, more time to have "fun" in life. I'd like to give up the internet, too, honestly. It seems to eat up too much time........

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Doing the right thing isn't always the same as doing the easy thing.

I know that I was more materalistic years ago (I was a Material Girl living in a Material World).
My relationship with God was not as strong as it was years ago.
The choices I was making years ago still anger and make me ashamed today.
I would like the body I had years ago and my husbands car and that is really about it.
I like life now. I feel close to God, I enjoy being with my daughter and husband and I really don't care or want to keep up with the Jones'.

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John 14:1
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Interesting....this is a thought very similar to the position that my son's school takes that sloppy dress can make for a sloppy mind....or that getting dressed "appropriately" for school prepares the mind for learning. Maybe it's not so crazy afterall.

cj/

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I was walking home one night and a guy hammering on a roof called me a paranoid little weirdo. In morse code. -Emo Phillips

Our home is 100 percent one of the cleaniest neatest homes around. It would and could not be any other way, my dh is a control neat freak and while I was not as neat as he was I have become from living with him and we have raised our children to keep a extremely clean home and they all take care of their own rooms totally 100 percent. However I as far as dressing that is another story we all love to dress like hippies.. My son Tommy has such long long hair and also while I wish my husbands hair was longer like when we were dating, his hair is fairly long to his shoulders. My husband has a goatee so does my son and they hardly ever shave which I totally love. As far as clothes my dh never ever hardly gets dressed old jeans and tee-shirts and wears his hat backwards totally love it with his old silver jewelry.. So extremely clean home but if you say so sloppy dressing but very smart people here.. Peace. Catherine

We quit girlscounts a year ago. My little girl and I don't even missit. It made our life on Tuesday so chaotic.I am looking forward to summer coming, school is out and I can stay at home with the kids and let the relax and enjoy the sleepy steamy summer. Life is good for us when we keep it simple. I don't care about the jone's either!

FlyLady.net: Your personal online coach to help you gain control of your house and home is a sight that I have gone to about getting your house in order. One of her "rules" is that you have to be DRESSED down to your shoes, no hanging out and cleaning/organizing in your PJs. You are more work oriented and serious when you dress the part. I totally believe it.

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Doing the right thing isn't always the same as doing the easy thing.

Me, too. I love flylady!

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We miss you, sweet brother
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The only time in my life that my house was messy was when my Dad was sick and we had way more than we could handle going on. So yes, the mental mess is totally true for me. When my mom came to help out with my dad, she even noticed the dishes in my sink, which I NEVER have, so she knew I wasn't doing well.

I can't say I care so much about MY appearance, but my kids always look nice. Me I'm a pony tail and flip flops or sneaker kind of girl. Jeans and a t shirt, nothing fancy, but I am dressed and the beds are made within 30 minutes of getting up in the AM. I'm anal about my beds being made.

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"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." ~ Bernard Meltzer

""people who's homes are a mess are "mentally" a mess, or trying to not deal with something""

OK, this is where I raise my hand, yep, my home is a wreck and my emotional life is a wreck. I really hadn't associated the two till I started reading this post. I think one of the reasons I have come back to reading The Cafe so much is you ladies make me THINK with almost all of your posts. Normallly I don't post on the threads where the bickering and name calling has started, but I will say that even on some of those threads I have agreed with PARTS of them and then reading the next post, I would have to re-consider my attitude towards the other side of the coin.

I guess all that to say that, I am re-thinking some things and I want to thank you all for offering differing opinions.

I have started straightening out the mess in my house, so I am hoping that means I am internally sorting out the emotional mess too.

I agree partly with having a messy house, however for me personally if my home was so messy and out of order and items were all around and not in their place I would and I know I would get nervous. I love looking around and seeing that everything is in its place.I just feel better inside and one of the worst things for me is not making your bed, yuck I could never ever leave and not make my bed it would have to be a extreme emergency as to why I could not take 5 minutes to make my bed. But again as I firmly believe life is all about choices and if you feel you do not have to have a extremely clean house and your fine with that then so be more power to you life is way too short what every truly makes you the person happy for you and your family and its your life... Peace. CAtherine

I can relate to this and understand what you are saying, but I disagree with the spirit of your post. It does apply to some... but not to everyone.

I'm not just busy - I am committed. There are several projects I have chosen to take roles in because the causes are things I believe strongly in. Those roles demand a level of obligation. For instance, I am on the board for a once-a-year event, and when the time for that event approaches, my duties are all-consuming. I truly *am* busy - busy with tasks that are my responsibility, that have a deadline, and that I'm not in a position to delegate to another person.

I know we all often was nostalgic about the 'good old days', but I wonder if part of our perspective is that when we were living them, we were kids so we really didn't have the weight of responsibility on our shoulders. I, too, spent much time at my grandma's house, for us it was out on the farm, playing games with cousins and eating big meals. However, now as an adult I am well aware that all those home-cooked meals didn't materialize out of thin air. The women slaved in the kitchen for hours while I was out playing. The men spent their mornings in the fields or working with the cattle until they came in - work that must be done when it needs done. If it's harvest time, you can't exactly take a day off just to hang out, because time is of the essence.

Sure, they were easy, relaxing times for *me*... but I'll bet grandma had a bit of a frenzied day the day before getting ready for so much company. Mom was busy going back and forth to the store for the ingredients she needed for the food she was to take, hauling food out to the car with little kids buzzing around her... hardly a relaxing activity.

I have fond memories of laying on my bed listening to my John Denver 8-track tapes through my headphones. Loved that! I have fond memories of sitting up close to the tv when Wolfman Jack and the Midnight Special would come on on Friday nights, my best friend and I with our fingers on the "Record" buttons of our cassette players so we could record the audio of songs we loved as they blasted through the tv speakers. From Peaches and Herb to Rod Stewart, we taped 'em all. lol And I fondly remember the popcorn, the late late nights, playing back the songs we'd recorded in such a high-tech way... lol....

Todays kids will have similar 'feelings' about their pasts. The gear will be different, the trappings much advanced, but I have a feeling they will one day look back at *now* as the good old days. Just like our parents thought access to a cassette player was on the verge of 'too much' for a kid, we see their Ipods and want ty cry "EXCESS!!!" But I think it is all about perspective.

If they are people who value kindness, love, friendship, and faith, all that 'gear' is just window dressing, and what that dressing looks like is guaranteed to change with every new generation.

I sort of agree with this line of thinking.

Sort of. Am I just being defensive??? LOL!

I am a clutterbug and right now, my house is a mess. A terrible mess from top to bottom. I'm not dealing with anything negative emotionally - I'm happy with my spouse and my kids and generally with my life, though there is always room for improvement! I eat right and exercise. I have solid friends and no debt and am generally a very confident person.

However.. my mom did not teach me great habits as a kid. I tend to leave things where I last used them. I go on to the next thing before tidying up from the last thing I did - whether that is undiagnosed ADD or a lack of impulse control because I am just that eager - or pushed by a deadline to start the *next* thing - I just know that I have poor *habits* when it comes to my stuff.

My kids are so-so about picking up, and looking back at how some of my friends raised their kids.... well, they were good at having them put things away, etc. I was not. My mom hadn't required it of me and it just wasn't on my radar. I wasn't suppressing emotional pain. I was just living to the standard of cleanliness that had been expected of me from childhood.

Just as there are some who use the messy house to avoid dealing with things, though, there are neat freaks who are the same way. They think if they can make everything look perfect that people won't see the real them - the messy them. They get obsessive about LOOKING right... and that's not healthy, either.

Well, whatever it is, I have the exact same problem and have wondered the exact same thing (whether I have adult-onset ADD). Use the scissors and leave them on the counter instead of putting them in the jar right on the counter. Take the cup out of the cupboard and don't close the door. Sometimes I don't even finish one thing before going to the next - I leave the sandwich half made and go put some clothes in the laundry....

I get it all done in the end....and thank god for cleaning lady day that forces me to do all the tidying so that she can come in and get the cleaning done.

cj/

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I was walking home one night and a guy hammering on a roof called me a paranoid little weirdo. In morse code. -Emo Phillips

I like to refer to it as "multi tasking" DH says I have ADD, I think HE has ADD I can do several things at once, and can have several thoughts in my head at once, as well. I have to be careful, because I can be talking to someone, and my mind is already on the next subject, and I'll just move along to it, and they're looking at me like "HUH????"

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Doing the right thing isn't always the same as doing the easy thing.

You have some very excellent points. I never looked at it like this. Do you mind if I ask if you have problems finding things??? Like things are in such disarray, you can't locate the scissors, or the power saw, etc. I think that is where the problems come in.

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Doing the right thing isn't always the same as doing the easy thing.

Oh, yes. I do. Daily.

There are some things that I have been able to *make* be habits. For instance, I have a hook by the door for my car keys. 90% of the time it is automatic for me to just hang them up right there. If for some reason I'm in a hurry and rush in and plop them down.... elsewhere, it will be a crazy time trying to find them.

The other thing I am bad about is shoes. I kick them off places and then can't remember where. If they have gotten pushed back under a couch, etc., it will take awhile to figure out where they are.

We host a group of kids from our church once a week in our home. I signed up for that job with a hidden agenda - it would MAKE me pick the house up once a week. It hasn't changed my habits, but now we never have more than a week's worth of clutter hanging around.

You mentioned scissors - I have LOTS of scissors and at any given time, one or more of them will be in my junk drawer in the kitchen, so I can always find a pair. The ones scattered around the house make it back during our weekly "get ready for company!!!" spree.

I think part of my issue, too, is that I don't have lots of empty cupboards and things make their way into our houses that don't have a "place" so they sit around. Things I need to deal with but can't deal with immediately go out of mind if I put them out of sight so I leave them out. Right now, here on the island in the kitchen with me, sits a middle school newsletter with dates I need to enter into Google Calendar. I see my wallet, left out because my main purse is out in the vehicle (I dashed out to get my credit card to place an online order) and it was dark and windy and I didn't want to go back outside to put it back together with my purse. DS's shin guards are here - just took them out of the dishwasher, he's asleep, and I don't know if he's going to want him in his room or his gym bag. So here they sit, and they will likely still be here Monday morning because even though they are in plain sight NOW, when he wakes up we'll be on to other things and they aren't that big a deal and I can assure you I will forget about them.

I do agree with Flylady about the perfectionist thing - at least it is true for me. If I can't do something all the way, then I feel like it's an in-progress event and that it's not yet *time* for me to wrap it up by picking up. For instance, there is a half-repaired laptop sitting in the other room. I worked on it about five hours and it will take another five to finish it off, at least. It's one of those things that doesn't have a *place* - no cupboard to call home, noplace I can neatly store it until next time I have five hours to devote to it. If I tried to put it in a box the parts would get out of order and then I'd never get it back together right. It's not a job I can do a little of here and there - I'll need to focus! And I haven't had five free hours for weeks.

So there it sits, taking up valuable real estate on a desk we could be using.

It's not an emotional thing that I'm not dealing with the laptop. It's that until I know I can both start and finish it, my brain just can't handle sitting there staring at it and analyzing what to do next. And - lol - lately I've been too BUSY (legitimately! work-related projects with hard deadlines, three kids with play practices and ballgames and none of them with drivers licenses!) to just sit around for five hours and make it happen.

Now.... my neighbor's house is spotless. She would rather pay somebody $300 to fix a broken laptop than figure out how to do it herself. She would go nuts with the pieces sitting out like I have. Since I knew I *could* do it myself, and since money doesn't grow on trees, I couldn't justify the expense (it's just a spare laptop), dove in head first.... but underestimated the time commitment, and now I can't exactly back out of it.

Anyway.... that's a window into my world. lol

WOW, this was SOOOOOOO me. I couldn't find the PERFECT spot for a picture, so on the floor it sat. Like THAT was a good spot ..... I would say that is my issue. I am working on it, and making GREAT headway, thankfully. I remember when my first child was born..... oh, what a funk I got myself into. Talking to someone they asked what I like to do, and when is the last time I had done it??? At the time it was cross stitching....and, hadn't done it, well, since the baby was born. Why not? they asked. Well, because I can't get it done in one sitting. I no sooner sit down and get a row or two done, and the baby needs me. They broke me of that habit, too. Otherwise, I'd never get anything done, and never get any ME time.


I'm like your neighbor. I'm all for doing it yourself if you can, but, if you can't, don't leave a bunch of crap all over the place....... get it to someone who can do it. DH and I butt heads on this issue often

I guess what I'm getting here is that we certainly can't lump everyone in to the same basket. Overall, the people I have met who have a house in complete disarray (not to say yours is WOW), are dealing with "issues" in their life, and the house is a reflection of their mental "house".

Another interesting tid bit..... Suze Orman says that if your wallet/money is a mess, so are your finances. I am a "ones with ones, all in the same direction, small bills in the front, big in the back" kind of gal, and my bills are paid on time, etc. DH is "a five here, a ten in this pocket, things folded all willy nilly" kind of guy, and he needed a little help with his bills. He's come a LONNNNGGG way, and I peeked in his wallet, and guess what???? All the bills were sitting there nice and pretty and in order

Interesting stuff.

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Doing the right thing isn't always the same as doing the easy thing.

I have to have money sorted smallest to largest and all facing the same direction. I can't even count my money till I get it all sorted and turned the same direction. I hate it when cashiers give my change back all shuffled.

I can't stand to start something and not be able to finish it. I went to my mothers to help her recover a chair, we were up till after 2 in the morning taking the chair apart, neither of us could quit till all the take apart work was done. That may be part of my problem with a major clean at home, it got in this mess when my husband had a string of major heath problems, and some weeks we had DR apts everyday and a couple times he even had to go in for shots on Saturday. Everything go, shoved stacked and piled cause we were either at a DR apt or on the way to or from. That is not the problem now, we only have about 4 Dr apts a month now, but this place has gotten to such a state of disorder that even I can't stand it anymore. I have several pairs of scissors and only make a concerted effort to keep up with my best pair. The rule around here is if it is important paper work, DO NOT give it to me as I will lose it. He had to call Thursday to find out when his GP apt was, as I had lost the card, course it will turn up sometime next week since the apt is Monday. It just proves to me astrology isn't for me, I am a Virgo and if you have read any astrology, I am supposed to have a place for everything and everything in it's place, well, NOT HERE.