Anyone here have their children move out? I mean, I know it's supposed to happen, but I mean any parents of only children here? I found out recently that my son and his GF are going to be moving out very soon. Within a month. I am extremely happy for him and I have absolutely no doubt that he can take care of himself both financially and physically. That's not my worry. I guess it's not really that I am worried, but I am definately starting to feel lonely. He hasn't even left yet and I am wandering around the house at different times of the day, crying for no reason.

I should be ecstatic that he is "becoming a man". He is 20, soon to be 21, and he has an awesome job (making way more than his father...which is a stick in daddy's side..heh), and is extremely responsible. He has a new car that he makes regular payments on and has for close to two years, helps with bills here at the house, and will give us money whenever we ask and he will even come to us and ask us if we need anything. I have such a wonderful, awesome, strong man. Why do I feel so awful? This should be an exciting time for him...and I haven't nor will I let him see that I am upset. If I did, he wouldn't leave and that's not what I want.

I realize this will pass in time, but as of this moment, it is torment. I want to grab him and hold him and squish him back into his little 4 year old body . Does anyone have any advice on how I can deal with all this emotion? I have tried keeping busy so I don't think about it, taking on hobbies, talking to hubby about my feelings (he's very sensitive to me and knows when something's up), and I even called my brother in VA and talked for an hour with him. I also tried calling my mother in law and asking her how she handled it. She has 7 kids (2 sets of twins mixed in ). so with her it really never is an empty nest. There is always one or more kids there and she has the grand babies .

I just need something to get me through this until it's over. Once he is out on his own I can fall apart and bawl my eyes out and throw a good ole feel sorry for myself tantrum. But right now I really need to keep myself together so he will go. He wasn't a spoiled child. We didn't have the money for that. We didn't coddle him emotionally, either. His father treats me and everyone else with a huge amount of respect and he learned from him how to treat women and people in general. As I said, I am very very proud of how he turned out.

Ok, I am rambling like crazy here. I can't seem to stop babbling about how proud I am..lol. and I don't really feel like I am expressing myself how I wanted to. But, I hope you guys get the gist of what I am trying to say. Maybe I just need a sympathetic ear or shoulder for a while.

I know EXACTLY how you feel. My oldest is getting married in August and my other son is going off to college in California, all in August!!! I am going through it now with my 18 yr old. He's been home schooling the last two years and they have been the best of my life. We have had so much fun and are together all the time. I see a small child and I have those flashbacks to when he was small and I just want to go back in time, just for awhile, and hold him again as a toddler. I've been feeling that pretty strongly for several months now. And I am afraid to even go back and look at all the pictures when he was little! It's almost like a real pain in the heart. On the other hand, I couldn't be happier with his college choice and I'm excited about his future, etc... It's just like I feel my job is done now! My oldest and his wife will still be local and hopefully they will have some kids in the next few years so I am looking forward to that. My house is going to feel so empty though. Since ds was here most of the time the last few years it isn't even like he was off to school all day, he was HERE!! So, it will really be an adjustment. It's scary but I will just spend my time praying and thanking God for the wonderful sons I have. I've been a mom for almost 25 years and soon I will have no one to raise anymore! I know a mothers job is never done but this empty nest stuff is HARD. I never thought it'd be this hard. I think the word bittersweet applys here! I know it does to me.
You are NOT alone. We can help each other!

Hi, Duchess & kathytheshopper! BIG HUGS to both of you!! I just walked through the last 2 days of NOT knowing where my 18 year old son was at because he decided to pack a bag & walk out of the house. He does not have a car NOR any money in his pocket. Luckily, by the grace of the angels, we were able to find him today and bring him back safely. Guess what I am trying to say with all of my rambling that I am getting ready to go through the empty nest feelings along with you BUT hope & pray that the next time he decides to do it in the manner that your sons are doing it. When you see or talk to your sons next, please tell them THANK YOU for being mature & responsible adults!!


Hugs!!!

Debbie

I also know EXACTLY how you feel. My DS is leaving May 5th for boot camp. I told him the other day......"you do realize this is it. If you come home after this, it probably won't be for a good reason" I think it is just sinking in to him to.

When my DD left, I used to go in her room and cry and smell her things.

We had our kids young and used to brag about how young we would be when our kids left. Like that was a good thing!! We know better now. We have Faith now, but have no idea how long she will be here.....AND we just found out our DD and her DH are moving in with his parents!!! ugh.

Like I said.....I can SO relate.

On the other hand, you do get used to it, if that is any consolation....;0)

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Melissa

Debbie, I can' t imagine what that must of felt like! Do you think, if someone would have been able to convince us just how painful it can be to have children, we still would have had them?? probably

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Melissa

I, too, feel your pain. My DSs are 27 and 25, so they've been gone a while. I think it helped me by "practicing" the empty nest on and off thoughout the years. You know...sending them away to camp for a week, or to a relative for a short vacation. Then DS2 lived in Belgium during his junior year, and they both went away to college. I think every time you are separated it makes you stronger. Hmm, come to think of it, I'm still not very strong. LOL DS2 travels a lot and is gone for months to a year at a time. I cry every time I see him again, and every time he leaves again.

We do raise them to be independant and need to appreciate that it's time for them to move on. I am usually happy and content...but there are times that I get all weepy and miss the younger years.

Hang in there...you're normal.

Duchess,
It is sad to let them go. Just try to think about what a good job you did raising him. You can be proud of how he turned out .

And .......
If he is going to live near you he may be home to eat with you often.
My kids dropped in a lot after they moved out.

I was an only child and we went to my parents home a lot.

Hang in there, Shirley

Been there - done that!! Go ahead and cry is my advice. There's no point in going around trying to hold it in. It may help when the final day comes when he moves out -- you'll have already gotten some of your crying out! If your son is ready to move out, trust me, he'll move out. You will miss him but you'll also eventually enjoy your newfound freedom. It's really hard when they go out that door for the last time. I remember just standing there watching him and his friends load the truck. He stood at the door (I had tears in my eyes and he had them in his) and he looked at me and hugged me and said, "Thanks, mom, for everything." I will never forget that ever.

I have twins and one of mine is married and the other one has moved out on his own ( I think this is the third time!)

My other twin lived at home for a while during college and then moved about 3 hours away for more studies. Then got married. It wasn't as hard on me with him moving out because I felt he was more mature and could take care of himself than the one who moved out on his own with his friends.

Do you remember when you left home? I remember feeling so free and happy. Just think your son is going thru the same emotions too. He'll be back to visit. You can fix him his favorite meals and desserts. Trust me, they WILL come back!! LOL!

I enjoy it when my boys come back to visit. But now I enjoy 'my' time (and me and my husband's time together).

You will survive this!!!

(((HUGS)))

Our oldest is in his freshman year of college. It was such an adjustment for ME. Even w/ his three younger brothers still at home, it still felt lonely. I cried a lot. I slept in his bed more nights than probably healthy. My heart ached every time I walked past his room. BUT, I know now, that when he comes back home, while at first he was spending time w/ friends, all of a sudden he wants to play baseball w/ his brothers, and have dinner w/ his grandparents, and sit and chit-chat w/ old mom and dad. Just be proud you raised a good boy. He'll be back to visit, probably more than you will want him to!

oh my gosh I dont even want to think about it I am already planning on dd 14 living in the basement at least until shes 30 its perfect to be like an apt so thats my plans when they are little you cant wait then it comes & eeks!!!!

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mom of 3 greats girls

nightowlrn, I am so sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine losing a child at any age, under any circumstances. There are just no words that seem adequate.

I'm so sorry to hear that. I do appreciate every sinlge minute with my boys. For the most part I always have because I went through a lot of loss in my childhood so I know a person can be gone in a matter of seconds. (Probably a few times "appreciating" them was difficult though! lol )

***HUGS***

To both of you.. empty nest by choice or not.

Yea, they are getting an apt. within about a half hour's drive from here.

Yea that's how I feel. I know he can take care of himself. I guess I am just being selfish. It's hard to let go and let another woman take care of your child.

Aww sweetie I'm so sorry for your loss.

No, you are not being selfish!
You are just being a mom! That is what mom's do .... Worry about their children.





.

Why think of it like that. They marry and you gain a daughter then maybe grandkids. He's a man now, time to think about the things you never got to do and still want to, spend some time living for yourself. Soon enough the sounds of pitter patter will come again when the grandkids come.

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I have a 25 yr old son who lives in another state for college and better financial opportunities. Also college in CA is about one third the cost of OR.
I miss my son every day and he has been gone for 7 yrs now. The only thing that keeps me not worrying is that he lives with my Mom so I know what's going on with him and that he's safe and gets good food and has a great place to live.

It does get somewhat easier after a while. I mean as in you eventually don't spend every single waking moment thinking about him and crying as you look around the house he grew up in with things all around that remind you of him.

Sigh. Another one of the "beautiful" journeys of life.

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The political system is broke and it's a joke.

Well I didn't really mean it like that. I just meant that it will be hard letting someone else do what I have been doing for 20 years. I'm happy he has a girl he loves and is going to be on his own. It's just hard letting go is all.

I'm glad my son found someone to love him! He's ADHD so I'm just happy they get along. I was always worried about how his love life choices would turn out! So, I'm extremely happy about this son. It's my 18 yr old that I'm really going to miss as we live in Iowa and he will be in California!

nightowlrn, I'm sorry for your loss. I can't imagine the heartbreak that never goes away.

Those of us who are lucky enough should rejoice when we see our children become independant...as hard as it is at times.

Besides losing a child, many people have children that are disabled in some way and require lifetime care. I thank God every day for giving me 2 healthy and happy sons.

I understand what the OP is saying, our two children are out of the house and it is a weird feeling. I guess you have to learn to let go, I sit here and wonder how they grew up so quick and how did I get this old! Lucky for me that my son left us his 3 year old yellow lab, she NEEDS me, LOL.

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Sometimes the elevator often the shaft

My heart and prayers go out to those who have children who have left this world before their time. That is a pain that never goes away and I applaud your courage to share it. {{{HUGS}}}

My oldest left for college last August. I cried as I drove away and when I got home I was SOOO MAD at DH and DS2 for not asking about him and just going about their own business! I also slept in his bed the first night (but decided I didn't like the way it smelled - LOL). It does get easier with time and in my case, I get to have him home for breaks - just enough time to wish him gone...teehee...just kidding.

I feel fortunate that I started seeing a new Dr. when I turned 40. At one of my first appointments with her, she sat me down and encouraged me to take care of myself and find happiness and fulfillment outside of my kids because eventually they would be not as dependent on me. It was a wake-up call that I still thank her for this day....even though technically, I do have a full-time job that keeps me busy and occupied.

I understand the pain, but look at your children finding their way as an accomplishment.....and a time to move on to new accomplishments of your own!

cj/

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I was walking home one night and a guy hammering on a roof called me a paranoid little weirdo. In morse code. -Emo Phillips

I was talking to a friend about this not too long ago. I told her that now my kids are moving out I will be more available to do volunteer work. She told me not to kid myself, these are the best years with your DH and you will have a ball together. She is so right and my nest isn't even completely empty yet, I still have one more to go!

With my oldest he has given me a wonderful DDIL and my middle DS is going away to college and while we won't be involved in his everyday life like we are now, we now have a new team to follow and new adventures to live with him. My youngest is still in middle school but she is so active and has much more of a social life than either of her brothers so we already see less and less of her everyday with all of her church and school activities.

My DH and I are now going out to dinner just the two of us and are finding joint interests. For awhile we were seeing new movies every week and for a few months we hit the casinos and learned to gamble (that one got too expensive so we only do that on the rare occasion). We have been parents for the last 25 years and its really fun to remember what its like to be a couple again. Its pretty cool!

Instead of looking at it as a empty nest, look at it as a new phase of your life together. Dh and I are planning where we can vacation together when DD leaves for college in 5 years! No more going where the kids want to go, we are taking adult trips!

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