I have a great relationship with my Mom but I am so disturbed over this situation. My Dad is retired and my parents have nothing to do but enjoy life deservingly so. My Mother loves Bingo and goes approx 3 -4 times per week. She is a young 65 and gets around very well.

For some reason it's always a secret when they go to their favorire casino's on the weekends. On the Friday before Mothers Day we were together at a school function for my DD. The next Day Saturday I tried to call her home and cell with no answer. She finally called me back at 11pm and I was in bed. I told her I would call her in the morning (Mother's Day).

I called the next morning and my Dad answered in his normal funny joking mode. I told him I was on my way into the my groomer because my dog had a tick embedded and I would call them back as soon as I was done.

I called back and Voila no answer. I called my Sister and her husband answered. He said they hadn't talked to my Mother and that they were going with his family to have a Roast/Mothers Day Dinner. I asked if they were going to come out with our family and he explained that maybe for coffee because they would be stuffed.

Well at 1:00 my Mom called from BINGO and said she hadn't heard from anyone so her freind called and asked her to go to Bingo and so she went. 1st out with my Dad to Breakfast then off to what I feel is what she wanted to do in the 1st place. She said that she would be out around 4:30 and thats early enough to get together at a restaurant. I think she could tell I wasn't very happy. She said no problem if you want to do something else with your husband and kids.

So my Husband and I decided to go out with the girls because it is a school night and my daughter had mcas testing the next day and we wanted her in bed at a reasonable time of 8:30-9:00

She called me at 3:00 while on a 5 minute Bingo Break and I told her we were at a restuarant and that my Sister was having Dinner with her in-laws if she was tryiin to call her. She soumded very slighted.

When my Daughter called her at 6:00 when we were done to wish her a Happy Mothers Day she said your mother couldn't wait for me and that she was waitin for her giant lobster tocome out that she ordered.
I really don't think she should have said that to my 11yr old and I was very hurt.

When she said I didn't know what we were doing I said I tried to call you all day on Saturday and furhtermore I spend every Mothers Day with her. I feel that she should have either been honest with me and said right up from this is what she wanted to do or told her friend let me call my daughters and see whats up.

I am hurt and feel she was selfish not thinking of all the kids and that it would have been much more reasonable to eat earlier. My other nephew is only 7 and 10. So now she is pissed and hasn't called when she caused this whole thing by doing her ususal casino and bingo runs.

She is a wonderful Grandmother and Mother but lately I feel she isn't thinking straight and now she will blame me and my sister for something she caused.

Should I have just bit the bullet ate at 6 and get home at 9pm on a school night when it truly wasn't necessary? I also felt bad for my DH who worked 14 hours straight on the Saturday till 4am and then on Sunday morning. Didn't he deserve to go to bed at a reasonable time seeing that he starts work at 3am every day?

Ugh always something stupid in this family.

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My ex and I always had a saying when it came to dealing with our extended families. . ."Main thing. . .complicated!" I know it is always a pain and people always end up feeling slighted, but if it was me, I would probably just let it go. She's your mom after all. I would ask her if she did well at bingo and that it was not a big deal. . .maybe you could go out together one day this coming week to make up for it.

Btw. . .just an example. . .my mom's sister is in town this week from California. So, last night my mom made a roast and had everyone over for dinner. Well, my one aunt that also lives here in town is always notoriously late. . .it irritated my brother sooo much. . .she called to say she was on her way and that she was bringing dessert. Well. ..my brother was an ass to her on the phone. . nothing new there, and my aunt said she wasn't coming if he was still there. . .blah blah blah. My poor mom! I just sat there wondering how in the world I ended up in THIS family. .lol! Really. . .I could have cared less when my aunt showed up. We weren't waiting for her to eat. Was it really such a big deal to stress my mom out like that? NO! Oh yeah. . .and there were 10 people. .6 adults and 4 kids (my 3 and my 12yr old nephew). There are only 6 seats at the dining table. . .and for whatever reason, my spoiled nephew always wants to sit at the grown-up table. I don't know why it has to be an issue. My brother kept asking my mom where everyone was sitting. . and I know why. My mom finally said she could sit in the kitchen with the kids. I said. . NO!!!! The 4 kids will sit in the kitchen at the kids table. . .period! It's not like my nephew is sitting with a bunch of toddlers. My oldest is older than him. . .sheesh! He's a kid. . .he sits with the kids!

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Funny, a friend and I were just talking about the "joys" of Mother's Day.

Oraf, I would just let it go. Let your Mom be upset if that's what she feels like she needs to do, and move on. Now, if she's like my FIL, that may be a while. A little better communication is definitely in order for next year, and maybe you can address that if you feel the need?

So much pressure to do things "right" on Mother's Day, isn't there??? Us Moms that are also DDs or DILs want to be recognized, and our Moms and MILs want to be recognized. Sometimes it's virtually impossible to recognize everyone the way they want to be recognized.

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Doing the right thing isn't always the same as doing the easy thing.

One suggestion is to talk about this a couple of weeks beforehand. It's not as if the day just jumped into your lives. Plan ahead and double check with everyone a couple of days before to make sure all are still on board. Then go ahead and do what you said you were going to do, when you said you were going to do it. Those that appear, fine, those that don't fine.

f you do the calling and setting up, then you have the say for when and where, within reason. Call your mom and tell her that Mother's Day this year will be at such and such a time at such and such a place. Can she and your dad make it? If not, then we'll plan to get together another day when you are available. Do the same with everyone else who might be interested in coming.
If your mom doesn't like the time you have picked, and you don't feel you can change it, don't. If she doesn't like the location, that you might agree to change if it's not too much trouble. You should be willing to bend a little and it sounds as if the time is more important to you than perhaps the location.

Most casinos have decent restaurants. Why not go there at a time of your choosing?

As wildwood stated, I would have had plans made in advance. Mother's day happens every year and trying to get what you wanted the day prior probably didn't set well with your mom.

I couldn't be with my mother this year, so I planned for a total detail of her vehicle. My sister arranged it and handled it since I wasn't there. I planned in advance and followed through.

Next year, think/plan ahead.....

dl

It was MOTHERS Day.
A little adjustment to your day could have made a world of difference, to your MOTHER.
Being home at 9 instead of 8:30.... ya, I would of done it. And your DH needing sleep... uhuh... But then my mother is gone. At this point, I would of let her do her bingo and been available whenever she was. BUT, like I said, my mother is gone. I have a lot of hindsight.
And I totally agree with the poster that said plan ahead. I'm sure your mother planned ahead for a lot of important things in your life. As well as "adjusted" her needs.
I do not at all blame her for being slighted. Seriously, think about it. OR, imagine YOUR daughter, all those years later, doing the same thing to you....

Sorry, it's a sore subject.

OP, you're thinking about this way too much. Next year, as others have suggested, don't wait until Saturday to make plans for Mother's Day. Obviously your sister and her husband had made their plans early. You saw your mother Friday at school and I guess you didn't mention Mother's Day then. Plus your mother called you at 11:00 Saturday night to return your call and even though you were in bed, didn't you think to mention plans for Mother's Day then? And when you called Sunday morning, did you mention to your dad (who answered the phone) about plans for Sunday? Seems like there were a lot of opportunities presented to find out what was going on Sunday and to make plans.

I know you wish now you would have planned differently but it's over now. Next year, plan better and more in advance. I would let it go. Next year hopefully will be better.

Well I do agree that the planning should have been done way in advance. She was away for the 3 weeks before and time just slipped from us I guess. The time difference though wasn't as one poster said above between 8:30 and 9 returning home it was getting all the kids home by 6 or 7 as they all had state exams the next day in school. Although I mentioned DH he goes with the flow on whatever my crazy family chooses. I love my mother and bend over backwards for her believe me and would do anything for her so don't take this post as anything other than me needing to vent some frustration over the situation.

My Sister and I have decided we are going to make reservations or plans from now on and if they want to join us they will .

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I think had your mother known what was going on in advance, you wouldn't be on here upset. Good idea to plan ahead.

Being a mom now with two grown kids, I can see your mother's point of view, though.

I'd love to have my mom for mothers day no matter what she wanted to do, she's been gone 6 years now

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Well, I don't know about your mom, but I do know that I personally get a little torqued when my loved ones do not plan my "special days" in advance....and I'm apt to go off and do something that I want to do just to ensure that I have a good day. Long story short, plan in advance with your mom next year!

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