I do not mean to start a war with this question....it's just something that I've thought about and wondered what I would do if one of my kids ever came to me with this statement.

I would feel sad for him because I know his life would be much harder than it should have to be. I would be disappointed, for sure.. that's kinda selfish but I know I would feel that way. I would love him nonetheless. I would try to treat his life and friends in the same way I would a heterosexual child, but think I would be challenged by that. Definitely a growing experience for me.

What would your reaction be?

No flames, please!! I know we can be big girls.

cj/

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I was walking home one night and a guy hammering on a roof called me a paranoid little weirdo. In morse code. -Emo Phillips

I would be sad because I know there are so many people that will be hateful to him and will actually work to make his life harder. He will be deprived of one of the most basic civil rights of society (as of today, anyway). But other than that, I don't think it would matter to me at all -- he would still be my son. Of course, all this would also apply to my daughter.

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Reading is Fundamental.

You know, I think we've all thought about this. I've tried to play the scenario in my head and to be honest, I think I might initially be disappointed. But, it's not about me, it's about my child's happiness.

As long as he/she was happy with their partner and they could make their life a good one, I would be happy too. I know that homosexuality is not a choice one makes, that you will be what you're supposed to be, gay or straight.

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when my kids were around 11 I told them the same thing. If you feel like you might be gay you can tell me and it will be fine. I know when kids are figuring out if they are gay, straight, bi, are afraid of what their parents reaction will be. So I sat my kids down and told them not to worry about telling me. I would hate for one of my kids to think they might be gay and afraid to tell me. If one of my kids do turn out gay it would be hard for them bc of where we live, but there are alot of gay teenagers around here and my kids are friends with them. The kids around here are accepting of different lifestyles. But alot of the adults around here have problems with gay people. If one of my kids is gay I would treat their SO just like I treat my daughter's boyfriend, like one of the family.

steph

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My DH and I have talked about this. I would fully support them. I LOVE my kids and their happiness is whats most important to me.

Jen

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PFLAG - learn, share, accept, and much more in this group. Parents, Friends of Lesbians and Gays...............

I don't think in this day and age that a gay person's life would be harder than it has to be (to the extent it has historically been in the past). I think the harder life is that of secrecy, self punishment, always trying to be someone you can't be, parents considering you "dead" to them, getting married to try and change, etc, etc.

Generally speaking, as someone who had/has gay friends and a sister who is gay, it's somewhat easier now for gays and lesbians. There are those who continue to think it's wrong, but overall, acceptance as humans has been more common place.

A gay friend told me years ago he knows he was born gay, it was not a choice. He asked me, "Do you think I would CHOOSE this lifestyle to be ridiculed, held back, etc if I wasn't gay ? I believe he was right.

dl

disapointed and upset. I do not agree with it, but how could i not love my children? I love them unconditionally and can't imagine not loving them any less, but yes it would be upsetting.

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SAHM of Bailey 12, Tyler 10 , Emily Ann 6, and Ryan Matthew 4 yrs old.

Well for me personally I would never ever be disappointed on any level for being gay. First and foremost for me is that my children are happy, if so then I am happy the love I have for them would always be number one. I certaintly understand that being Gay is not easy and that there will always be people who will not accept them, but as always my children would always have me and my dh back and full support plain and simple..Peace. Catherine

Agreed. In fact, I think I'd be happy that my child knew he/she could come to me with the news, rather than create a fake life in order to live up to others' expectations. That would be indescribably sad.

I like to think that my kids could come to us and tell us, and that we'd be loving and supportive, no matter what.

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"The errors of faith are better than the best thoughts of unbelief." - Thomas Russell

My reply would be "And I love you honey". My son had a friend that was gay - she came out to me because she wanted to talk and her mother refused to listen.

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Count me in with those who love unconditionally.

wouldnt care. I have gay friends. in nj my favorite checker at the grocery store was gay and there was another checker there that was gay also but i didnt see him as much. One couple has been together for 14 years, that's longer than alot of "normal" marriages last these days.

also knew an employee that was going through a sex change, we was really nice didnt mind if i asked questions or anything like that. His friends was stuckup but i guess that could have been how their treated so they do the same

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i also believe that you are either born straight or gay. I have gay friends and they all say that they knew from a young age that they were "different" then others. and like in kindergarten when little girls and boys looked at the opposite sex, they were already lookin at the same sex. But of course not on a conscious level, but as they reflect back they can remember.

steph

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Same here.

My dh's cousin is most likely gay. I cannot say absolutely for sure as he keeps this hidden for his parents sake, but I believe everyone *knows*. It's very sad as I can see the pain and shame in his face, as he probably believes that he would shame his parents and cause them great grief (they are in their 70's) So, he continues to suffer in silence. In this day and age, grown men should feel free to acknowledge to everyone.

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I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!

My FIL is gay and we love him and his partner. Now my 17 year old daughter told me last year she "thinks" she is gay. Then she asked if I still loved her. I told her if that was what truly made her happy then I was happy for her. As others have said though it has been a rough year and a half for her. She had to change schools due to the ignorance of her piers. It is very sad to see the way others treat you when you are not "like" them. I feel if you are not hurting yourself or anyone and you are happy what does it matter? Life is too short.

What she said!

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I wouldn't care if that is what they are then that is what they are. For the ones who are disappointed I ask WHY? Being gay isn't a choice it's just who they are. You created them so you should love them no matter what.

this is exactly how I feel

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Proud to say I haven't shopped at a Wal-Mart since Sept 2003

It is very sad how mean kids can be to other kids. And the saddest part is that the parents probably stand behind their mean kids. I hope your dd enjoys her new school.

Love him unconditionally.

Our oldest son just came home after his first year of college. He has a lot of male friends that he hangs out with, but many more female friends. He has been in a relationship w/ a girl all year. He is 6'5, blonde hair, blue eyes, and is loved by EVERYONE- and the gay guys flirt w/ him often. He likes to mock often-like saying, "That's so Fab-u-lous," and it's hilarious. So, I got to spend some time w/ him the other day. He took a friend to Prom (actually she took him), and I asked my 18yr. old son what he had for dinner. He had ordered bruschetta w/ fresh mozzarella and olives, and for dinner, the duck w/ a reduction sauce and asparagus. He told me he was thinking about switching from a music major, to an elementary ed major. And then, he said, listen to me sing this song Mom. And did a remix of "Bridge Over Troubled Water." That kid hit EVERY note perfectly. After all of this, I finally turned to him in the van and said, "Patrick, I love you, I do not care either way how you answer this question, but are you gay?" . He pretty much doubled over in laughter, and assured me that he was straight. If he had said, yeah, I would not have careened off the road, or even batted an eye-I honestly would not have given it a second thought, except to think, "Yeah, after all these boys, I will get a son-in-law....And I know there are some of you that say, yes, he is a closet gay, but he is totally the coolest kid you would ever want to meet!

I want to hug you.

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mykentuckykids what you wrote was simply beautiful and sincere true words from a very loving mom .. Peace. Catherine

Unconditional love should not allow you to be "hurt" or "sad" or "disappointed". These are your children and no matter what sexuality they are should not bring out these feelings. They do not chose to be "gay" or "lesbian". I truly believe you are born the way you are going to be. I love my children unconditionally and yes we have had the gay/lesbian talk and I don't believe you could love them any less. My heart hurts that you would say disappointed. They are your children and that will never change.

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Always believe in yourself.

Speaking for myself:
I would feel sad and disappointed--but from the perspective that MY CHILD because of something they had no control over will be treated differently. And in some cases will be treated BADLY. I would feel sad and disappointed that because of narrow-minded law makers MY CHILD might not get the same rights and protections as a hetero person would when it comes to their life partner.
I would feel sad and disappointed because I know that the road in front of the child may be made more difficult because of their sexual orientation.
We all want the best for our child. None of us want to see our child hurt--physically or emotionally. None of us want to see our child struggle against what some narrow-minded pseudo Christians have deemed as "the norm". None of us want to see our child be made to feel inferior over something like who they love.
It's not sadness or disappointment of the child, but FOR what the child may have to endure all because he/she was born gay. It's sadness and disappointment that you, as their mother, cannot shield them from hate mongers and homophobes.
And last but not least it's ANGER that there are people out there that will hate what they feel is a sin, but will profess to "love" the sinner.
That's where my anger, sadness and/or disappointment would come from.
Good Grief! I feel the same things now when my child is slighted because he wears glasses, or becauses he's taller than everyone else. I think if the little tormentors that bring my child to tears would just grow the hell up and see that my baby is a good person--and he can't help that he's farsighted, he can't help that he's already as tall as most of his teachers--I just want my baby to not cry because other's pick on him! And no amount of me explaining to him that some people are just mean, and some people are just picking on him because they know it bothers him makes it better. So, you see, it's not a bad thing to react w/ sadness or disappointment....

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Mental that one, I'm telling you. ---Ron Weasley, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"

This is my feeling as well (as I said I would feel a slight disappointment and didn't really explain)

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Proud to say I haven't shopped at a Wal-Mart since Sept 2003

I'm not shame to say I would be disappointed if 1 of my children turned out to be gay. It's not like any of us birthed a child and then say Gezz I hope one day they are gay. I'm also not totally convinced that a person is born gay so maybe thats why I feel the way I do. I believe somewhere deep inside of us all there would be some kind of disappointment in the fact your child(ren) are gay. To what level the disappointment would be well depends of what you viewed their life as being from birth till the day they told you.

Would it change my love for my kids , not at all I would love them as much as I did before they told me.

Parents Will always find something to be disappointed about in their children, I know of no child(ren) that has gone thru childhood, teen years and onto adulthood with out at least once doing something that disappointed their parents. Disappointment is disappointment whether it be from being told your child is gay or whether you founded out they had stolen your keys and took the family car for a spin. It doesn't mean you will love your child(ren) any less, it just means for a moment your plans in them / for them were changed.

Pack up the family and move to New England (except Rhode Island)!

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If this is going to be a Christian nation that doesn't help the poor, either we have to pretend that Jesus was just as selfish as we are, or we've got to acknowledge that He commanded us to love the poor and serve the needy without condition, and then admit that we just don't want to do it.

- Stephen Colbert.

I would be incredibly disappointed.

First, let me say that all these self congratulatory sentiments like " Oh, it's just fine with me because I love my child unconditionally" are nauseating. (Translation: anyone who doesn't embrace homosexuality isn't as good a mother as I. I'm so wonderful because I'm so open minded and that means I'm so much more loving than the rest of you.") It's got nothing to do with love; it's that most of you have already made it abundantly clear in previous posts that you see nothing wrong with the gay lifestyle anyway. It's easy to condone behavior if you think it's normal!

I do see something wrong with it. I think homosexuality is unnatural and deviant behavior and I would be very disappointed if my children turn out to be gay. I'd be disappointed for them and I'd be disappointed for myself because it would mean that my children wouldn't have the traditional families that I'd like for them (and myself) to have the pleasure of experiencing.

I'll always love my children but loving the person doesn't mean that you love every action they take. I would hate for them to spend their lives being unhappy and deprived of what or who they really want but on the other hand, I wouldn't love their choice to practice homosexuality, either. I think that one's sexual orientation is part of their physical makeup and there's nothing they can do about that but I think acting on those desires is a choice. It's a choice I'd hate to see my children make because from what I've seen, "Gays' seem to be anything but gay. I would be very disappointed to see my children embrace a lifestyle that I don't think will bring them happiness.

I would be disappointed. I would love my child no matter what, but I would still be disapointed.
I do not believe you are born gay. People make those decisions on their own.
If you do go to church, you will know being gay is wrong. You love the person, just not their action and decision. I have pelnty of gay people in my family. Yet I do not approve of this, I love them.

Just a question:
Why is it any different than a hetero acting on their desires?

If a person is born w/ either heterosexual or homesexual orientation--meaning it's not something they could control, much like eye color, hair color, whether they'll be short or tall, or whether they'll need glasses--then why should homosexuals be forced to become something they aren't?

You say it's a lifestyle, and you don't think it's a lifestyle that would make your child happy. Why? Do you not think they could be happy being able to live their life with the person that they love? Do you not think they could be happy if they were afforded the same rights, and responsibilities as hetero couples?
I think a lot of the unhappiness would be from being cast aside, or treated badly by society.

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Mental that one, I'm telling you. ---Ron Weasley, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"

Which is exactly why I do not go to church because I think the church is incorrect (on this topic and many others which is a whole 'nother thing) . I don't think being gay is "wrong".

You would be a hypocrite if you went to church and wanted equal rights for gay people

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Proud to say I haven't shopped at a Wal-Mart since Sept 2003

I guess I go to a church with a little more forgiving God than yours. Being gay is not wrong. Being gay is not a choice.

Being ignorant is.

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Reading is Fundamental.

It's good to hear that about your church! Most churches I've been to and/or heard about from worshippers say the opposite.

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Proud to say I haven't shopped at a Wal-Mart since Sept 2003

Assuming you are hetero: did you consciencously make a choice to "like" the opposite sex/find the opposite sex attractive? Or was that just something that you were born with? Did you CHOOSE to be heterosexual?

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Mental that one, I'm telling you. ---Ron Weasley, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"

[quote=sexysmurf;3259165]Which is exactly why I do not go to church because I think the church is incorrect (on this topic and many others which is a whole 'nother thing) . I don't think being gay is "wrong"./QUOTE]


I agree with you sexysmurf.

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I've never lied to you. I've always told you some version the of truth.

Try a Unitarian Universalist church. I think they were the first to perform gay marriages.

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If this is going to be a Christian nation that doesn't help the poor, either we have to pretend that Jesus was just as selfish as we are, or we've got to acknowledge that He commanded us to love the poor and serve the needy without condition, and then admit that we just don't want to do it.

- Stephen Colbert.

Oh, absolutely. DH and I left a Presbyterian church because of the intolerance. Actually, the church pretty much split in half because an elderly lesbian couple was barred from doing a reading from the Bible during church. I see that kind of foolishness and I wonder what those people think God is really about.

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Reading is Fundamental.

Well this is directed at cougarskies, I personally cannot believe what you just wrote. First off you most certainly have the right to your feelings, However I feel sad for you and your children that you are so ignorant on topic. First off where statistically where may I ask you base you view that being Gay is not gay at all and that your children would not have happiness in their lives???. Also you sincerely find it naseating to hear so many say that they love their children unconditionally and therefore if they do and should why would it upset your stomach so much??? Also you mentioned traditional families , what consitutes a traditional family???... to me it is comparised of one or two parents who love each other and love their children, finally the worst comment you made in your thread that being Gay is Deviant behavior, that is so ignorant . I have said it before I was raised a Catholic still believe I am a Catholic but I do not agree with all the Catholic religion preachers nor I agree with all that is written in the bible. Finally in my eyes God created us all and loves us all... I cannot believe its 2009 and people are still againist Gay people now that is nausea to me.... I cannot write peace on this thread.... Catherine

sunsetbeach already covered the reasons that I would feel some sadness and disappointment if either or both of my boys turn out to be gay. i wasn't saying it was right and i'm not saying that i'm perfect, but i am honest enough to admit that i would feel that way. their life would be more difficult....and as i said, part of it is selfish...wanting to have a wedding and grandkids....definitely selfish, but seriously, what parent does not look forward to that?

but those are initial reactions....not something i'd expect to either blow up big or last a long time.
cj/

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I was walking home one night and a guy hammering on a roof called me a paranoid little weirdo. In morse code. -Emo Phillips

I didn't write any "truly negative comments about the thread" and the only 'trouble' was the rant you posted insulting other members. As you've proved repeatedly, you are incapable of any type of rational discussion.

Why do you constantly call out other members by name and attack them whenever you don't like their opinions?

Why are you allowed to do this? Is My Coupons under the deluded impression that your personna is a plus to them? Do they not know how many members they lost because of your posts?

The only one causing trouble (again), is you. Take your medication, Catherine. Despite what you believe, the world does not revolve around you and your paranoia regarding Cjs216I would be laughable if it weren't so sad. Cjs216I has done nothing to you and I doubt she gives you any thought at all. You, on the other hand, seem obsessed with her! She's just another name on a message board and her opinions shouldn't even matter to you, much less be the focal point of your life.

I hope you one day find the help you desperately need that allows you to accept that simple fact.

Marylink,

I would have responded to your well written post and explained my feelings and thoughts on the subject point by point but since this topic has sent our resident pyscho over the edge again, I think it's better to leave ILUVLUCY420 to stew by herself. For some reason unknown to the mentally well, this thread has inspired ILUVLUCY420 to establish a new thread with a title that specifically challenges Cjs216I by name (again). As funny as ILUVLUCY420's paranoid obsession with Cjs216I is, one just can't have a decent discussion with the mentally ill involved so I don't think I'll waste any more of my time discussing a subject so unimportant to me.

Not a problem.....I fully understand the full extent of ILL's crazy talk--and how it can and does spoil perfectly good discussion.

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Mental that one, I'm telling you. ---Ron Weasley, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"

I see nothing has changed Marilynk still causing trouble, as far as Cougarskies is concerned I have as much right to view my personal views back at you as anyone else does here. As far as Cjs216 is concerned funny just for today she changes her avatar and puts the word peace in it and I am the crazy one. Well hats off too all three have a wonderful laugh . Just a bunch of drama seeking trouble making ladies.. Lets see how long it will take before one of you post under me again.... Catherine

Er, I do consider being gay to be normal. Statistically less common than being heterosexual, but definitely normal. So the idea of a child not being straight doesn't bother me, and I don't think that's self-congratulatory. Honestly, I'm a lot more worried about my son getting negative attention for being short.

Posting under ILL. Sorry that it took so long, I was sleeping.

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I was walking home one night and a guy hammering on a roof called me a paranoid little weirdo. In morse code. -Emo Phillips