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The Cafe - 'TC' So? Your daughter wants her belly pierced? Your cat keeps using the couch as a litter box? Your husband taped the Hockey game over your wedding video? Your neighbor has a gnome collection and it makes you mad? Pour yourself a cup of coffee and come on in to The Café! Talk amongst yourselves...discuss, question, reply, or respond to many subjects!

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Old 06-09-2009, 09:26 PM
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Would you view a "friend" differently if you knew they had an abortion?

Just wondering.......

I'm willing to bet we all know someone who has had an abortion. If nothing else, at least one person on this very board has stated that they have. Do you feel or think differently about this person???
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Old 06-09-2009, 09:29 PM
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ummm...
No.
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Old 06-09-2009, 09:31 PM
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Nope, not at all. I have friends who have had abortions.
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Old 06-09-2009, 09:33 PM
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No. I know several people who have had them.


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Old 06-09-2009, 09:33 PM
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No I wouldn't feel anything different about them at all. I have not walked a mile in their shoes, I have no right to view their choice to have an abortion as wrong... The person you as speaking of did what she did because she felt it was the best for HER and we will never know all the details standing behind that choice she made.. Give me a woman that knows whats best for her than a woman that has a baby thats unloved, unwanted and probably be neglected for years if not killed any day . I think it's brave for this member to post her story I would have been proud to have held her hand while she went thru what she did.
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Old 06-09-2009, 09:46 PM
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I do know a couple friends who have. I love them as I always have. Their body their choice.
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Old 06-09-2009, 09:58 PM
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Yes.
My best friend from high school.
In her early 20's her wreckless, irresponsible, selfish lifestyle cost a child it's life.

I look at the children she went on to have later and I still think about the one she chose to abort for her immature reasons.

I was physically sick that day when she came home from the clinic. She had asked that I be at her apartment so she wasn't alone when "the jerk" dropped her off. She knew how angry and upset I was then but I loved her like a sister and wanted to be sure she didn't need to be taken to the hospital if something went wrong. We both cried buckets that day.

Years later she would go on to marry and have two more children. She named her first born child after me. We've never spoken of that "worst day in her life" ever again.

But yes, I do look at her differently.

X
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Old 06-09-2009, 10:08 PM
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I do know a couple friends who have. I love them as I always have. Their body their choice.
Just how I feel
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Old 06-09-2009, 10:43 PM
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We have a family friend who has had "2" of them.
I think it is sad and I feel like it was birth control for her.

She later married and now has 3 beautiful children.
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Old 06-09-2009, 11:12 PM
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My college roommate wouldn't let anyone forget about her abortion. She would tell each new guy on their first dates. When I suggested that this was not a great ice-breaker, she said she 'wanted them to know now, so that she wouldn't waste time on them if they were going to have a problem with it.'

We were still friends almost a decade later. When we'd go to a restaurant, or be out at the mall, she'd pick out a kid and say "My kid would have been that old by now."

I haven't spoken to her in a really long time (other issues), but she's the only friend that I know for a fact that did have one. I hope she has been able to get help dealing with her issues. She never did when I suggested it, and I'll admit that I didn't even know much about what kind of 'help' was really available, anyway. Did it change how I looked at her? How could it not have - it changed everything about how SHE looked at herself. I don't know how common this is, but it's my only experience.
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Old 06-09-2009, 11:23 PM
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No, I think my friends would still be the same people I loved before I found out.

I might look at them differently if I found they had done it more than once though. I looked at Stevie Nicks differently when I found out she had FOUR abortions.
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Old 06-09-2009, 11:26 PM
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Originally Posted by devinmom View Post
My college roommate wouldn't let anyone forget about her abortion. She would tell each new guy on their first dates. When I suggested that this was not a great ice-breaker, she said she 'wanted them to know now, so that she wouldn't waste time on them if they were going to have a problem with it.'

We were still friends almost a decade later. When we'd go to a restaurant, or be out at the mall, she'd pick out a kid and say "My kid would have been that old by now."

I haven't spoken to her in a really long time (other issues), but she's the only friend that I know for a fact that did have one. I hope she has been able to get help dealing with her issues. She never did when I suggested it, and I'll admit that I didn't even know much about what kind of 'help' was really available, anyway. Did it change how I looked at her? How could it not have - it changed everything about how SHE looked at herself. I don't know how common this is, but it's my only experience.
There is post-abortion syndrome. She may be suffering from that. That's really sad that she still looks at a child and thinks hers could be that old now. Sounds like she doesn't really have closure on this. The book Forbidden Grief is extremely insightful concerning the after affects of abortion. There are many. It's not talked about all that much but there are many suffering post-abortive women out there.
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Old 06-09-2009, 11:47 PM
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Well I did have one and I believe I discussed the whole issue with you allinaugust or Hambirg its been awhile. In short my son Tommy was born with several heart defects so were my 3 other nephews, all the girls were fine and healthy. Into my first trimester they determined my unborn child a boy had much severe heart defects and he would not live . He would have been my 4th child. So to answer you I would never ever ever in a million years judge...Peace. Catherine
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Old 06-10-2009, 12:57 AM
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Well I did have one and I believe I discussed the whole issue with you allinaugust or Hambirg its been awhile. In short my son Tommy was born with several heart defects so were my 3 other nephews, all the girls were fine and healthy. Into my first trimester they determined my unborn child a boy had much severe heart defects and he would not live . He would have been my 4th child. So to answer you I would never ever ever in a million years judge...Peace. Catherine
It wasn't me you discussed it with.

I think it would depend on the situation, honestly. I can't imagine anyone that I would be friends with would be flippant about having an abortion. I don't tend to gravitate towards the type of person that would just do this sort of thing on a whim or without any regard at all.

I'm sure it's not an easy decision wether done for health reasons or "convenience" reasons. I'd much rather hear of someone having an abortion, than someone giving birth and then 2 years later murdering their child. Why prolong the suffering???
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Old 06-10-2009, 01:10 AM
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Several of my friends and family have had abortions, I don't think I viewed any of them any different.
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Old 06-10-2009, 04:48 AM
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No. I have a few friends that have had abortions and I don't judge them any differently. I may not agree with it, but they know I'm there for them no matter what and I still love them.
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Old 06-10-2009, 08:28 AM
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Since i strongly disaprove of abortions, I would definitely look at someone differently. I would probably still love them if I did in the first place.
However, I would not judge them as that is not up to me.
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Old 06-10-2009, 08:48 AM
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I guess I'm the odd one here. I can't think of any friend who has had an abortion. I used to strongly disagree with abortions...now after years of life, I can see some instances where it might be justified. I would never judge someone on their past mistakes/experiences. I'm not going to throw the first stone.
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Old 06-10-2009, 09:22 AM
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Freer,
I bet you just dont know that they did.....
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Old 06-10-2009, 09:27 AM
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People are not going around announcing that "HEY I HAD AN ABORTION!" I think that there are probably many people that have had one that you would not in a million years suspect. I know several people that have had them that I know for sure and I'm quite sure that their friends/family do not have a clue and would probably freak if they knew! I mean why would you tell someone?

What I don't understand in all the people that I know of that got themselves PG and had to have an abortion...why the heck they were NOT using birthcontrol? That's what I can't understand? How hard is it to go get on the pill? One person I knew was a young teenager but still she knew about birthcontrol and could have gotten on it! The others were GROWN WOMEN that should have known better!
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Old 06-10-2009, 10:34 AM
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While I do not agree with abortion for myself I do believe each person has to do what is right for them. It is not my job to judge what they do.
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Old 06-10-2009, 10:35 AM
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Yes and no.

If I had a friend who used abortion as a revolving-door for a form of birth control, then yes, I would view them differently. I don't think I could ever respect anyone who, because of laziness, self-centeredness, or whatever decided to have unprotected sex and numerous abortions.

But, as fate would have it, I was recently in the situation where a very good friend found herself making the decision to have an abortion. I know it was the hardest, heart wrenching decision she ever made. Does it change how I view her...not at all. I didn't agree with her decision, but she felt her back was against the wall and had no choice. I love and respect her a much as always.
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Old 06-10-2009, 11:45 AM
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People are not going around announcing that "HEY I HAD AN ABORTION!" I think that there are probably many people that have had one that you would not in a million years suspect. I know several people that have had them that I know for sure and I'm quite sure that their friends/family do not have a clue and would probably freak if they knew! I mean why would you tell someone?

What I don't understand in all the people that I know of that got themselves PG and had to have an abortion...why the heck they were NOT using birthcontrol? That's what I can't understand? How hard is it to go get on the pill? One person I knew was a young teenager but still she knew about birthcontrol and could have gotten on it! The others were GROWN WOMEN that should have known better!
While some people ARE lazy about birth control, all forms of birth control CAN FAIL even if used correctly. Heck, I think quite a few of us on these boards either know personally or have heard of a woman getting pregnant AFTER a tubal ligation or a partner's vasectomy.
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Old 06-10-2009, 04:24 PM
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No way, never. When I was in college, I lived with 3 other girls. That year there were 3 unplanned pregnancies in the house......I was the only one who had the baby. We all made the best choice for us at that time and we are all still friends.....20+ years later!!!
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Old 06-10-2009, 04:29 PM
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I have a YES and No answer to this question. Yes to my soon to be EX SIL who had an abortion because she was reckless and irresponsible to go out and get pregnant. She is 32 years old and going to nursing school, cheated on my brother going through a divorce but living with her new BF. I have little respect for her now. On the flip side my then 19 year old niece found out she was pregnant at the same time she was diagnosed with cancer. Her Dr absolutely recommended she get the abortion. She didn't want it but as a family all of our opinions were weighed and she had the abortion. Now 21 she has a healthy 3 mnth old daughter. For medical reasons I have no problem with it but as birth control NO NO NO. Put the baby up for adoption if you don't want it or better yet BIRTH CONTROL!!!!
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Old 06-10-2009, 04:59 PM
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While some people ARE lazy about birth control, all forms of birth control CAN FAIL even if used correctly. Heck, I think quite a few of us on these boards either know personally or have heard of a woman getting pregnant AFTER a tubal ligation or a partner's vasectomy.
Yeah there is a less than 1% failure rate on the pill...so that is technically true, but the people that I know that got themselves PG and had abortions were not using BC and they were old enough to know better!
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Old 06-10-2009, 05:54 PM
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I would think differently of a friend who had a child and went on to abuse/neglect that child instead of opting for an abortion.
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Old 06-11-2009, 06:50 PM
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I would never view a friend differently for making that choice. I've had one. I've discussed at great length with a friend about it that was considering it. She was a woman that I thought would never in a million years would even conceder it an option. I think we would all be greatly surprised if we found out everyone in our lives that have made that choice. I think for the majority of the woman that have had an abortion, it was not an easy choice made lightly.
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Old 06-11-2009, 07:01 PM
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No, but I'd view a friend differently if I found they were rabidly anti-choice.
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Old 06-11-2009, 11:26 PM
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No, but I'd view a friend differently if I found they were rabidly anti-choice.

And I would feel differently about a friend if I found out they were rabidly pro-choice.
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Old 06-12-2009, 08:15 AM
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I wouldn't think it would be any of my buisness if a friend had an abortion. Its her body, and her personal choice to make, regardless of my opinions on the subject.
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Old 06-12-2009, 10:51 AM
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What I don't understand in all the people that I know of that got themselves PG and had to have an abortion...why the heck they were NOT using birthcontrol? That's what I can't understand? How hard is it to go get on the pill? One person I knew was a young teenager but still she knew about birthcontrol and could have gotten on it! The others were GROWN WOMEN that should have known better!


I found that statement very telling. I think it speaks of the way our society views an unwanted/unplanned pregnancy. You know it takes a man and a woman to create a child, yet you say "got themselves pg", as if it is all on the woman. When do we put some responsibility on the man?

As for the birth contfol pill issue, I think it is far more complicated than you are showing. You have to go to a doctor to get a Rx, first off. There are many right now who don't even have health insurance. Now, assuming you go to the doctor, then you have to pay for the pills. Not everyone can take BC Pills. They do have serious side effects. Not taking them also has a serious side effect. It's easy for someone to say "why weren't you on the pill????"

I wish Birth Control were free to everyone and anyone who wants it. And, frankly, even some who don't want it. I think sterilization should be free, too. I'd be willing to chip in for that. I'd rather focus my energy on getting it fixed.

And, while we're talking about birth control, I wish people would get their animals fixed. And if you don't even have a pot to pee in or a window to throw it out of, don't even HAVE animals!!!!
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Old 06-12-2009, 12:17 PM
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I found that statement very telling. I think it speaks of the way our society views an unwanted/unplanned pregnancy. You know it takes a man and a woman to create a child, yet you say "got themselves pg", as if it is all on the woman. When do we put some responsibility on the man?

As for the birth contfol pill issue, I think it is far more complicated than you are showing. You have to go to a doctor to get a Rx, first off. There are many right now who don't even have health insurance. Now, assuming you go to the doctor, then you have to pay for the pills. Not everyone can take BC Pills. They do have serious side effects. Not taking them also has a serious side effect. It's easy for someone to say "why weren't you on the pill????"

I wish Birth Control were free to everyone and anyone who wants it. And, frankly, even some who don't want it. I think sterilization should be free, too. I'd be willing to chip in for that. I'd rather focus my energy on getting it fixed.

And, while we're talking about birth control, I wish people would get their animals fixed. And if you don't even have a pot to pee in or a window to throw it out of, don't even HAVE animals!!!!
Years ago you could get different forms of birth control from the local Health Dept. (at a sliding scale fee) Has that changed?
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Old 06-12-2009, 12:26 PM
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My friend of 25 years had an abortion I guess 10 years ago ? I do not think of her any differently. She is still my friend. We all have to learn to forgive.
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Old 06-12-2009, 03:45 PM
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I found that statement very telling. I think it speaks of the way our society views an unwanted/unplanned pregnancy. You know it takes a man and a woman to create a child, yet you say "got themselves pg", as if it is all on the woman. When do we put some responsibility on the man?
When a man rapes a woman! Aren't we in control of our own bodies!? Do we not have the ability to say NO if a man wants to have sex with us and we are not using protection? Can't we tell the man if he doesn't use a condom he cannot have sex with us? Certainly it takes two to create a child but in the end we have control over our own actions! Personally I do am married to man that got a woman pregnant(she had an abortion) through irresponsible behavior...I absolutely think his actions were stupid! But mistakes do happen! He made a very irresponsible decision and had to pay the price for it! I don't think he's less a good person but I do think he was stupid and irresponsible at the time...quite a few years ago!
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Old 06-12-2009, 03:59 PM
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Aren't we in control of our own bodies!?
YES, and that is why abortion is now, and should be forever, legal.
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Old 06-12-2009, 04:41 PM
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He made a very irresponsible decision and had to pay the price for it! I don't think he's less a good person but I do think he was stupid and irresponsible at the time...quite a few years ago!
What price was that?
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Old 06-12-2009, 05:33 PM
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Red face

Because I am prolife I would have to agree with Rape as well, that along with the the life of the mom in danger and the life healthwise of the unborn child. Other then those reasons I truly wish more would reconsider and carry baby to full terms and use adoption as a means because again sadly there are so many loving couples who yearn for just one baby to come into their lives... Peace. Catherine
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Old 06-12-2009, 05:54 PM
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Because I am prolife I would have to agree with Rape as well, that along with the the life of the mom in danger and the life healthwise of the unborn child. Other then those reasons I truly wish more would reconsider and carry baby to full terms and use adoption as a means because again sadly there are so many loving couples who yearn for just one baby to come into their lives... Peace. Catherine
There are half a million children in the foster care system that no one wants. There are plenty of kids to adopt.

The people who ended up at Tiller's had problems like yours or worse.

I don't think that anyone seeks a late term abortion unless a huge problem is involved with either the fetus or the mother.
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Old 06-12-2009, 10:11 PM
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Kvmj I agree with your last post, and sincerely hope women do not seek late term abortions.... Peace. Catherine
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Old 06-12-2009, 11:12 PM
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No, I think my friends would still be the same people I loved before I found out.

I might look at them differently if I found they had done it more than once though. I looked at Stevie Nicks differently when I found out she had FOUR abortions.
That about sums it up for me. Unplanned pregnancies happen, and I believe abortion should be legal, but the idea of repeatedly terminating pregnancies bothers me.
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Old 06-13-2009, 02:03 AM
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Old 06-13-2009, 03:15 AM
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I wish you spammers would find a fire and jump in it.
The posting style is much like that of someone else here: one liners with nothing accomplished and no thought process.

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Old 06-14-2009, 02:57 PM
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