I'd like some opinions about opposite sex "friendships" between adults..both married.

where would you say it crossed the "line" from friendship to "crossing boundries"?

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Live, Love, Laugh

One thing's for sure...you should never ever try and be friends with someone that you were once lovers with if you are now married or in a serious relationship.

I think that it's crossing the line when you start wanting to spend too much time with the "friend". It's very touchy when you are married or in a serious relationship. According to an article I just read, you really should spend alone time with an opposite sex friend if you are married. Only get together like for coffee with others around. You should NOT put yourself in date like situations with opposite sex friends. And you should never EVER EVER EVER lie about seeing an opposite sex friend to your spouse! Personally I think it's a good way to get your marriage into a bad situation!

I think it can be the same as a friendship with the same sex. I have always had male friends. I am single now, but when I was in a relationship, these friendships never suffered. I would not have allowed them too. I even went on a 10 hour road trip once with a girlfriend and a guy friend and we all slept in the same hotel room, just as it would have been if I had gone with two girlfriends.


This was a trip to see a Paul McCartney concert that had been planned way before I met the guy I was involved with and it was not an issue.

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"When you're drowning, you don't say 'I would be incredibly pleased if someone would have the foresight to notice me drowning and come and help me,' you just scream."

John Lennon

Would you act the same way with your "friend" if your SO were in the room? Would there be less eye contact, 'flirting', accidental touching?

Also, there is the emotional side, are you 'excluding' your spouse in favor of your "friend"? That is very damaging and 'bullying'/controlling behavior.

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"It's not about how much baggage you have, it's about whether or not you can carry your own baggage with grace and dignity."

Can Men and Women Be Friends? - MSN Relationships - article

This in an msc.com article that really tells it like it is.

This is a very touchy subject for me as my husband almost destroyed our relationship because he was sneaking around behind my back to go and be with his ex gf that was supposed to be his best friend. I don't know why he thought he had to sneak because I knew they were friends but once I caught him sneaking around...it completely changed the entire situation. I mean if you don't have something to hide...why would you lie and sneak?

My friends are all men...well, 99% of them. We do not go out "one on one" but that's usually because my friends are DH's friends. We all hang out together. If my old Best Friend lived here (male), I would go out one on one. My DH trusts me as I do him.

When does it cross the line?
When your spouse is uncomfortable with what's going on or your friends spouse is.

If you feel you have to lie about something

If you wonder "is this okay?"

If you feel you have to hide your relationship with your friend

If you spend more quality time w/your friend instead of your spouse


I think men and woman can be friends and it shouldn't be different than same sex friends. It's all about truthfulness and trust.

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Proud to say I haven't shopped at a Wal-Mart since Sept 2003

I agree with what you said.

I have friends that this happened to. The two couples played cards together, did things together. One girl in the relationship was my cousin, the other my best friend. So after a while, my best friend and my cousin's husband started flirting with each other. When they would play cards, she would go to the kitchen and he'd follow her and they'd kiss and stuff, play footsy under the table. Then they started meeting each other during lunch hours at a park.

Eventually, my best friend and my cousin's husband left their spouses and married each other.

Where does it cross the line?

When one needs to ask where the boundaries are or should be. Yes, I'm being flippant, but there is some merit of truth to it as well.

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I was walking home one night and a guy hammering on a roof called me a paranoid little weirdo. In morse code. -Emo Phillips

I also agree with this. My belief is that (generally speaking) when two people of the opposite sex who are straight become "intimate" trouble will soon follow. I have a wonderful girl friend whom I have known for over 20 yrs. We are "intimate" I often talk to her about things I would not even discuss with my husband. However no matter close we become there is no sexual attraction nor could there ever be.

On the other hand when two people of the opposite sex share life and become "intimate" it is only natural to become sexually attracted. It even happens in situations where a victim "falls in love with" an abuser or kidnapper. It happens in situations where two people share a trauma or where a person rescues another.

It is natural for two people of the opposite sex to develop an attraction in close or emotionally charged situations.

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The political system is broke and it's a joke.

I think some of it is because they believe 'the grass is greener on the other side.' Oh, surprise, surprise when they do get them!! LOL!!

Yep, Erma Bombeck said it best...the grass is always greener over the septic tank

I know I am repeating what others have said, but I also think it crosses the line when you begin keeping things from your husband. If you're in conversations that you would not want your husband to hear, or if you're writing things to this "friend" that you wouldn't let your husband read, you've crossed a big line. I've been there, done that. I had to let the "friendship" go; it wasn't worth it.

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If you're not living on the edge, you're wasting space.

I also think that it's very rare for a straight man to want to hang out with a woman and not have any desire to be with that woman...ei an ulterior motive! Normally only gay men enjoy being buddies with women. I remember when I used to work in retail..there are a lot of gay men in retail...I very much enjoyed talking about gardening and stuff like that with them.

The thing is...most straight men have their mind on sex 24/7! I remember my EX husband used to tell me that men think about sex every minute of every day! HA! I said most...NOT ALL!

Well, only one of my male friends is gay. They are all quite capable of having wonderful friendships with me. One of them has been a dear friend for 30 years.

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"When you're drowning, you don't say 'I would be incredibly pleased if someone would have the foresight to notice me drowning and come and help me,' you just scream."

John Lennon

I repeat..MOST not all! HAHAHA!

I will also add that if you have had all kinds of (straight) male friends and none of them are ever interested in anything other than friendship that you are an exception and not the rule!

If the two individuals do one or more of the following things, it's probably crossing the line:
1) lies to their spouse (and remember lies of omission are still lies)
2) has secrets (if you wouldn't share the content of an email or voicemail with the spouse, then it's probably crossed the line)
3) considers what life would be like with the other person and without their spouse.
4) has "secret" meetings (if you don't tell your spouse that you had lunch w/ the other person, ask yourself why you didn't...)
5) has a "history" with the other person--a history that your spouse does not have.
6) is not willing to give up the relationship or step back from the relationship--either of your own accord or at the request of your spouse or the spouse of the other person--you need to determine why.

And whoever said "if you have to ask, then it probably is" would be correct.

Keep in mind--you never have to have any physical contact w/ the other person to have an emotional or mental "affair". And sometimes the emotional affairs are worse than the sexual affairs.

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Mental that one, I'm telling you. ---Ron Weasley, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"