Dear Red States:

If you don't like who we chose for President, please feel free to secede.
We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of our new republic.

To sum up briefly: You get Texas , Oklahoma and all the slave states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get the Statue of Liberty . You get Dollywood.

We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.

We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.

We get 85% of America 's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama .

We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states pay their fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22% lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of religious single moms praying for some help.

Please be aware that our nation will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq , and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80% of the country's fresh water, more than 90% of the pineapple and lettuce, 92% of the nation's fresh fruit, 95% of America 's quality wines, 90% of all cheese, 90% of the high tech industry, 95% of the corn and soybeans (thanks Iowa !), most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools plusStanford , Cal Tech and MIT.

With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88% of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92% of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100% of the tornadoes, 90% of the hurricanes, 99% of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100% of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University , Clemson and the University of Georgia .

We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

Additionally, 38% of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62% believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the war, the death penalty or gun laws, 44% say that evolution is only a theory, 53% that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61% of you crazy bastards believe you are people with higher morals then we lefties.

Finally, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico


Blue States

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Dammit! They still haven't called my state. (I suspect its going red though) Maybe they can just split us in half starting just south of St. Louis and Kansas City. Top half blue/bottom half red.

Anyway....umm......I predict great things for this thread....

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Once the game is over, the king and the pawn go back in the same box.

What a silly post.

Proud to say that Virginia, a slave state, turned blue blue blue this election!

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Reading is Fundamental.

I'm so glad u r taking California....especially Hollywood. PS...what beaches r u talking about? The east coast (Southern slave states) has the best beaches. Please take the car industry with you b/c the red states don't want to bail them out. And you can keep the illegals b/c Texas will be building a wall. We will have the oil b/c drilling will commence immediately. Good luck with that wind power. Thanks for your all inclusive party. I knew that was just a line.

Virginia will go back to red next election. I'll make a bet on that one. Maybe we can just add No. Va to DC. They could finally be a state.

What, New Jersey? Blue
Delware? Blue
Maryland? Blue.
Virginia? Blue.
North Carolina? Blue
Florida? Blue

I guess that leaves you with South Carolina. Have fun with that.

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Reading is Fundamental.

At this point I would happily secede. You get all that lovely federal debt and we get Alaska with it's vast space, natural beauty and resources. Sounds fair. . .I would gladly trade Detroit for Anchorage. Have fun with that.

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"No one believes more firmly than Comrade Napoleon that all animals are equal. He would be only too happy to let you make your decisions for yourselves. But sometimes you might make the wrong decisions, comrades, and then where should we be?"
- George Orwell Animal Farm

Awesome idea. Works for me. When are we leaving????

I think anytime before Jan. 20th would be good.

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"No one believes more firmly than Comrade Napoleon that all animals are equal. He would be only too happy to let you make your decisions for yourselves. But sometimes you might make the wrong decisions, comrades, and then where should we be?"
- George Orwell Animal Farm

Toonces, where did you get all this information, its great and wonderful , thanks so much for taking the time to post this ... peace.. Catherine

It was one of those email forward things. I have no idea where it came from. I just thought it was kinda funny.

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